III.

Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa phone habang tinitignan ang press con ni Haru tungkol sa movie nila mula dito sa ipad ko. It escalated pretty quickly. They were talking about the photos.

Pinoproblema ko pa nga si Darius dagdag na naman to'.

"I refuse to answer your question. This is a presscon for the movie, not for my personal life. Thank you."

It was his reply to the question that involves my name.

I'm doing everything to never cross paths with him now that we are in the same industry. I don't hate him. It's just too difficult for me to look at him without remembering the years we have spent together.

I know him very much that I could tell he was protecting me the way he answers.

Before I knew it, I searched his name on my Instagram and sent him a message.

His answers had my feelings resurfaced again. I was his treasure. I know I am. While he... he is always my treasure. My beloved star.

There was a short silence when he was asked if he had moved on. My heart beats fast. He was hesitating. Is he thinking I would hate him if he'll tell them he already did?

The idea of Haru moving on clenches my heart. Kasalanan ko to'. Kasalanan namin ito. We choose a path where love is pretty difficult to handle. But our dreams arrived before we found each other. Alam naming wala nang mas ikaliligaya pa kung makamit namin ang mga pangarap namin.

Now that we reached our dreams and beyond, what now? We lost each other.

I sent him a second message, assuring him that I'd be alright. He really looked so worried, not until I saw him read my message.

"However, I still stood in my statement. The photos were old. It was five years ago. The value it holds is nothing to be used against our current careers."

The photos weren't and shouldn't be used against us. Those were just photos of lovers prohibited by circumstances. Why should we even live like we aren't meant to fall in love and cry?

"Veronica!"

Napalingon ako pinto ng unit ko at nakitang kakapasok lang nila Aoi at Stacey. They were in their full disguise.

"Iniwan sa amin ni manager ang susi ng unit mo. She's taking care of the situation," bungad ni Stacey bago lumapit at tumabi sa'kin sa sofa. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Bakit sinabay pa talaga sa issue ni Darius? Bwesit naman oh." Napalingon ako kay Aoi na padabog na tinanggal ang airpods na suot bago umupo sa tabi ko. "Hindi na naman tayo makakabisita sa unit ni Veronica dahil dito."

"Ha? Bakit naman?" tanong ni Stacey na nakakunot noo. "Nakapunta nga tayo rito ngayon."

"Girl? Nakalimutan mo ata na sa building na to' rin nakatira si Haru? To be specific the same exact floor. Kaya nga may iilang media sa labas. Hindi pa nila alam na nandito si Veronica. Kapag ito talaga nalaman nila baka sabihin na naman nilang nagli-live in ang dalawa. Crazy media."

"Wala na tayong magagawa kung anong scoop makuha nila gagamitin nila." Napatingin ako sa phone ko bago sinilayan sila ng tingin. "Have you...uhm seen the photos?"

"Girl! Parang isang scene ng isang drama ang eksena niyo nga diyan oh." Aoi grabs my phone and scrolled to the last photo, showing Haru inside his car. "Both of you were hurt that night."

"Nasaan si Dulce?"

Most of the times magkakasama silang bumibisitang tatlo kahit noong nasa dati pa akong condo unit nakatira. They have their own units but they always insist na sa unit ko palaging mag get together. I wonder why she isn't here?

"Ayon nakipagkita sa kapatid niya," Stacey replied. "Probably smacking him to senses or what."

"Alam naman niyang hanggang kaibigan lang ang tingin mo sa kaniya then why is he risking both of your careers?"

Darius' bravery. I wish I have those.

His bravery. It was a waste. I still love Haru. Hindi ko dapat hinayaan si Darius na mahulog sa'kin. 

"This is my fault." I stared at my phone seeing a new article where Dulce and Darius were seen shouting at each other on a coffee shop's parking lot just a moment ago. Was I too friendly to Darius? Is my actions to him could be interpreted romantically?

"Ano ka ba Nica." Ibinaba ni Aoi ang hawak kong phone at niyakap ako. "You don't have to feel sorry over something you have no control."

"Aoi's right. It was his choice to fall for you. Darius would understand your choices."

"In the first place, I don't even have choices."

Ipinakita ni Stacey ang schedule namin next week. Our anniversary concert. "You can be as brave as Darius if you want."

"Be honest with your feelings. Matatanda na tayo, dapat nga nag-aasawa na tayo eh." Aoi laughed. "If magco-confess na si Kai baka itanan ko agad."

"Ew!" Sabay kaming napatawa ni Stacey sa sinabi ni Aoi. She still heads over heels with that Night Aces notorious playboy.

Our shooting for this week was delayed. Hindi ko alam kung kailan kami makakabalik. I didn't even try checking my social media again after that day. I was figuring myself out. Should I tell Haru I still like him?

"Nica?" 

Napaangat ako ng tingin kay Dulce na siyang kasama ko ngayon sa dressing room. Today is our anniversary concert and my first appearance after that mess. I don't know what would happen. Will it destroy me? Our group? I don't know. I did disappoint and lied to my fans.

"Dulce? Bakit?"

"There's someone who wants to talk to you." Lumingon ako sa likuran niya at nakita mula sa pintuan si Darius. 

I didn't see him since the so-called confession he made during their group's anniversary concert. I don't know how to face him. What should I say? Our friendship lasted for almost 6 years and he only showed kindness to me. How could I reject him?

"Darius." Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kaniya at agad siyang niyakap. "I'm sorry. I can't—"

"Veronica." Tinapik niya ang ulo ko, just like how he used to do at inilayo ako sa kaniya. "I know. I'm not expecting anything. Alam kong kailanman hindi ko siya mapapalitan diyan."

"A—alam mo? Ahh siguro sa mga photos."

"I saw you that night. Sinundan kita." Umiling-iling siya at agad na hinawakan ang mukha ko at pinahid ang mga luhang nangingiligid. "It's not your fault, really. I take my chances but it didn't work. Makakamove on rin ako. Anyway, I heard you're up to something brave?"

"Hindi ako sigurado."

"Just do it. Tao lang din tayo. We break, we got tired and we fall in love. Don't let the media judge you. So, good luck with your concert."

"Thank you, Darius. You're a really great friend."

"I'm so great being a friend that I can't even be higher than that." He laughed at patted my head. "Just kidding. I gotta go, may evening shoot pa ako."

I waved him goodbye as I looked at his back. Lumingon ako kay Dulce. "He doesn't have a shoot does he?"

"Yeah. He's a terrible liar."

Nagsidatingan na rin sina Stacey at Aoi na kagagaling lang sa kani-kanilang mga schedule. We still have 2 and a half hours before the concert starts. I hope everything goes well.

Nagtatakbo na naman ako patungo sa backstage nang ilang minuto nalang ay iaangat na nila ang platform namin.

"Saan ka ba galing?!" Halos pasigaw na tanong ni Aoi nang hinihingal akong makarating sa tabi niya. Rinig na rinig ko na mula sa labas ang malakas na sigaw ng mga tao. Cheering our names. It's very pleasant to the ears.

Itinaas ko ang maliit na papel at agad na isiniksik ito sa bulsa ng suot kong shorts. "Kodigo."

"Gezz, just say what you want. Hindi naman 'yan kailangan scripted." 

"Palit tayo gusto mo?"

"No thanks," mabilis na sagot ni Aoi na siyang ikinatawa ko. "Good luck anyway."

Tumaas na ang platform at mas lalong nagsigawan ang mga tao. The cheers, our names chanted in the crowd it became clearer to my ears. 

It's our 7th year in the industry.

We sang our latest single and a few more songs that are very different from the songs we sing 5 years ago. We went from the cute girl concept to mature and sexy. 

We communicated to our fans and I'm glad no one seems to hate me. Sana lahat ng fans ganito.

One more song and the concert will now end. Pawisan na ako pero panay ngiti at sigaw pa rin ako sa gitna ng stage. Seeing the crowd smiling at us cheering to do our best gave me energy. 

"Hello, every—"

Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang biglang may plastic bottle ang tumama sa mukha ko. Agad akong tinakpan ni Dulce at masama ang naging tingin nito sa isang babaaeng nakatayo sa VIP area. 

"Are you okay?" Lumapit si Stacey at Aoi sa akin at inikutan ako. "Where the heck was the security?!"

"Ayos lang ako. Let me." Humarap ako sa mga fans at yumuko. 

"Manloloko! Niloko mo si Darius!" Rinig ko ang mga sigaw ng ilang mga babae kung saan nanggaling ang plastic bottle. 

I could see torn banners of VerRius. My face cut down into pieces. Why do they even bother coming to my group's concert?

I raised my head and took the paper I slid into my pocket. I held it tightly as I hold my headset mic. My hands were trembling. Why am I hated for falling in love with someone else?

"I'm sorry." I bowed. I held my chin up trying to look confident. "5 years ago. I lied by saying I haven't experienced being in love. For saying I haven't been into a relationship. But right now from this moment, I would be honest. I would like to apologize for my future actions. I want to fall in love... no, I have always been in love." I took a deep breath. I can say it. I should say it. "Let me have my freedom to love someone and I sincerely apologize if this issue bothers you a lot."

I didn't know how the concert ended. The members were calming me in the dressing room until we decided I shouldn't go home to my unit. We end up staying at Aoi's place. 

The next day we were given a break. A break from the concert and a break from the growing issue I made. Falling in love shouldn't even be an issue.

"Darius, released a statement. Nabasa mo na?" tanong ni Stacey sa'kin nang tumabi siya sa kinahihigaan ko. Umiling-iling ako. My phone was turned off. I didn't even bother turning it on since last week.

"He was angry about those fans who threw you their waters and the fact you apologized for falling in love to someone else. Girl, kung nakita mo lang ang kilay ni Darius na halos magtagpo na ewan ko nalang sa mga fans niyo kung hindi sila magsisi sa pinaggagagawa nila."

I sighed and buried my face to the pillow. I guess I had to go online.

Binuksan ko ang phone ko at sunod-sunod na notification ang agad na bumungad sa akin. It's still 7 in the morning, people are contacting me already?

I looked at the dates and realized it's from a week ago, the recent ones are from yesterday. Mukhang naipon ko lang pala. Most of them are dm's for me to be interviewed. I don't want to.

Ilalagay ko na sana sa gilid ng higaan ang phone ko nang biglang nag-ingay ulit ito. My heart raced fast seeing the name on the notification.

Agad akong napabangon at inilayo saglit ang phone bago ito sinilip ulit. It's really him!

"Nababaliw ka na ba?" Napalingon si Stacey sa akin na nakataas ang kilay. "Anong binabasa mo? Patingin nga?"

Agad akong bumangon at inilayo ang kamay sa kaniya. "Wa—wala! Aalis muna ako." 

Sa guest room ng bahay ni Aoi kasi kami natulog. May dalawang kama kung saan tigdadalawa sa isang kama ang umuukupa. Nandito kaming apat natulog, kahit si Aoi na may sariling kwarto.

Dumiretso ako sa banyo at sinilip ulit ang message.

WatanabeHaru: Are you busy? Can we meet? Are you in your unit?

Mabilis pa sa alaskwatro akong nagtitipa sa phone ko para lang makareply.

Party_Muses.Veronica: Where can we meet?

WatanabeHaru: I can visit your unit, malapit lang naman. If it's uncomfortable we can go out I guess?

Party_Muses.Veronica: Let's just be in my unit. Time?

WatanebeHaru: Maybe noon?

Party_Muses.Veronica: Okay, see you later.

Halos magtatalon na ako sa banyo ni Aoi. I feel like I was young. I feel like I'm 22 again. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong sadya ni Haru but I will take it. I will take the chance to talk to him. I will figure things out with him again. No more avoiding.