Iftia: Lyx Palace, Hallway

• Elianna •

Elianna was making her way to her office after breakfast. A feeling of unease stirred within her when she woke up alone in Rowan's bedchamber today and she dined with the rest today in the absence of him and Ilias. Adding on to all the odds, none of the other knights knew where the two had gone.

Pacing down the grand hallway, she was too preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't notice what's ahead of her. She walked straight into a strong, firm chest.

"Please pardon my carelessness," She held onto her forehead as she bowed apologetically in panic.

A soft chuckle sounded and she raised her head at the familiar voice. She gasped at the extraordinarily charming face right in front of her before she glanced to her side and saw Ilias smiling at her.

"Good morning, love," Rowan lowered his head to kiss her forehead.

"A-ah, good m-morning," she stuttered and greeted the both of them.

Rowan stepped away from her, putting a distance between them. She attempted to inch closer but he maintained the distance. When he moved, she caught a strong stench of blood off him. Her eyes widened in alertness, as she scanned him.

Her arms shot out in an attempt to hold him in place for her to check for injuries but he side-stepped to dodge her outstretched arms.

"Get to your office, love," he smiled, but there was no hint of happiness in those striking blue eyes. They were dead cold and horribly unforgiving that sent an agonizing pierce down her spine.

Rowan?

"Elianna, go ahead," Ilias urged.

She moved immediately without stopping to ponder or questioning further. She simply strode towards her office without looking back. Something was definitely amiss but she knew better than to probe on it more than she had gotten at. Her heart was pounding rapidly and there was that split second that she had ran from him because she was genuinely afraid.

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• Rowan •

He stood where he was, watching her as she scurried ahead. Lowering his gaze and hooding his eyes with his eyelids, he sighed. He could've avoided her easily when he first saw her but his body refused to listen.

When he moved away from her, he noticed the emotions that surfaced in the pair of eyes he was so fond of. For the first time, there was apprehension, maybe even horror.

He raised his hands and looked at them. He had never been able to ignore those deep-red stains that seemed to seep through his skin, forming a permanent mark that would damn him forever. Ilias told him that those were his illusions but are they really just all in his mind?

He had been seeing them occasionally since that day.

That day when his hands were forced to be soaked into the pool of blood of the people he loved.

That day when he was just too helpless to protect those who mattered.

That day he swore to himself that he would never allow another person to harm the people around him.

Give him a million more chance to rewind time and he would still choose to murder Wallace for the sake of Elianna and everyone in Lyx. He would do that so that none of them had to.

Let me be damned, and let only me.

They said he was ruthless, they claimed him to be a monster. But why couldn't anyone see that the true evil were the ones who still sat in their underserving thrones reigning over the kingdom?

Rowan scoffed and Ilias called out to him with worry etched in his expression, "Your Highness?"

"I'm returning to my bedchambers," he said, turning around and walked in a different direction. "Give yourself the day off, Ilias."

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Iftia: Lyx Palace, Medical Office

• Elianna •

She couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling from the encounter with Rowan in the morning. She always knew that he was exceptionally warm to her and his kind treatment were only limited to people in Lyx.

Beyond his palace, he was a totally different person. Detached and cold, with a gaze that was void of emotions. Today, in his eyes, she felt anger and disappointment. Something was upsetting him but he had concealed it so well that if she didn't observe carefully, she would never be able to see them. A realisation struck her that she had never once asked Rowan about his past and neither did he revealed anything about it to her.

She only had a vague idea that a tragic event had happened years ago, but they both respected each other enough to wait patiently for answers.

She knew that he had noticed the fear in her when he faced her in the morning. She was startled by the metallic smell of blood that rushed through the air and affected by the deathly pressure radiating off him. Yet, she knew that she had hurt him when she looked at him that way.

When you love someone, you want them to see you for the person you are. Nobody wanted the people they love to judge them in a different light from what they had portrayed themselves to be. Rowan had always wanted her to remember him as affectionate but she didn't mind seeing the other side of him. It was him that she loved, not just his loving gestures and warm demeanour.

Determined to make her feelings known, she pushed herself off her desk and went out of her office.

She's going to find him.

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Iftia: Lyx Palace, Rowan's Bedchamber

• Rowan •

He took a bath when he returned. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he left the bath and walked towards the dressing room.

"Lady! You're not supposed to go in without permission from His Highness!" The guard from outside sounded, his tone filled with panic.

His brows raised in curiosity as he stood where he was and waited for whatever that was about to happen.

The door was swung opened suddenly and Elianna stomped her way in. The guards became frantic as they tried to stop her by grabbing on both of her arms. Then, their eyes went towards him and terror overwhelmed them. He simply gestured for them to back down and they released her immediately. Closing the door, they went back to their positions outside the door. Rowan watched as she stumbled forward when the guards released her all of a sudden. She looked up and red exploded from cheeks.

"What are you doing, love?" he asked, deeply amused.

"I-I, ah-, um, I-I'm sorry!" Burying her face into her hands, she crouched down. She was all curled up into a ball and a peal of deep, rumbling laughter escaped his lips. It's been a while since he laughed this way and seeing her so flustered truly delighted him.

"Give me a moment while I change, you can make yourself comfortable in the meantime," he grinned as he made his way into the changing room.

※

• Elianna •

Oh goddess.

She was taken aback by him and now her mind's filled with images for those hard pecs and tight ridges on his stomach. She gulped at how the small droplets of water fell from his hair and slide smoothly over all the lines on his body.

Just when she was so lost in her fantasies, a familiar voice rang in her ears, "Eli?"

She snapped back into reality and realised that she had been imagining the feel of him. Heat rose to her cheeks and coursed through her entire body. Please don't tell me I said them out loud.

She stared at him intensely and he laughed while cupping her cheeks.

"Come on, come back to me," he smiled warmly.

She blinked hard a few times and let out a cough in awkwardness. Straightening her back, she pretended that she hadn't been thinking anything inappropriate. Still, he seemed to catch her right there because that grin on his face was unmistakable.

"Why are you here?" he asked, walking towards the armchair beside hers and settled in.

Right.

She rose from her seat and moved close to him. Taking one of his hand, she placed in on top of her thigh when she sat on the cushioned arm of his chair. Still holding on his hand, she called him in a soft, gentle voice, "Rowan."

"Hmm?" His reply was equally tonal and smooth.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted this morning," she said.

"You never had to apologise for anything, Eli." Although he said that, she was aware of how his face became taut and he flexed his arm slightly, tensing up.

"I had to," she explained. "Because I love you. And it is irregardless of which side of you, all of them is you."

He remained silent and kept his head low.

"Rowan," she whispered. Curling her fingers, she held onto his hand firmly before continuing, "Amor non condicionalis."
(Translate: Love is not conditional.)

Tears glistened his brilliant blues eyes, brimming it with vulnerability and pain. She knew that he had been in pain all these years but no one ever cared enough to show him the warmth that he needed. He had tall walls built all around him that she felt determined to tear them down. She wrapped her arms around his head and held him close to her.

You never had to hide in front of me. 

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bringing you some sugar before the tea. the next few chapters will have big revelations but i promise that it would also be sugary sweet.