Reaction 10 ||Derek||

Dedicated to @imparitea (I may have already dedicated it to her but who cares) She made the new cover for 30 Reactions to Death and she'll probably make it for 30 Reasons to Die lol. I love you jennyyyyy!

Ok, so I had Derek's backstory planned out since the beginning, so I hope you like it!

Song for the Reaction: I'm Sorry by The Maine


Reaction 10 || Derek ||


Catherin Noelle Lennings.


You really fucked it up this time. You actually did it. Why the hell would you do it?


Didn't you know how much I loved you?


But I guess you didn't since you decided to block out the good memories and replace them with bad ones. We had so much fun in eighth and ninth grade. But why the hell did you block them out?


For the one goshdamn thing I did?


What about the countless shitty things you did to me? What about those?


Why keep accusing all of us of these things we did to you but what about what you did to us?


I mean Cath, didn't you know how much I loved you?


You started throwing up Cath. What was I supposed to do? Tell someone and let them make you go to a therapist that doesn't know shit?


That would just make you more unhappy and you think that's what I want?


I would never want that. Cath, didn't you know how much I loved you?


And maybe I went to the bathroom and didn't say a word cause maybe I thought if I didn't say anything you would be happier.


And maybe I was still eating the same piece of pizza because I was hoping that you would eat more.


And maybe I didn't tell anyone was because I didn't want you to kill yourself sooner.


Why couldn't you realize these things Cath? Did you have to always make it worse than what it was?


Were you really oblivious to how much I loved you?


And when you attempted to commit suicide, could you not hear my heart shattering in to a million pieces?


Isn't it horrible how all I could do was nod when you admitted that you were suicidal?


Well Cath, you tell me. When you don't have any feeling in your body and all you want to do is cry and scream, but none of those emotions can come out and all you can do is nod and realize that this stupid shit has happened to you and you can't escape it?


Tell me Cath, please tell me.


And now the thing that is worse than not telling anyone about your bulimia. You want to know? The post-it notes.


I don't even know why I did it. I was blinded by heartbreak and now I regret it. But I don't regret doing it. I needed something to let myself forget about you and even though these were your flaws, I still loved you even more.


But I guess you didn't take it that way, because in the very corner of each post - it note, it would say "but I still love you" and at the very top it would say "You are a..."


Cath, I loved you. More than a friend. More than a brother. More than a protecter. I loved you like a knight loves a princess. I loved you how Marshall loves Lily. I loved you like how Mickey loves Minnie. I loved you like how Cory loves Topanga.


I fucking loved you, but you must have hated me so much.


Because you never read the fine print.


To the post-it notes.


To the situation I was in when you threw up and when you tried to kill me.


Hey, Cath? In heaven, make sure to start reading the fine print...


And even though it's the hardest thing to say in the world next to goodbye, but I'm Sorry Cath. Maybe we'll see each other soon!


Love,

Your dead bestie, Derek.






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