Iftia: Lyx Palace, Matrimonial Bedchamber

• Elianna •

Somehow, she had fallen asleep while holding onto Rowan. Now that she's awake again, he was nowhere in sight.

Her hand brushed against the sheets on his side of the bed, realising that it had turned cold with no remnant of his body warmth. Propping herself up on one arm, she peered out of the window and there was no sign of daylight. It was still dark outside and the dead silence remained of every cold wintry night. She tugged the blankets aside and got out of the bed to grab a thick mantle off the hanger. She hugged onto another, the one that belonged to Rowan. Sighing, she knew that this man never stopped making her worry.

Leaving the bedchamber, she walked down the hallway and stopped to ask the guards if they had seen Rowan. Each of them pointed her and guided her path. Eventually, she stopped right in front of an elaborately decorated door which led to a room that she had never chanced upon. Pushing down on the door handle, she quietly opened the door and heard Rowan breathing out a laugh, "Don't you ever sleep?"

"You're not in bed with me," she muttered softly before she noticed that he jumped a little at her voice and turned around to look at her with wide eyes, seemingly not expecting her. She peered into those startling cerulean eyes that were shining in a vibrant shade of blue that never failed to captivate her every single time. Yet, beneath the beauty, she could also see the fractured soul that lay within. She wanted to walk towards him but afraid that she would be intruding him, she wanted to hold him close to her if he would allow it.

"I thought it was Ilias," Rowan chuckled. "Why are you hiding behind the door, love? You can come in."

"Sorry for intruding, I only wanted to check on you," she said, stepping into the room and walked down the gallery to join him at the end. "Are you okay?"

"Come here, love," he smiled endearingly towards her and opened his arms to welcome her into his embrace. As he wrapped his arms around her, he rested his chin on top of her head. He assured, "With you, I'll always be more than okay."

She returned the hug and turned her head towards the large pointing that hung against the deep blue wall ahead of them. It was a portrait of a beautiful woman and a child who smiled widely while settled on her lap. Drawing in a shallow breath, she had recognised the woman from Rowan's memories. While listening to the firm beat of his heart, he also heard him saying, "Mother, Lyra. This is my lovely wife, Elianna."

"Rowan," she whispered his name, unsure what to say as she tipped her head back to face him before looking towards the painting on the wall again. Wiggling out of his hold, she opened up the folded mantle in her arms and draped it across his shoulders. She scolded lightly, "Mother and Lyra would be angry if they saw how much you aren't taking good care of yourself."

"They would be glad that I have a wife who takes care of me," he chuckled softly, tangling his fingers into her hair as he played with the wavy strands. He tugged lightly on her arm and pulled her into his warmth again, murmuring, "Aren't you tired, love?"

"It wonders me all the time that I've grown so attached to you," she laughed lightly, resting her head on his chest and relishing the heat of his body. "I can't sleep without you."

"I'm sorry." He kissed her hair and sighed, "Since I'm keeping you awake, can I tell you a story?"

"Yes, please."

It took him a moment before he began, "My mother was the only daughter to the Grand Duke of Iftia, Valeria Gauthier. She was the kindest and she was different. Unlike any other noble ladies, Mother would rather dirty her hands with paints and chalks than to be surrounded by pearls and silk. Grandfather used to tell me that she would sneak out of the ducal manor and head over to a nearby welfare shelter to spend time with the children there. At the end of the day, Mother would return home with her dress filled with painted handprints. But that made her happy so everyone allowed her to have her way."

Elianna wrapped her arms tighter around his waist and pressed herself closer to him when she heard the ache in his voice. The rawness of his pain had caused her heart to clench and the way his body tremble slightly at the mention of his mother had reminded of her own.

"Unfortunately, not everyone gets all the good in life. Mother simply fell for the one person that she shouldn't have. Gadiel never deserved her, he is despicable. Gadiel was the second-born prince to the previous King of Iftia," Rowan spat his father's name distastefully, filled with resent. "His first-born brother was well-liked by Iftians but he didn't have the ambitions to the throne and didn't know the game of politics. That's why he had fallen into the hands of Gadiel. And Gadiel was always a crafty one, he wanted support from the Gauthier family so he pursued Mother.

Mother was rather simple-minded when it came to love. She fell for his facade of a tender-hearted man, believing that he possessed a heart of gold and placed the needs of Iftians as his priority. Of course, she was disappointed over and again when he welcomed a concubine right after their marriage and left her all by herself within the walls of Nvre Palace. Even when everything was against her, Mother remained affectionate and she reserved all her love for us — Lyra, Matthias and me. Gadiel was a man who saw nothing but power, he never truly loved Mother because, just like him, she was ungifted. Therefore, he regarded that she served no purpose to him in his rule.

Amongst his three children, Gadiel was the harshest to me. All because I was the first-born which explained all the poisons I was fed and the unpleasantness that I had to go through as a child. No one pitied me, except for Mother. She loved me with the whole of her heart and everything that happened to me always broke her heart. She was always in tears, in the same manner, that I'm causing you to cry at this moment."

Elianna remembered everything that happened to him and every horrible recording that was filed in his medical records. She sniffled as Rowan adjusted her to face him. Kissing the corner of her eyes and taking away her tears, he asked softly, "Should I stop here?"

Words wouldn't form at the tip of her tongue but she shook her head to urge him to continue. She held her gaze firmly into his and watched how those jewelled-blue eyes shimmered under the rays of moonlight that flooded through the large expanse of the windows. This night, they looked exceptionally vulnerable.

A slight smile and a sigh, he continued, "Everything between us changed when Lyra and Matthias turned nine. Do you know about the ancient ritual that Wynston wanted to do to Elizabeth and you?"

"Only a little," Elianna responded, feeling uneasy. "I only knew that it can only be completed when we're nine."

"The age matters and it can only be done at ages where nine is present in the numerical count of age. That was the reason why Wynston attempted again when both of you were nineteen."

"Why nine?"

"Written in the ancient text, nine is the number that represents the gift of spirit. It is an important number representing faith, miracles and prophecy. This is exactly why children in this realm were only gifted at the age of nine."

Elianna dropped her head low and asked in hushed tones, "Something happened to Matthias when he turned nine, right?"

"Yes," Rowan responded, sounding grave. "The conditions of the ancient ritual included birthdates and blood. Matthias and Lyra were born on the same day and unfortunately also bonded by blood."

"Don't tell me..."

"It happened," Rowan exhaled. "Silvestra succeeded. She drained every bit of magic and life force from my little sister and Matthias was the receiver."

At this mention, Elianna stiffened when she recalled Matthias' oddness when she mentioned about herself and Elizabeth to him. She waited for Rowan to continue with her heart pounding painfully against her chest. She ached — heartbroken for the three of them who were trapped in this unfortunate twist of fate. His voice cracked a little and he mentioned excruciatingly, "The night I lost my sister, I lost my mother too. I was gifted with such a powerful gift but I froze at the sight of their death before my eyes. I couldn't exact my revenge. Not when amidst my rage, I saw Matthias' fearful expression as he looked towards me and his small body trembled so violently.

I couldn't kill my mother's murderer, especially not in front of Matthias. So, I drew her gift and forcefully held onto it. All those nightmares you witnessed were her attempts to claims all that's hers back. I know I couldn't hold onto them forever, not when each time I had to struggle harder to prevent her from regaining her gift.

And I know. I know that other than myself, this whole thing hurt Matthias tremendously. He didn't choose to kill Lyra, he didn't choose this life for himself and it took me a long time to reconcile with him because I couldn't face him without thinking of Lyra."

Rowan clenched his eyes shut and attempted to swallow all the surfacing hurt. His fingers turned cold against her skin and she felt him shaking when he spoke, "I couldn't be there for him when I was also struggling with my own grief. I could never forgive Silvestra but the only thing that's stopping me from killing her was Matthias. Even when I hated his mother, my brother had nothing to do with her. My brother will always be my brother. Matthias will always be the kind and warm person who loved each of us with the whole of his heart. Though, if I killed Silvestra, Matthias and I would never be the same."

He rested his head on her shoulder and her heart shattered the moment she felt his tears drenching through the thin material of her nightgown. Rowan was trying his hardest to contain his emotions and she gently combed her fingers through his hair and whispered, "Rowan, I am your wife. No matter what kind of feelings you bear in your heart, including your pain, I will also bear half of it for you. Even without Mother and Lyra, you still have us and everyone in Lyx. You have me and you'll never be alone. Please cry, you're safe with me."

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my heart hurts for all of them.

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