I knew that I shouldn't be feeling this way.

My family had all but abandoned me, and my mother. I had learned the full truth only minutes ago, not even a full hour yet. My mom had been the only one who had ever truly loved me when I was young. They had done nothing when she died.

The Autobots had done everything.

But this felt so... right.

My grandmother was holding me so tight, it was as if she wanted to make me part of her so she never had to let go. I buried my head in her shoulder and began sobbing, feeling the love in her embrace. She was hiding her face in the hair on top of my head, crying silently, but I could feel her shoulders heaving and chest hiccuping. Her fingers were squeezing so tight it almost hurt. I'm sure my arms were crushing her a bit, too.

It felt so good.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I had just torn myself away from the one I loved. I could feel him staring at me, and because of our sparks, I could feel how conflicted he suddenly felt. I heard Agent Fowler walk up next to us, but didn't say a word. As we embraced, I knew all these things. And I didn't want to let go.

But I did.

Sniffing, I pushed myself away from her, much to her surprise. My arms still gripped her shoulders, but my body was torn from her as I turned my head to gaze at my guardian. I could feel her instantly stiffen, but I didn't turn back around. My eyes found Ratchet's, and when they locked, we remained that way for a few moments. Both staring into each other's blue eyes, where the deepest emotions could be hidden. His face consorted into something I could read as he seemed to search me from the inside out. My lips parted slightly to say something, but stopped. It was a strained moment of eternity.

It was him who tore his gaze away first, clenching his fists and his teeth as his eyes flickered to the ground. My heart fell to my feet when I suddenly felt a strange pull, and a moment later, Ratchet's spark was torn away from mine. I bit my lip, feeling bad that I had made him so upset to have blocked his spark from me. However, my thoughts were brought back to my grandmother when she suddenly cupped my chin with her thin hands and turned my head to face her. 

"Taylor!" she breathed, her eyes still wet with tears. "I'm so glad you're safe."

My gaze turned a bit hopeful as I looked up to her. "You.. you were?"

She nodded furiously. "Of course I was! Your my granddaughter!" She hugged me tightly again, but when she let go, she suddenly looked furious and ready to scrap someone. "They haven't done anything to you, have they?" she said quickly as she looked me over, lifting my arms and turning my head back and forth. "You shouldn't be with these ruffians!"

While Ratchet stiffened, Agent Fowler sighed. "Like I told you, m'aam, she is perfectly safe."

My grandmother turned her head furiously, a hard glare in her eyes. "Why is she with the government, of all things?! She's a teenage girl, and she doesn't need to be involved with some kind of war!" She clutched my arms a bit tightly. 

I opened my mouth to reply, but Agent Fowler seemed to get angry and spoke first. "M'am, when my team found her, she was literally walking alone in the desert! She told us that none of her own would take her in!"

"And you just decided to take her into your army wing, is that it?!" she shot back, obviously not backing down. "You could have at least put her in a foster home!"

"And what made you suddenly care about her safety? You were never there for her when she needed you!" the darker man shouted back, taking a step forward.

"Why, I never-"

My voice seemed to burst in my throat as I suddenly made a loud cry. It wasn't really a word, just a shout. All this arguing, over me, and for what? This is not what I had wanted to happen. Then again, what had I wanted to happen? I didn't even know anymore. All I knew is that I was confused and hurt. Whimpering slightly as tears welled into my eyes, I suddenly jolted out of my grandmother's arms. She made a noise of surprise as I turned sharply and ran right into Ratchet, wrapping my arms around him and bursting into tears. Much to my relief, he almost immediately hugged me tenderly back, though very gently. He kept holding me, and I looked up to him and hiccupped. His eyes were soft and apologetic, before he looked up to Agent Fowler with a firm but tired look. 

"Agent Fowler," he said carefully. "I believe that's enough."

The man blinked in surprise, and effectively kept quiet, gazing at the ground in shame. My grandmother raised an eyebrow at Ratchet and crossed her arms. She studied him carefully, and in that time, Ratchet turned me around gently and we both walked back over to her. By this time, I had abruptly calmed down, thanks to my guardian, and my face was burning red with embarrassment at my sudden outburst. 

"Who is this?" she asked me, though her voice was a but gentler now.

Ratchet took his hand from my shoulder and held it out for her to shake. "Ratchet. I'm the designated medic and field medic of Agent Fowler's... team," he told her seriously, his expression returning to normal, though he was acting very respectful.

She looked at his hand in surprise, before hesitantly taking it and giving it a shake. "Mrs. Smithlock. Though I've been widowed for a short time now."

While Ratchet nodded, Agent Fowler cleared his throat and took a step forward. "I apologize for my.. rash talk," he said before continuing. "As he said, Ratchet, which is his codename, is our medic of Team Prime, a small team I've been assigned to watch over."

Mrs. Smithlock again raised an eyebrow at him. "What kind of team is it? What do they do?"

Both me and Ratchet flinched, but the Agent kept his cool, having dealt with these things before. "I'm afraid that is classified, m'am, but I assure you, your granddaughter is very safe, and well protected."

Now really wouldn't be a good time to tell her I've almost died several times.

"Ratchet has been her designated "guardian" ever since she has joined the team with the rest of our... interns," Agent Fowler continued. "He's been keeping a good eye on her, and since he's a medic, any harm that would have come to her would have been expertly taken care of. He's the best of the best."

Mrs. Smithlock turned her head back to my guardian's holoform. Ratchet, slightly embarrassed, he turned his head away and hid his expression, though at this point, he had put his hand on my shoulder again. My grandmother uncrossed her arms and looked at him with a softer expression.

"Well, thank you for taking care of her," she said with a sigh, walking over and taking my hand. "It means very much to me."

The medic nodded, and Agent Fowler once again took a step forward. "I mean no offense, but we want to know why you have only contacted us now wanting her back."

My heart skipped a beat at his question, though I desperately wanted to know, too. I gave her an anguished look when she didn't reply for a moment, her eyes on the ground. When she finally lifted her head, she had a sad look on her face. 

"My husband... he was never happy with my daughter's marriage arrangement," she began. "Then again, neither was I, and that's probably why my trust in you has waned, but he was so upset about it, he wouldn't accept her back into our home after... well, she had to leave him. It went so far that he wanted none of our own family to get involved with her anymore, even our own granddaughter!" Tears welled into her eyes and spilled. "He wouldn't listen to me, and even after the funeral, he wouldn't accept Taylor." She squeezed my hand and got a bit closer. 

"He died not long after, but.. in my loss, I wasn't really sure what to do. However, after all the things that have happened, the worldwide catastrophe, and now the destruction of Jasper, I wasn't willing to wait any longer.

"Oh, Taylor!" she said suddenly, her voice turning into a sob as she pulled me away from Ratchet into a hug again. "I'm so sorry! I should never have let you go on your own! I always wanted to take you! I loved your mother so much, and I love you! Can you ever forgive me?" she cried.

My lower lip quivered and I buried my head into her shoulder again. "Do... do you really mean that? You really do love me, and want me?" I whispered into her, my own voice shaking.

Her whole body shook as she hugged me and nodded her head furiously. "Yes, Taylor, yes I do!"

Without warning, I burst into sobs right then and there. The words I had wanted to hear for so long, it felt, had just been gloriously given to me. Being taken away from the only family I had ever known had torn me apart. Never being wanted by my own kind, my own relatives, it had hurt so much. The Autobots had made it better, the kids too. But none of it could make up for this feeling. Someone who was my own blood kin loved me. I sobbed terribly into her shoulder, and she held me for a long time, rubbing my back lovingly and kissing the top of my head. This went on for a while, and in that time, it felt like it was just me and her in this entire world.

How I would come to regret that later.

Finally letting go, reality came crashing back to me. Agent Fowler and Ratchet were both giving me anguished looks, ones that made my heart sink. What was I thinking? They had given me everything when I had had nothing, and here I was holding onto something I had never known my whole life. My emotions suddenly did a complete turn around and I bit my lip hard, almost drawing blood. I released myself from my grandmother and wiped my eyes, sniffing a few times, before turning to them.

"Taylor, are you ready to see the house?" Mrs. Smithlock said hopefully behind me. "It's very pretty, and the barn has several-"

It was Agent Fowler who cut her off angrily again. "I don't think Taylor really wants to go to a life she's never known. I'm not sure if I should place her under your custody."

She was suddenly furious again. "Why I never- that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Her eyes narrowed as I walked over to Ratchet and leaned my forehead on his chest sadly. "Of course she does! It's better than risking her life as an 'intern' in the army every single day!"

"Why don't we let Taylor choose for herself," my guardian suddenly said, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and turning me around again. For some reason, his movements seemed a bit forced and harsh. My chest squeezed as I looked over to my grandmother and Agent Fowler.

"I-I.." I really had no idea what I wanted anymore. It was all so conflicting. Why couldn't this be easy? Why did I have this choice? I suddenly just wanted to have everything go back to just me and my mother. I had been happy then, even after my kidnapping. My head turned and I looked up to Ratchet again, my eyes pleading and filling with tears once more. I didn't know what to do. 

I was totally lost.

For a moment, Ratchet gazed back at me with a soft expression. His hand reached down and gently squeezed mine for a moment, and my heart involuntarily fluttered. A choked sob came from my throat and I turned and hugged him quickly. I just wanted something to make me feel good again. Ratchet hugged me back tightly, sighing softly into my hair. For a little bit, we remained that way, and he said something I couldn't hear.

Then, he forcefully pulled me off of him, turned me around, and gently pushed me back into my grandmother's arms.

"She'll be staying with you," he said, his voice neutral as he gave her a serious look. "We don't have much to offer her anymore."

Then it was all stunned silence for the next few moments. 

Both I and Agent Fowler opened our mouths to protest, but Ratchet held up his hand to stop both of us. "It's for the best." He gave me one last look I couldn't read before turning his gaze back to the dark skinned man. "Now, Agent Fowler, it would probably be best if we take our leave." With that, he turned and began to walk away, a stunned and confused Fowler right behind him.

I blinked after them, my mind drawing a blank. My head turned to look back up to my grandmother, who had wrapped her arms over my shoulders. She gazed down at me happily and cheerfully, but when she saw my expression, her face softened into a more gentle smile.

"You can go say goodbye," she told me tenderly. "But come right back." She then gently pushed my shoulders, urging me to go. 

I looked back once, but then my heart began to catch up with what was happening and I took off. I didn't even say anything as I jumped and hugged Ratchet from behind. He started and then stiffened, his hands resting on my arms wrapped around his middle. Agent Fowler had already gotten into Ratchet's alt mode, but we could see him watching from the window. No tears came out as I hugged him tightly.

"Is this really okay?" I said quietly, not daring to look up at him. "What about my spark? I need Energon, too..."

He didn't turn around, his body still hard. "We will send you everything you need. And I'll come by to give you check ups every now and then, if needed."

My throat clenched like I was going to sob, but no cries came. It was like I had run dry. "Ratchet.. I'm afraid of leaving you. I... I need you," I said, whispering so quietly I could barely be heard.

It was then that he did relax a little, his hands gripping my arms a little tighter. "Taylor.. I'm not worth it. I haven't been able to protect you the way I should, but here, you'll live a normal life. Away from all the trouble. Away from me." He began to pull away from me.

"Ratchet, you aren't-" I started, but he then quickly turned around and took my shoulders firmly. Before I could say anything else, he gently kissed my head. It only lasted for a few moments, but to me, that eternity was frozen in time. My breath hitched in my lungs and my heart seemed to stop. The only thing that sped up was my spark, now beating rapidly. If it was him or me, I couldn't tell.

He let go.

He turned.

He left.

I watched him go until I couldn't see him anymore, touching the spot where he had just kissed me tenderly. That should have been the best thing that had ever happened to me. That should have made me so happy, turned me into a blushing mess, like my usual self. 

Instead, that had been a tearing moment in my spark. 

For all I knew, that was the kiss of someone who I would never really see again. 

~

Well, Taylor has some complicated feelings. Hopefully, you got the gist. I hope it didn't seem really fast and chunky. I really tried to get her feelings of confusion and lost in there in a way that would make sense. But here is this chapter.

I hope you all liked it. Sorry its been so long.

*waves*

Oh, also, I'm going to be adding songs to some chapters now. Ones that I think really fit this book.

Okay, now I'm done.