Day: Monday

Time: Just before rehearsal

"Aaaalright everyone!" Cicci, the mincinno crew chief, said over a microphone, "I hope you all had a fabulous weekend, but now it's time to get down to work! We've got a big show coming up!"

"You always say that!"

Cicci looked around, furiously waving her microphone around like a weapon. "WHO SAID THAT?!"

"Aw..." Mew nudged Mewtwo. "Isn't Cicci getting angry ridiculously cute?"

Mewtwo's face remained impassive. "Original. The word 'cute' means nothing to me."

"But what about that eevee in the park the other day?" Mew plopped down on Mewtwo's head and leaned forward to look him in the eye.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Mewtwo said flatly.

"The one you let snuggle up next to you! He even went to sleep and you didn't move him!"

Mewtwo grabbed the pink kitten by the scruff of his neck and lifted him off of his head. "That was because I did not wish to scare him, not because I thought he was cute."

"You were smiling," Mew insisted, "Admit it."

"I will do no such thing."

Mew suddenly felt a tentative tug on his tail. "Um...excuse me? Director Mew?"

He looked down and saw Blackstar with a worried frown on his face. "Oh hey, Blackie! What's up?" He grinned and plopped onto the umbreon's back.

Blackstar paid this no mind. "I can't find Stardust..." He looked worried. "Have you seen her?"

"Nope," Mew replied, "Are you sure she isn't sleeping in?"

"I'm the one who sleeps in," Blackstar muttered.

"You do? I never noticed..." Mew muttered, "Probably since I sleep later..."

"The record being from midnight until nine. In the evening," Mewtwo muttered.

"Hey! I shoot to be the best at everything I do!" Mew said with a grin, "Including procras...um..."

"Procrastination?"

"Yeah, that!"

Blackstar cleared his throat. "So you don't know where she is?"

Mew shook his head. "Nope! Sorry."

"Can't you make a, you know, 'mental scan' for her?" Blackstar asked, "Isn't that something you psychics do?"

"Sure! I'll take care of it for you." Mew turned to Mewtwo. "Twosie, do that for Blackstar please."

The larger psychic glared but didn't protest. His eyes glowed briefly and an almost concerned frown crossed his face. "Hmm. I do not sense her in the building...nor in her apartment...nor in the market..."

"You can scan all the way to the market?" Blackstar said in disbelief.

"We are Legendary Pokémon," Mewtwo said proudly, "Our power vastly exceeds that of a normal Pokémon." He paused. "However, that does not appear to include finding the whereabouts of Ms. Stardust. Sorry."

Now, Blackstar was really worried. "Where could she be? I don't know! I'll check her dressing room!" He dashed off down the hall. Mew fell off his back and landed with an 'oof!'

"I just scanned that location," Mewtwo said, exasperated, "Or did you not believe me?"

"There might be a clue!" Blackstar called back.

"Perhaps..." Mewtwo muttered. Mew rose into the air so they were at eye level, rubbing his tail ruefully.

"Twosie?"

Mewtwo sighed at the nickname. "Yes?"

"Do you think Stardust is in trouble?"

"...it would seem likely that she is in some predicament at this point."

Blackstar burst into Stardust's dressing room and found only an empty box. Well, empty but for one thing. "Ooh! Bubble wrap!" He slapped himself. "Focus, Blackstar! First, check the box." He checked the box. At the bottom, underneath the incredibly tempting bubble wrap, was a note.

"Dear Chumpstar,

As you've probably noticed, I kidnapped your girlfriend! Kekekekeke! Cutie, isn't she? Just might keep her for myself! Whoops, she read that over my shoulder. Her indignant shouting just started up again.

Anyyyyyway, if you want her back, come find her! I'll be waiting~

Lots of Spite!

Wraith, Big Boss of Lavender Town

(And the sexiest thing al...wait, never mind)"

"Chumpstar?" Blackstar said indignantly, "More like Champstar!" He paused. "And... He kidnapped Stardust!" He huffed. "Well, at least now I know where she is... Mystery solved. Case closed." He cocked his head to the side. "Now what? ...I guess I will...report this to Mew!"

Pleased with his own problem-solving skills, he ran as fast as he could to the main stage. "Everyone! Attention!" he called.

"Blackstar, please!" Cicci said, "I just got everyone to work. What is it?"

"Stardust has been kidnapped!" the umbreon declared. Everyone gasped in horror. "By Wraith!"

"Well, we haven't been able to find Plus or Minus all morning," Cicci muttered, "Maybe that explains it."

Mew floated to the stage, reading a piece of paper. "Huh. This says she requested an emergency vacation and won't be back till right before the show." He frowned at Blackstar. "You sure she was kidnapped?"

"Yes! I have a letter from Wraith right here," he insisted, "See?"

Mew took it and read it. A confused expression came over his face. "Hmm...Well, which to believe then? Stardust's or Wraith's?"

Blackstar was nearly frantic. "I don't know! I just want to make sure Stardust is safe!"

"Well, I'll just teleport over and make sure Wraith isn't holding her hostage!" Mew said cheerfully. Mewtwo sighed and grabbed his tail.

"Original, you forget. We have a non-interference agreement with the Ghost-types after that last incident with Giratina. Neither you or I can set foot in Lavender Town without triggering a war."

"Oh, right...Well! Guess it's up to you, Blackstar!" Mew smiled and patted the umbreon on the head. "Remember! You have nothing to lose! Get going, hero!"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh! Should probably tell you a few things first," Mew said, "First, Wraith lives in Lavender Town, so that's probably a good place to look. Second, take this camera with you! You can host the show as you save Stardust. Also, remember this." Mew's expression turned solemn. "What is dead can never die, but you can. So watch yourself, okay?"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Blackstar said, "I'm going alone?!"

"Yep!" Mew said.

"Why?"

Mew put a paw on his shoulder and smiled. "Blackstar, this is your chance, your moment. You get to be the hero this time! Don't worry, you'll be fine! The hero always wins! Just look at my good friend Linkario. Oh, and don't worry about us. We'll have everything ready for when you return! So get out there, rescue the girl of your dreams, and get lots of funny footage doing it!"

Blackstar gulped. "I'm going to be fighting?"

"Only if you can't avoid it." Mewtwo stepped up behind him. "But I'd suggest coming up with some other solution."

Blackstar blinked, then grinned. "Yes!" he said, "Another solution! Brilliant! I will infiltrate the occult town with the power of SCIENCE!" He laughed wildly. "But...why would my brilliant schemes be used on the show? Do you think people will find them funny?"

"Blackstar, Blackstar, Blackstar," Mew tutted, "this is Wraith we're talking about. I doubt you will have much trouble with him. It will be funny watching you two fight!"

Blackstar brightened. "Yeah! You're right! Beating him last time was a cinch! I didn't even have to do anything!" He nuzzled Mew. "Thanks for the pep-talk! I'll gather my things and be on my way!"

Mew nodded and waved. "Have fun storming the castle! Or tower, as the case might be!"

In the back, DJ the charmeleon and Marbles the togetic looked on. "Hey Marbles," he whispered, "You ever get the feeling that they aren't, you know, all there?"

"Sometimes..." she muttered, "Like, oh, right now."

Lavender Town really didn't deserve its bad reputation. Aside from the screams of the possessed, the moans of the dead, and the cackling of the undead, it was actually a very peaceful, idyllic village. Were-mon sightings were at an all-time low and the were-arcanine ones were all but gone. There were only two unsolved disappearances a week and they actually had a tourist troop for the first time in years...but they turned out to be militant exorcists from the church of Xerneas. Unfortunately, they were very easily spooked and soon run out of town.

Blackstar cautiously made his way through the streets toward the town, on the lookout for zombies. Unfortunately, he ran right into some. Literally.

"Paraseeeect..."

He leapt back like he'd been burned as the evil mushroom slowly turned toward him, claws clacking absently. "Gah! Bad childhood memories coming back to haunt me!" He summoned all his courage and...turned tail and ran the other way. Bravely.

"I hate those things..." he muttered to himself, "They've got no eyes...am I talking to myself?" He halted. "Huh. That's weird. Never did that before...Am I going crazy already? Wait, I already was." He paused. "I will...talk to the camera! I'll just act like I'm hosting the show. After all, according to Mew this is the show!"

He cleared his throat. "Hello and welcome to 200 Things NOT to do in Pokémon. Today we bring you a special episode from the field. I have to rescue my co-host, see, and so I've called upon all my action movie knowledge to get the job done. First obstacle..." He pointed to the imposing entrance of Pokémon Tower. "The front door. Wish me luck everyone!"

Two haunters floated on either side of the door, apparently guarding it. He trotted up to them, humming happily. "Hey! Hey you!" the one on the left called, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"I'm a mad scientist!" Blackstar declared, "And I'm here to sell Wraith some stuff!"

"Right..." the one on the right drawled, "Now go away. We're waiting for some guy named Blackstar."

The umbreon's ears perked up. "How will you know when you've seen him? Did they tell you to watch for someone who's handsome, brave, and daring?"

"No. They said he'd be a complete idiot."

Blackstar huffed. "I am not an idiot!" Instantly, he clapped a paw over his mouth.

Instantly, the two Haunter charged shadow balls and aimed them at him. "Thought it was you," the one on the left said, "Nightie, night..."

Soon, Blackstar woke up in a nearby alley. He rose stiffly and groaned. "Number 81," he said, "When acting undercover...don't be an idiot."

Blackstar hid behind the wall of a nearby building. A patrol of parasects ambled past and he shuddered. "They can't see me...they can't see me...they can't see anything." They passed by and he locked eyes on the entrance again. "Right. Let's do this."

He produced a gray headband and wrapped it around his head. "Now I need a box. Ooh, there's one." He dove under a box with a red exclamation mark on the side and crept slowly up towards the entrance. He peered out through a tiny hole in the side. Whenever the guards looked his way he stopped moving.

Suddenly, there was a soft chime from the camera. Blackstar put a paw to his ear and crouched down. "Hello?" he whispered.

"Blackstar, can you hear me?"

"Mew? Is that you?"

"Yep. I've patched into the camera's audio feed."

"Oh, that makes sense," Blackstar said, "Wait...what audio feed?"

"Don't question my reality warping powers, Blackstar!" Mew said, "If I want to make a one-way transmission two-way, I can!"

"Okay. So...did you call to give me any helpful advice?" Blackstar asked.

"Hit the weak spot, don't let the spotlights hit you, and random background fluff, mostly." There was an awkward pause. "So...keep up the good work! Bye!"

"Right..." Blackstar sighed and peeked out from under the box. A horde of ghosts stared back at him. "Gah! How did you see past my perfect disguise?!"

"We can hear you, you know. Get him, boys."

Blackstar sat moodily in a diner with a bandage around his head. "Number 82: Don't call me when I'm in the middle of sneaking around! Now excuse me, I have to go make a mech."

The two haunter guards floated aimlessly in front of Pokémon Tower. It was a pretty boring job. Fortunately, that umbreon had showed up now and they could have some fun messing with him. It was great. After all, being ghosts, they loved messing with people.

A loud 'boom, boom, boom' came from the town. "What was that?" one asked.

"I have no... UNHOLY CR-"

A missile streaked out from between two buildings and slammed into the door. From in between the same alley that Blackstar was so familiar with, a huge, four-legged mech rose to its feet.

"He made a mechanical umbreon?!" the haunter on the left exclaimed, "Who DOES that?!"

"Scramble all reinforcements!" the second screeched. Another missile whizzed between the pair and exploded. "NOW!"

Meanwhile, unseen by any of the ghosts, Blackstar slipped into the tower through a window. He paused to look back at the chaos behind him and chuckled. "Number 83," he said, "If it's big, loud, and explody, it's probably a distraction." He grinned and cracked his neck. "Right! Further up and further in!"

He stealthily crept up the stairs, blending in with the shadows. Ghosts flew past him, frantically hurrying to the front door. Another explosion shook the tower and even more ghosts hurried downstairs. Soon, the entire place was practically empty and Blackstar was skipping up the stairs with a happy spring in his step.

"Ah...this is so relaxing!" he said, "Blackstar, old friend, you're going to rescue Stardust and she'll be so happy! And then I can..."

"Hey! What was that mysterious noise?!"

"I don't know. Let's check it out!"

Two gastlys came around the corner and immediately spotted Blackstar. The umbreon grinned. "Good evening! I'm from Silph Co. and I'm here on an appointment to try and sell Wraith some of our new and improved Silph Scopes. Could you take me to him?"

"Hey Paco! It's that umbreon everyone's looking for? Should we call for backup?"

"Psh. We don't need backup! We'll get promoted for this!"

"But, he's a Dark-type..."

"Oh, I'm much more than just a Dark-type," Blackstar said ominously.

Neither of the ghosts looked impressed. "And what more are you then?"

"I'm awesome!" Blackstar pointed one paw at them and a bolt of thunder shot out from it and struck the gastlys right between their eyes. Instantly, both of them turned to stone. "Ha! The Gorgon Ray! It works! It works! It's...aliiiiiiiiiive!" Blackstar allowed himself a moment of self-congratulatory dancing around in a circle. "Well...not really alive, but it works!" He looked down at the metal bracelet around his ankle. "Aaaand it's out of power already. Brilliant. So I guess that means...Number 84: Always call for back-up." He patted the petrified gastly's head. "Sorry boys. And Number 85: Bring replacement batteries!"

He thought quietly to himself for a moment. "Too late to turn back! I'll just have to use my other gadgets!" He set off again, softly singing the lyrics to the latest pop hit, 'The Pikachu Song'. "~Ai-ai-ai-aai. I'm your little butterfly...~" Shortly, he was at the second floor to the top.

"Fooooolish mortal!" an eerie voice called, "Leeeave now! Leeeeave this cursed place!"

An indistinct, black shape appeared before him and blocked his way to the top floor. Blackstar pulled to a halt and beamed at the apparition. "Hello Marowak! How's the kids doing?"

"Leeeeave this place!"

"Yeah, yeah, got that," Blackstar said dismissively, "Anyhoo, I need to get in there and rescue Stardust...can we just skip the whole battle and get to the part where you let me by?"

"You cannot defeat meeeee! I can only beee defeated with a..."

"Silph Scope." Blackstar pulled one out of his headband. "Got that right here."

"...how did you fit that under your..."

"Doesn't matter," he answered flatly, "Now I can see you. I can hit you. Can we get on with it now?"

"...no..." The marowak glared.

"Oh, um..." He grinned and produced the spirit's one true weakness. "Look! It's a plushie of the Substitute!"

Immediately, she squeed and glomped it. Blackstar smirked and stepped around her. "Number 86," he said, "Plushies are a stupid one weakness. Golden rings of invisibility are much cooler."

He ascended the final flight of stairs. The top floor was dark. The purple fire dancing between the pillars provided the only light. Gravestones lay everywhere, some broken, some whole. One in the corner had clearly been torn up and slammed down on a skeletal arm reaching out of the ground. "Oh hey, it's Buried Alive. You're still there after Red slammed that tombstone down on you. How're you doing?" Blackstar asked.

There was a low moan. "Need...advil..."

"Hmm..." Blackstar took stock of everything he had on him. "Nope. None of that. Sorry."

"Ah, what a pity. You're going to need it."

The umbreon turned. "Wraith."

"Blackstar."

"Wraith!"

"Blackstar..."

"Wra- Forget it! I'm not doing this right now." Blackstar glared at him. "Where's Stardust?"

"Oh, She's..."

"Tell me!"

"Well, she's..."

"NOW!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF YVELTAL, I'M TRYING!" the gengar shouted, "She's..."

"I'm right here," she said. Blackstar looked up and saw a cage hanging from the ceiling. She sat in the floor of it, grooming herself. Plus and Minus sat beside her with a game of checkers in between them. The two of them waved.

"Hey guys!" Blackstar waved back. "What's up?"

"We are!" they called down and giggled.

"Yay! Puns!" Minus cheered.

Stardust huffed. "Leave the comedy to the professionals, you two."

"Yes, Ms. Stardust!"

"How about a cheer routine?" Plus asked.

"We were the champions of the cheer squad back in Forest School!" Minus added.

"SHUT UP!" Wraith shouted. They squeaked in alarm and hid behind Stardust. "Now..." Wraith grinned. "Blackstar, today is the day you and your three friends join me in the afterlife...I'm afraid this has all been a trap."

"It's not a trap if I was expecting it!" Blackstar said.

"It's a double trap," Wraith countered, "We knew you'd expect a trap, so we planned a trap inside the trap!"

"Wow," Blackstar said, "Really?"

"Yep," Wraith replied, "We made a trap-ception. Soon, you will all join me in the great beyond."

"Wow, sounds like a grave situation." Blackstar smirked at his pun.

"Yes, I'm afraid I'm dead serious."

"Well, at least you're in the spirit of things!"

"I like to get a head in life," Wraith said.

Blackstar stared at him. "That's a stupid pun. It doesn't even fit well."

"You're stupid!" Wraith shouted.

"...Fair enough."

"Ugh! Both of you stop it now!" Stardust snapped, "Number 87: Witty Banter is not witty if it's just bad puns!"

Blackstar looked around. "Where's this trap?"

"SURPRISE!" a horde of ghost-types popped out of the floor Shadow Balls primed. They fired at once and...

...completely missed Blackstar.

"WHAT?!" Wraith snapped, "HE DIDN'T EVEN MOVE, YOU MORONS!"

"Number 88!" Blackstar said brightly, "The accuracy of any one group of grunts is inversely proportional to the number of grunts there are. So, with a group this size, I'd say you have about a...0.001% chance of hitting me."

"Yay!" Plus and Minus cheered. They jumped onto Stardust's head and began dancing in circles. "Go, go! Go Blackstar! Go!"

"Well then, what are you lot waiting for?!" Wraith hopped on top of a grave and pointed at Blackstar. "Keep firing until you hit him!"

"But wait, there's more!" Blackstar said, "Call now and for the low, low price of your pride, I'll throw in the one, the only Suck-a-tron 9000!"

"What?" Wraith said, a confused expression on his face.

A portion of the roof blew apart and a giant robot plummeted in. It landed heavily, squashing some ghosts, and raised its Gatling guns and missile launchers into the air. "Suck-a-tron 9000, reporting for duty," it said in a flat, mechanical voice.

Blackstar grinned. "What do you think of that, Wraith?"

The ghost frowned. "So...it's a giant vacuum cleaner and it's going to suck us all up?"

"Vacuum cleaner? Er, no..." Blackstar's grin fell a few millimeters.

"So... sucks in that it is really poorly constructed?"

"No! It's better!" Blackstar grinned wickedly. "It has straws!" Instantly, a panoply of giant straws extended from the robot. It resembled a porcupine more than anything. "Start sucking, Suck-a-tron!"

"Sucking initiated," the robot replied. A whirring sound came from within it and a strong wind kicked up. The ghosts fought against it, but one by one they disappeared into the straws. Only Wraith remained.

"That...what...how...?" The gengar slapped his forehead.

"Wraith hurt himself in confusion!" Plus and Minus chorused.

"SHUT UP!!!" Wraith massaged his forehead slowly. "What even is the point of all the guns?! Why do you need the guns on a robot that's primary purpose is sucking up ghosts through straws?!"

"I like guns!" Blackstar said brightly, "Alright Suck-a-tron! Your job is done! Leave Wraith to me!"

"Affirmative." Rockets popped out of the robot's legs and it shut upwards, smashing another hole in the roof. Wraith glared.

"Was that second hole really necessary? I live here you know," he said.

"No you don't," Stardust countered, "You're a ghost. You don't live anywhere."

"Eh, fair point."

"Um, 'scuse me?" Blackstar called, "Pay attention to me, Wraith! I'm the one you should be worried about!"

"Oh fine..." The gengar sighed and hopped down off the tombstone he'd been standing on. "I suppose it's time for a battle of epic proportions. A struggle between good and evil. A truly...AHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!"

Blackstar grinned and wagged his tail. He spun the canister around his paw and stuck it back in his headband. "Leppa Berry Juice extract! Got to love the stuff! And that's why Number 89 is... 'Straight-up brawls for final battles are boring! Spice it up a little!' "

Wraith rubbed his eyes furiously. "What sort of good guy ARE you?!" he demanded, "That was...that was...actually quite clever."

"What am I?" Blackstar cackled. He rose onto his hind paws, put a forepaw on his own chest, and grinned toothily. "I'm...a mad scientist! Dark Pulse!" Wraith flew backwards, carried upon a wave of darkness, and slammed against the wall. He did not get up.

"Hooray! We're saved!" Plus and Minus cheered.

"Can you get off my head now?" Stardust said icily. They hopped off and looked down eagerly.

"So...how do we unlock the cage?" Plus asked.

"Um..." Blackstar grinned sheepishly, "I guess we could have asked Wraith?"

Stardust glared at him. "There should be a key somewhere around here. Look for it."

"Aye, Commander!" Blackstar saluted sharply and scrambled off to look for the key. "Number 90..." he muttered, "Don't tick off the females...especially Misty...and May Birch...and Stardust."

"I heard that!"

"Yes dear!"

"Don't call me that! We're not dating."

"Would you like to?" Blackstar clapped a paw over his mouth. "U-uh...s-s-sorry, shouldn't have said that...out loud."

Stardust stared at him for a long moment. Plus and Minus looked between them, awkward smiles on their faces. "Get me out of here," Stardust said, "And get me safely home, and we can go on one date."

"Wait, seriously?!" A wide, goofy grin spread across Blackstar's face. "Right then! I'll find that key!" He tripped. "Oh hey! It was on the floor. Imagine that..."

Soon, Stardust, Plus, and Minus were on the floor next to him. "So...do you have another robot?" Minus asked.

"Er...no?" Blackstar's ears drooped. "Should I?"

"Well, how are we going to escape then?" Plus asked, "There are still hundreds of ghosts downstairs."

"Er...details, details!" Blackstar said with false confidence, "We'll just...uh..."

"Does anyone else hear a helicopter?" Stardust asked.

"YES!" Blackstar exclaimed, "To the roof! Extraction is on its way!"