As I recounted yesterday my foibles in attempting to read book 2 of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, it got me to thinking what sort of questions I would ask if I ever got a chance to interview a vampire.  There's quite a lot I'd like to know actually.  I'm sure this is only barely skimming the surface of my curiosity, but here's a few questions I thought of more or less off the top of my head.  Any vampires out there reading this, feel free to chime in with answers.

1. So... the all blood diet.  That's got to get old after a while.  I mean, I like tacos, but I wouldn't want to eat them every day.  Is there any other vampire food you mix into the rotation just for the sake of variety?

2. Speaking of food, what's the deal with the garlic aversion?  Does it really drive off vampires or do you just think it tastes gross or something?  Or do all vampires inherit a garlic allergy?

3.  That no sunlight thing's gotta be a real bummer.  Have you ever tried applying some really strong sunscreen?  My grandmother has some old home made recipe she swears by.  I can put you in touch with her, if you want.

4. That no reflection thing must be pretty hard, too.  How is it that you vampires don't have constant epic bedhead?  Or, like, smeared blood on your face from your last feeding?

5. So is it just crosses that you don't like or is it any religious artifact?  Because if it was just crosses, you can bet your bottom dollar if I were a vampire I'd be hanging out in some Islamic countries.

6. The whole thing about not entering a house without an invitation, isn't that just good manners?  I wouldn't enter someone's house without an invitation either and I'm not even a vampire.

7.  I imagine those fangs would be kind of a nuisance.  All I know is once in a while I accidentally bite my lip or the inside of my cheek or my tongue and it hurts like the dickens.  Has a vampire ever accidentally, like, bitten off his own tongue or something?

8. I hear some vampires can turn into bats.  That's pretty cool.  But bats are a lot smaller than the normal human size of most vampires.  Where does all that extra stuff that makes up a bigger body go?  Like all the cells and tissues and atoms and stuff?  Are we expected to believe vampires possess some sort of matter shrinking ability?  Because I could be wrong, but I think that defies the laws of physics.

9. Given that vampires vulnerabilities to sharpened sticks are well-known, have you ever considered trying some kind of personal body armor?  You know, kind of like a bullet proof vest, but in this case I guess it'd be a stake-proof vest.

10.  Lastly, I think we all want to know the big question about S-E-X.  We've all read stories about vampires getting it on with attractive young humans, but given that vampire's hearts don't beat and therefore the blood doesn't circulate, how exactly do the mechanics of that work?  Is there some kind of vampire Viagra?  Also, wouldn't vampires' bodies be pretty cold?  That doesn't sound super sexy to me.  Just saying.