Butterfly Effect

It feels like I just woke up from my longest dream.

I wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes and takes a seat on my bed. “Beomgyu hyung…” I whispered his name my cheeks continue to get moisten by my tears.

It took me more minutes of crying before getting up from my bed and look for my phone. I dialed Beomgyu hyung’s number and he immediately answered it.

(Good morning, baby. How’s your sleep?)

I smiles. “Hyung, I want to see the ocean…”

(Sure, I’ll pick you up in an hour. Pack your things, okay?)

“Let’s go to Busan…”

(B-Busan? Okay… See you…)

“Hmmm…”

I started packing some of my extra clothes and went out of my room. “Where are you going?” my dad asks.

“Dad, Beomgyu hyung and I will go to Busan,” I said. “Where’s mom?”

“Why son? Oh, are you going somewhere—”

I hugged her tightly that made her startled, “I’m sorry, mom…” I whispered and I felt her hugging me back. “I’ll tell you what really happened soon… Once I come back,” I said and let go of her.

She smiles at me and I saw her tears on the corner of her eyes. She nods, “I’ll wait for you, okay? Take care. Is Beomgyu coming with you?”

“Yes mom,” I answered and glanced at dad. “We’re going to celebrate his birthday in there.”

“Aigooya! Why didn’t you say that? I should have brought him something!” my mom exclaimed in panic.

I laughs, “It’s okay, mom. You can give it to him once we come back,” I said. “I’ll be going now.”

“Take care, Taehyun,” my mom ruffles my hair with a smile.

“Thank you,” I smiles.

Hyung arrived after couple of minutes and we then travel by car. When we passed by the toll gate, I open the window and rest my elbows and chin on it.

“Is this your first time traveling?” I heard him ask.

“Yes… after so long,” I answered. “How about you?”

“Travelling? No, my last job requires so much travelling—”

“No. To Busan? Is it your first time?” I revised my question and stares at him.

“Hmmm,” he nods. “Yeah it’s my first time,” he lied. I nods and smile for a bit. He’s really slowly forgetting everything about what happened five years ago.

I wanted too… but I can’t.

“I noticed something,” he opens up. “You aren’t that loud and whiny anymore,” he chuckles. “Are you acting like some kind of a grown up now?”

“Hey!” my voice rose and I laugh. “Just… you said you don’t like an immature one,” I reasoned.

“Hey,” he called out and holds my hand so I sit properly. “I like you with whatever you act, okay?”

It made my heart flutter. “You’re just saying that so I can lend you good gift, right?” I tease him.

He laughs hard, “Hey, I can buy my own gift,” he argued. “And besides having you here is enough gift already,” he said.

“Stop it, you sounded like an old geezer who throws cheesy lines,” I debunked him and we both laugh. I pause from smiling when I briefly felt his lips on the back of my hand.

“Thank you…” he suddenly whispered and fixed his eyes on the road.

Thank you as well, hyung.

After over a couple of hour drive, we arrived at the hotel we’re going to stay. It was around late afternoon when we went out. “Hyung,” I called him. “Should we ride a bike?”

“Bike? Where?” he asks and went closer to me. “Oh, they’re renting? Should we?” he suggests back and I nod. “Let’s go then.”

Won’t this bother him? Riding a bike with me will surely remind him of the past but he’ll still go? I just laugh inside me as I realized he’s really going to bury every memory that happened.

“Be careful, okay?” he reminds me when we started stepping on the pedals. “Stay beside me, Taehyun,” he added.

“No need to worry, hyung!”

We started riding the bike on clear road with the see and waves. Seeing Beomgyu hyung’s smiles while riding beside me is like looking at a masterpiece. It’s mesmerizing.

I exhaled and smiles from ear to ear, “Everything will be fine,” I whispered and ride closer to him.

After some minutes we took a stop and parked our bikes near the road. We started appreciating the sea waves. Looking at where we are, this is where we took the picture together five years ago. I grab my phone from my pocket and started filming behind Beomgyu hyung who’s watching the sea. He suddenly turns around and chuckles when he caught me secretly filming him.

He waves his hand at the camera. “Taehyun!” he calls and I smiles.

“Hyung!” I called him back and he paid attention. “Saranghae.”

His smiles went wider and run towards me to kiss me and hug me. “I love you more, Taehyun,” he confessed and I hugged him back. “So much, so bad.”

“Isn’t that too much?” I laugh.

“No, that’s just the start,” he said and I continued laughing at him as we continue hugging.

I smiles while feeling the warm of his hug, while feeling the sea breeze, while hugging the person I choose to love even before.

“Let’s take a picture!” he suggested and we did.

After that, we ride our bike again until we reached the part of the road that the sides has full of pink trees that as wind blows, its petals falls on us.

Hyung, we were able to make it. We were able to make it on spring… together.

Beomgyu hyung’s smiles really complement with how beautiful the spring is and I love seeing those. I love how he was born as a beautiful person.

At night, we rented a tent near the shore, with lights surrounding it, a camping table and chairs, and there’s also a bonfire set up in near us.

I put the cake on the table and lit the candle. “Happy birthday, Beomgyu hyung!” I greeted him full of smiles.

“Thank you, my love,” he smiles as well and pulled me for a quick kiss.

“Wish then blow the candle!” I suggested after.

“Should I?” he asks me and I nods. “Okay…” he closes his eyes when he opens it, he blows the candle after. “Thank you, Taehyun,” he hugs me.

“Congratulations on your birthday!”

We started eating together, had some toasted marshmallows, and had fun running and playing tag on the sand. Until we found ourselves sitting on it while breathing so hard.

“Hyung, why did you love me?” I asked him.

“I’m not sure… I just feel like it,” he replied. “But I’m going to clarify things that this isn’t about my past, okay? I like you because you’re you,” he quickly assured me.

That made me chuckles. “Of course… the heart knows what it wants. It knows whom it’ll choose,” I stated.

“How about you? Why did you love me?” he asks me back.

I like you since then, hyung.

“Because…” I pause. “I choose you.”

“That’s it?”

I exhales, “I choose to love even if I have the choice to not to because of your past… and maybe because of my past too,” I stated. “I choose love you in the midst of uncertainty.”

He smiles and hold my hand, “Someone told me before that loving someone is about whom you choose to stay with,” he started. “I can’t believe I’m hearing these things from you,” he continued with a chuckle.

“Because for me… that’s how it really is,” I agreed. “Love is a matter of loving or leaving. You’ll decided things and face consequences. Love is being stupid. Love is growing. Love is pain. Love is… a choice.”

I stared at him and he’s smiling at me. “Please, even if you have the choice to leave me… don’t.”

“I hope…” I pause and think of what word should I really choice. “I hope I can stay with you despite of all the choices that I have.”

“You know why I’m afraid to love again? Because the last time I loved, we both had the choice to be together… but I chose not to,” he stated.

“No…” I contradicted. “You chose your grandma because you love her,” I stated.

“How did you know about that?” he confusedly asks.

“Just…” I decided not to answer his question. “Love isn’t just about your significant others, you have friends, and families. You can always choose them as well. Especially, you have yourself too.”

“Aigoo,” he suddenly reacted that made me frown at him. “You really grown a lot.”

“Hey!”

He laughs at me and move closer beside me. I rested my head on his shoulder while we’re both holding our hands. “Hyung… do you believe in destiny?”

“Hmm, maybe?”

“Do you believe that the Deity planned our lives?” I asked again.

“Maybe he does? But it still depends on us? Depends on our actions and consequences,” he answered.

“Right,” I affirmed. “Deity only supervises and maintains the balance of good and evil. He secures better future but he only depends to our own decision. Deity doesn’t have any fault whenever we fail because it’s the effect of what smallest thing we did,” I stated.

“Does he?” he sighs. “You don’t know how much I resent Deity for everything.”

“No… it’s the butterfly effect.”

He glanced at me then I continued. “It’s when the smallest thing you do can cause a bigger effect just like a small insect like butterfly flapping its wings can cause a storm,” I explained. “Life is just like that. We do minimal actions and we don’t realize how significant it can be in our lives and when anything goes wrong, we choose to blame the heavens.”

“Where are you getting these wisdom?” he suddenly reacted with a chuckle. “You really sounded like him…” he whispered.

I’m him. I’m still him.

“Should we go back to the room?” I suggested instead.

“Let’s go!” we both get up and starts walking back inside the room.

Beomgyu hyung is taking a shower when I received a message from Jaechan that made my eyes widen. My hands started shaking and I quickly hid my phone back to my bag when hyung went out of the shower. Then went in as well for my turn.

While the water is pouring on me and I’m feeling it’s coldness, I can’t help but think of what Jaechan has sent me. Deity will move as what he had planned. Why? Is it because everything has been fulfilled now?

I went out and I saw hyung on the bed waiting for me, I dried my hair and move beside him. He open his arms so I scoot at him and he hugs me. “Did you enjoy your birthday?” I asked.

“Yes, so much! Thank you for making it special,” he replied.

“How about at your house?” I asked again.

“We actually celebrated it in advanced already. Halmeoni is so happy as well as my mom, my step-siblings were also in there,” even if I can’t see him, I can feel like he’s smiling while talking.

“Is halmeoni… doing fine?”

“Yep! We should meet her together again. So I can introduce you as my boyfriend,” he suggested.

“Right, we should,” I laugh and move away from him so I can face him. “Hyung,” I called. “Can you remember what was your last wish?”

“If I’m not mistaken it was about grandma’s surgery being successful and she’ll live healthy and happily ‘till the end, something like that,” he recalled. “Why are you suddenly asking about it?”

“Is halmeoni finally felt that happiness?” I asked once more.

“Maybe? My mom and I are doing fine, my step-dad doesn’t have any issue with me, and my grandma already saw me being successful in life. So, maybe she’s definitely happy,” he smiles and I felt his hand on my cheek. “It’s my turn to be happy with you now too.”

I giggle and kiss him. The kiss move and I can feel his hand wrapping around my body. He moves without breaking the kiss until he’s top on me and things started to get heated on.

“Happy birthday, Beomgyu hyung. Can I be your present?”