I've only dated four times in my life.

Yes, I know. That's not something to brag about. In fact, it is pretty sad, considering that I'm 30 years old at the moment I'm writing this.

The longest relationship I had lasted around two years. It was enjoyable enough, but not ecstatic. The shortest one lasted only four months. Fun fact: he was my first, and I broke him up on his birthday.

What had happened was, I thought he was gonna spend his birthday with me. I assumed that as his partner, I had the right to "book" him a day full just for me so we could celebrate together. To my understanding, he is mine. I was completely ignoring the fact that he also had a family who threw a massive party for him - and so as the star of the day, he wasn't supposed to skip the party. I got mad. I literally asked him to choose me or his family - something that was terribly out of question, since we weren't married or had children together or had any sort of legal bound, so to speak. We had a big fight over texts and finally, I dropped my "surprise". I literally said to him: "Happy birthday! Let's break up!"

Can you imagine being broken up on your birthday?

#KaiIsAJerkAndHeKnowsIt

It was seven years ago. After that, we met a couple of times and had "the talk". I apologised (not so sincerely, if I may add), and he forgave me because he's such a gentleman. We have become very "formal" ever since, but deep down I knew I scarred him a live-lasting wound.

After that, I jumped on three other relationships, the next one was the longest, but the last two weren't so special. I became quite tired of relationships - another tragic fact considering that many people my age are in their "prime time" to date, or furthermore, to "regenerate". Don't get me wrong. It is not my intention to generalise relationships. I mean, we all know the truth: some relationships work, some just don't.

I'm not trying to flip the fact here. I knew I did wrong. I'm using my jerky behaviour as an example of how childish expectations can interfere with a relationship.

The funny thing about relationships, now that I'm single, is the "bucin" stage. At that stage, everything seems bright and beautiful. The couple often sees the world through rose-coloured glass or, to use the romantic description: full of love. It is very easy to say "I love you" to the partner. He or she looks so perfect and adorable, so "right", we seem ready to do everything to stand by him or her. We love our partner, "just the way he/she is."

This is where the problem arises.

I'm not against positive thinking. It is true that we must always - or at least try - to see our partner positively. But we frequently misunderstand the meaning of positive thinking, to the point that we presume that our partner is "flawless". This is the general description of our partner during the "bucin" stage. We have all sorts of expectations towards him/her, and he "seems" to tick all the boxes. We are happy with him.

Guess what, he/she doesn't (always) fit our description. People have flaws and, if we hadn't had enough time to get to know our partner, we may not like the flaw. Love is indeed blind.

But doesn't the point of a relationship is to get to know each other better? Including praising the strength and embracing the weakness?

That is true. Some couples can support each other so strongly, both manage to overcome their weaknesses. For me, this is the ideal definition of a relationship. However, in many cases including mine, the prior assumption of "flawless" often gets in the way. When the partner starts to show the weaknesses, especially those that we couldn't deal with, it affects our love. When we must face the dark side that is not so enjoyable, we may ask ourselves: why am I in a relationship with this person? I don't like this part of him.

You can ask him/her to change, or show support for improvement. Communication and openness are vital in a relationship, but to most people, openly admitted one's weakness is a big no-no. So the next question would be: what if the weaknesses can't be "fixed"? Can we still be able to love him/her "just the way you are"?

At this point, it is very easy to look at the neighbours' yard and notice that there's a "better" choice around. We become discontent and starting to compare. We get tired of our partners. We even find ourselves asking: why do I have to be with this flawed man/woman when there's a perfect one over there? The love within the relationship starts to deteriorate. Cheating is right at the corner, batting her eyelashes trying to seduce us. And so the classic problem happens, disloyalty.

It is easy to fall in love, but it is hard to maintain love. It takes a lot of courage and acceptance, especially when the rose-coloured glasses starts to shatter. Not everyone is brave enough to live the flawed reality; whether it is of the partner or even their own. Many choose to stay in the fairytale of the "bucin" stage, and when the reality of imperfection takes place, everything falls into pieces.

If you have found a person who loves you truly, fully "just the way you are", be grateful. Such a person is rare. If you haven't, keep looking while improving yourself. I always believe that a good person also deserves a good partner. Who knows, maybe the right one is just at the corner, also waiting to be found.

---------

This post was originally planned to be short and to the point, but lately, it just getting longer and longer. I'm sorry for that :) Prior warning: one day it will probably be equal to a novel chapter per post, but nevertheless, I hope you can still find something useful from it.