TW: if prone to talk about suicidal tendencies, this chapter might not be for you. Please take care when reading and if you can't bring yourself to read it, skip to the next chapter :) love you all <3

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A SOFT KNOCK ON THE METAL DOOR, awoke Amber from her state of sleep. Steve and Natasha stood at the door, both of them smiling softly and holding a cup of coffee presumably for the girl.

Amber sat up in the small bed and leaned her back against the headboard as she squinted her eyes to adjust to the flood of light pooling in from outside.

Steve and Natasha both walked towards her, closing the door behind them. The two sat on either side of her. They seemed hesitant to say anything but after a small glance at each other they obviously came to a conclusion.

"Hey Am" Steve greeted the smaller girl, giving her the cup of coffee he was holding, "How are you feeling?"

Amber sighed and looked down. She shouldn't have lashed out at Wanda last night. She also probably shouldn't have used her old scars to prove a point.

She felt guilty.

"I-I'm Sorry" Amber murmured, as her hands grasped the warm cup.

"Kid.....You have no reason to be sorry. You did nothing wrong. If anything, we are the ones who should say sorry" Natasha interjected, her eyes pitiful and wide.

Amber hated it. She hated when people pitied her. Everyone had their own problems and everyone deals with them differently.

Some more drastically different than others.

Amber looked down. She hated this feeling. The feeling of being weak, the feeling of uselessness and the feeling of sadness.

"I-I didn't know what to do... I was beaten and broken.... severely fucking depressed and then when I finally got my family back, I was shipped to England" Amber replied, her voice wavering.

Natasha and Steve looked down in sadness. Their Amber. Their small innocent Amber. The girl who they'd found in the forest. The girl who'd helped them. The girl who'd laughed at small jokes. The girl who'd put everyone else before herself.

The girl they abandoned.

"You know... I used to have a friend...she meant the world to me" Natasha spoke up after a few seconds.

"What happened to her?" Amber asked, curiosity lacing her voice.

"She acted happy, she faked a smile but was hurting. She never asked for help... or accepted it. She ended up killing herself." Natasha told her shakily, "Agents found her in her room the next morning. She left me a letter and that broke my heart. I still carry it."

Amber felt shell-shocked. Nat has lost someone so close to her. Natasha pulled out a tarnished piece of paper, that was obviously worn and the writing was barely visible.

"I thought it would be easier than it was. I thought I would be better than I was. I thought maybe for once life would be better.
It never happened.." the red head read, Natasha took a shaky breath in.

"If you're reading this letter, than I guess you've probably found my body.
It's better this way. I'm gone, I have been since the Red Room. I've been gone for too long.."  Steve looked down, sadness overcoming him.

"For too long I've been faking a smile, faking a laugh, faking happiness.... it's come to a stage where I can't take it anymore."

Amber shook her head and fiddled with the sleeves of her hoodie. She'd felt this so many times. Her stomach churned and all her appetite was lost.

"I can feel the pain coursing through my veins and flooding my arteries. It hurts... so goddamn much." Natasha's voice was shaky and it was obvious tears were building up.

"I need you to know Nat, that this isn't your fault. Never was. In fact, you've made my days alive, the best ones, but there comes a time in which you are called back to the place you started at....the end."

"Don't mourn my death, in fact you should rejoice. You can finally have my room Nat, and all my belongings. I let you down. I'm sorry but this, this was my last shot at something better than the demons in my head."

Amber closed her eyes trying to keep her tears at bay. Natasha took a deep breath in and let a single tear slip down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Я люблю тебя (I love you) signed: Anastasia Orlov" the red head finished and wiped her tears.

The three sat in silence digesting the letter that had just been read out. Ambers head was pounding and Steve looked lost.

"She never wanted the help" Natasha mumbled to the smaller girl, "Please let us help you."

Amber burst into tears, she couldn't hold it anymore. Hearing Natasha's story and experience with something as dark as this, really hit home.

Steve and Natasha encased the girl in a hug. It felt like a family-no correction.. it was a family. The two rubbed her back soothingly as she sobbed.

"I-I'm sorry... it was too much pain... I didn't want to feel weak.... everyone here is strong and everyone in the Raft... they were only beaten... Why was I the only one to be tortured? Why was I left alone, strapped to a metal table and left bare? What they did to me there... it still haunts me" Amber cried.

Steve squeezed the girl tighter. He couldn't help but feel responsible for the girl. Amber was like a daughter to him. He was protective over her for sure, he should've helped her escape the airport with him.

The three sat in silence the only sound was the soft cries of a broken girl. They had all lost family, friends, people they'd loved, but somehow had formed their own little family.

A super soldier dad, a master assassin Mom and a daughter, who was stronger than everyone believed her to be.

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So this chapter was more an emotional filler. It really hurts making my characters depressed but it makes them more realistic and human.

If you need help. Contact me. I'm no therapist but what you're experiencing I've most likely gone through what you're currently going through.

I'm always here to talk.

Anyway, if any of y'all have read 'Wake up' my Natasha Romanoff fic, you'll recognise Ana and her storyline.

Edit: the fic has been taken down but basically Anastasia was Nats best friend/girlfriend. The two grew up together and just before the First avengers movie, Anastasia was sent on a top secret undercover mission. She had to fake her suicide under the orders of Fury and spent years internally taking down hydra bases. She is still alive but Nat has no idea.

Anywhooo, adios mi amigos,