Episode 5, Part 2: The Invasion!

"Helloooo! Anyone home?" Blackstar nudged the door to the stage open and peeked inside. The room was dark, lit only by a few blinking lights from the electronics in the background. "Whoa. Spooky."

"We just came back from Lavender Town," Stardust said, "And you find a dark room spooky?"

"Sure I do. Just because I've encountered something spookier doesn't mean that this isn't spooky!"

The espeon sighed heavily. "Here, I'll go in." She pushed her way past him. "Hello! Mew? Are you there?"

The lights turned on suddenly and the entire crew (except Mewtwo) burst out of hiding. "Welcome back!" they cheered. Mew glanced over his shoulder. "Twosie! Get out here!"

Mewtwo rose quietly from the back and sighed. A party hat was glued to his head and he looked very disgruntled. "So you didn't die. That's preferable, I suppose."

Plus and Minus grinned and bounded onto the stage. "Hey everyone! Blackstar's a hero!" The crew cheered and surrounded him. The umbreon blushed slightly under his fur and a happy grin split his face in half.

"We made a cake," Cicci said, "It was a very messy affair, but I'm certain it will all have been worth it."

"So long as someone didn't mix up salt and sugar again..." DJ the charmeleon muttered.

Cicci gasped. "That...that was not my fault, you...you..."

"Cake?" Mew popped in between them and grinned. "I love cake! Where is it? Let's eat it now!"

Although they didn't eat it immediately, eventually the cake was served and they all sat around a table together. Stardust and Blackstar were placed at the head and given a piece of toast. Not a 'raise your glasses' toast, but an actual piece of toast. Blackstar was not very impressed.

After a bit, Mew rose. "Alright! Cake was good, everyone's safe! Now, it's time to get back to work! Everyone..."

An alarm went off. "Warning: Enemy Detected. Warning: Enemy Detected."

"Enemy detected?" Stardust looked to Mewtwo. "What does that mean?"

"One of two things," he replied, "Either Celebi has come to try and force Mew on a date again...or we're under attack." A faint explosion echoed in the distance. "But I believe the second option is more likely..."

Blackstar leapt to his feet. "To the control booth, everyone! I prepared for this!"

"Did you now?" Mewtwo said.

"Of course!" The Umbreon grinned. "Being a mad scientist, I had to be ready in case someone tried to attack me and put me in an asylum! I've rigged the whole place up, fortress style! And the control booth is where all the magic happens!" He hopped off his chair. "Follow me, everyone!"

Mewtwo stared after him. "Well...this will be interesting."

"Do you think we should just, you know, take care of the problem?" Mew asked, "We are Legends and all..."

"Well, you see, I would under normal circumstances," Mewtwo said, "But I have a report on the rising obesity rate in Poke-Park due to inordinate amounts of desserts being left around."

"Victini and I have a movie to go to..." Mew muttered. They stared at each other for a few moments. "You think they'll be okay without us?"

"Original, if Blackstar of all people can defeat Wraith, I think they'll be just fine facing him alone."

Blackstar fiddled with the console as everyone crowded around. "Cameras coming online...engaging lockdown...auto-cannons activated..."

"Auto-cannons?!" Stardust repeated.

"Yep!" Blackstar grinned, "They were having a 'buy one for the price of two' sale and you know how I love good deals!"

"We don't have time for this..." Cicci muttered, pacing back and forth frantically, "We need to prepare for the show! The party already used up all our allotted break-time!"

"Hey now, we can just do the show as we go!" Blackstar said confidently.

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"Simple, like this!" Blackstar smiled. "Hello, and welcome back to the continued special episode of 200 Things NOT to do in Pokémon! For this part of the show, we will be the defenders! Wish us luck!" He tapped in a few more keys on his computer. "Cameras now fully online. Let's see who's come to...oh, it's Wraith again." He hit the intercom button. "Wraith! Get off my lawn!"

The gengar leered up at the exterior camera. "Hello again, Chumpstar! You hit like a girl! No, even better. You hit like Stardust."

Stardust gasped and shoved Blackstar aside. "I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW HARD I CAN HIT, YOU GRUMPIG!!!"

Wraith looked singularly unimpressed. "You tried to slap my face and fell over on your own tail. Face it, girlie, psychics aren't the best at hitting things."

"My cousin's a grumpig..." DJ muttered.

"Shut up!" Stardust snapped, grinding her teeth and glaring at Wraith.

"Yes ma'am! Shutting up ma'am! Would you like some mood music, ma'am?"

"Yes," Stardust said, "that sounds absolutely lovely. Something dark and menacing, please."

DJ nodded and flipped a switch on the control panel. A tense, nerve-wracking theme played over the speakers. Stardust smiled humorlessly at the screen. "Now Wraith...tell me, what do you think your odds are here? Blackstar's made this place a fortress. He alone beat you and your entire army." The music cut out suddenly. "DJ! I didn't tell you to stop!"

The charmeleon grinned sheepishly. "Um...it's buffering..."

"Number 91," Blackstar said, "Background music in real life does not work..."

"Unless you're Team Rocket!" Minus shouted.

"But in that case, so much is already going against you that it doesn't matter," Blackstar said.

Stardust sighed. "Fine. We'll do without the music then." She cleared her throat. So, Wraith, tell me this. What makes you think you can win?"

Wraith grinned. "This time, in addition to my army, I have friends!"

Behind him, two forms swelled into existence out of the shadows. Stardust took a deep breath. "Oh...you did bring friends..."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," a mismagius said, "My name is Hecate."

"And I am Charon," the Dusknior added, arms crossed, "And we've come to settle the score."

"Kekeke!" Wraith grinned widely, "So you see, looks like I'll win this time! With these two by my side, I can't lose!"

Blackstar and Stardust exchanged glances, then burst out laughing. "Can't lose?" Blackstar said, "Don't you remember when that one trainer and his Pokémon beat the crud out of all three of you?"

"Sh-shut up!" Wraith snapped, "I also have my army."

"We have a fortress."

"Oh, well whoop de doo for you, Miss Special."

"Why you...! I'm going to enjoy watching lasers zap you!"

"Er..." Blackstar grinned nervously, "Lasers? I have bullets. Lots of bullets."

Stardust turned toward him. "Well...will those work?"

"Let's find out!" Blackstar hopped up beside her and began pressing buttons. "Three! Two! One!"

An absurd amount of guns popped up out of the ground outside and aimed at the Ghost Trio. "FIRE!" Blackstar shouted. He rose up onto his hind legs and slammed both forepaws down on a flashing button. A hailstorm of bullets and explosions hid everything from the camera, but when it cleared the trio stood unharmed. "Um...what?"

"We are non-physical entities," Hecate said smugly.

"Bullets have no effect," Charon added.

Blackstar gulped. "Well! Um...number 92! Bullets do Normal-type Damage! Be wary of that..."

"Right..." Stardust muttered, "Well then! I don't see what good your iron walls will do, if they can pass through solid objects."

"Nah, the walls are channeling Dark Type energy," Blackstar assured her, "There's no way they can pass through. We're perfectly safe."

Charon floated toward the front door, which was now reinforced with iron and more resembled the door to a bunker than that of a studio. "Knock, knock..." he said and with one punch made a hole right in the center. With both arms, he wrenched it out of the doorway and tossed it aside. Wraith cackled and led his army of ghosts inside.

Stardust and Blackstar starred at the screen. They gulped in unison and exchanged glances. "Um...where did you get the stuff to do all this, Blackstar?"

"Team Rocket..." he admitted, "Mew likes to steal from them..."

"Well, that makes 93!" she said nervously, "NEVER expect Team Rocket tech to work for more than five minutes."

"Well that's really helpful!" Cicci said sarcastically, "Care to explain what we're supposed to do now? Now that your brilliant defenses have failed!"

"Oh, they haven't failed," Blackstar said, "In fact, we've just begun!"

"Kekekeke!" Wraith's grin nearly split his head in two. The lobby was nice, posh even. Fancy red leather seats sat along the edges of the room. Large cushions for Pokémon too big to fit in chairs lay in the middle of the floor. Posters showing Stardust and Blackstar hung from he walls. It was all so...pretty. "Time to mess up someone's day!" He formed a Shadow Ball in his arms and fired it at the ticketing booth, sending glass and sparks everywhere.

In the control booth, Cicci nearly collapsed in horror. "Oh get over yourself," DJ muttered.

Blackstar studied the screen and smirked. "Purrrrfect..." he said in his best feline accent, "Ready, Stardust?"

"As I'll ever be..." she muttered.

"Right!" He gave her a nod and a grin. "You can begin whenever."

Stardust glared at him and took a deep breath. Blackstar hit a button and a flash of light enveloped the lobby as she began to speak in honeyed tones over the intercom system. "Wraith...Wraith...wake up, my child. Come, come with me into the light. We have cake. And pies. And, um, peach cobbler."

Wraith gasped. "Mother? Is that you? I...I haven't seen you since you, oh, you know, stabbed me in the back! Literally!"

Stardust put her paw on the mic. "This is not working," she hissed.

"Keep going," Blackstar encouraged, "You're doing great!"

She sighed. "Wraith, I am not your mother. I am your...guardian angel. Listen Wraith, you must not attack Stardust and Blackstar. In fact, you should leave right now. Come to me, Wraith, and I will..."

Suddenly, another Shadow Ball blew the intercom in the lobby apart. Wraith glared at Hecate. "Hey! That could have been important!"

"Idiot..." she muttered.

Stardust gave Blackstar a look. "I told you that wouldn't work!"

He shrugged. "You had him going for a moment."

"That's because Wraith's a moron!" she snapped, "Number 94, outrageous bluffs only work on people without a shred of common sense. Like Ash Ketchum! Seriously, that kid. Disrespecting the great Gary Oak..."

"Stardust, your fan-girl is showing," Blackstar interjected, "Next plan."

"And what is the next plan?" Marbles asked, nervousness in her voice, "...they're getting closer..."

"Well this one is Stadust's..." Blackstar said doubtfully, "So...care to explain it, Star?"

"Simple!" a sinister grin spread across her face, "We will terrify them out of their minds!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Hecate flew screaming out of the next room and slammed right into Wraith and Charon. All three fell into a heap, right in front of the army. "What gives, Heccy?" Wraith grunted.

"Don't go in there!" the ghostly witch sobbed, "It's too horrible!"

"What is?" Charon demanded.

"It's the...the..."

"The what?"

"THE SHIP-FICS! THE ROOM IS FULL OF SHIP-FICS!"

A gasp of horror went straight through the ghosts' ranks. "I think we'll go around..." Wraith said meekly.

Stardust grinned smugly over at Blackstar. "Ha."

He shook his head. "Only someone as twisted as you could come up with such a devious...mind-bending trap."

"Oh shut up. It worked, didn't it? Number 95 and all that. Ship-fics are scarier than horror ones," she said, "So what about the other hallways?"

"Don't you worry," Blackstar said, "I'll deal with those."

"Oof!" Charon fell backwards and rubbed his face. "There appears to be a force-shield here."

"Hmm..." Hecate's eyes narrowed. "Interesting."

"Hey look, a keypad!" a random ghost said, "It says 'please enter code to unlock the way through."

Wraith floated over to it, grinning smugly. "Charon, Hecate, I got this." He summoned a chill air and a fine layer of mist covered the touchpad. "Ha! The only thing that's been touched is the 'One' key!  So, four letter code, only one number touched, the combination must be '1111'!" He quickly typed it in...and received a very large electric shock in the process.

Blackstar giggled. "Number 96. If you must build a secure facility, don't use combination locks! Use pawprint scanners disguised as combination locks!"

"Out of the way." Charon shoved the now-toasted Wraith aside and drew back a fist. "I'll just smash the thing. That will unlock it!" His punch went right through the control panel and an enormous current of electricity shot through him. He collapsed onto the ground. "Is...is the force-field gone?" he croaked.

Hecate tested it. "No, still there."

Blackstar hit the intercom button. "I didn't design the force field to disappear when you destroyed the touchpad! That would be stupid! Number 97: when the controls are blown, just lock the door! What, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Yes!" the ghosts and Stardust chorused. The umbreon bristled.

"Well gee, thanks guys..."

Wraith rose slowly. "Alright, Hecate, how do we get past this thing? You're the brainy one."

"I can use my powers to create a small gap in it," she said, "But only long enough for you to get through. You'd have to deactivate the barrier for the rest of us to pass."

"Kekeke! So, I get to play Solid Snake, eh? Always did like those games." Wraith nodded. "Right, tell me when."

"If you don't mind," Charon groaned, "I'll just stay here..."

"Sure, whatever, weakling. It's Wraith's time to shine!"

"Well, they're through now," Stardust said, "Any other brilliant ideas?"

"All my ideas are brilliant!" Blackstar declared. She gave him a dubious look. "Well, not all of them...but hey! Charon is gone!"

Stardust sighed. "Well, Wraith already broke the fourth wall, so why don't we do it now?"

"Sure! What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, nothing much," Stardust said, "Just a simple illusion. Something even ghost's fear..."

"Waka-Waka-Waka!"

Hecate froze, a look of terror on her face. "No! They wouldn't dare! Not...not him!"

"Waka-Waka-Waka!"

"I'm getting out of here!"

"Me too!"

"Wait for me guys!"

"Stand your ground, you cowards!" Wraith snapped. But then, a yellow shape rounded the corner. Its jaws mashed together at incredible speeds and it bore down on the invading ghosts. With a universal cry of dismay, the army fled and left Hecate and Wraith to their fate. Both fired Shadow Balls, but they had no effect on the implacable maw. The pair exchanged glances and turned to run.

Stardust stood proudly, one forepaw held dramatically in the air. "Number 98!" she declared, "Pac-Man and Lavender Town do not mix."

Wraith and Hecate ducked into a side room and cowered as the 'Waka-Waka-Waka!' passed them by. "Coast clear," Wraith whispered, "Let's get to the control room of this place before something worse shows up!"

"I agree," Hecate said. Together, they snuck back into the depths of the building...

Plus and Minus danced around Stardust triumphantly. "Yay! Stardust saved us all!"

"Thank you, thank you," the espeon said, bowing, "It was nothing. Really. No need to, I don't know, give me a raise or anything."

In the corner, Blackstar sat crestfallen. "Well, in the end none of my inventions really worked, I guess..."

"Shadow Ball!" two voices shouted from the hall. The door exploded into a cloud of darkness. Wraith and Hecate floated in, anger stamped upon their features. "Hello, kiddies," Hecate hissed, "You've all been very naughty, haven't you?"

Stardust gulped. "Um...Number 99! Never act like it's over if there's still a few minutes left in the show! Or in this case, two numbers!"

"Now..." Hecate said, "What shall we do with you?"

"There are..." Blackstar quickly counted, "Seven of us and two of you! What are you going to do?"

Hecate smirked. "Well, I thought I'd...sing you a song. Perhaps, Lullaby and Goodnight?"

"Forever," Wraith added with a snigger.

"Yes. Goodnight Forever."

"Or!" Wraith said suddenly, "We could press that button over there. The big red one that says 'Warning: Do not Push'."

Stardust glared at Blackstar. "You made a SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON?!"

He shrugged sheepishly. "I couldn't help it. I'm a mad scientist..."

"Then say goodbye, losers!" Wraith shouted. With wicked glee, he punched the button as hard as he could...and immediately received 10,001 volts of electricity. "Ugh...you...tricky little..." He fell unconscious to the floor.

"Buuuuut I never said that was the Self-Destruct button," Blackstar said with a sly grin, "Which makes Number 100: If it says don't push it, then don't push it!" He turned to Hecate. "Now you, please leave. Or else I shall be forced to use my knowledge of Dark-fu on you!"

Hecate hesitated, but then turned and fled.

"So where is the self-destruct button?" Plus asked.

"Oh, it's that tiny little one over there." Blackstar pointed to one that was very much out of the way and inconspicuous. "I put it there so no one would accidently hit it."

Suddenly, Mew teleported in. He landed right on top of the button. "Hey guys! Did you win?"

"Self-destruct in ten seconds," the speakers said in a flat monotone. "Ten, nine..."

"AHHHHHHHHH!!! MEW!!!"

"Eight, seven..."

Mew blinked. "Self-de...uh-oh."

"Six, five..."

"EVERYONE HIT THE DIRT!" Blackstar shouted.

"Four, three..."

Thinking quickly, Mew created a very strong psychic bubble around everyone and waited for the inevitable explosion.

"Two, one..."

Nothing.

"Huh," the computer said, "That should have worked. Maybe my timer is..."

The building exploded in spectacular fashion.