Episode 2, Part 1: Halloween Begins!

“Welcome!” Stardust said.

“Hi!” Blackstar added.

“Thank you, Blackstar,” she said, “Anyway, as I’m sure you all know, Halloween is fast approaching! So, even though it’s only the second episode, it’s time for our Halloween Special!”

“Yep! And we have a…special surprise.” Blackstar smiled creepily. “Reveal…the machine!”

Sparks flew, smoke poured out, and loud clanging sounds announced the arrival of a tremendous metal contraption. It rose from the center of the stage and sat there, steaming ominously. “This!” Blackstar said with a cackle, “Will bring a very special person here to help us host the show! I promise, it will be quite the surprise!” He bit the lever and pulled it down. The machine rattled to life, almost obscuring the sound of the umbreon’s mad laughter. Stardust rolled her eyes.

There was a flash of light and two figures appeared. The two eeveelutions exchanged glances. “Blackstar,” Stardust said, “I thought only ONE person was showing up…”

"What in..." exclaimed the first figure; a human boy with golden hair and blue eyes.

 "I think it happened again," the second said sourly; it was a regular-looking Lucario.

 "But why are you here?" the human asked of his companion.

 "Better question," the Lucario said, holding up a paw, "Where is 'here'?"

 In unison, the odd couple turned towards the camera.

Blackstar frowned and trotted up to them. He sniffed them both curiously. "Please tell me one of you is Rotom in disguise..."

The pair of guests looked at each other, and then answered in a perfect, simultaneous deadpan.

 "Not unless he knows something I don't.”

 "My name is Jack Storm," the human introduced, “and this is my brother, Jason."

"But you are a human and..." Stardust's eyes widened. "Blackstar! Run! He's a trainer!"

 "What?!" Blackstar leapt back in alarm. "But the machine should have brought ROTOM here, not a trainer!"

 Stardust ran over to it and read the display. She turned around, expressionless. "Blackstar...the coordinates were supposed to be NEGATIVE 203, not positive!"

 Blackstar grinned sheepishly. "Whoops?"

"Wait, hold on," Jack said quickly, "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you were expecting someone else."

 "What gave you that idea?" Jason interjected sarcastically.

 "But," Jack continued undaunted, "You don't have to worry about me being a trainer; I'm only one by name. If you still don't trust me, then think about this; how can I understand every word you say?"

"He can understand us?!" the espeon squeaked.

 "No, really?" Blackstar drawled, “Not like he’s been, you know, talking to us!”

 She hit him upside the head with her tail. "Quick! You caused this problem, you fix it! NOW!"

 Blackstar huffed. "Well unless they are willing to hop back in the machine, there is not much I can do..."

Jason face-pawed, "I think I'd better handle this, Jack"

 Jack opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

 Jason walked over to where the two Eeveelutions were arguing, "Friends, please; calm down, and let me explain a few things."

They both turned to him with wide, slightly scared eyes.

"Is he going to try and catch us?" Stardust asked.

"We're kind of rare and all..." Blackstar said a bit ruefully.

Jason sighed impatiently, "No, he's not going to catch you; trust me, that's the last thing he'd want to do."

"Oh, well in that case..." Blackstar grinned. "Welcome!"

 "Blackstar..." his partner whispered, "He's the trainer's Pokémon. He might be lying..."

            Jason seemed slightly insulted, "I'll have you know, even if we completely disregarded the Lucario Code of Honor, lying is against my Christian principles."

            Blackstar turned toward Stardust. "See? Everything will be fine!"

 She hesitated. "If I get captured, I'm blaming you!"

 "Noted." He suddenly grinned. "Hey! Since Rotom isn't here, would you two like to take his place?"

Jason shrugged, "Sure; we'd hate to leave you hanging. Actually, Jack's done this sort of thing a few times before, but this is the first time I've been dragged into it with him. So, what exactly are you two doing?"

"If they're reviewing fanfiction," Jack mumbled quietly, "I don't know what I'll do."

            "Nope! That's Keldeo's thing!" the umbreon replied, "We're doing a T.V. show."

            Jack mulled it over for a few seconds, then shrugged, "Sounds safe enough…" He then looked around the stage, and noticed Mew and Mewtwo sitting watching the proceedings with interest. His eyebrows went up, and he looked to Jason to confirm that the Lucario had seen it too. Jason nodded, and both of them looked to the hosts; silently requesting an explanation.

Blackstar blinked. "Oh, Mew is our employer." The pink psychic waved cheerfully.

 "Yes," Stardust said, rejoining the conversation, "This is the first show exclusively for Pokémon."

 "We're even filming in Mew's private world: Poke-Park," Blackstar added, "And...you're kind of the first human to visit, so...best behavior?"

            "I think I can manage that," Jack said, calmly accepting his situation, "Now then, shall we get started?"

"Indeed, sir!" Blackstar said enthusiastically, "Roll the first two!"

#21: I will not let Darkrai tell campfire stories.

“And so,” Celebi said with a giggle as she squeezed Mew closer to herself, “Using the power of love, the princess turned all the zombies back into regular Pokémon and banished the evil Lord Tombstone back to the abyss!”

Darkrai glared at her from across the campfire. “That’s wonderful. I had a very nice, creepy story going on and then you and your little boyfriend there…”

“I am not her boyfriend…” Mew protested weakly, “Air…need…air!”

“…messed it all up! And now it’s Victini’s turn! Oh, I can’t wait to see what lovely ending he comes up with!”

“Well…” the fire-type legend said with a grin, “After they were restored…”

(Censored for the sanity of the viewers)

Five minutes later, everyone, even Darkrai, was staring at him in horror, disgust, and terror. He smiled sweetly. “The end!”

Suddenly, Darkrai grinned. “I like this kid!”

#22: In fact, don’t let Darkrai near you at all.

“Halt, villain!” Cresselia called, “At last, I have tracked you down! Now, you shall face my wrath!”

Darkrai didn’t turn. “Oh but Cresselia,” he said, “I have discovered your greatest fear! And with this knowledge, you have no hope of winning!”

“I fear nothing!” she declared bravely as she began gathering moonlight to smite the Pitch-Black Pokémon from the Earth, “And I will stop at nothing to defeat…” She paused. “Is that a…rose in your mouth?”

Darkrai snapped his fingers and a lively waltz began to play. He grinned and stepped forward, offering his hand. “Come, my dear. Let us two creatures of the night whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears as we dance till dawn. The evening is still young and midnight is not quite upon us. Perhaps we will have time for some…other things as well.”

She blinked. “You…can’t be serious.”

“Long have I hidden my feelings, but I assure you that, Cresselia…I love you.” He reached for her. “Now come, embrace your destiny with me! You and me! Both of us together!”

Terrified, Cresselia fled at top speed, Darkrai’s howls of laughter echoing in her ears.

                                *        *        *        

Stardust glanced over at their 'guests'. "So...thoughts?"

Jack was leaning on his brother's shoulders for support, shaking with peals of laughter.

 "T-that's the f-funniest thing I've ever heard," the boy said, getting his laughter under control.

 "I agree," Jason said, completely straight-faced, "Although I dread to think what would happen if Darkrai caught wind of that second one."

 That was all that was needed to set Jack laughing all over again, even harder than before; Jason face-pawed, then propped his brother up against a conveniently placed wall.

 "Pardon me," the Lucario said to the hosts, before slamming his paw into Jack's midriff; none too gently.

 "Oof," Jack gasped, before taking a deep breath and calming down, "Thanks Jason; I needed that one."

 Jason turned back to the hosts, "Please, continue."

Stardust gave them a weak smile. "We should check to make sure he doesn't have spare Poke-balls hidden in his clothes..."

 Blackstar sighed. "No, Stardust, we are not going to make the human do that. First of all, this isn't that sort of show. Secondly, the human just took a lucario's fist to the stomach and treated it like nothing. I don't want to tick him off."

Jack rubbed the spot where Jason hit him, pretending not to hear the Espeon's words, "Hey Jason, are you getting enough exercise? You were hitting a lot harder last time we sparred."

 "Last time we sparred," Jason replied, catching on, "I had to; in order to avoid getting pummeled by you instead."

Stardust and Blackstar both gulped.

 "Um..." Blackstar said, "Roll the next two!"

#23: Even though they live inside objects, spiritombs are not at all related to genies.

Red sighed heavily. This fishing trip with Gold was really uneventful so far. Not even a nibble, he reflected gloomily, reeling his rod back in for what felt like the hundredth time.

A bit of the way down the beach, Gold was skipping stones. He grinned as he picked up a sizeable one. It may not skip well, but at least it would make a good splash!

Suddenly, there was a green flash and a strange, green face appeared in front of him. “Mortal! You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment!”

Gold blinked. “Cool. Do I get three wishes?”

“No! But the world will wish it had never existed! Pain and suffering unlike anything you have ever known shall-wait, what are you doing? Put that down! Don’t you dare! AHHHhhhh….”

Gold tossed the Poke-ball in the river. “Sorry, but I believe Team Rocket already took the spots for ‘mustache-twirling villains’. Go try someplace else.”

#24: Don’t capture legendary Pokémon.

“Red!” Misty stormed up to the Kanto Region’s Champion, mallet in hand. “What is the meaning of this?!”

He shrugged. “Just letting my newest Pokémon out for some air. You know how cooped up they can feel after a while in their Poke-ball, right?”

The Cerulean City gym leader glared at him. “Red…that is freaking Giratina. You don’t let the god of death out in the middle of my city!”

“Why not?” Red demanded, “Why doesn’t he deserve some time in the sun?”

“He just ate Officer Jenny!”

Red looked back sharply. “Point taken. Giratina, retur-” Before he could finish that command, an inky-black wing swooped down and knocked the Ultra-ball aside. On Shadow Ball later and it was a pile of scrap.

Giratina glowered down at them. “You will pay for capturing me, human,” he hissed.

Red turned, very slowly and calmly, towards Misty. “Now Misty,” he said, “I don’t want to alarm you, but I think that now is the time for an ‘expeditious retreat’.”

“A what?”

“RUN!”

                                       *        *        * 

“You don't say," Jason commented.

 "Yeah," Jack agreed, "I mean, who would be dumb enough to even try that?"

 "Well," Jason said, "Legendaries aren't actually gods, you know."

 "I know," Jack affirmed, "But they're so powerful that people think they are; that's got to count for something."

Blackstar giggled. "Who would be dumb enough to even try that?"

"Humans, of course!" Stardust said, "Er, no offence, Mr. Beats-up-lucarios."

Jack nodded, "None taken, Miss Wacks-Dark-Types-with-frying-pans."

Stardust blinked in surprise. "Wait...you saw the first episode?"

 "Either that...or he read your mind!" Blackstar said with a grin, "Another reason to be glad I'm immune to psychic powers!"

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed, "Well, you were thinking about the frying-pan thing a minute ago; surface thoughts are easy to pick up. Sorry."

Blackstar looked sideways at the espeon. "You were thinking about hitting me with that again?"

"Well..." Stardust said sheepishly.

"Never-mind. Back to what we are SUPPOSED to be doing," Blackstar declared, "Now, Halloween is known as a time for dressing up and wearing costumes, so these next two are about that!"

                                *        *        *

#25: Never force someone to cosplay, especially not Silver.

Gold blinked, staring at his red-haired rival in confusion. “Nice, um, trench-coat? That is a trench-coat right? Please tell me you’re wearing something under that thing…”

Silver ground his teeth in frustration and pointed at gold with one of his giant twin chakrams. “Look, I’m only wearing this stupid costume because Lyra and I were playing Truth or Dare the other day! Now, are we going to have our battle or not?”

“Say the line!” Lyra called, “Just do it!”

“What line?” Gold asked.

“Axel’s line! You know, from Kingdom Hearts!”

Silver cursed under his breath. “Fine, fine!” He turned to Gold and, with every ounce of loathing he could muster, said, “I challenge you to a battle, got it memorized?”

#26: No matter what Mew says, don’t have a Star Wars cosplay in the Hall of Origin.

“Why do I have to be Jabba the Hut?” Dialga complained.

“Because!” Mew declared, adjusting his pod-racing goggles.

“Are you implying that I am fat?” the Lord of Time growled.

“Yep!”

                                        *        *        *         

Jack raised one eyebrow, and looked at Mew with something approaching awe. Then, a smile began to tug on the corners of the boy's mouth.

 "Okay," Jack said, "I have to ask; how did you survive calling Dialga fat?"

Mew shrugged and called back. "I bombarded him with cake!"

 "And hid behind me..." Mewtwo added, "I still have a scar on my tail from that, you know."

It was too much for Jack; he burst out laughing again, just as heartily as ever. Jason sighed, and lined up his target.

 "Oof," Jack exclaimed, as Jason's paw connected.

 "You know, Jack," Jason said sarcastically, "If you don't stop laughing so hard, you're going to hurt yourself."

 "No kidding," Jack rubbing the point of impact, "Just you wait until the next time you get the hiccups."

            Stardust cleared her throat. "Anyway...let's continue, shall we?"

"Sure!" Blackstar agreed, "So...these next three, well, they're about death, or the lack of it. See, it's kind of complicated because there's the whole fainting..."

Stardust put a paw over his mouth and glared at him. "Just play the clips, please. You ruin the joke if you explain it too much."

#27: Don’t kill Pokémon.

Wild Weedle appeared!

Go, Articuno!

What will Articuno do?

Articuno used Blizzard!

You caused the second Ice Age!

The Sun is blotted out from the sky!

Ice is everywhere!

Oh, and Wild Weedle fainted. Don’t worry though! He’ll be right as rain in an hour or so!

“Wait,” Latios frowned, “in that case how did I die?”

You sacrificed yourself!

“And me?” Sir Aaron’s lucario growled.

You didn’t die, you were absorbed into the Tree of Beginning!

“And me?” the female marowak from Lavender Town asked.

You…um…well…we’re out of time. End scene!

#28: If I need to climb Pokémon Tower, I won’t go armed with a vacuum cleaner.

Red set the machine aside. “Well, that was easy,” he muttered as he petted Pika’s head. The electric mouse ‘chuuu’ed in agreement. “Now…where was Mr. Fuji…”

The old man appeared suddenly. “Ah Red, so nice of you to visit. I see you made a clean sweep of things.”

The Pokémon Master shrugged. “Well, it works. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to fight my way up here. Again.”

#29: Don’t go around calling, “Bring out yer dead!” in Lavender Town.

Ash did this once when he was trying to find a Pokémon to help him beat Sabrina. As it turned out, all the ghosts thought it was hilarious and complied. Unfortunately, the townspeople didn’t agree. With the dead literally walking in the streets (or break-dancing, as the case sometimes was) in the middle of tourist season, the town’s profits were certainly going to take a hit. After a number of bad puns pertaining to the ‘grave situation’ they were faced with, they decided to take action.

“And that is why,” the mayor solemnly declared, “From this moment forward, there will be a tax on the afterlife. Why? Because we think Pearly Gates and streets of gold sounds like a pretty good deal and we want in on it! So, all you ghosts, pay up!”

From that day forward, ghosts were a rare sight in Lavender Town. After all, you can’t tax what you can’t find!

                                *        *        * 

"I suppose that's what people mean by 'taxed to death'," Jason deadpanned.

 "Hold on," Jack said in mock astonishment, "Do you mean to tell me, that you have a sense of humor?"

"No, but I can fake it."

Blackstar smirked. "I like him. Can we keep him?"

"No," Stardust said, "his trainer might protest..."

"No," Jack interjected, "Not really; his brother, however, would protest heartily."

Blackstar and Stardust blinked. "I think you mentioned that..." the umbreon said.

"But we were a bit...distracted," Stardust finished, "So...care to explain before the last clip of the first half?"

"Long story short," Jack explained, "Jason's family found me as a baby, and adopted me; they raised me like their own son. When I left home to seek adventure, Jason came with me; stuff happened, I had more adventures than I bargained for, and I met a lot of new friends. I became a trainer, primarily because of a misunderstanding, but also because it provided a good excuse for traveling around with a bunch of Pokémon; which, by the way, I didn't even try to keep in Pokéballs until one of them was almost captured by another trainer. They followed me of their own free will, because they were my friends. Oh, and I also have strange and mysterious Pokémon-like powers, that I don't fully understand yet. If you want any more detail, we'll need a commercial break."

"Alright..." Stardust replied skeptically, "Well, one more and then we can go to commercial."

#30: Actually, it’s best if you just leave the ghosts alone period…

“Forward!” Giratina shouted, leading his undead army in the attack, “Crush them all! Bring that miserable human’s soul before me!”

Rayquaza looked up from his game of poker with Groudon and Kyogre. It had been going well, until now. “Oh…wonderful. What’s got Giratina so riled up this time?”

“No freakin’ idea,” Groudon rumbled, “But it’s probably not important.”

“Only the apocalypse,” Kyogre agreed.

Rayquaza grinned at the two of them. “Well look at this! You both agree on something!”

“SHUT UP, RAY!”

                                     *        *        * 

Stardust smiled at the camera. "And once again, folks, it's time for us to have dinner! So, here's a few words from our sponsors while we..."

 "Hold it right there, kekekeke!"

 Blackstar gasped. "Stardust! The scene's not over yet! The army of ghost Pokémon is still there!"

 "Um..." the espeon said, ears drooping, "That's not part of the scene..."

 "So...does that mean they're really here?"

 "Yes, Blackstar, it does."

 "Crud..."

Jack cracked his knuckles, "Well, well, well; it looks like we might just have a fight on our hands. What do you say, Jason; are you game?"

 Jason formed an Auric Bone-Rush in his paws, "Just try not to get in my way."

"Well, you can't exactly expect us NOT to show up on Halloween!" the gengar in the middle said grouchily, "Oi! Eevee-fur-brains! What's the deal with you ditching my man Rotom, eh?"

 Blackstar smiled winningly at the gengar. "Sorry, Wraith. There were...technical difficulties...um...how are things in Lavender Town?"

 "Boring. That's why I came here." Wraith grinned. "Don't mind if we crash your party, do you? Of course you don't! You need a ghost to host a show about Halloween, and I happen to be volunteering!"

 Stardust gasped. "You want to steal our show?"

 "Steal is such an ugly word. Besides, you can have it back later."

"Wait," Jack said, thoroughly confused, "So, are we beating them up, or not?"

“No, no, no, no! Please do," Blackstar said.

"You're a dark-type, you help them," Stardust ordered, pushing him from behind.

"I'd rather not..."

"Coward!"

"Hey now! I resemble that remark!"

"Blah, blah, blah!" Wraith cut them off with a glare. He turned to the camera and grinned. "We'll be right back after these commercials..."