A gentle hand shook me awake, pulling me out of my exhausted and strange dreams. My eyelids opened slowly and I breathed in sleepily as I looked up. My grandmother was softly jostling me, her hand on my shoulder. She was bent over a little over my bed, which was big like the room she had given me. I pulled my arms out from under the pillow I had buried my face in and sat up slowly as she stood straight with a gentle look on her face.

"It's a bit early to be going to bed, don't you think?" she asked with a small laugh as she crossed her arms playfully. "You haven't even had dinner yet!"

I did my best to blink the sleep out of my eyes as I registered her words slowly. It took me a minute to remember what had happened before I had fallen into a restless slumber. Immediately, I rubbed my eyes in case there were any traces of tears left.

"Are you alright?" she asked after a pause, leaning forward to get a better look at me.

I looked up at her with the best smile I could muster. "Yes, sorry," I apologized quickly. "I didn't really realize... I'd dinner soon?"

Grandma raised her eyebrow, a sign she wasn't convinced, but said nothing more. "Well, it should be. But there was another reason I woke you up."

"...Is something wrong?" I asked after a moment. "I made sure I got all the chores done and everything... I think. Did I miss one?"

Her expression lightened again and she chuckled a little. "No, you didn't do anything wrong." She reached into her pocket and pulled out my red phone. "You left your phone in the kitchen. It's been ringing non-stop." She fiddled with it a little before handing it to me.

I took it slowly. "Thanks. Sorry."

"It's alright," she said with a smile. "But who's Miko?"

I jumped a little in shock, glancing down at my phone as the screen turned on. Indeed, I had over ten calls from the outgoing Japanese girl herself. The corners of my mouth turned up a little as my heart involuntarily lifted. "Oh. She's a friend. She was an... intern.. slash... consultant with me, with two others as well." I turned my head to look back at my Grandma.

She shook her head and glanced away. "How many interns do they need?" she muttered to herself before turning her head back to me.

"They were enlisted... kind of by accident," I explained the best I could, swallowing nervously. "Do you mind if I... call her back?" I asked, cursing myself for the childish pleading that peeked through my voice. "I want to ask how everyone is doing..." I felt my cheeks flush a little at the thought of a certain someone.

Grandma stared at me for a few minutes, something unreadable in her eyes. As my heart began to sink, she plastered a smile onto her face and nodded her head as she turned. "Of course you can. Any friend of my baby is a friend of mine." She stopped at the door, grinning the handle gently as she gazed back at me one more time. "I'll call you when dinner is ready." With that, she left, closing the door behind her.

My chest squeezed a little at her words, because I knew that there was little truth in them. My grandmother obviously held Team Prime accountable for the way I acted. She somehow knew I was traumatized, terribly afraid of something. She could see so easily how hurt I was, not only because of fear, but because I missed them. She wanted me all to herself, which, in a way, was both reassuring and constricting. I sighed forcefully as I lifted the phone to my ear after dialing Miko. It only buzzed once before I heard a click on the other end.

"Hi, Mi-"

"TAYLOR!!" she screeched excitedly from the other side. Her sudden outburst made me jump, but I was so happy to hear her voice that tears brimmed in my eyes. "You finally answered!! I've been calling you nonstop for the past twenty minutes!"

A little laugh escaped as I gripped the phone a little tighter and leaned on my bedpost. "Sorry, I fell asleep. Grandma says I left my phone in the kitchen."

"Fell asleep? This early?" Miko asked with skepticism in her voice.

My other hand instinctively reached up to touch my eyes. "Yeah, I had a... stressful day, I guess."

There was a pause over the phone, before Miko answered, "Really?" I only hummed a yes, and there was another pause. "That's not what I expected."

There was something in her voice that I rarely heard from Miko. Standing up, I said, "What do you mean?"

"Well, Ratchet told us that you live there now so that you don't have to deal with so much stress anymore," Miko told me. I could hear her shuffling a little bit. "And Agent Fowler said it would be better for you to live a peaceful life, away from us." She paused a little bit longer. "So... I didn't think living over there would be stressful."

I was silent for a few moments, thinking over her words. In reality, there was some truth to them. The Autobot lifestyle I had been thrown into, that I had accepted, had seemed to tear me up and stitch me up over and over again. Maybe in the beginning, I had stuck to it because I liked it, or was afraid to find something else. Now, I could see myself living here and without the Team, without Ratchet, and actually be okay with it. Yet, at the same time, I wasn't okay with it.

"I do love it here," I admitted. "It's... peaceful. Grandma owns a barn so I have some chores to help her with sometimes, but it's okay. It's... normal." I began to walk over to my bathroom, so I could wash up after I was finished talking to her.

"Oh, a farm?" Miko said, a little excitement returning to her voice. "Are the animals cute? Do you have horses?" she asked after a gasp.

"Yes, we have horses," I giggled as I opened the door and flicked on the light. "I haven't ridden one yet, but they're really sweet."

"Awesome! I'm a city girl, but I've always wanted to live in the country, too." She stopped when she heard me groan. "Is something wrong?" she asked questioningly.

I had found out that my eyes were still a little red from crying earlier, a few tear stains against my cheeks. "No, not really," I answered with a sigh, taking a wet rag and wiping my face with it. "I just look like a mess," I finished with a light chuckle in my words.

Miko laughed a little. "Girl drama, got it. You're not usually one to worry about that kind of thing, though."

I finished and set the rag back on the table. "Well, neither are you," I replied in turn, walking back out of the bathroom and sitting back on my bed. "But... I really wanted to call to hear how you all are doing. You know... the Team." I fiddled with my shirt in slight embarrassment; it was probably obvious that I wanted to know how Ratchet was doing.

Miko, if she noticed, pretended otherwise nonetheless. "Fine, but kind of boring. The last few weeks have been us waiting for Decepticon activity while searching for Predacon bones before they find them." She paused, and a dramatic sigh filled my ears. "So far, the Bots have met hardly any action at all."

I smiled. "Well, that's a good thing! Eh... sorta. I mean, no one has been getting hurt, and I'm sure there's much less stress on Ratchet because of that." Realizing what I had just said, I mentally slapped myself.

There was a choked snort from the other end, like Miko was trying to hold it back. "Yeah, right! Without you around, he's stressing himself silly! You should see him, he's constantly pacing around even when he has something to do!" Her tone was high in laughter, but there was gentleness to it.

My face flushed silly, something that hadn't happened in a little while. Not since my guardian had kissed my head nearly a whole month ago. My hand reached up and tenderly rubbed the spot where his lips had touched me ever so softly. "R-Really?" I stuttered.

"Duh!" she laughed, and I could almost see her putting her hand on her hip. "And I can only imagine what you do when you think about him," she said.

Cry, my brain told her, but I forced to keep the word from parting my lips. I pursed them closed for a minute, my heart speeding up as I tried not to let tears rise again. "I... I wish I could see him."

"Yeah, he has been kinda avoiding you," the teen replied with a huff. "But why don't you talk to him! You have his comm number, just like I have Bulkhead's. Call him!"

I stiffened and shook my head frantically, even though she couldn't see me. "No, no, no, I couldn't do that!! It would distract him from his work!"

She scoffed. "Like I said before, what work? Not much has been going on back at base, Taylor. And besides, I think you both need it."

"W-What makes you say that?" I defended, feigning offense.

"Well, it's pretty clear to me, and the rest of us, that you both really miss each other," Miko explainer. "I mean, I know I would be if I had to live in Japan again, away from Bulkhead."

I settled down to listen what she had to say, nodding. "Yeah, that's true..."

"And it is completely obvious that you like him, so you need to tell-"

"Ohmygosh!!" I yelped as I jumped onto my feet in surprise. Panic flowed into me and I made frantic movements as I spoke, my cheeks utterly heated. "Miko, what are you talking about?! I don't-"

"Oh don't give me that," she chuckled. "It's totally obvious!"

"It is?!" I asked in terror.

"Duh!" Miko laughed on the other end. "I'm sure almost everyone knows by now, except maybe Ratchet himself."

Everyone, my head echoed. I groaned long and dramatically and plopped back into the bed, burying my face in the pillow. And... Ratchet shares a same spark with me, so he knows what I'm- I shot up again when another thought slammed itself into me. He totally knows.

"So as I was saying, you should just confess! You guys would make the cutest couple-"

"Primus, Miko!" I whispered hissed, covering the phone with my other hand. "You don't need to proclaim it to the world!" My entire body was shaking with jitters.

She merely laughed again, obviously amused about this whole awkward situation. "If you won't tell him, I will, and we both know that that would be so awkward he-"

"Aaaah!!!" I wailed, cutting the Japanese teen yet again. "Miko, stop..," I groaned, flopping onto the bed once more and curling up into an embarrassed little ball.

"Everything alright up there?" I heard my grandmother call from downstairs.

"Is that your Grandma?" asked Miko curiously.

"Yes," I replied with a grateful sigh, glad for the change of subject. "One second, please." I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Yes! Me and my friend were just having a... loud conversation, that's all!" I called back, praying that she wouldn't ask anymore questions.

She just laughed a little. "Alright! Well, dinner is ready, so finish up and wash your hands!"

"Okay!" I replied back, bringing the phone back to me ear a little sheepishly. "I actually have to go... Grandma says it's time to eat."

"Ugh, okay," she replied a little dejectedly. "Well, keep what I said in mind, okay?!"

"Alright, alright, I will!" I laughed. A big part of me really wished I was over there so I could hug her tightly, and so she could shove me playfully and keep teasing me. So much of me wanted to be with Team Prime, but the part that was begging me to stay here was pulling me back. I tried to push down the swell of emotional pain in my own heart as we said our last goodbyes. I then hung up the phone and dragged myself out of bed and slowly went downstairs. I put on my best bright face I could when I reached the kitchen.

"There you are!" Grandma explained happily, coming over and giving me a hug. She often did this; perhaps she thought it was a way to atone for never being there for me. Or maybe she thought I really needed it.

In a way, I did.

"Hey," I said with a small smile, giving her a gentle squeeze back. "What's dinner?"

"Oh, just chicken salad today," she replied with a sigh, letting go of me. "I had to head to town, and you know how long of a drive that is."

I did my best to bite back a smirk. She would probably love GroundBridging.

"That's cool," I said, smiling up at her. "Better to eat healthy anyways!"

"Of course!" she beamed. "Now, go make your plate."

I nodded my head as she went to go set the table, turning to the counter where she left the bowl of salad. It smelled very good, and I remembered that I always loved my mother's homemade cooking. A soft smile grew across my face as I thought of her beaming rays of sunshine personality. It took some effort in me not to chuckle at those memories as I opened the cupboard and grabbed a plate. I pulled one plate down, but my brain began to get lost in its own thoughts. I held it out in front of my own face and gently traced the round inside with my finger.

A pale reflection stared back at me. It was a girl with silver hair and olive skin, spots of barely visible freckles on the bridge of her nose. Her bangs swayed a little as she tilted her head, her eyes like sparkling gems of teal blue. Like that of a spark or Energon. Her face twisted into one of fear and anguish as memories flooded back into her. Back into me.

It was like my whole life flashed before my eyes.

And the last thing I saw was Ratchet's holoform leaning in to kiss me gently on the forehead.

But I saw something else.

In his eyes, even though that form wasn't even real, there were tears.

Just like there were tears in mine.

When his lips touched my head, an outburst of emotions were thrust from my spark. But in the vision, it was like they took the form of colored mists and danced around Ratchet. And I saw the same light blue flow out of him and then meet with mine, and they intertwined with one another. 

Then he pulled away. I saw him as he turned and he actually wiped his eyes quickly. The sparkbond began to stretch thin, some of it snapping and falling back into their rightful owners. But one single thread remained even as he drove away.

Whatever this scene was, no matter how magical it seemed, had been real.

The plate slid from my hands and shattered on the floor with a loud crash. An anguished sob thrust itself from the depths of my chest and I buried my head in my hands. My shoulders tensed as I bit my lip and forced myself to only cry silently. I heard my grandmother come in, shouting with distress in her voice, but I wasn't listening. My spark was beating so fast I thought it would burst from my chamber. My grandmother gently took my shoulders, but I didn't turn. I kept crying into my hands for a few minutes longer until I managed to calm myself down the best I could.

"Honey?" Grandma called me gently. "Taylor, are you okay?"

I sniffed and wiped my eyes furiously, not wanting to remain like this. I breathed in deeply before looking to her with deep apology in my eyes. "I'm really sorry... I was just... remembering things."

Her face fell a little bit and she reached out to hug me, but this time, I didn't hug her back. She pulled away after a few moments, a little confused, and I looked up directly into her eyes. I forced the tears down, but I knew deep inside that I was crying out, pleading to her, but not for her to help me.

"Grandma... may I make another call?" I asked, my hand slipping into my pocket and taking out my phone. I gripped it tightly, my fingers beginning to shake. "I... I really need to talk to him right now. And... I think he needs to talk to me."

She raised an eyebrow. "Who? That doctor?"

I nodded my head once, though the tone in her voice stung. "Yes. His name is Ratchet," I said, a little harsher than I meant to. I flinched a little as her eyes widened in shock, feeling guilty very quickly. "I.. I really need to talk to him. I can eat later.."

I had to glance down as silence fell for a few moments. She watched me with heavy eyes, several emotions obviously coursing through her. Finally, she sighed, her hands dropping from my shoulders.

"Alright," she said softly, stepping to the side for me to pass. "Tell him hello for me," she added with a light smile.

Both my heart and my spark jumped inside for joy, and my features immediately brightened. She looked a little shocked at my expression, and even more so when I rushed forward and hugged her tightly as a thank you. I gave her one final squeeze before I turned and raced back up the stairs, still clutching the phone tightly. It was almost funny how quickly my mood changed. 

All because I loved him that much.

I shut the door behind me quickly and raced over to my bed, ruffling the covers under me. My spark was beating so violently, but it felt good. All I wanted right now was to hear his voice. I turned it on and speed dialed his commlink, taking a deep breath as I held it up to my ear.

Maybe, just maybe, I would tell him.

Like Miko, it only buzzed for a mere moment before there was a click on the other end, and before he even said anything, I knew he had answered. My spark skipped a beat and I almost gasped, the rush growing faster.

"Taylor?"

And I immediately wanted to melt right then and there. It felt like I hadn't heard his voice in years. Like this was the first time over such a course of trails, and in a way, it kind of had been.

"Hi, Ratchet," I answered, my voice almost sounding like an utterly relieved sigh.

"Are you alright? Are you in trouble?"

I couldn't help but laugh, surprisingly loud, at how worried he sounded. To be honest, it was like a mirror copy of myself. I had been so worried about him, too, even though I hardly had a reason to be. He hardly left the base anyway. I calmed myself down, but my spark swelled with emotion.

"No, I'm alright," I said with a chuckle, slowly relaxing. "Can I only call you when something's wrong?"

There was a pause on the other end. How I wished I could still feel his spark. I wanted to know why he was keeping our bond severed. "No," he finally replied. "I apologize, I was... concerned about you, to say the least."

My lips turned up into a broad smile, and I wished he could see me. That I could see him. "I get it. I've been more worried about you than ever. I haven't seen any of you or talked to any of you other than Fowler and the kids." I began to fiddle with a few strands of my hair, completely enjoying this feeling.

He hummed in response. "Glad I'm not the only one, then. Was there... something important you wanted to speak with me about?"

I became a little crestfallen, rolling onto my stomach over the bed. "Is it bad that I just wanted to talk to you? You know, like we used to. Ratchet, you.. you have no idea how much I've missed you." I bit my lip as the excited feeling was quickly drowned by sadness from the fact that he had torn himself away from me, and I, him.

There was another long pause before I heard him sigh forcefully, a familiar sound of metal gears turning as he most undoubtedly relaxed. "And I... have missed you as well." 

Once more, my emotions did a complete flip. "You have?!" I said quickly, a slight blush rising to my cheeks.

"Of course I have!" he said almost defensively, before settling down again and clearing his throat. "Taylor.. you are my charge, but... as Optimus would put it, you have turned into something more to me. You're family, and I... I care about you."

It felt like someone was squeezing my chest, making it hard to breath, but it felt so amazing. I wanted to laugh and cry out of joy at the same time. I really, really wished I was back at base, so I could hug him and never let him go. "You... you have no idea how much that means to me," I finally managed to say.

There were a few more noises in the background, and I wondered if he had already gone to his berthroom for privacy. "And it is because of that that I... left. I thought... I was doing what was best for you."

"I understand," I said softly. "I think we're both at fault for our... separation. I was.. too desperate for something I already had in Team Prime. In you."

"So you miss... being at base?"

"No, I miss being with all of you!" I said, my voice raising a few pitches higher as I felt my throat clog up. "Home is where the family is. And I want to come home." I sighed and blinked the tears back. I was not going to allow myself to cry this time.

Another few moments of silence fell after that. Then, I felt something tickle at my spark chamber. I jumped a little when I felt his sparkbond return to me, and my shoulders immediately felt a thousand times lighter. A little gasp fell from my lips as I took it all in.

I could almost feel Ratchet smiling softly from the other side. "I suppose we were both a bit... rash in our decisions." He paused for a moment more. "Do you... want me to come get you tomorrow?"

I almost flew straight up in happiness. "Yes!" I said with a cheerful laugh. "I'll talk to Grandma tomorrow. As long as I show her how much you mean to me, I'm sure she'll understand."

"I will talk to her as well," he replied. 

"Thanks," I sighed, my face a smiling mess. I leaned back on the pillows and forced my body to relax. This time, it was me who established a pause. It was a little funny how we both were struggling a little with this conversation. "So... I don't have to do anything right now. Is it okay if we just... talk for a little while? I miss just... having chats with you."

"Of course," he replied softly. "I do as well."

From there, our conversation became easy. It flowed out of both of us freely, and I knew both of our sparks were connecting with our emotions. It felt amazing, even though it wasn't exactly an extravagant talk. I mostly talked to him about the farm, the few people I had met here, and my new experiences. He spoke about the weeks for Team Prime, though dull, and how his work on the Synthetic Energon was going. It made me a little sad that I wasn't there to share that with him, but the overall feel of just talking to him on the phone blew that away fairly well. His words were gentle and light, and every once in a while he would laugh at something I had said he found amusing. My spark did double backflips when he did so. And I could tell he was enjoying this just as much as he was, and was relieved to not have ruined our bond. 

I hadn't realized how long we had been talking, and didn't really think about how tired I was getting as Ratchet began to be the leader of the conversation. My guardian did, however, notice that my responses were slower and more quiet, and I was yawning excessively. He stopped midsentence and chuckled lightly.

"You should get your recharge, Taylor," he told me. "It is fairly late in the earthly hours."

I hummed in response, not willing to argue. After he said it, I did realize that I was exhausted. I yawned once more before saying, "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then." 

"Alright."

"...Hey, Ratchet?" I added, beginning to nervously tap the phone with my fingers.

"Yes?"

My spark and heart began to thud harshly despite how sleepy I was. I bit my lip and breathed in through my nose before I let it out slowly.

"I love you."

Silence met the other end, and I felt his spark miss a few beats in surprise. Then emotions so heavy I could barely read them slammed into my spark like a brick wall.

"I love you, too."

The phone clicked off, leaving me completely stunned and stupefied. My face and neck burned with heat as I pulled the device away from my ear shakily. My own breathing sounded unsteady as I slowly set it down on the nightstand, chills vibrating up my body. My head was practically spinning as I swallowed and lowered myself down on the mattress. I buried the bottom half of my face under the covers, and after letting it sink in, let out an excited squeal that lasted for nearly five seconds.

Neither of us fell asleep for a little while longer, our bundles of feelings echoing of each other's bond.

~

Girl's feelings are complicated XD.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

LITERALLY

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