Today on the Middle-earth Calendar: (to be updated)

Video of the Day: Dom Pranks Elijah [A/N: the funniest thing ever]

Quote of the Day: "Good morning!" - Bilbo

Word of the Day: (to be updated)

Question of the Day: What were orcs originally?

Answer to Yesterday's Question: Thingol

Today's Topic: Road Trip with Merry and Pippin - Part Two

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*in dramatic voice* Today we shall continue with our ridiculous road trip with the troublesome two...

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In the Mines of Moria... 💀
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Merry: Why did we take this road?

Pippin: Because I was getting snow in my ears and it's much drier in here.

Merry: But this is where Gandalf fell...

Pippin: So? We're not stupid enough to fall of a cliff. Are we?

Tarwa: I'm thinking you are.

Pippin: You have no faith in us.

Tarwa: Not even a little bit.

Pippin: You're so sweet.

Tarwa: I try. *sassy hair flip*

Merry: Okay, enough sarcastic comments. We need to pass through here unseen!

Pippin: Sauron's dead! The Balrog and the goblin-orc-things are probably long gone.

Tarwa: How do you know that?

Pippin: *taps his head* I just so happen to be good at making guesses.

Tarwa: Guesses that are clearly incorrect. *points to the Balrog sitting in the corner*

Everyone: *freezes*

Merry: Don't. Move.

Pippin: *already walking up to the Balrog*

Merry: PIPPIN!

Pippin: *turns around* *in baby voice* Whaaaaaat?

Balrog: *sniffs*

Tarwa: Is it ... crying?

Pippin: I think so! *taps the Balrog* Hey, excuse me?

Merry: PIPPIN, NO!

Balrog: *looks down at Pippin*

Pippin: Sorry for asking, but why are you crying?

Balrog: *blows his nose on a huge tissue* I'm not crying!

Merry: It speaks?

Pippin: You are crying!

Balrog: I am not!

Pippin: Yes you are.

Balrog: No.

Pippin: Yes.

Balrog: No.

Pippin: Yes!

Balrog: No!

Pippin: Yes!

Tarwa: *runs up to them* Sorry to interrupt! *whispers to Pippin* I wouldn't argue with the guy with the big flaming whip if I were you.

Pippin: You have a point.

Tarwa: I am incredibly sorry Mister Balrog, but what seems to be the matter?

Balrog: I got a splinter! *cries*

Merry: *walks up to them* Pfft. Weak.

Tarwa: *smacks Merry's arm* Where is it, Mister Balrog?

Balrog: *covers eyes and points his humongous finger at us*

Tarwa: Oh geez...

Merry: That ain't no splinter...

Pippin: *really loudly* You've got a tree stuck in your finger!

Tarwa: Well, he's so big that it must be the size of a splinter for him.

Merry: Can't you just pull it out?

Balrog: Um ... I'm... *mumbles something*

Merry: What?

Balrog: I'm too scared too!

Pippin: You're a BALROG OF MORGOTH! Of course you can do it!

Balrog: I hate those Morgoth stereotypes!

Tarwa: Stereotypes?

Balrog: I can't help it if my parents are Balrogs. It doesn't mean I serve the Dark Lord!

Tarwa: I never actually thought of that...

reiningnerd: But then why did you kill Gandalf?

Balrog: I didn't kill him! He's alive now, isn't he?

Everyone: *mumbling to themselves* Yeah, I guess...

Balrog: I just injured him because he stole my girlfriend.

Everyone: *flabbergasted*

Pippin: GANDALF HAD A GIRLFRIEND?!

Balrog: Why so surprised?

Pippin: I never thought I'd see "Gandalf" and "girlfriend" in the same sentence.

Merry: Unless the sentence is "Gandalf will never get a girlfriend".

Pippin: *fist pumps him* Balalalala.

Merry: Dat Disney reference though.

Everyone: *facepalm*

Tarwa: You two are so mean.

Pippin: Soz.

Tarwa: *facepalm* But Pippin is right, you are very big and strong. Just try pull it out?

Balrog: Okay, fine. *pulls tree out with ease* Oh. That was easy.

Tarwa: Awesome! Well, we must be on our way.

Balrog: Aww, can't you stay for tea and biscuits? I've got the kettle on right now. I hardly ever get company. My name is Harold, by the way.

Merry: You have a kettle in these dingy halls?

Balrog: And lamingtons!

Merry: Mmm ... lamingtons...

Tarwa: You're starting to sound Australian.

Merry: *fakes an Aussie accent* Ahh mate, can't wait for that bush tucker for tea.

Tarwa: That was terrible.

Merry: The best part is that I don't even know what half of that stuff means.

Tarwa: *to the Balrog* Okay, maybe just one cuppa.

Merry: What's a cuppa?

Tarwa: You are a disgrace to all Aussies.

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In Lórien... 🌾
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Everyone: *enters the woods*

Tarwa: Hellooooo? Haldir?

Haldir: *walks up to them* Ah! Yes! Mae 'govannen, Tarwa!

Tarwa: Mae 'govannen! *bows* May we speak to the Lord and Lady?

Haldir: Umm ... I'm afraid that's not possible...

Tarwa: Why not?

Galadriel: *runs up to them in creepy mode* PIZZA! I SHALL RULE ALL OF THE PIZZA! *runs around in circles laughing creepily*

Haldir: That's why.

Pippin: Why is she acting so ... creepy?

Haldir: Gandalf took her Elvish ring Nenya away from her because she kept on calling him Santa Claus, so now she's going nuts.

Merry: 1st rule of surviving Middle-earth: never insult Gandalf.

Pippin: 2nd rule of surviving Middle-earth: never mess with Galadriel's ring.

Haldir: Please, come have dinner with us.

Everyone: YAAASSSS HALDIR.

Haldir: *leads them to the dining hall*

Everyone: *sit down to eat dinner with the elves*

Pippin: I guess that Balrog was not as mean as we thought.

Tarwa: Never judge a book by it's cover.

Merry: Until that book kills one of your best friends called Gandalf. Then you can judge it.

Tarwa: That is also true.

Haldir: Attention! Attention! *taps spoon on his glass* Tonight we a few very special guests, two of them being Meriadoc and Peregrin of the Shire. *whispering to the elves* Make sure to lock up all your valuables.

Pippin: It is an honour. For you. *bows*

Galadriel: SPARKLES.

Tarwa: I'd just like to thank you all for allowing us to stay the night. I know these two can be a bit of a handful--

Pippin: Hey!

Tarwa: --but they're still full of life and fun!

Elves: *mumbling to themselves* Yeah, that's true.

Galadriel: *twitching* Sparkles.

Tarwa: They can be a bit immature, but--

Merry: Pippin! You just flicked food on me!

Pippin: Oops, sorry! *cheeky grin*

Merry: You did that on purpose.

Pippin: No I didn't!

Merry: Yes you did! *pours juice on Pippin's head*

Pippin: Hey! *throws cupcakes at him* FOOD FIGHT!!!

Everyone: *starts throwing food everywhere*

Galadriel: SPAAAAAAAARKLEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!! *smashes a cake on Celeborn's head*

Elves: O_O

Tarwa: You've got to be joking.

Pippin: *smashes pie in Tarwa's face* MUAHAHAHAHA!

Tarwa: Alright, you asked for it! *repeatedly hits him with Jeff*

Pippin: Geez woman! Calm down!

Tarwa: I am a unicorn, not a woman.

Pippin: Wooowwwww! You're a unicorn? Really?

Tarwa: Duh.

Pippin: Oh my Gondor! Merry! Look, it's a unicorn! *nearly dies with excitement*

Tarwa: Seriously? -_-

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In Gondor... 🌟
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Pippin: Welp Gallifreyanhobbit, you wanted to go to Gondor! Here we are!

Gallifreyanhobbit: Wow, this is awesome!

Aragorn: *walks up to them* Merry! Pippin!

Pippin: Aragorn!

Merry: *fist bumps him*

Aragorn: I haven't seen you guys in ages!

Gallifreyanhobbit: Hey! Aragorn!

Aragorn: Hey! How's it going?

Gallifreyanhobbit: Everything is going great! We're all on a road trip.

Aragorn: Awesome!

Tarwa: Hey Aragorn! We were wondering if we could just stay a night in your palace before we head of to Rohan tomorrow.

Aragorn: Well, I would usually say yes in a heartbeat, but ... umm ... the palace is kind of busy right now.

Tarwa: What's wrong with it?

Aragorn: We've got a Gollum problem.

Everyone: Oh no...

Gallifreyanhobbit: But Gollum thinks Tarwa's his sister! She could help!

Tarwa: Gee, thanks. -_-

Aragorn: That's a brilliant idea!

Tarwa: Um, it really isn't!

Aragorn: Nahh, it'll totally work! Come on! *leads them to the palace*

Gollum: *wearing a crown and feasting on fish at a huge grand table* Hello, hobbitses! We are King Sméagol! No, King Gollum! No, King Sméagol! SHUT UP.

Everyone: O_O

Gollum: *points to a potato on the table* What is it, precious?

Sam: *comes rushing in* DON'T TOUCH MY PO-TA-TO! *smacks him with a loaf of bread*

Gollum: OWCHIE!

Tarwa: I think Sam is doing my work for me! *chuckles*

Sam: *chases Gollum around the table* You little creep! Why aren't you dead? You fell into Mount Doom!

Gollum: Does it mean the jacuzzi?

Sam: A JACUZZI?! IT WAS A VOLCANO!

Gollum: *stops running* What's a volcanoses?

Sam: *wacks him over the head with a plate*

Gollum: *hardly flinches*

Sam: *growls in frustration*

Tarwa: Gollum must be made of steel.

Gollum: We are Irongollum! *flexes his non-existent muscles*

Boromir: *walks in* Hey, Aragorn, do you--

Everyone: BOROMIR?!

Boromir: Um, hi?

Tarwa: But you're meant to be dead!

Boromir: If Gollum's alive, I have the right to be alive too!

Tarwa: Does anyone in Middle-earth stay actually stay dead?!

Everyone: *shrugs*

Tarwa: I think the elves were ripped off when they were given immortality. -_-

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Hellooooooo! This road trip is taking longer than I thought! Part Three will be up soon.

I know you guys are angry with me for not keeping up to date, but it's very hard for me. Please understand that if I did have the chance to update every day, I would. But unfortunately, I don't.

I understand that a few people aren't reading this book anymore, but I ask you to ignore what day it is and enjoy the chapters. :)

You're all awesome! :)