Episode 2, Part 2: Happy Halloween!

(A.N.: The commercial for this episode was actually my response to finding out this story and another of mine had been plaguirized. I knew the perpetrator would read it, so I put it there. However, it is no longer applicable and will not be posted here.)

#31: Don't make an army of Ghosts.

 3...

 2...

 1...

 Mewtwo stepped onto stage, dressed in a lab-coat. "Welcome to 'Taking over the World 101'," he said, "To today's lesson, we will examine the usefulness of Ghost-types in your endeavors."

 Behind him, Wraith and his contingent of spirits circled around Jack and Jason menacingly.

 Mewtwo smiled. "Let's observe, shall we?"

Jack held up three fingers and Jason nodded.

 The ghosts cackled and leered at them. "A human and a lucario," one drawled, "I'm shaking in terror!" They burst into gleeful laughter. A wide burst of electricity from Jack, however, not only cut it short but stunned a third of them as well. They recovered just in time for Jason the lucario to tear through their ranks like a dervish. His glowing, steel claws lashed out an struck any unfortunate to get close to him.

 The ghosts pulled away, cursing in some ominous tongue. A few of them fell unconscious, though not from any visible wound. Jason suddenly felt weak, but his human brother covered him with bursts of lightning he sent raining down from above.

 "Is he...hovering in the air?" Blackstar asked. He rubbed her eyes just to make sure.

 "There's a weak psychic field surrounding him, so...yes," Stardust answered.

 Wraith shot into the air with a grin. "Kekeke! You boys take care of the mutt! The human is mine!"

 "Mutt?!" Jason repeated with a growl. In one smooth motion, he charge, aimed, and fired an aura sphere...which passed right through the ghost and blew out one of the stage-lights instead.

 "Hey!" Blackstar yipped in alarm, "Those are expensive!"

 "You want me?" Jack called, "Come get me!"

 "With pleasure!" Wraith replied. Ghastly energy appeared around each of his hands and he punched them together like boxing gloves. He charged. An instant later, he was thrown back by a burst of psychic energy. The ghost groaned. "Ow..."

 "See?" Stardust said triumphantly, "He's psychic."

 The ghosts all hovered around Wraith. "He took out the boss!"

 "What do we do?"

 "Retreat!"

“Coward!”

“…Say that again, I dare ya!”

“I’ll say it louder! You’re a coward!”

“That’s it! I’ve had it with you! Come here!”

“Hey! Jack and Thana are fighting! Place your bets!”

“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

 Mewtwo smirked. "And so, as you can see, Ghost-types are an unreliable lot. The instant the leader is taken out, they will scatter. Also, they smell. And they look ridiculous. And..." He paused when he saw all the ghosts glaring at him.

“All in favor of creaming him?”

“We are!”

“The let’s go!”

 "Get him!" they said in unison.

 Mewtwo sighed. One instant later, they were all unconscious on the ground.

 "And," Mewtwo finished, "They are all overconfident." He bowed and exited the stage.

"Pfft," Jack scoffed as Plusle and Minum came onstage and dragged the ghosts away, "Featherweights, the lot of them."

 "I know," Jason replied, "That's why I couldn't use Bone Rush and get it over with quicker."

"That, and it would have passed right through them," Stardust said.

 Blackstar grinned. "That was awesome."

 "And you just stood back and watched." Stardust glared at him and his ears drooped.

 "Aw come on...give me a break," he protested, "They're like...chosen ones or something."

Jack chuckled at that, and Jason rolled his eyes.

"Nope," the boy said, "Just guest stars. Anyway, shall we get on with the show?"

"Let's," Stardust agreed, "Play the next two clips."

#32: Never follow a litwick.

Black and White clung to each other, staring wide-eyes at the ring of evil candles circling them hungrily. “Give us your souls…” they hissed.

“You had to try and catch one…” White muttered.

Suddenly, Keldeo burst onto the scene. “Back! Back! Get away from them!” he shouted, spraying water at the ghosts.

“Out of our way, you My Little Pony reject,” a chandelure hissed.

Keldeo stood proudly. “Those who give no respect to God and the laws of justice shall never get past me!”

The ghosts exchanged glances. “He has a point…” one muttered. They sighed. As one, they bowed their heads and closed their eyes. “We thank you, Lord, for the bounty of delicious souls we are about to consume…”

While they weren’t looking, Keldeo scooped the two trainers onto his back and escaped.

#33: Don’t delve into black magic.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Evice cackled. At long last, his evil plan was a success! Cipher would rise out of the backwater region of Orre and rule the whole world!

He grinned down at his long-time opponent, that meddler named Wes. “You fool! I wield the power of Darkrai now! I am invincible!”

Wes sighed and produced a pistol. “Let’s test that theory, shall we?”

Wes used Gunfire! It’s a One-Hit-KO! Cipher Head Evice fainted.

The blue-coated teen examined his handiwork. “Eh, he’ll live. I only shot him once in the big, glowing weak-spot.” He paused. “Why did he have one of those anyway?”

Darkrai appeared next to him. “Eh, contractual obligation.”

 Jason raised one eyebrow, "No kidding; and here I always thought the people who designed all these 'indestructible' weapons of mass destruction, were just idiots."

 "Nope," replied Jack jokingly, "apparently they're all under contract to include at least one weakness, fatal flaw, or exploitable oversight in each doomsday weapon they invent; after all, if their inventions worked more often, villains wouldn't have to try over and over again. Didn't you read the last edition of 'Mad Scientist Weekly'?"

 Jason raised the other eyebrow, "Did you?"

 Jack opened his mouth to explain that he was being sarcastic, but thought the better of it.

"Oh! You read it too?" Blackstar said in delight, "What did you think of the main article?"

Jack did a double take, then joined his brother in the ceremonial raising of the eyebrow.

Blackstar looked between them. "What? I built the machine that brought you here."

 Stardust sighed. "This next clip ought to strike your interest, Blackstar..."

#34: Don’t cackle evilly, despite it being a proven stress reliever.

Cyrus cursed as he ran through the shattered landscape of the Reverse World. His plan had almost worked! A few more seconds and he would have had the power of Giratina in his possession! But then, he had decided to laugh and it had distracted him at just the critical moment. But really now, he reflected grimly, who would have expected Diamond to throw a Master Ball at the Ghost King? It’s not like there had been any point along the way where he could have gotten one!

Oh wait…

“Curse you, Sakuraaaaaai!”

"I know a certain author," Jack said, looking pointedly at the camera, "who does that all the time."

 Jason sighed, "And there goes the fourth wall; I was beginning to hope you could leave it intact for a while."

Stardust shrugged. "Eh, it gives Yveltal more opportunities for community service."

 "He blew up Sky Tower," Blackstar explained, "Rayquaza was TICKED,"

"Of course," Jason deadpanned, "That makes perfect sense; roll the next set of clips please."

#35: Don’t spend forever picking out your costume.

“Dawn, would you please hurry up?” Lucas pled, “My legs are starting to go numb from standing here too long!”

“One more thing!” she called. He sighed and leaned against the wall glumly. But when she emerged in an absolutely stunning white dress, all his tiredness vanished. She giggled and spun around in a circle. “Like it?”

“Uh, yeah! A lot, actually.” He smiled and offered her his arm. “You look just like a princess. Now we’d better get going…Barry’s party is going to start soon and I don’t want to be fined for being late.”

#36: Don’t be a vampire!

“So…” Ash said, “Are we going to only be able to travel by night now?”

Misty glanced over at him. “Why would we do that?”

Ash grinned nervously. “You know…because you’re now a…”

“Ash!” Misty shouted in exasperation, “For the last time! I’m not a vampire! It was a blood drive! It goes to help people in the hospital!”

Ash frowned. “I thought only Pokémon went to the hospital here…I mean, Team Rocket survives blasting off every time we see them and they’re just fine.”

Misty stopped in her tracks and her eyes widened. “Well…crud.”

Stardust looked up at Jack. "You know...you're not so bad. For a human who's not Gary."

"Oh don't get started on him again..." Blackstar sighed.

Jack raised an eyebrow, "Gary, as in, Gary Oak?"

"Yes!" Stardust bubbled, "That's exactly who I mean!"

Blackstar looked at Jack in dismay. "Why? Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Now she won't shut up about him..."

"Is this Gary Oak before, or after he lost to Melissa in the Pokemon League?" Jack asked.

Stardust blinked. "He lost?!"

            Jack raised an eyebrow, "You weren't aware of that? Well take it from me, it was the best thing that could've happened to him; he really improved a lot after that, in terms of character."

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! GARY COULD NEVER LOSE!" Stardust shouted before she turned and ran off-stage.

 Blackstar sighed. "I'll get her. Roll the next two."

#37: Similarly, psychotic murderers are not welcome.

“Prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“Wait, wait, wait! Since when did you all use guns?!” Ash protested, “And knives?!”

James smirked. “Since we remembered that we’re the bad guys.”

Jessie glared. “Now shut up and don’t interrupt our motto again! Now…to Protect the world from devastation!”

Brock sighed. “I guess some things never change…”

“Pikachu! Thunderbolt!”

“Wait!” Meowth protested, “We ain’t even finished da motto yet!”

There was a loud explosion.

“Yep,” Brock said as the trio sailed off into the sky, “Some things never change.”

#38: Also, biological super-weapons that you can’t control are strongly discouraged.

“Alright,” Giovanni said with a slight growl in his voice, “We can try cloning one more time. But this time, I want full assurance that the specimen will not be born with any deep-seated anger issues that highlight to the public that yes, we are evil, but in the end just make it rebel.”

“So…no electroshock therapy?”

The boss of Team Rocket glared at the speaker. “What sort of question is that?! Of course electroshock therapy! We’re still the bad guys, after all!”

Jack looked slightly stunned, "You know, I used to almost feel sorry for those scientists; they were only doing their jobs after all. Now though, not so much."

 "Electroshock therapy," Jason said sarcastically, "The greatest crime since destroying the world for the sake of being a god."

Blackstar and Stardust reentered, though the espeon didn't look very cheerful. "She'll be okay," Blackstar said, "And she'll find a new trainer to obsess over shortly."

Jack and Jason raised their eyebrows in unison.

"Wasn't she the over-cautious one when it came to trainers?" Jason said.

Blackstar chuckled grimly. "Only ones right in front of her."

"Oh," Jason said knowingly, "I see."

            "Anyway," Jack said, "I took the liberty of glancing at the script, and these last two skits should get her mind off Gary."

            "Agreed, sir!" Blackstar said, "Roll the next two!"

#39: If trapped in a haunted mansion…don’t be an idiot.

Red, Blue, Gold, and Silver crept stealthily through the decrepit and decaying building, on the lookout for the prowling ghosts. Somewhere deep within the depths of this mansion, there was rumored to be treasure, Gold had insisted, and think of all the Pokémon shelters they could fund with it! In response, Silver had muttered that there was no way he was giving up good money so that pidgies could eat quality bird-seed. He still agreed to come though.

“Maybe we should split up,” Gold suggested quietly, “We could cover more ground.”

Despite all common sense, they agreed and each of the four went off in a different direction. Within a minute, Gold found the treasure. He also found himself surrounded by a horde of angry ghost-types.

“You have trespassed on our burial grounds! That treasure belongs to us!” one declared as they all began charging shadow balls, “And now you must die!”

Gold gulped. “In that case…I have one last request. Could you tell the homeless pidgies at the shelter that I died trying to make their lives better?”

The ghosts exchanged glances. “Explain…”

And so, Gold explained his entire plan to create a chain of shelters all up and down the Kanto and Johto regions along the pidgey migration routes so that the birds would always have a place to roost in safety, away from all the beginning trainers that wanted to use them for level-grinding.

“Dude!” one of the ghosts said, tossing him a bag of gold nuggets, “Take it all!”

Gold blinked. “Really?”

“Sure! Sounds like a great idea We’re all the spirits of pidgies killed by level-grinding trainers. Well, one in particular…”

“Who?”

“His name’s Gold and if we ever find him…by the way, what’s your name?”

“Uh…” Gold thought quickly, “Leo Orlando Leonardo.”

#40: Just say no to Creepypastas

“Hmm, what’s that odd music?” Red asked, peering around at the gravestones in the top floor of Pokémon Tower. Mr. Fuji’s eyes widened.

“Oh no, it’s him!”

A zombified arm burst out of the ground near the back of the room. “You’re here…” a breathy, wheezing voice said, “I’m trapped…And I’m lonely…so very…”

 In a surprising feat of strength, Red tore a nearby tombstone out of the ground and slammed it down on top of the arm. “Go away, Buried Alive!” he shouted, “You’re not even a real part of this game!”

Jack started to chuckle, but Jason held up his clenched paw as a preventive measure.

 "Alright, alright," Jack said hastily, keeping his face straight, "I'm not laughing; do you hear any laughing? I don't hear any laughing."

 Jason turned to the two hosts, "He can be taught."

"Train a human!" Blackstar exclaimed, "Brilliant!"

 Stardust smiled. "Well, that just about wraps up the show for tonight. Thank you for coming, Jack and Jason."

 "Let's give them a big round of applause!" Blackstar shouted.

Jack and Jason turned toward the audience and took their bows; hamming it up a little by bending at the waist till their bodies were almost perpendicular to the ground. Then they stood and shook paws with the hosts.

 "Thanks for having us on the show," Jack said.

 "Even if it was an accident," Jason interjected.

 "It was loads of fun," Jack continued undaunted.

 "Especially the ghost invasion," Jason finished.

 "Yes," Jack ceded, "Especially that."

Blackstars grin was a little forced. "Oh yes, that was LOADS of fun..."

 "Hmm..." Stardust stared at Jack, "This may seem like an odd question..."

 "Oh goodness..." Blackstar muttered.

 "But may I have your autograph?"

Jack was a little taken aback, but Jason nudged him.

 "Go ahead," the Lucario said.

 Jack shrugged, "Alright."

 A quill-pen and a piece of paper materialized in his hands, and he scribbled down his name in a flowing golden script that looked a little like calligraphy. Around his signature, he drew a magical-looking star, with a different symbol in each of the five points.

 Jack surveyed his work with a smile, "It's been a long time since I've done that. Anyway, here you go."

 The quill-pen disappeared, and he handed the signature to Stardust.

Stardust grinned. "This will go right next to my Gary Oak paraphernalia!"

Jack winced, but didn't say anything.

 "So," said Jason, "I guess it's time for us to head back to our own dimension, right?"

Blackstar nodded. "Yeah...sad to say. It was fun though!"

 Mew appeared right beside them. "You're welcome to come back anytime!"

"Thanks," Jack said, "Although I warn you; we may take you up on that offer sometime."

 "Indeed," Jason agreed, "This was the most excitement we've had in far too long."

 Jack looked thoughtful, "How long's it been since our last journey, Jason?"

 Jason considered the question carefully for a second, "At least five years, give or take."

"Well good luck on your adventures!" Blackstar said with a grin.

 "And be sure to watch the rest of the season," Stardust added, "We have lots more planned!"

 Blackstar cleared his throat. "I'll go start up the machine... I promise it will work this time."

Jack smiled, "Good; well then, Jason, let's go home."

 The two guests stepped back into the machine, and it began to power up.

 "Oh," Jack said, a sly grin forming on his face, "And one more small thing. Be careful how you use this thing; it may or may not be a time machine."

Blackstar's eyes widened. He turned to Stardust. "CALL VICTINI! WE NEED HIM TO CONVINCE DIALGA NOT TO MURDERIZE US!"

Suddenly, Jack and Jason disappeared from view in a cloud of smoke; when the smoke cleared, they were gone. Stardust turned to Mew, a slightly unnerved expression on her face. “So…Director Mew, if we really did just perform time-travel, how long do we have before Dialga arrives here to blast us all into oblivion?”

Mew thought about it. “About…two minutes, forty seconds.”

“Just enough time to get everyone out and make a run for it!” Blackstar declared, “Everyone! Run as fast as you can! If we can avoid the angry Lord of Time, we will be back next week! And probably with a few good stories to tell… So tune in next time!”

“See you!” Stardust added. She turned to Blackstar. “I’ll grab the food. You grab some money.”

“Sounds good!” he agreed and they both dashed off stage-right. “See you Monday, Director Mew!”

Mew waved. “See you! Have fun playing tag!”

“We’re going to die!”

Mew flew back to where Mewtwo was. “Hey Twosie…I’m going to go watch over them and make sure Dialga doesn’t actually kill them. You know how angry he gets sometimes…”

Mewtwo nodded. “In that case, I presume I will be alone this weekend.”

“Yep!” Mew gave him a quick hug. “Try not to miss me too much.”

“I’m actually looking forward to some solitude for once,” Mewtwo replied.

“Oh admit it, you like having me around.”

“…perhaps…”

Mew grinned. “Knew it! See you later!”

Mewtwo nodded in acknowledgement and the diminutive legendary sped off into the night after Stardust and Blackstar. The clone rose and made his way back to his private den. He took a deep breath and sighed contentedly. “Alone for an entire weekend…” Slowly, ever so slowly, a grin crossed his face. “and I know just what I’ll do with it…”