I remember how I used to watch the still waters of the open lake just behind their house. It was calming and scenic. The blue waters, the green meadow, and the lively plants and trees. Lahat ng iyon ay magandang alalahanin.

"Melody."

I closed my eyes and tried remembering his voice calling my name. It was manly and often times sensual. Minsan ko na siyang pinagalitan dahil rito.

"Melody."

Another voice called my name. It was calming and familiar. Utterly familiar.

"Yes po?" Lumingon ako sa kaniya at bumungad sa akin ang puti niyang uniporme. A few strands of her baby hair's swinging in front of her face. Mukhang mahangin nga talaga dito sa labas. She's been keeping an eye of me since I've just woken up and requested to be outside for a while.

"Pumasok na tayo sa loob."

"Yes po."

Agad siyang nagtungo sa likuran ko at itinulak ang wheelchair para makapasok ulit ako sa loob ng ospital. My parents were busy working to pay my hospital bills so I understand why they aren't here.

Bumalik na ako sa dati kong silid. May mga larawan na nakadikit sa pader at may mga notes itong katabi. Hindi na muna ako nagpalipat sa higaan at lumapit sa pader upang basahin ang mga notes dito.

First picture was me in wheelchair and some two quite old couple behind me. Nakangiti ako sa litrato pero ang dalawang kasama ko ay halatang napipilitang ngumiti.

"First day in hospice."

Oh. Hospice.

I almost forgot.

I asked my nurse if she could get me a pen and a sticky note. She faintly smiled at me before getting me one.

"Anong gusto mong isulat?"

"Still waters. Tall man. Ahh, I'm dying."

Natigilan sa pagsusulat ang nurse at bahagyang tumingin sa akin.

"Melody."

"I'm sorry." Hindi ko mapigilan ang umiyak sa harapan niya kung kaya't agad niya akong nilapitan at dahan-dahan na tinapik ang ulo ko. "I forgot their name. I forgot his name."

What was his name? What is it?!

Napabuntong hininga ang nurse at ibinaling ang tingin sa larawan na tinitignan ko.

"Siya si Mrs. Luisa Sanchez, ang mama mo at ang katabi naman niya ay si Mr. Mateo Sanchez, ang papa mo." Kinuha niya ang isang litrato na katabi nito. Binasa ko ang note.

"Even until your memories fade. Mi Amor."

Mi Amor?

"Anong ibig sabihin ng mi amor?" tanong ko sa nurse. Ibinigay nito sa akin ang litratong kinuha niya. Napatitig ako rito.

"My love."

My tears fell uncontrollably on the photo. Why is my chest so painful? Why?

The smiling face of the man as he leans his head on me. We're both sitting on my bed. I could tell the mixed emotions he had in his swelling eyes.

"He is Oliver Miguel De Luca. The lo—love of your life."

Her voice cracks as she mentioned his name. Bakit? Kakilala ba niya?

"He is my older brother. I'm sorry." Akward na napatawa ang nurse ko at pinahid ang mga luhang nasa pisngi niya. "Ba't ba ako itong naiiyak. Buset."

"Yeah. I remember him."

I remember how he used to stroke my waist-length wavy hair as I tried ruining his perfectly trimmed perm. I remember how he used to sing to me at midnight just trying to make me sleep over the phone. I remember how we used to have our picnics under the large tree near the scenic lake near their house. I remember most of my beautiful memories with him.

Yet, I almost forgot his name.

Oliver.

Where is he?

Bago pa man ako makatanong ulit ay may kinuhang papel ang nurse sa kaniyang bulsa at ipinakita ito sa akin. I started having headaches so I reached my thin hands to my temple. It's aching me to death.

"Can't read."

Kinuha ng nurse ang papel mula sa harapan ko at agad akong inakay. But I don't want that. I want to know what the paper was about.

"Read!"

The nurse went silent and halted back. She was hesitant if she'll read it or not. My vision is getting blurry but I could still tell that it was clearly her tears falling on my arms. Why is she crying?

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko at pilit iniintindi ang sulat na binabasa niya.

"To my Melody. I love you and I know you do too. Why can't I accept your fate? You'll be sent to a hospice and I know what that means. Even though it hurts. Even though I had ample time to prepare it still would be painful thinking about it. To our beautiful six years, remember that your sweet melody will always be beautiful than any music I produce. I was afraid that one day if I lost you, I wouldn't produce such music but here it is I'm slowly losing you and it's killing me. You've done nothing to deserve this. If only we could share my life so we couldn't lose each other. Unfortunately, we can't. I just hope I could visit you in hospice quite often. Even if it kills me every single day fearing that it would be my last visit. I love you, Melody. I love you so wait for me."

I could barely understand anything but tears started falling and I was dumbfounded. That man he loved me? Where is he? Why isn't he here? Why didn't I see him this past few days?

"He died on a car accident on his way to these hospice, second day of you your stay" Narinig ko na lang na napahikbi ang nurse na siyang nagbabantay sa akin. "I'm sorry. I'll just call another nurse to attend you for a while."

Nakarinig ako ng mabibilis na hakbang papalabas ng pinto at naiwan akong nakatulala sa pader. It's the wall of memories. I have photos before I was sick, in bikinis with him, in pajamas with him, almost every memorable day I had with him that I could barely even remember. It will never be the same again seeing again these knowing he left me first. 

I stared longer at the photos. It's like the photos are moving as my head is breaking really hard that I hope to hit my head. I was moving too much and a large thud was heard before I was aching and unmoved on the floor.

The door opened wide open. People gathered around me and I couldn't even control myself. My body was uncontrollably shaking as I felt like losing myself. 

"Melody!" 

I heard the door open again as I am transferred to my bed and had called my name many times, yet I couldn't talk. Doctors were figuring me out but I know it's too late. 

Inikot ko ang mga mata ko sa tabi ko at nakita kong kararating lang ang parents ko. They were all crying. 

I felt sorry. I'm about to leave them already.