dedicated to full mango because she cares so much about me and i love her <3

song for the reaction: eyes wide by handsome ghost

*this was a controversial reason originally but i hope you all like violet's reaction and her backstory!

reason summary: Cath hates Violet because she believes that she should be the only one who has depression and all these mental disorders and ends up hating on Violet for having similar feelings for apparently "petty" reasons. 

[https://www.wattpad.com/98812207-30-reasons-to-die-1-reason-20-violet]

*** i've been reading a lot of books on this subject and they are so amazing and i recommend that you read these types of books and i'm not revealing what it is yet because i want you guys to be surprised at the end :)

#wattys2016 let's go

Reaction 20 || Violet ||

[back when cath was alive]

After school ended, Cath rushed to her locker to check whether or not her math book was there. She had a huge test coming up and even though she had a lack of ambition to be alive, she still had a perseverance to finish her senior year and get through these last few months. The stress was getting to be too much and every night she would try to wind down and do anything to get rid of it. 

She would listen to music, watch television and currently she was obsessed with the show American Horror Story, she would even check back to all of her old crushes instagram posts, comments, likes, tweets, and statuses. She would do anything to keep her mind occupied. Despite the fact that she was gaining a little weight everyday and despite the fact that she couldn't stop crying herself to sleep, she tried to pretend to be normal. 

But she never knew what normal actually meant, she had lost her best friend and had no boyfriend. She realized she had nothing to actually live for that night. She knew what was going to happen, she knew it was going to happen soon. She didn't even realize that it would happen before she could walk across a stage and receive her diploma. She didn't know, because she lost all hope of being normal. That night, she grabbed her journal that normally held numbers that documented her weight, she instead flipped to a new page and decided to write letters. She wrote a few that night but then fell asleep to the sound of Violet and Tate talking about their undying love for each other.

While she was at her locker, she ran into her old friend Toni, who only gave her a quick glance and then quickly walked away. Cath yelled out at her but then eventually gave up and realized that there was no use, she had lost her. She finished packing up her stuff, after realizing that her math book was in her backpack the whole time and headed to go talk to her guidance counselor. 

She knocked two times before she was told to come in and when she was allowed in, she didn't know when to start. She had just messed up her important college interview for her dream school. She didn't even comprehend that she had threw a glass vase at the interviewer. A glass vase. She told her counselor that she didn't know what to do, that she messed up her interview and had no idea what to do with her future. The counselor was confused because at this point, Cath was a blubbering mess of tears and messed up words. She had no idea that Cath was screaming in her insides and she had no idea that in that very moment that her dream school was marking her application as accepted. Cath had no idea that her future was only just beginning and she didn't need to settle for second best but she rested her decisions in a broken vase. 

The counselor was able to calm her down and get her to say how the interview went and was shocked to find out about the episode that Cath had. Cath was still in shocked and had no idea how to react to the situation that was now placed in her hands. She quickly glanced at the time and realized that she needed to be somewhere and she ran out of the room, without saying goodbye to the counselor.

As she ran out of the room, she bumped into another girl with brown hair. Her books were scattered across the hallway and Cath freaked out. She needed to get out of here but then recognized who the girl was. She repeated a poem that was know to every 8 year old kid in her head multiple times: "roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you" She glanced at the girl and decided to help pick up the books that she dropped.

The girl started to vent out her feelings to her, about her boyfriend and her facial and body features. Up until this point, Cath had no idea she had a boyfriend and Cath thought she knew a lot about Violet. Cath knew she had failed crushes, just like her. She was so much more beautiful than Cath, at least that's what Cath thought and it filled her up with spite and anger that someone so pretty can be so mad at their own body. She started getting angry and yelling at Violet about how she doesn't need to worry about a boy and her body. She may as well have been yelling at herself, she thought. She neglected to remember her depression that seemed to suppress her everyday and she neglected to remember that some other people could have depression as well. She got so angry at Violet that her voice was now two levels louder, that the counselor came out of her room. The counselor looked bewildered and asked Cath if she was ok.

Cath replied back that she was fine and felt embarrassed that she got caught for yelling at Violet. She immediately told Violet that she was sorry. The counselor still looked genuinely scared and asked Cath who Violet was. Cath simply told her, Violet Harmon. Cath started to laugh because that was the same exact name as the girl from the show she was watching last night. She stopped laughing and the counselor glanced at Cath and the person who Cath believed was Violet. She told her that there was no Violet Harmon at this school. 

Cath laughed again. The counselor ran down to grab the in-school therapist and they sat her down in the office. They began to ask her questions about Violet. She replied to every single question. She told them Violet's age, birthday, classes, neighborhood, favorite TV shows, she even told them about her mental disorders. 

They double checked the school records and told her again that Violet doesn't go to school with them. 

Cath couldn't laugh anymore and she ran all the way home, she had to write her twentieth letter.

~

* chapter's about schizophrenia, if you didn't realize. cath develops this now but before she dies she doesn't comprehend that she has gained another mental disorder