SEVEN I DON'T KNOW

"Fred knows," Bram breathes out the words as soon as he and Skyler are alone in front of the fireplace in the Ravenclaw common room. Everyone else had run off to bed, tired from the excitement of the tournament, but after his conversation with Fred earlier, Bram was wide awake and his heart hadn't stopped racing. The words exchanged were playing over and over again in his head like a broken record, screeching in his brain for him to never forget. He wondered if his throat was closing up or if that was his imagination.

"Know what?" Skyler asked innocently as if it wasn't glaringly obvious. She was thumbing through some muggle magazine and he had absolutely no idea where she had gotten it from, but it wasn't that important. What was important was that the walls were most definitely closing in on him.

Bram groaned, forcing himself to sit on the loveseat in a poor attempt to calm himself as he braced his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands, letting his dirty blond hair be twisted and pulled by nervous fingers. His voice was muffled on account of being blocked by his hands, but Skyler understood him well enough when he mumbled, "That I'm gay. He knows, Sky, he figured it out. If he can figure it out, that means other people can figure it out, too."

As soon as she heard this, Skyler immediately jumped to attention as her muggle magazine was tossed aside and she placed a hand on his back, rubbing small, comforting circles into the area between his shoulder blades before wrapping her arm around his shoulders and resting her head on his back. "Oh, baby, no."

This was the part of Skyler and Bram that they often kept to themselves. Around other people, they goofed around with each other and traded insults that would make any stranger assume they utterly despised each other, but when it was just the two of them it was clear the love between them ran deeper than anything.

"Hey," Skyler whispers in his hear, neither of them moving from their respective positions, "If Fred figured it out, it's only because he knows you so well, I mean, I figured it out like our third year when you wouldn't stop staring at him, eh? But that's because I've known you since we were wee children. No passing stranger is going to see you and be like "that motherfucker? flaming homosexual." How'd he even figure it out?"

Bram offered a week laugh at this, sitting up and turning around so they could face each other, but she kept a hand braced on his shoulder in a form of comfort. "He was asking why me and you never dated. He wouldn't stop pestering me and I guess I tried to evade it too many times and he asked if I was... and the look of horror on my face must have given it up. I've always been a good liar, but lying to him..."

"I know, Bram," she sighed, "maybe it'll be better now that he knows, hm? Now, there's one less thing you have to constantly hide from him. Maybe... I don't know, maybe it'll feel better like a weight's been lifted?"

"It's not like that," Bram shook his head, "Because what if... what if he hates me? You didn't see the way he looked at me, Skyler, okay? He looked... disgusted. Then I just... ran. I think I just fucked up our entire friendship. Years of friendship over something I can't even change, can you believe that? I should have just never told him, I should have lied my way out of it, but I just... panicked."

Part of Bram still didn't want to believe this was happening. Maybe Fred had been asking if he was something else and it didn't have to mean anything. Except it did mean something, it meant everything. His eyes drifted down to his hands; they were still shaking. He began to wring them out in an attempt to calm himself, but it really didn't do much. He already knew he wasn't going to sleep tonight, this was evidence enough.

"Why don't you talk to him tomorrow? Or whenever you're ready, of course," the girl suggested with a hopeful smile on her face, "Just clear the air. Maybe it was just one big miscommunication. I'm sure Fred doesn't hate you, I don't think that boy knows how to hate people. Plus, if he gets rid of you, who's gonna cover up for all his stupid pranks?"

Bram just scoffed, "I'd like to think he wants to keep me around for a little more than just someone to take the fall for him, really. I don't know if I can bring myself to even look at him, Skyler, let alone have a conversation. I can barely even breathe at the moment."

"Then take your time. There's no time limit for this thing, you talk to him when you're ready and until then I will personally make sure he stays the hell away from you in case he wants to start shit," she nodded, squeezing his shoulder gently.

He actually mustered out a laugh at this, shaking his head lightly at her somehow sweet yet aggressive words, "Thank you, but I don't want to start anything between you and the boys. I don't need a bodyguard, but I appreciate it. I'm sure I can sleep on it tonight and try to get him alone tomorrow or something, I don't even know. I don't know how to deal with any of this, I've never had to deal with any of this before. I mean, when you found out, it just wasn't a big deal because I think the only way you'd ever stop loving me is if I took the dark mark or some shit."

"Which you would never ever do, so it's kind of a bad example, but I guess the point still stands," she joked and it was an obvious attempt to try and force a laugh out of him to lighten the mood and it kind of worked, but laughing right now just felt... wrong. He just shook his head at her softly.

"I don't know what to do, Skyler." The words came out more pathetic and broken than he intended, but the crack in his voice made it clear he felt like crying. In fact, he was mainly just surprised he hadn't cried already. He shook his head, whispering, "I don't know what I'm doing."

Skyler looked at him with love and softness in her eyes, holding his face as she nodded, "I know, Bram, but you take all the time you need to figure it out. Take all the time you need."

He nodded, wrapping his hand around hers, offering a weak, "I'm gonna try my best, I guess. I don't know what else I can do."

"You can go to bed and try to get some good sleep, you deserve it," she offered, a calm smile on her face as she reached up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Come on, I'll head up with you."

"All right, all right," he mumbled as he followed her up to their respective stairs. They bid each other goodnight and he entered his darkened dormitory, all of his roommates already asleep. He breathed a deep sigh and got ready for bed as slowly and quietly as possible as he tried not to wake up anyone else in the room. Even as he got in bed, though, he knew he wasn't going to sleep a wink. So, he stared at the ceiling all night, wondering just how he had gotten himself into this mess.