[Sim Seju]

Mom has always had the habit of calling me in the most abrupt manner, but this time she's going a little too far. It's literally 4am. Why isn't she in bed? Has Dad had another idea of his and does he expect her to back him?

"Hello, Mom, what's the problem?" I ask, still groggy for the rude awakening. "Is is about Dad? Or the boys?"

"Hi, Seju. You don't ask me how I am, right?"

"Mom, it seems urgent, so why don't you just answer?"

"Stop panicking, for God's sake! It's not about your father or brothers, by the way."

"Then, what do you want?

"Why do you have to be so brash, Seju? I just want to ask you a favor, that's it."

Why the fuck does she feel the urge to call me in the middle of the night? Can't she at least wait until the morning? She knows I'm grumpy when someone disturbs me at night.

Usually, I feel more bothered by Dad calling me as I sleep. However, Mom's ambiguous behavior as of late makes me question that. To be honest, I'd rather talk to him right now.

"Seju?"

I sigh. "Yes, Mom..."

"Don't hang up. I need help with a personal matter. A very intimate one. It's about family."

"If it isn't about Dad, Himchan or Daegwang, then who are you talking about?"

Mom hesitates. She doesn't look comfortable tackling this matter. I can imagine her sweating profusely and her hands shaking as she holds the phone. I mean, it can be possible.

"There's this person I met just recently... I met her at an exhibition... Look, she's expecting and I'm the only one who knows."

"Hasn't she told anyone else? Not even her friends, her family?"

"No, Seju, she didn't. She hasn't talked to her family for ten years."

My face turns pale. "What?" I can't imagine being apart from Mom, Dad or my brothers for one year, let even ten! This woman must have a tragic family story for her relatives not to see her even once within such a large time span.

"Seju, the person I'm talking about is Hayley Linn. The woman who opened for your father's exhibition last month." Mom's latest revelation shocks me. How can she not inform me of that? At this point, I could've already contacted Dad for more news.

Mom continues. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to ruin your night. It's that, she needs help and I think you're right person for that."

"But why? She doesn't know me."

She precises. "She knows me and your father, though. This means she'll have more chances of recognizing you. I did tell her something about you, anyway."

"Okay... And how am I supposed to contact her?"

"I'll send you her number. Please call her after 11am, not before. Is that clear?" I don't answer directly. I just nod. She understands and says goodbye, which I return gladly.

I don't have much time for sleeping... I'm supposed to be up again in three hours. Honestly, fuck the alarm. I'll sleep more.

***

"I'll find courage and ask Kevin out! This could be my last chance!" I exclaim, much to my classmates' shock. Everybody has just listened to my rambling. When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?

The others all laugh loudly, except for Kevin himself. Even my so-called friends think I stand no chance with him. However, the most valuable thing Mom has ever taught me is to never give up under any circumstance. Therefore, I'll follow her advice and try.

I take the seat next to him on the schoolbus, on second last row. He's seated by the window, so I have to settle with the one facing the aisle. This means I have more prying eyes on me than he does.

My lips tremble as I wave him hello. "H-hi... How... are you? Nice day, huh?" He doesn't pay attention to me straight away. He's lost in the sight of our school building slowly waning as the bus moves.

I delicately tap his shoulder, but he doesn't notice him until I repeat and clear my throat loudly. He apologizes as he turns to me. "Oh, sorry, I was just thinking..."

Curiosity reaches its peak, so I ask, "Thinking of what? Is it about school?" He nods. I encourage him. "Come on, just let it go! We won't see that building until Monday. I mean, I really need a getaway. What about you?"

He agrees with me and, honestly, I'm surprised. He's well-liked in our year. He has a lot of friends and has a good reputation in the soccer squad. He's also a very hardworking person. I'll be shocked if I find out he has any enemies.

"Well, the squad is going pretty well. My grades are good. I think I can get a scholarship if I keep up. It's that... I'm worried."

I try to reassure him. "About your future? Don't worry, you'll achieve your goals because you're great at what you do. It's me who should worry."

"Why should you, though? You're brilliant. Stop doubting yourself." He has a point. However, there's this feeling I just can't shake. I need to be honest and confess. I can't keep it bottled forever.

"Kevin... There's something I have to tell you..." My eyes linger at him; his gaze meets mine. Unfortunately, it's not the only one. Everyone else rises from their seats, ready to see me humiliate myself.

At this point, I have everything to lose. It's better to go from hero to zero, but with dignity, than to hide like a fucking coward.

"Kevin, I'm into you. I think I've been since sophomore year. Will you go out with me?" I close my eyes as I pronounce those fateful words. I can hear raw laughter, muffled voices, yawns. Who I do not hear is Kevin. I open back my eyes and he's shocked.

The mocking becomes gradually more intense. Even teachers laugh. Peyton Cantrell, the class's straight A student, comments, "Wow, Sim, you've just beat your personal record of embarrassment." Gosh, can't he just shut up?

Bianca Huth, whom I regarded as a good friend, is taking pictures of me sobbing and looking away. I've ruined everything. Kevin will never look at me like before. I'll become a total recluse.

Bianca deadpans. "Oh, poor little thing. Do you really think you stand a chance with Kevin? Come on, Seyu, you know you're shit with guys. Just accept it." How dare she? Maybe it's time I start looking for new friends.

I explode. "It's Seju, idiot!"

Kevin intervenes. "Enough! Bianca, I'm disappointed, honestly. I thought Seju is your friend. Why are you making fun of her?"

Instead of backing off, Bianca retaliates. "Are you her new guardian angel or what? And, most importantly, since when?" She gives me a pointed glare and wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Come on, Kevin, you can do a lot better!"

If I was only weeping two minutes ago, now I'm crying rivers. No-one, apart from Kevin, cares enough about me to defend me. I'm lonely, while Bianca has a whole support squad who cheers her when she posts my abysmal figure on TikTok.

I want to go back home.

***

I wake up, short of breath and with sweaty hands. Kevin Salyer has been appearing in my dreams for the fourth time this month alone. He was my first crush back in high school. We could've been a thing, hadn't it been for the rest of our class, especially my ex friend Bianca Huth.

Now I'm here, mulling over him once again. I wonder what he's up to. We've lost touch since he was accepted to Columbia University. I'm not even sure if he accepted my offer to go out together at least once, since we were immediately separated after this fiasco.

Anyway, I realize it's already 12pm. I have to call Hayley Linn, as Mom asked me to. Maybe she got good references through Dad. I hope she's a good artist and, most importantly, a reliable person.