NGUMITI na lang si Kylo dahil nasaktan siya, pero ayaw niyang ipilit ang sarili. Cailean would always push people away kapag nararamdaman nitong namimilit na, katulad noon, kaya hinayaan niya ito. He let her say it, kahit na masakit.

"May pasok ka mamaya, 'di ba?" tanong niya para mag-iba ang usapan. "What time?"

"By 12, dapat nasa office na ako. Malapit lang naman ang office ko rito. Walking distance lang kaya naglalakad lang ako minsan. Minsan naman, naka-Grab, depende sa mood," nakangiting sabi ni Cailean na umalis sa pagkakakandong sa kaniya. "Kung gusto mo na umalis, okay lang naman. Balak ko na rin munang matulog."

Kylo smiled. Hinila niya pabalik si Cailean sa kandungan niya. "Stay for a while. Mag-stay rin muna ako. We still have time for the challenge, ibigay mo na sa akin 'to, Cai."

Cailean nodded without saying anything. Imbes na maupo sa kandungan niya, nahiga ito sa sofa at ginawang unan ang legs niya. Wala itong sinabing kahit ano, humiga lang si Cailean.

"Wait," aniya sabay tayo. Kinuha niya ang comforter sa kama dahil alam niyang hindi natutulog ito nang walang kumot. Pinatay rin niya ang ilaw sa kusina, sa sala, at iniwan ang ilaw sa balcony, sapat na para sa kaunting liwanag.

Nakahiga lang si Cailean, she was observing Kylo. Ang sakit para sa kaniya na pakawalan ito nang tuluyan, pero kailangan. She's not good for him, she was painfully aware of it. He deserved better than her, someone who would make him feel enough.

Naiisip niya, sobrang swerte ng susunod na nobya nito. 'Sana all, may Kylo!'

Magiging sobrang swerte ng mapupunta kay Kylo, wala siyang masabing hindi maganda. For two years na kasama niya ito, ni wala silang major na away, kaya naintindihan niya 'yong gulat ng lahat kung bakit sila naghiwalay at siya ang naging dahilan.

"Here," ani Kylo sabay patong ng comforter sa kaniya bago naupo ulit sa sofa para gawing unan ang hita nito. "Matulog ka na para mamaya, hindi masyadong masakit sa ulo 'pag gumising ka. Anong oras kita gigisingin?"

Pumikit si Cailean. "11 o'clock."

"Sure," he answered. "Good night, Cailean."

Wala nang narinig si Kylo mula kay Cailean. He actually smiled because he knew how much of a sleepyhead his ex-girlfriend was. Sa tuwing inaalala niya 'yong mga panahong sila pa, kahit sa jeep, makakatulog ito, hindi katulad niya na namimili ng lugar. It even took him a long time to get used to Cailean's apartment. Sa tuwing break time nila noon na umaabot nang tatlong oras, at dahil walking distance lang ang apartment nito sa school, umuuwi sila para kumain at matulog.

Ang nangyayari, tulog na si Cailean, siya naman ay paikot-ikot pa sa kama para lang makuha ang posisyong gusto niya.

As always, he would end up sleeping while hugging Cailean. Kahit na naiinis ito sa kaniya noon dahil palagi siyang nakayakap habang natutulog, wala siyang pakialam. He loved to sleep beside her, hugging her tight, and even burying his face on her neck. The familiar scent of her skin mixed with that perfume was his safe place.

She was and would always be his yellow.

Sa isiping iyon, biglang tumugtog sa isip niya ang kanta ng Coldplay. Kylo started brushing Cailean's hair using his fingertips. Sapat na ang sinag ng kaunting ilaw mula sa balcony para maaninag niya ang mukha ni Cailean habang natutulog.

Her blonde hair suited her well, umikli pa 'yon dahil nga nagpagupit. Cai used to hate short hair because she couldn't tie them. She hated colored hair because it made her hair feel dry, she hated being alone, and she hated being not in control. Now, Cai had short blonde hair, she's living alone in her apartment, and she's not planning anything to control her life.

Cailean became the one she hated the most. She became carefree and he's not sure if it's good or bad. By the looks of it, it was bad. Cai wasn't used to this, but he couldn't do anything.

Noong magkasama sila, she was so happy telling him about the plans she had. Natutuwa si Kylo no'n, pero minasama ni Cailean ang sinabi niya na they should live by the moment . . . and he did that.

Hinayaan ni Kylo na mabuhay siya base sa takbo ng buhay niya at kung ano man ang mangyayari, mangyayari. Hindi niya hinayaang future ang mag-control ng buhay niya, kaya siguro narating niya ang mayroon siya ngayon.

Hindi niya sinasabing mali si Cailean. Walang mali sa pagpaplano . . . pero kung iyon ang magiging dahilan para masira ang kasalukuyan, 'di bale na lang. Mas gugustuhin na lang niyang sumabay sa agos para sa kinabukasan.

Tumingin si Kylo sa picture frame at ngumiti. They were so happy. Wala pa silang problema, wala pang responsibilidad, hindi pa nagkakasakitan, hindi pa nag-iiwanan. That was their first year anniversary and it was memorable. It was simple . . . kumain lang sila sa Mang Inasal ng unli rice dahil pacman nga si Cailean. Kumain sila ng DQ dahil hindi pa ito busog, naghanap pa sila ng mochi dahil curious daw ito sa lasa, bumili pa sila ng cotton candy kasi raw cute, pati 'yong nadaanan lang na candy na parang ngipin ni Dracula, binili.

But the best part of that night was seeing her smile while looking at the fireworks as if it was her first time. That was his Cailean. She was contented and happy with simple things . . . and he loved her for that. But she changed. The catch? He still loved her despite that.

"Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you, and everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow," Kylo sang in a hushed voice, tears streaming from his eyes, knowing that time was ticking. His time was almost up. It wasn't his plan to relive the past and be in love with her over again, but the feeling just came back naturally . . . no, it never left.

He continued singing while brushing her hair. A possibility of no chance at all was higher than Mount Everest. "Your skin, oh, yeah, your skin and bones. Turn into something beautiful. And you know, you know I love you so . . . you know I love you so."

Yes, he loved her so . . . much.

Isang rason kung bakit siya umuwi ng Pilipinas dahil gusto na niyang makausad. Sinubukan niyang umusad nang walang closure galing kay Cailean, kahit na sabihin niya sa sarili na naka-move on na siya, sa tuwing may bago, alam niyang hindi. The reason why it never worked with others. He's still madly in love with her, kahit na nakakatawa ang rason ng paghihiwalay nila. They were too young to know about love and responsibilities. Maraming nagtatagal na high school and college sweethearts, hindi niya alam kung anong ginawa nila. Certainly, mali ang nangyari sa kanila ni Cailean.

He became contented and she didn't.

Masyado rin siyang naging kampante na hindi siya iiwanan ni Cailean kahit ano'ng mangyari dahil alam niyang mahal nila ang isa't isa . . . pero tama rin ang na-realize niya lately na hindi sapat ang pagmamahal para mag-stay ang isang tao. Communication ang kulang sa kanilang dalawa. They weren't able to communicate properly and that became the reason why.

Hindi siya naging open kay Cailean at noong nag-open siya, sarado na ang isip nito. They were perfect together, pero toxic din dahil umikot ang mundo sa isa't isa. Naging rason para mahirapan siya--silang bumangon para sa sarili nila.

All these years, sinisisi niya si Cailean sa nangyari sa kanila.

But seeing how miserable she was now, katulad ng sinasabi nito, what happened to them took a toll on her and yes, she became someone she hated.

Kylo felt bad.

He was blaming her, pero kung titingnan sa way of living and achievements, lamang na lamang siya. He got to do the things he wanted. Naging chef siya, natupad niya lahat ng pangarap niya. Nakapunta siya ng ibang bansa, naging manager siya ng restaurant na hawak niya, nakakapag-travel siya sa iba't ibang bansa kapag gusto niya, at nakakatulog siya nang maayos sa gabi knowing na wala siyang ginawang masama.

He thought she was doing well.

Nakakausap niya ang mga barkada nila at sinasabi ng mga ito na maayos si Cailean, she's happy, she's always partying, she's traveling, she got what she wanted.

Pero mask lang lahat ng iyon dahil ikinakahiya nito ang nangyari, pati na ang sarili. Alam ni Kylo, Cailean became so full of herself during their youth. Sa magbabarkada, ang alam ng lahat, si Cai ang pinakamagiging successful sa lahat, dahil ito ang maraming plano sa buhay.

But she failed.

Everyone else got the profession they wanted. Some of them had families, kids, got married, engaged, and in a stable relationship . . . while Cailean was left alone.

His heart clenched knowing Cailean didn't get what she wanted the most. Nalulungkot siya na hindi nito nakuha ang mga bagay na pinagplanuhan sa kulay itim na notebook nito noong college sila.

The notebook she was always proud of.

Cailean was the happiest member of the gang . . . but unbeknownst to everyone, she was laughing to hide all the pain. 'Tang ina.'

Now that he realized that, Kylo wanted to keep her, but Cailean wouldn't let him. He wanted to hug her, but she's sleeping. Again, time's ticking . . . and Kylo's losing it.

The woman he loved years ago, the woman who unknowingly made him happy, the woman he promised to marry, the woman who hurt him, the woman who made him feel worthless, the woman who made him who he is now . . . was just in front him but was so hard to reach.

"Cailean . . ." he whispered. "I still hold on to that promise we made years ago."

He was just looking at Cailean. Payapa lang itong natutulog.

"Until the very end."

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T H E X W H Y S
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