I'm bound to the bed for the next few days or until I'm stable enough to go home.

Mama makes her way to Seattle and when she arrives, she has a near heart attack when she sees me. I only lower my eyes and clench the blanket.

"Mikey, oh my god..."

I take a deep breath and finally just look up at her, my eyes dark because I haven't slept in the past few days. She looks just as tired and I doubt she slept on the drive here.

"Mama," I smile slightly and turn over in bed, ignoring the needle in my arm and the clip on my index finger.

She rushes forward and holds me in a tight hug, tears beginning to swell at her eyes, "I should have never let you go on this trip, god it was so irresponsible of me..."

"Mama, it's fine, really," I whisper, "It's fine, I had a great time while it lasted and even if I did stay at home, it's not like you could have stopped it..."

She sighs as she pulls away and after a moment, I wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I love you, Mama."

"I love you, too, Mikey," she whispers, "What did the doctors say?"

I sigh, glancing away, "They said it started in my lungs, most likely from second hand smoke. It began to spread and created the tumor in my side. That's all they know, Mama, and it's up to us on what we want to do about it. There's surgery which they can't guarantee will help. There's radiation therapy. And there's chemo. They suggested chemo."

I hug my knees to my chest through the hospital gown, "They said I can go tomorrow, on the 8th. But you need to stop smoking... I... I'm so scared, Mama..."

She sighs and hugs me close, comforting my sobs of fear and hate and sorrow. Why did this happen to me? Why, out of everyone, was it me? Why does my life have to be at risk and not someone else's? I don't blame her for smoking even though it was that decisions that gave me this, but I don't blame her. Never in a million years would I.

Mama comes close and hugs me to her chest, hands shaking and tears falling from her eyes.

"This was my fault. I'm so sorry... please don't be scared. I'm here. Patrick and Gerard are here. Pete's here..." I hear her voice crack midsentence but I find solace in her warmth and let her pull me closer.

"I won't let anything happen. I swear on my life."