Idea by @mere_inkslinger

You jump into a pile of leaves and keep falling.

mere_inkslinger

"When did this all begin?" the psychologist asked, scratching his nose.

"In the eighth grade."

"How did you know that's when it started?" he asked me, apparently unaware of my annoyance.

I looked at the floor.

I can't tell you. I can't even tell myself. It's a feeling that I don't talk about. No one that feels it talks about it. They just know that it's eating them from the inside out. That it's sitting there, and you can't stop thinking about it. It feeds on your desire to kill it, and as it gets bigger, you get smaller. It starts to take you apart so it can have more room to grow, so it can eventually takeover.

I wonder if he knows.

I wonder if he knows what it feels like to have to sit in a middle school health class and watch videos about people with them. You get to see them squirm and fight, right before they almost always end up dying. I wonder if he knows what it feels like to secretly know, 'I have that' in the back of your mind, but not let yourself say it. Because you know if you say it, it will hear you, and if it hears you, it will turn you into one of its victims that you are now so aquatinted with.

I wonder if he knows.

I wonder if he knows that it comes suddenly, like a heart attack. You are outside, raking leaves, and suddenly it's right there, in the pit of your stomach. "Hello," it whispers. You stop raking and look at the leaves. Reds, oranges, yellows, browns. "...last time I will be able to see the colors." You remind yourself. And then you start raking again, because if you don't keep going, it will convince you to stop. It will tell you, "You're so tired. You have to stop, or you'll die."

I wonder if he knows what it feels like to stop raking. If he knows, the sound of the leaves, beingcrushed to death by your too heavy body. I wonder if he knows, just how hard it is to stand back up, when you realize,

"I jumped into a pile of leaves and just... kept falling."

I don't think he knows, just how hard it is, to pull yourself out of the bottomless chasm that...it, pushed you in! I don't wonder! I know he doesn't know! No one knows! Because we're so afraid of it, we can't say it's name! We're scared depression might hear us, and come when it's called! We're scared because we can never know if it's trained to come and sit in front of you, or if it latches onto you when it hears a sound!

How can you know something that strong and not be broken!

"Did you feel it, too?" he asked me.

I nodded.

Yeah, I feel it, too.

minipage

We had been hiking for what seemed like hours.

The trek had began at 4 in the morning when the sun was just a twinkle in the distance of the rolling hills of Scottish countryside.

There was a light fog covered the ground like a blanket to protect the hills from the cold northern nights.

There were five of us, including me.

Karron was a year above me and went to some foreign school in Asia. His dad was high up in the Ministry, just like mine.

My younger sister Anna hadn't started school yet but she had the makings of becoming brilliant. She had been carrying the map all morning because she didn't trust anyone to get us to our destination safely.

Then there were our fathers.

It wasn't too uncommon for mothers not to attend such sporting events. There must have been some point in their lives when it just didn't matter any more and the thrills of massive crowds, daring plays, and sense of comroddery just didn't excite them anymore.

Or maybe they needed the time alone.

Raising Anna and I had never been the easiest of tasks.

We were both considered geniuses to an extent.

I had high marks in all my classes, particularly history. I dreamed of becoming a professor more than anything else.

Karron and I talked a bit on the way there. We only saw each other every couple of years and since we had both started school since we last talked, there was quite a bit to discuss.

He was into the social scene at his school, something I had never excelled in. I had friends. But wasn't getting ahead in the world more important?

"Almost there!" Anna called. The sun had reached it's peak by now.

"Thank goodness," Karron's dad said. He was a heavier man.

We began climbing a rather steep hill.

When we reached the top, Anna declared that we were at our destination.

"It's a pile of leaves," I said.

"You don't remember," my dad said, "but four years ago it was a stick."

"A very hard to find stick," Karron's dad reminded him.

"So now, if you'll take each other's hands," my dad said. I took Anna and Karron's hands. There was a sense of awkardness between the three of us since we had no clue what to expect. Four years ago I was only 8, and I didn't remember this part of the journey.

"Don't let go now," my father said. He jumped into the pile of leaves and we tumbled down with him.

Down.

And down.

And down.

Faces whirled past.

I could hear Anna's cheers and laughter.

Karron looked green everytime he swirled by.

Time was indefinite wherever we were.

Finally we landed with a thud, piling on top of one another.

The noise and smell of smoking wood and fire was the first thing I noticed.

Campfires.

I glanced up and bright lights were flashing as tents went up all around us.

I smiled.

The Quidditch World Cup.

Credit to the fabulous JK Rowling since this became a HP fanfic.