Hey guys// I've mixed in some thirteen reasons why into this imagine// Newt is suicidal in this so please read with caution and stay safe. I love each and every one of you💙 -Izzy

This imagine is modern day and you are Newt's girlfriend.

After a long day at school you dump your bag on your bedroom floor and collapse onto your bed. Today had been hard. Your boyfriend had been acting up,you felt helpless... he was suffering and there was nothing you could do to help him. You couldn't loose him,you weren't ready.

//

After a long day at school Newt walked into the counsellors office with a weak smile. He knew he needed help and he was giving life one last try.

"I was glad to see you on my calendar." Counsellor Janson smiles as Newt takes a seat.

"Why?"

"I'm just glad that you made an appointment to come and talk... so,what's on your heart today?"

"Well... just everything I guess." Newt plays with his hands as the phone buzzes. Counsellor Janson slams it down and turns back to Newt.

"So everything? Everything is a lot. Why don't we start with how you're feeling right now?"

"Right now? Lost,I guess. Sort of empty."

"Empty?"

"Yeah I don't feel anything. I don't care anymore."

"You don't care about what?"

"About anything... school,myself,the people here... the people I love. I care about them but I'm not who they need me to be." The phone rings again "you can get that if you want."

"No. Listen,what about your girlfriend? I've seen you two around and you seem very good together."

"I don't think she cares... actually, Y/N hates me."

"I don't think Y/N hates you. I don't think she's the type of person who could hate anyone."

"It doesn't mater what you say,I won't believe it."

"Never mind-" Newt shakes his head. This was pointless. "I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry."

"Newt. Stay,just help me out a little. When you leave this office,how would you like things to be different for you,Newt?"

"I don't know... I... I'm not sure what I'm expecting."

"Newt,it sounds like there's something that you need that you're not getting. So let's start there?"

Newt nods,playing with his shaky hands "I need it to stop."

"You need what to stop?"

"I need everything to stop... people,life..."

"Life?"

"Newt... what did you mean when you said you needed life to stop?"

"I don't know."

"Because that seems like a very serious thing to say."

"I know... I'm sorry I didn't mean that... I guess..." Newt sucks in a weak breath "you know what I'm fine." He grabs his bag "thank you Mr Janson. I'm going now."

"No,listen Newt you don't need to be in a hurry."

"I know what I'm going to do. I'm gonna fix this." Newt forces a smile "you helped me realise." He leaves the room and his smile drops to weak sobs... he walked through the empty corridor until he reached Y/N's locker. He pressed his hand against it "Y/N I'll find you." He whispers and heads out of the school building. He knew exactly where he was going now. There was nothing left to say.

//

Whilst on your second page of Math homework you hear your phone go off. It's Minho (who was Newt's adopted brother).

"Minho?" You pick up "hey. What's up?"

"Hey Y/N. Is it okay if you tell Newt to come home now,dinner is ready."

You raise a brow in confusion "Minho he's not here."

"What? He told me he was-" Minho is cut off by a loud scream you hear in the background of the call.

"Minho..." you stand up from the chair as your gut drops. "Minho,what's going on?"

"Holy shit..." is all you can hear him say.

"Minho!" You cry.

"Newt.... newt just hang on." You hear him drop the phone and all you can hear around you is cries and encouragement from his family.

"Newt?" You choke out into the phone,still unsure of what the hell is actually going on.

Everything was a blur on the way to the hospital. A surreal blur. Instead of taking the bus or driving,you ran. Your heart was already pounding and your throat felt like it could throw up gallons of blood. You arrive to see Minho sitting there,face pale with his head in his hands.

"M-" you couldn't get out the words as you fall into his arms. He catches you and pulls you close. Unable to cry,you just cling to him until you eventually gathered the strength to sit on a chair beside him.

"Minho... what happened?"

"He got into the bathtub... slit his wrists-"

As the words come onto Minho's mouth to collapse to the ground in agony,sobbing as you rest your head on the cold hospital floor.

"I couldn't help it..." you cry "I couldn't hold him..."

"Y/N," he helps you up and holds you close "he may have lived. We don't know yet. You know... My dad always told Newt and me that it was our duty as citizens of the world to keep up with the news." He explains "when I was little and in his car... There were always those stories on the radio. Something happens a thousand miles away or right in front of me... Some kind of horror that I couldn't even wrap my head around. But... He didn't change the channel, didn't turn it off. He just kept listening,to face it. Keeping his eyes open."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you'd wanna know."

A nurse approaches us "you can see him now."

You sprint in front of Minho,your heart roaring as you skip the lifts and run up the stairs like your life depended on it.

"You can't do anything!" He cries "it worked out for you! Don't you see that? You can't help me!"

You slam open door 250 and see Newt lying there hooked up to machines. Bandages on his wrists,he was sleeping and he looked at peace for the first time in his life.

"Here," Minho whispers and pulls up a chair,helping you sit down.

You take Newt's hand in yours and start to sob. "Newt? You don't have to fight anymore. If you're worried about then just don't,we'll take care of each other. Go ahed Newt,it's okay. Be peaceful. You don't have to fight. If it's time to go it's okay. I just wanna thank you. For everything thank you." You stroke his fingers and press a soft kiss to his bandage "I love you Newt."

"Y/N..." You can hear Minho's voice break "stop talking like that."

"Newt-" you choke out "you know how to fight. You're gonna make it,that's the hard part."

"Y/N, Minho..." Newt's parents rush in. Newt's dad cradles his adopted son in his arms as his mum collapses down beside Newt's bed "my baby..." She cries and strokes his hair.

"There are too many in here," a doctor comes in and takes your arm,beginning to pull you away.

"Please stop..." You try to wiggle away "Newt..." You grip his hand "so... What is it? The good that comes out of this bad.?"

Even though Newt was asleep,you wouldn't of even been able to hear the response as the door slammed shut between you to as you were dragged out by a doctor. You had to sit in the waiting room for hours until Newt's parents came to join you. Without even acknowledging them,you make your way back to room 250...

Hours later,you still hadn't moved. Your head was laid beside sleeping Newt's chest and your warm hand was still clutched in his cold one. The door opens and you turn around to see Minho,he sighs softly and places a hand on your shoulder.

"Go home and get some rest," he whispers "you must be shattered."

You scoff "you're joking right? I'm not leaving his side,not for anything."

"Y/N," he pulls up a chair and sits beside you "there's a good chance he won't wake up... he lost a lot of blood."

"Why are you so eager to give up on him?"

"I'm not giving up on him. It's his life... we need to accept whatever may happen."

"No..." you sob "I'm not ready to loose him."

"I'm not either..."

"Y/N?"

"N... Newt?" You look at him,your eyes blurry and full of tears. His limp hands which were connected to machines signal you to lay beside him. You manage to squeeze in between the small space as you rest your head gently in the crook of his neck.

"So what is it?" You repeat "the good that comes out of this bad."

He forces a weak smile,his voice was deep and lousy "I think I was dreaming."

"And?"

"You..." his eyes begin to close again as his shaky fingers stroke through your hair "were smiling back at me in the dream."

You let out a shaky laugh and watch as his eyes close. Minho,who was hidden away in the corner makes his way over and   towers over Newt with a gentle smile.

"You don't have to say anything Newt..." He whispers. "It's better now."

*timeskip*

"How's that?" You help Newt sit himself down in his bed. He'd been under surveillance by you and the rest of his family "Minho should be here soon. I gotta go to school,got an essay to hand in. Will you be okay alone?"

"Y/N," he kissed you softly with a sincere smile "of course."

"Love you." You kiss him back.

"Love you too."

You stroke his cheek before walking out to your car and making your way to school. You arrive in no time and storm into Counsellor Janson's office.

"Y/N," he puts down a file he was flicking through "may I help you?"

You wondered if you he could sense the hate and anger in your eyes. Could he even sense anything? I mean your boyfriend told him what he wanted and he let him walk out of his office to his own death.

"Could we talk?" You ask as you take a seat "he pushed me away... I was thinking about how hurt I was and I didn't even stop to think that he was hurting to."

"You mean Newt,your boyfriend?"

"Yeah." You nod "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yes?"

"Newt came to see you the day he tried to take his own life."

"Y/N I don't know what you-"

"You know what I mean. My boyfriend said it well and clear,he's hurting. He told you that things were bad,that he didn't care,that he needed everything to stop."

"I know that you're hurting Y/N."

"Aren't we all?" You stand up "next time... please try to understand before it's too late. Just please,you need to try." You stand by the door,facing away from him. Instead of opening it,you let out a soft sigh and turn around "it has to get better. All of this. It has to get better somehow."

So sorry for the slow update, I've been busy but I'm going to start writing more. Ly guys!