Reason #14: Happiness is something you freely give to me 

I don't remember the last time I slept so good. Usually, I'd be at the brink of sleep, ready to fall in the dark abyss but never entering it. Why? The bastard known as 'Kaoru' kept bringing me back from the dead sleep I was supposed to fall into.

'Wake up, sleeping beauty.' Kaoru called out, his voice laced with the sweetness of sugar.

It was disgusting. 

It was a wake up call I longed to never hear.

I tried to open my eyes, struggling to focus on the sight invading my eyes. At first, it was just a blank figure behind a white light, fooling me to believe I was in a hospital, far from harm. I had to blink several times, dispelling the illusion of safety I had in my mind, my sight zoning in on the sneering face looming over mine.

'Drink.' He shoved a glass filled with cool water to my lips, my teeth colliding with the hard surface of the glass. I struggled to swallow the water, greedily slurping the cool liquid as it slithered down my throat. 

I never knew how delicious water was until now. The liquid was a comfort I relished in, savoring the bland taste. Water never tasted so good. 

'Enough.' He pulled the empty glass from my mouth, bringing it to his lips to swipe the last drop of water while he kept his eyes on me. A low guttural laugh escaped from his lips, my face grimacing at the sight of him leaving me alone in the room.

I heard a low click then several bolts being latched on the door, shattering any chance of escape for me. Not that I had any. I stopped trying after spending the first day here. My body trembling in fear at the memory of the first crack of his whip, my skin reddening at the harsh touch.

Lazily, I tried to bring my head up to check my body. I had started this routine after waking up to the smell of fresh blood in the air, a sharp pain rooting from my abdomen and Kaoru kissing my lips, his face decorated with the red liquid.

It was the worst thing to wake up to. 

It felt like I was looking at a monster who was devouring me bit by bit. 

Since then, I made sure to check for fresh wounds. 

I grimaced at the sigh of my chest, glad that the same wounds decorated my once flawless torso. I had whelps from my recent whip session, scabs forming here and there as the skin remained scarlet. As I looked lower, I noticed a few new scratches, probably from nails, I don't know. My lower abdomen sported healing wounds caused by Kaoru's army knife, dried blood colored the red expanse of skin.

The scars were grotesque but I had grown used to them. The sight of the same scars comforting me, keeping me relieved I had not gained new ones.

I looked past my groin, the only place he didn't dare touch for some unknown reason. I was happy he still had that tiny bit of humanity in him to not mess with that part of a man's body. My face scrunching up in disgust at the sight of my once flawless legs.

On my right thigh, several burn scars covered the expanse of skin. Some larger than others, the smallest from cigarettes Kaoru smoked in the room. Somehow, I had become his personal ashtray during my stay here.

I remember how loud I yelled when he stubbed his first cigarette on my bare thigh. It had stung so much, the tears I thought were gone came rushing down my reddened cheeks. He did ever so often that I had gotten used to the pain and no longer yelled, just tensing at the heat burning my skin.

I looked at my left thigh,blankly acknowledging the scars embedded in the skin. I can't even remember what caused them. If I would have had to guess, it would be from the same wound Kaoru made when I woke up to a bloodied face.

I dropped my head on the bed, stretching the muscles on my neck. I have never felt so tired in my life, not just physically but mentally as well. It came to a point where I was happy at the fact that in a few more days, I'd be taking Death's hand to paradise. Well, anything was paradise compared to what I endured on a daily basis.

No. Scratch that.

I endured a lot on an hourly basis, reluctantly surrendering my body to be graced with fresh wounds. Memories of visiting a hospital to treat a scratch from falling down danced in my head. I had taken advantage of that pleasure when I was a child. Now, I had wounds that would make a doctor grimace at  the sight.

My mind no longer playing happy memories, Kaoru erasing them from day one. Death was the only thing swimming in my head, keeping me sane enough to enjoy my last days on this earth.

I blinked my eyes several times, trying to ward off the sleep threatening to drag me into it. I didn't want to sleep and wake up to another heartbreaking sight of a cabin ceiling, the laugh of a man I wished would die a painful death.

'Kill me, now. There's no future filled with happiness for me.' I whispered to no one in particular. I had long since discovered there was no God. After going through everything Kaoru put me through, I had always prayed diligently, prayed that someone would come to rescue me. 

I don't need to tell you how that never worked out. So, I moved on. No more silent prayers to the wind, no more heartfelt wishes. No more nothing.

My eyelids slid shut, disobeying my wish to stay awake as I contemplated. I couldn't push them up anymore, I lacked the energy to do such a simple task. 

Forget it. I'll just slip into a deep sleep, hoping I don't have to wake up to another nightmare. Forever wandering the dark abyss would mean eternal peace for me, so I'll grant that wish myself.

I felt my consciousness fade, my senses dulling into nothing.

The last thing piercing my ears was the sound of screaming on the other side of the door.

Then, blank.