Reason #22: I can never keep my secrets to myself

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling a headache attacking my head. I blinked repeatedly as I tried to get my bearings. 

When did I fall asleep?

"Shun, stop that. Daddy's going to bite that stubby hand of yours if you don't stop doing that." Rei whispered in his so-called 'daddy voice'. Obviously, Shun was irritating him. I let a small smile escape my lips, breathing contently as I listened. A soft whimper was heard coming from behind me as I felt a little shuffling on the bed telling me Shun didn't listen. "Shun, let go. Shin? Stop." A little more shuffling and I smiled softly. Figuring Rei needed my help, I rubbed my eyes awake as I sat up then turned to see Shun sitting next to his dad's head and pulling Rei's blonde hair while Shin crawled up to his dad's bare chest, nearing Rei's nipple. 

Someone's hungry. Milk time then sleepy time.

Rei looked at me, silently asking for help before Shin decides to bite him. Laughing softy, I took Shin and lifted my shirt for him to feed. Unlike Shun, Shin was far kinder and didn't bite me as often as Shun. He'd only bite me when I took my time feeding Shun while he watched his big brother. That always riled him up. Small sucking sounds escaped Shin's hungry lips before I noticed Shun crawling in my lap. I smiled at him, quietly telling him to wait for his turn. Unfortunately, Shun had other ideas. He started pulling Shin's leg, trying to get him to let go. However, Shin wasn't going down without a fight. He started kicking back and accidentally hit his brother's face.

That did it.

After keeping a stunned look on his face, Shun's loud cries rang the room. I grimaced before looking up at Rei who slowly made his way to us. He sported the same look I had. So he took the grumpy Shun in his arms and tried to calm him down but was unsuccessful. Shun was thrashing in his arms, screaming as loud as his tiny lungs could push. Reluctantly, I pulled Shin away from me and placed him on my lap. As I removed my shirt, another loud cry erupted. Shin was squirming as he tried to reach for my nipple. It felt like a war in there as both babies tried to outdo each other with their wails. In the corner of my eye, I saw Rei grimace at the sound. Baby cries times two was something no parent wanted to hear.

"Shh." Slowly, I reached for Shin and positioned him again so he'd feed. I looked up at Rei, he nodded as he got the message and scooted closer. Holding a crying Shun, he tried to find the perfect position so Shun could suckle on my other nipple. It was hard, I'll tell you that. It wasn't helping that Shin tried to push his brother off so only he could feed. 

"Come on, Shin. Share." A stern request escaped Rei's lips. He was getting annoyed at the sound of crying and Shin being uncooperative. I heard him sigh, he was going to lose it soon if nothing happened. Slowly, I removed my other arm holding Shin and reached for Shun. Carefully, Rei positioned Shun so he wasn't kicking Shin and they weren't in an awkward position as he grabbed my other nipple.

"Finally." Rei huffed as he helped me support the twins feeding. We both watched in comfortable silence. Enjoying the view of our babies sucking the life out of me before Shin decided to let go. Rei reached over and took him, placing him on his shoulder as he tried to make Shin burp. Shun took a little longer but finally let go when Rei placed a tired Shin in his bed. He took Shun from me and did the same while I wore my shirt.

"It's already 6?" I whispered to myself, my eyebrows meeting in the middle. I must have slept for over 5 hours. The only thing I remembered was being embraced while I cried on Rei's chest, pouring all the frustration out. With all the crying I did, I wouldn't be surprised if it could have filled a bath tub.

Shrugging my thoughts, I raised my arms, that weighed like concrete, over my head. As I stretched myself, I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist as I was pulled to sit in the middle of the familiar long legs while leaning on a bare chest.

"Jin, I can't take it anymore." Rei started, desperation lacing his voice. "This is the last straw. Coming home to a distraught lover is something no man should experience." I cringed, willing away any negative energy and thoughts from my already cooled head. "Please. Tell me. Who's doing this to you?" His embrace tightened, providing me the comfort I really needed right now. 

I know I said he shouldn't know, he musn't know. But, I'm tired. Tired of getting hurt when it's all my fault. 

A long silence ensued as I gathered my thoughts, so distracted I didn't notice Rei nipping and kissing my neck. His arms sliding up and down my torso, relaxing my tensed muscles. I panted lightly when I finally noticed his ministrations. A small moan escaped my lips when his hand slid under my shirt and grazed my sore chest. God. How can he make every caress affect my body like the first time, even after all the times we've made love?

He doesn't need to know everything, Jin. A small voice whispered to me, coaxing me to spill my problems to my frustrated husband. 

"Rei." I whispered, turning my head to kiss his waiting lips. I craved for this. It's been a while and with the stress I was feeling, I needed this. My lips grazed his own before firmly planting on his. His hot breath engulfing me as his equally hot tongue slid inside my mouth. He was licking, slurping the insides of my mouth, gliding over my teeth before he pulled his tongue out to lick my bottom lip. I shook violently when I felt his hand pinch my swollen nipple, twisting it slightly between his fingers. I could feel myself slowly harden as he teased me, his stubble prickling my skin as he continued to devour my lips.

Stop! He has to know before we do this. A tiny voice yelled in my head, waking me from my ecstacy. Suddenly, I pushed him firmly as I pulled my lips from his. He looked at me confusedly, hurt swimming in his brilliant blue eyes. "I want this too, don't mistake that. But I need to get something off my chest before we continue. I can't have this eating me while you slowly make love to me." I said softly, clutching his hand that was ghosting over my chest. He was silent, studying me before he resigned and leant on the bed rest.

"Go ahead."

He sounded stiff, making me frown at myself. Smiling sadly, I relaxed against his body while he cradled me in his arms. Taking small breaths of air, I gathered the courage I could find in my body as I kept my eyes locked on the bedroom door that was across us.

"Remember I told you I had a lot of flings?" I felt him nod slightly behind me at the question. "Well, what I didn't tell you was I had one lover that was the worst of them all. I've never met another person as sick and twisted as he is. But, before I met you, I've never loved someone as much as I did with him and I thought I'd found my other half." I caressed his arms when I felt him tense up from my words. It seemed like he wasn't liking this one bit.

Biting my lip, I debated if I should continue my story. He was tensing up, his muscles clenching. I didn't need to look to confirm him seething in anger. A brief awkward silence passed as he tried to calm himself. "Sorry. Please continue." 

I nodded slightly before taking a deep breath, closing my eyes as I did so. "His name was Kaoru, a friendly guy I met in high school. He was like a big brother at first. He put me first in everything he did. He was always mindful of me. It made me feel special. And, for once, I never found myself wallowing in self-pity. It didn't help that he was as smart as he was handsome. It was inevitable. Adoration turned to romantic love and I couldn't help myself." I paused, taking another deep breath before continuing. "He was perfect in my eyes. Nothing anyone said took my attention from him."

"That was until he showed his true colors. And I never knew how wrong I was when I chose to go with him on the weekend trip he planned for us."