Epilogue

“How’s living in between, Kang Taehyun?”

That’s the question I heard from Hueningkai while we walk on the shore of the Borderline. He’s far as always and I’m behind him but it always feel like he’s speaking beside me. His voice sounds calm and soothing like a closest friend of yours talking to you in the softest possible tone.

“It’s hard and confusing,” I answered. “I need to separate my personal feelings in order to carry out all the wishes without conflict but my last contract made me mess up for real,” I added.

“I am delighted to hear that you were able to experience living in between two different worlds as well as being aware of consequences that your actions did,” he stated. “But Taehyun, my angel, you didn’t fail nor messed up.”

I pause for a second because of the latter line and quick to follow him once again. “I did…”

“You just reap what you sow,” he stated, still in his calm voice. “Humans fate are aligned, I am planting better future for everyone but human’s actions are complex; they are stubborn, they are selfish and selfless at the same time, there are doubts, there are bad decisions, but still despite of these I still wanted to fulfill the fate planned for them and that is to prosper and be victorious,” he pause. “But there is something I cannot control… and that’s human's actions. Although I and the current Black Deity tried to balance the good and evil, human’s complexity will still atop everything good.”

I gasped, “Is that why you there are angels who are wish granter? To help human burdens?”

“No,” he disagreed and pause from walking and so I did. “Wish granters aren’t there to help human, it’s to test human’s capability. Can human be resourceful enough without the divine intervention? How far can human trust the Deity of light and good when things are already dark enough? Wishers— the humans, wishes only for their own good, for their own advantages, and that’s where I will interfere.”

“Then why are you still sending angels to help people? And with conditions? Why are you making things complicated, Deity?” I asked.

“Complicated? I want humans to depend on me, I want to guide humans as much as I can, as much as their willingness to be helped and guided but whenever the condition seems to be impossible and heartbreaking, they will turn their back at me. Why?” I felt a change of his tone and he slowly turns around at me and our eyes meet for a second and I quickly bow my head to avoid the contact.

He continued, “Why are they turning their backs instead of trusting me with their fate?”

“Y-you said you can’t control it…”

“But I can guide them to the right path, Taehyun… But they choose to be selfish and throw me hatred instead,” he answered and he exhaled. “I know you’ve been through a lot and I know your plans.”

I glance at him before looking down again, “Will you allow me to wish once more?”

“Will you trust me this time?”

I bit my lowerlip and starts pulling my finger nail. “I am hurt…” I muttered. “I apologize for not thinking things through… For involving others… I am in agony and I just want to make things right this time, Deity,” I paused and meet his eyes in courage. “Help me once more.”

“Your fate will always be the product of your actions, Taehyun. This time are you really willing to walk back past and change things?”

“I trust you, Deity… Hueningkai.”

I found myself walking in a familiar neighborhood that is under redevelopment. There are abandoned houses due to protests and forced taking out. There are houses that wrecked due to arson and riot.

I stopped walking when I reached the alley, from where I am standing I can hear voices inside my head, I’m having cold sweats, my heart is beating so fast. I took a step, facing a fear I already enclosed over decades ago.

And when I passed by that alley where I continue walking, there are clear memories of my childhood around. I wanted to stop but I needed to face everything, I needed to end everything in here so I can open a new door for me.

My feet stops on taking steps when I’m already facing an old house, the gate is covered with rust and wild vines, I pushed the rusty steel that made a creek sound and after years, I stepped on this house again.

I continued walking, until I reach the old door. I gulp and extended my arms to open it but I’m shaking. I close my eyes and blow air out of me. I hold on that handle and slowly open it.

“Why you did even gave birth to this bastard!?”

“Kang Taehyun is our son!”

“I have only one son!”

My lips shake in fear as well as my whole system. I thought I can bury everything and live as if I’m a new person… but I guess I can’t and I will never be.

The house is old, too old. There are dust, spider web, broken glasses, even moss, worn out clothes, broken plates, and an open window. A place where violence where totally evident.

A place where it used to be a home before it became a hell.

“Eommoni… Can I just die?”

“Taehyun, don’t mind your father, okay? H-he’s just drunk.”

I finally step foot on the living and there are picture frame hanging, and some are already on the floor, totally ruined. I picked up one of the picture my mother used to treasure so bad.

My tears run through my cheeks as I watch the old picture. It breaks me into pieces. It breaks me as a person, as a family that I swore to protect them but I didn’t have the chance to do so.

“You are Kang Taehyun… you will always be Kang Taehyun.”

My sobs louder as I remember my mom’s voice in my head. I hugged the picture till I dropped on the floor, crying so bad and loud. “I’m sorry… I-I’m so sorry,” I cried an apology.

“Don’t ever forget who you are and what your name is…”

I reminisce while gently rubbing my thumb on the broken frame. There’s two kids, completely look alike. They are sons which their father tried to kill the other and keep the other one.

“You are Taehyun… and you are Hyuntae. Protect each other no matter what. Protect each other even if the other needs to die. Promise that to your mother.”

I’m sorry… if I wasn’t able to save him…