DAY 19: My first love

I have never been in a relationship, so I guess I could talk about my first crush that lasted two years. 

We're gonna call him Remy. So Remy and I met in 3rd grade, and we became quick friends. We talked a lot in class and all of that. I slowly developed feelings for him but I never said anything.

We would coincidentally always end up at the same table, so we would always sit together, and chat all the time, and gradually the crush became a lot and I started telling people I like-liked him, and rumours spread like wildfire so after a few months (like two months lmao) everyone in my grade knew. 

Even him. 

But Remy was such a good guy, he couldn't care less, and I continued acting like a normal friend around him. He was like really understanding, and there was this time where I was having a breakdown (I don't really remember why) and he came and asked if I was okay. And that's very not boy-like, so the fact that he did meant a lot. 

After all of this, we still remained friends. After two years of crushing on him, realising he'll only love me as a friend, I gave up. I can't waste my time on something that won't happen, that would've been so stupid of me. 

I still had feelings for Remy though, but I was in denial, I didn't want to have a crush on him. In 7th grade he started going out with this girl, she's great, she's a good friend of mine, and that's when I said, "This crush has to stop", but I hate myself because it didn't. I never showed it nor said it, but deep down in me, I still have a thing for him.

I really really like him.

But now he's in Portugal, which is very far from where I live, and it's not like our parents were friends, so it's very unlikely I'll ever see him again. And if he does come back, it'll be for his ex, the good friend I was talking about, they broke up since they knew the long distance relationship wouldn't work out.

I also want to add that Remy hugged me on his last day of school, but like a friend hug of course, still I started liking him that way all over again.

Having a crush really sucks sometimes, especially when you really like that person. Oh well, that's life.

See ya in day 20!