Today on the Middle-earth Calendar: --

Video of the Day: The Bowmaster in Helm's Deep.

Quote of the Day: "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened." - Frodo.

Word of the Day: Annûn (Sindarin), meaning 'sunset'.

Question of the Day: What is the capital of the Shire?

Answer to Yesterday's Question: Greenwood the Great.

Today's Topic: Ask Arda | Episode Four

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READER LEADERBOARD

BilboRoth | 20 points

Luthien2018 | 10 points

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Tarwa: Welcome toooooooo Ask Arda!

*curtains come up*

Audience: *cheers*

Tarwa: Firstly, I'd like to thank my sister Jenna for helping write this chapter. She's been a great help!

Jenna: I know. *sassy hair flip*

Tarwa: Right! Please welcome our very special guests Thorin, Fíli and Kíli!

Fangirls: ALL THREE OF THEM! *pass out repeatedly*

Tarwa: Yes, yes, calm down.

Kíli: Well, we are absolutely thrilled to be here. *waves to the audience* Thank you for coming!

Fangirls: OH MY GOSH, HE WAVED AT ME!

Tarwa: Alright, let's get started! BJKaplan asks, "Thorin, Fíli, Kíli - WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!".

Thorin: Well, we're here now, aren't we?

Tarwa: Seriously, no one in Middle-earth dies...

Fíli: Well, Uncle Thorin is an idiot and followed Azog when he should've just left him to drown.

Thorin: But dying wasn't such a bad thing. I mean, think about it: if we didn't die, there would be no "WHY OH WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DIE?!" and that kind of stuff. We became more popular for our epic deaths!

Fíli: My death was pretty stupid though. Azog just grabbed me and I couldn't fight back! I think it was dumb.

Kíli: Well, I personally died so that Tauriel could kiss me. Hehe...

Tarwa: Okay then ... Luthien2018 asks, "Thorin, how come the wind always blows in your hair?".

Thorin: It must be because I'm just sooooo majestic. The wind just can't stay away from me! *wind blows in his hair majestically*

Everyone: WOAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...

Fangirls: HE'S JUST SO MAJEEEEEEEESTIC. *faint*

Tarwa: Seriously, we're going to have to rush someone to the hospital someday with all this fainting. -_-

Thorin: That won't matter. They'll be too happy that they laid eyes on something as amazing as me. *more wind blows in his hair*

Fangirls: *die* *paramedics take them away*

Thorin: Oh ... whoops...

Tarwa: Um, well, Luthien2018 also asks, "Kíli and Fíli, how did your mother Dís feel about you two going on the journey with Thorin?".

Fíli: She wasn't too happy.

Tarwa: Why?

Fíli: Well, she doesn't really trust Thorin. She thinks he's bonkers.

Thorin: Like Tarwa.

Fíli: In fact, she actually said no when we asked her. But luckily Uncle Frerin went on and on about how much fun we'd have and how much we'd learn along the way. He eventually convinced her to let us go, but to be honest with you, I think he just wanted to get us as far away from him as possible. We always prank him!

Kíli: *laughs* Remember that one time we offered to make him lunch but then brought back an orc head? He got such a fright - he nearly pooped himself!

Fíli: Haha! Or remember that other time we swapped his shampoo with Thranduil's You'll Never Be As Fabulous As Me shampoo and he smelled like elf for a week?

Kíli: Haha! That was a good one!

Fíli: Yeah, he doesn't like us very much. *chuckles*

Tarwa: You guys are crazy.

Thorin: Like Tarwa.

Tarwa: So musicianofthenight asks, "Fíli, do you sometimes feel like the sidekick in the duo?".

Fíli: Well, yeah, sometimes. I guess it's because my brother takes all the ladies. *glares at him* Every girl I've ever liked has eventually ended up with Kíli.

Kíli: What can I say? I'm awesome.

Fíli: *rolls his eyes* Kíli won't admit it, but we both know who's the better one in the duo: me. He's just jealous, that's all.

Kíli: Keep telling yourself that.

Tarwa: I'll let you guys work that out while I give Thorin this next question from musicianofthenight: "Thorin, why didn't you check the cave above the goblin tunnels before you stayed there the night?".

Thorin: I don't need to check a cave before I enter it! My company consisted of the fiercest, bravest dwarves I know.

Tarwa: It kinda sounds like you guys were showing off, but okay...

Thorin: Showing off? Pfft! As if! We are brave, heroic warriors! We're always ready for anything.

Tarwa: Yeah, 'cause you handled those goblins sooooo smoothly. *rolls her eyes*

Thorin: *beams with pride* We did! We taught those slimeballs a lesson.

Gandalf: *sarcastically* And, of course, I did nothing.

Thorin: Yeah, you didn't help at all. Maybe you should actually do something next time.

Tarwa: *facepalm*

Kíli: To be honest, I was excited! I thought, "OOH, A CAVE! I wonder if there are fangirls in there wanting our autograph!".

Tarwa: *raises an eyebrow* Fangirls ... in a deep, dark, creepy cave?

Kíli: Yeah! But it turns out the fangirls were more interested in eating us than getting a picture with us.

Tarwa: I don't think they wanted to eat--

Fíli: Sometimes you just get people like that. Overly obsessive fangirls... *sigh*

Kíli: But we still love all our fans! *blows kisses to the audience as people start fainting everywhere*

Tarwa: *yawns* Yeah, yeah, we know how cool you are. Applelady2 asks, "Fíli, how do you feel about all the fangirls obsessing over Kíli more than you?".

Fíli: It's pretty annoying. I mean, I'm CLEARLY the good looking one. *sassy hair flip* I'm ALSO next in line for the throne after Thorin. But, ya know, I've still got my adoring fans. They're all my awesome princesses of Erebor.

Fíli fangirls: WOOP-WOOP! GO FÍLI! *cheer loudly*

Kíli: *whispers to Fíli* Watch this. *stands up as tall as a dwarf can be* I think Kíli fangirls are better.

Kíli fangirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE'S SO PERFEEEEEEEEEEEECT! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOONDOOOOOOOOOOOOR! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GO KÍLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! *scream so loudly that glass shatters and the lights go out*

Kíli: And that is how it's done.

Fíli: Show off. *huffs*

Tarwa: *sighs and turns on the emergency power* Right. Well, Applelady2 appears to be a Fíli fan because she has another question for you, Fíli, and it is, "How long does it take you to do your hair?".

Fíli: It usually take about four hours. I've got to shampoo and condition my hair, plait my moustache and add those little bead things on the end of them, comb my beard with my very favourite pink comb, brush my hair, plait my hair in numerous braids and then spray it with Uncle Thorin's special spray that makes it shiny and majestic.

Tarwa: Wow.

Kíli: If you think that's crazy then you should see how much work goes into Uncle Thorin's hair.

Tarwa: Geez, you guys really love your hair. Anyway, LamhelRavensworth asks, "Kíli, how did it feel to die for Tauriel?".

Kíli: I knew that I had to do it, but I loved her so much that I didn't care. It obviously hurt a whole lot. I don't know what orc weapons are made of, but it sure isn't pleasant when they stick it them you. But I knew I was hot so it was obvious that people wouldn't mind watching it. I'm just happy that it was me and not Tauriel. I'd never want to watch her die. She's too wonderful. *blows a kiss to her in the audience*

Tauriel: *blushes*

Audience: Awwwwwwww!

Tarwa: Aw, that's sweet. Well, LamhelRavensworth also has a question for you Thorin: "Why didn't you move away from Azog when he was drowning?".

Kíli: Yeah, Uncle! That was a pretty stupid thing to do.

Thorin: But I wanted to see his sad little face! It was hilarious! He was like "Oh no! Please help me! I'm dying!". *imitates Azog drowing* "Oh no, please help mehhhhhh...".

Tarwa: *facepalm* You're ridiculous. *sigh* Anyway, reiningnerd has a few questions for you guys. She asks, "Kíli, if you had lived, would you have found Tauriel again?".

Kíli: OH YEAH! I'm somehow alive now, so I've already found her! She's right there in the audience! *points to her* She's awesome! I love you, baby!

Kíli fangirls: *glare at Tauriel* We will break you.

Tarwa: reiningnerd also has a question for you Fíli: "If you had lived, would you have found a lovely maiden or do you already have one?".

Fíli: No, I don't have one, but I'm pretty good all by myself for now. I've got all my princesses of Erebor here for me and that's all I need.

Fíli fangirls: *swoon*

Tarwa: Thorin, reiningnerd has a question for you too: "If you had lived, what would be the first thing you would do in your official rule?".

Thorin: Oh, that's a hard one ... nahh, who am I kidding? That's an easy one! I'd PARTY!!! PARTY ROCKIN' IN THE HOUSE TONIGGGGHHHHHHT!

Tarwa: Oh my gosh, you need to invite me to your party!

Fíli: Heck yeah! Everyone's invited! I mean, have you seen those halls? They're huge!

Fangirls: WHOOOOOOO! *get their party hats on*

Tarwa: Wait! It's not party time yet! We've still got this one by Sierra_Evans: "Thorin, I dare you to dye your heard green with blue polkadots!".

Thorin: WHAT?!

Thranduil: *snickers* Everyone's hair always gets ruined in this book.

Thorin: No way!

Tarwa: Yes way! Now hurry up because reiningnerd has dared you to have a civilised tea party with Smaug and you don't want to be late!

Thorin: WHAT THE--

Kíli: Hush, hush. *starts dying his beard*

Fíli: *sets up the tea table*

Smaug: *walks in humming I See Fire* *sees the dwarves* Tarwa, what is this? I thought you said that we were going to make a film about gold.

Tarwa: Nope! You're going to have a civilised talk over tea and biscuits with Thorin.

Smaug: WHAT THE--

Tarwa: CI-VIL-ISED.

Smaug: *huffs and sits down at the table with Thorin*

Thorin: *sighs* Tarwa, I hate you.

Tarwa: I know. *sassy hair flip*

Smaug: What happened to your beard?

Thorin: Don't ask.

Tarwa: Alright! You're all set. Off you go: talk!

Smaug: Um ... hi.

Thorin: Hi.

*silence*

Thorin: Umm...

Smaug: This is awkward.

Thorin: Yup...

*more silence*

Fíli: *sigh* Hey, Smaug! Thorin's having a party at Erebor after this.

Smaug: Really?

Thorin: Yeah.

Smaug: Cool...

Thorin: Do you, uh ... do you want to ... come?

Smaug: Really? That sounds awesome.

Thorin: But you MUST promise not to touch any gold!

Smaug: Deal!

Tarwa: Great! Let's get this party started! *puts on her party hat*

Gollum: YES! WE LOVE THE PARTYSES! *puts on his hat*

Tarwa: Thanks for reading and we hope you've enjoyed! Join us next time with our special guests Boromir, Faramir and Denethor!

Boromir: *gets up on stage* But, wait! There's more! Joining us will be...

*drum roll*

...the lovely Luthien2018!

Tarwa: Yup! As part of her prize for winning the Reader Leaderboard last month she is one of our special guests! You get to ask her questions about anything. It could be about her books, about her love for Middle-earth or about how she feels to be sitting next to a creep like Denethor. ;)

Thranduil: Be sure to join me for Thranduil Thurday too! I won't be taking any questions this week because I'm trying something a little bit different! I hope to see your fabulous faces there!

Tarwa: Also, a big announcement! I've reach 200 chapters in my book Tarwa's Ridiculous Adventures! In my celebrations chapter Middle-earth and the MCU go head to head in a crazy game that you can't miss! Be sure to check it out!

Thorin: Blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring. NOW LET'S GO PARTY!