dedicated to damonsalvatoreislife because they always comments and i don't think i've appreciated all of you  who read my stories enough, so thank you

as you may have noticed, i skipped reaction 15, cause let's be real how the hell am i supposed to react to a chapter written when i was pissed at an interview and the person doesn't know cath well enough? i might be skipping reactions depending on how topical and how relevant i feel they need to be in the story.

the numbers have reduced and i blame myself, for my hiatus and how my writing has gone downhill. i'm going to put a goal but it doesn't have to be reached: 3k reads, 400 votes, 200 comments

if you are being cyberbullied or you are a cyberbully: please stop and walk away from the computer and get help.

Song for the Reaction: I Walk the Line by Halsey (she's queen omfg)

Reaction 16 || Austin ||

I never thought what I did was alright. I never thought what she did was alright.

Killing herself, I mean. Over me? Over some stupid thing I did? This whole thing is hilarious and I feel like I can just fall asleep and as soon as I wake up, she's going to be there again. She'll be at school and she will try to go around unnoticed, but of course that won't happen.

I didn't do anything wrong. I mean come on, I even told her. There was no reason to go all commity on the situaty. I don't think I ever meant to do anything, sure I told her to go kill herself, but I thought it was a joke.

But reading through this letter, it makes me realize that maybe she was so much more than that. She was so much more than some kid who was suicidal and depressive. I never cyberbullied her, I just told an honest opinion... anonymously. I never hid behind a screen cause I was afraid of being caught. I never cyberbullied anyone. I'm reading my letter, my reason for her to die and I don't think I caused it. I read everyone else's and they were far worse than mine.

That douchebag Jax? I mean he can go to hell and that was way worse than what I did. I mean come on, that girl Brittany? Why didn't anyone report her when she started that hashtag? 

My reason wasn't a bad reason, in fact it could have made her stronger. But obviously, she was weak and continued to do the same things we did to each other. We would judge each other and she did it too. She judged herself too hard but she also judged other girls and guys.

She made a preemptive decision about someone else when she was so consumed in the label that she had become. She started to label others. She labeled herself as some depressive kid who could be the only one depressed. Cath called Violet out for not being depressed even when she didn't know the whole story. Sometimes people think they know everything, but they don't.

I would have loved to go back in time and never send those messages and create that fake anonymous account. But I can't. She can't either. She can't take back the words that she told us and she  can't take back the deaths that she cause, including her own. 

There's a sad thing about suicide that I never really realized. There is an impact all around us. I sent those messages and it might have just been a sign for her to know that this was her time. If I hadn't then maybe she would have been ok, maybe she could still be struggling right now. Even though that sounds horrible, she could have been helped. Someone would have been bound to find her letters somehow.

I thing that sucks so much is that I didn't want to do this, I did it cause Regina told me to. I wanted to just stay out of her way. She was a destructive tornado that threatened to tear you to shreds if you were just a few feet near her. But Regina told me to. She was worried that Cath liked me but Cath had never looked in my direction before. She was too busy looking down and trying to ignore her imperfections. She never made eye contact with anyone before and I never noticed that until she was dead.

Regina told me to make an account to terrorize Cath with and that one day to just out myself to her. It didn't seem harmful. I mean I just sent the messages, I never wrote them. Like I said before, I never did anything. The only thing I did was walk up to Cath and tell her the truth. 

Why was she still here if she was hurting herself so much? Why was she still in a place where people are ok with hurting her every single day? Why was she so much stronger than everyone around her?

There are so many more unanswered questions about Cath and her death. The reasons seem to make sense and I can't believe how she must feel to know that her sister had died. I heard Jack went somewhere and no one can find him anymore. Her story is a sad one, her family fell apart and her friends are no longer there anymore.

I just have four things to tell you Cath:

1. Cath, I would keep my eyes would open all the time.

2. You're dead now and because of that I will walk the line.

3. But even though you are dead, never  find yourself alone when each day is through.

4. Sorry.