Reason #15: Knowing your love made my other infatuations seem unreal

I've always thought of myself as a strong man. Even when I was the one being held during sex, not once did I doubt my capability of keeping myself from succumbing to fear. Fear that threatened to de-man me.

But.

Everything changed from the moment I met him. 

...

Kaoru.

I remember what kind of person I was when I was 15. I was dominant, demanding and uncaring. Five years of neglect can do that to a person, you know. I used to think the world revolved around me. I had never lacked partners, be it sex or school projects. There was always someone there who would wait for the perfect moment to show up and take advantage of my personality.

And, you know what the funny thing was? 

The funny thing was I didn't have the heart to care. As long as I was occupied, I didn't care what I did. 

Then, I met him.

For the first time, I fell in love.

Well.

I thought I did.

Everything flew away in that short span of two weeks. I was a broken man after that. And personally, it was the longest two weeks of my entire life. And, I still remember like it happened yesterday.

I remember waking up weak in bed, my body refusing to follow my commands of movement. I had to start by moving the big toe on my left foot, slowly building my way up. I was surprised at the fact it took me an hour and a half just to move my body. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the water was the start of my nightmare.

When I tried to get up the bed, I noticed three major , for lack of a better word, surprises:

1) I was naked as the day I was born.

2) I was in a room that resembled a cabin's, alone and hungry, with no source of light but the flourescent above me.

3) My arms and legs were tied to the posts of the bed I laid on.

I could feel the panic rising from the pit of my stomach, the fear eating out my mind and my mindless calls to the man who did this to me.

You see, I had 'hope'. Hope that this was just one of Kaoru kinky sex games, that he was just doing this to scare the shit out of me and let me go. I kept trying wriggle out of the shackles that held me down while screaming at the top of my lungs Kaoru's name.

'Kaoru. Kaoru. Kaoru.'

I remember hearing a loud creaking sound only a door could make. I whipped my head to the side, desperately trying to find the source of sound. 

'Calm down, Jin. Love, I'm here.' My eyes finding an amused Kaoru hovering next to the bed, his lips forming a smile that made the hairs on my skin crawl. Something wasn't right. Something wasn't right.

'Kaoru, stop with your stupid games. This isn't funny. Take these off.' I yelled at him, wildly thrashing on the bed as I glared at him.

'If I take those off, we couldn't have fun.' He laughed at me, caressing my cheek with his hand. 'Be a good boy and wait for me right here. I'll go get my toys.'

I stared at him, wide eyes in fear, as he left the room, whistling a tune I didn't recognize. With the way things were going, he was serious. He was planning something I was sure would bring me to tears.

My eyes darted around the empty room, trying to find a way to escape from him. There was nothing, nothing at all. The room was so empty that the only furnishings in here was the bed I laid on and the rocking chair across the room, there was only one window and it was by the rocking chair. Finally, there was only one door and that was the same door Kaoru had appeared and disappeared into. 

I had never felt so scared in my entire life. But, I wasn't backing down without a fight. I wasn't going to prove to be the lesser man in this situation. I just had to think of something. Something that could possibly save me from the dread I was feeling. I couldn't lose, I couldn't kneel to the helplessness I felt.

'I bet you're hungry. We'll eat, later. When we're done playing. I promised you a weekend of fun on the way here and I intend to keep my word on that.' Kaoru said, holding up whips, candles, trinkets I've never seen and a lot of BDSM equipment. He looked at me, his smile playing on his lips as he placed his 'toys' on my side.

I felt my breathing go shallow, my skin sweaty and clammy and my eyes watering up. My thoughts scattering in my head, my heart beating wildly as Kaoru took his time choosing what he would first use. No. This wasn't the man I thought I fell in love with. This wasn't the Kaoru I knew. Or.

The realization dawned on me. The answer slapping me square on my cheek.

The man I knew, the man I was infatuated in, was all a lie. He was never real. And the man before me was the man named 'Kaoru'.

'You bastard. Let me go. When my brother realized I've been missing, he'll find you and beat your sorry ass.' I spat in venom, my eyes getting blurry from the rush of tears I couldn't hold back. I shook violently when I heard him laugh as if he was a crazy man. The sound ringing my ears like the sound of nails scratching a blackboard.

'You ain't scaring no shit with that face screaming fuck me.' He answered with a mock grin once his laughter died down. He reached down and reached for the black leather whip on the bed, I realized it was the kind of whip used for horses when I used to go horseriding. Memories of my equestrian adventures with Haru flooded my mind, my former self not caring about the whip I held countless times. Now, that same whip was to be used on me.

I could feel his dangerous aura flood the room, his smile never faltering as he lightly smacked the tip on his hands as if preparing for a ride. The shackles rattling loudly as I tried to get far away from him. He was going to hurt me. He was going to kill me.

'Jin, I only do this because I love you. Remember I told you: what's mine will forever remain mine. I'm just ascerting my claim on your beautiful body by teaching you that this body and everything else will have only my mark.' 

Crack!

I screamed at the pain the whip caused on my abdomen. A red mark forming there as blood started to seep out, Kaoru looking proud of his work. He dipped the whip on the wound, scattering the scarlet liquid across the expanse of skin, my body trembling with fear.

Crack!

'You will never leave me, Jin. I'll make sure you are incapable of being alone without me.'