Episode 5 Commercial: Dungeons and Dragonites

Hey you! Yes, you! No, not you. Not you either. You! Yes! You're the person I'm...FOR ARCEUS'S SAKE, I SAID NOT YOU!

Ahem, you there! Good! I have your attention now. Yelling seems to do that. Anyway, do we have a special product for you today! But don't take it from me. Take it from the guy with the soft, sexy voice!

Have you ever wanted to be a high-fantasy hero? Have you ever wanted to impress your friends with just how many people your imaginary friend can drink under the table? And did you ever feel the urge to wield the power of Pokémon for yourself?

Well now you can, good customer, with the new 139th edition of the classic tabletop RPG, Dungeons and Dragonites. Objectively more balanced than any of the last editions which you paid through the nose for. It's better, bigger, and has pictures of women wearing even scantier versions of the armor than before. Because obviously the bad guys will be too distracted to shoot at their exposed flesh.

Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted something more Pokémon related? Well, if you insist. We've now introduced new mechanics for Digi...er, MEGA-Evolution...

WIELD A SWORD! SHOOT MAGIC RAYS! BE THE HERO! FORGET POKÉMON! WHO NEEDS THEM? WE. ARE. HUMANS! WE CAN MAKE ATOM BOMBS AND ICE CREAM! WE ARE THE SUPERIOR SPECIES!!!!

NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME! I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! I...

(We apologize for our employees specist views. Please, enjoy this short video of an eevee batting at a flower as compensation.)