Rivia: Meissa Palace, Rowan's Quarters

• Rowan •

At the sound of two light clinks from the door, he turned his head in anticipation but his excitement was quickly dampened when the two maidservants who entered the room was not who he had expected. "Your Highness, everything has been prepared as requested. Would you like for us to prepare the bath now?"

"That would be great," he mentioned. "Please leave the room, I don't need further assistance."

"Yes, Your Highness," they bowed respectfully. "We would leave to prepare the bath waters."

"Thank you," he said, still disappointed. 

The maidservants settled the tray of clothes in front of him and bowed respectfully towards him. Just when they were about to leave, he stopped them and asked, "Can I ask something?" 

"Please do ask." One of them responded.

"Do you happen to know where Elisha is?"

"Please pardon us, Your Highness." The maidservant sounded confused. "We do not know of an Elisha in this palace."

"She mentioned that she's a laundry maidservant," he wondered. 

"We have to apologise that we do not know of a maidservant by the name of Elisha, Your Highness." The maidservant responded. "You may want to seek for the steward, he should be able to provide you with answers." 

"That will do, thank you," he sighed slightly, allowing them to head towards the bath.

"Damn," he cursed in a barely audible voice and held his hand over his chest. The mark of resurrection glowed slightly above his pounding heart and he ached, "Why does it hurt again?"

※

After his bath, he sat on the wide ledge of his balcony and leaned his back against the wall. The increasingly frigid wind at night grazed unrelentingly against his skin, but he had needed the cold to clear the frustrating thoughts in his head. The intensity of the wind had also given him a merciless reminder that he's still very much alive in this realm — all because he felt that he was slowly dying on the inside due to reasons he'd never make sense of. 

"Ro, is something wrong?" Ilias stepped into the balcony and asked about his unusual behaviour.

"Ilias," he exhaled a depressing sigh. "I haven't felt at peace since I woke up three months ago."

"Is it because of the crowning?" he inquired, concerned.

"That's one." His jaw tightened. "Then, there's the other."

"I'm not understanding," Ilias said. "Please do tell me your worries so that I could share the burdens with you." 

"I met this girl named Elisha, she's a maidservant here."

"What about her?" Ilias flinched in surprise.

What about her?

She was a million questions shrouding his mind, mystifying and perplexing. The moment she stepped into his quarters, he was immediately divested of his own consciousness and willpower. Out of miraculous reasons, she was an existence that trapped him in the moment she stood right in front of him. Even without knowing her at all, he wanted to hold onto her forever. What a fool. He had wanted to laugh at himself and all his foolishness. But he also thought to himself that if a beam of light could weave itself into a strand, that would be her. She glowed in the dimness of his world without even the light of day. It was as if the whole realm had conjured her out in a ripple of laughter — that all she was composed of was warmness and loving happiness.

But when she left, she took it all away, leaving him utterly void with nothingness. His heart felt so empty that it ached and yearned for all the warmth it used to hold. And whether she would return to him as a fragment of fire or barely a cinder, it really doesn't matter. He wanted her so much, and he wanted so badly for her to be real. Even if he had mistakenly made her presence out of his imaginations, he would let it be. At least, she was the anaesthesia of false hope that kept him very much alive. 

"I would like to find her if you would help," he mentioned to Ilias.

"I would do as you have requested."

"My gratitude goes to you, Ilias," he smiled sadly.

"I hope that you would find what you desire."

But hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. 

━━━━━━━━━━

Rivia: Ajayib, Town of Central Rivia, Elianna's Residence

• Elianna •

"Why are you eating so little?" Thunder questioned.

"I'm not hungry," Elianna said, settling the spoon down on the dining table. "I'm tired already."

"Do you want me to get you something lighter? You've been eating way too little," Kiran suggested, sounding worried.

"Wait," Thunder halted the conversation as he leaned closer to her. "Alright, where did you and Jana sneak out to this time?"

At his questioning, Jana dropped her spoon and it caused a loud clank as the utensil hit against the ceramic plate. Elianna was startled by the sound but immediately composed herself to reply, "Nowhere." 

"Don't lie," Thunder tutted. "Jana's face showed it all."

"Jana, I told you many times!" Kiran reprimanded.

"Elianna," Jana cried from the side, pulling on her arm in an attempt to seek help.

"I'm the one who asked her to go with me. Please don't blame her," Elianna shifted in front of her, shielding her from the scrutiny of two ahead of them.

"Where did you go this time, Eli?" Thunder pushed.

"Rowan," she admitted inaudibly, but she knew that Thunder's heightened senses would've caught her voice anyhow.

"It explains," he exhaled a sigh. "Elisha, is it?"

"How did you—"

"Ilias sent me two letters," Thunder answered. "He had one addressed to you. Would you like for me to read it to you?" 

"Please do," she breathed hard, nervous about the words Ilias had for her.

Thunder folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope. Holding her hand out, he placed the letter on her opened palm before saying, "Your choice to make, Eli." 

"Thunder, I—" Urgent tears had pooled in her eyes and her heart pounded frantically as all the words fumbled by themselves in her mind. "I can't, I—" 

"Then, erase Elisha," Thunder responded straightforwardly, albeit in a pained voice. 

Tears had fallen in heavy splats that pierced through her heart, again and again. She had only wanted to hear from him one last time and had never expected that her appearance would make a lasting impact on Rowan. He cannot remember her this way, he mustn't. Horrified by her own carelessness and mindless actions, she had to correct her mistake. 

"I would," she said gravely. 

An exasperated sigh sounded and Thunder gripped onto her hand tighter this time. There was a pinch in his voice when he said, "I simply cannot understand why you can't go back." 

"I simply can't." 

"Why?" 

"Please, Thunder—"

"Tell me already!" Thunder pushed. 

"I can't because of the divine deal!" Elianna raised her voice in helplessness.

"What the hell did you exactly agreed to?" Thunder questioned in an equally raised volume. "That you have to shut yourself out from the entire world and live in this endless torment alone!" 

"Both of you, stop," Kiran interrupted. "Thunder, please refrain yourself. These negative emotions would be bad for Elianna and her child." 

A sharp inhale and a rough sound of the chair being pushed violently, Thunder incensed, "Fine." 

Then, he left the dining room and the heavy tension grounded itself in the room, making it so difficult for her to breathe. The hurt grew in her chest, fully aware that this is the second time that Thunder had walked out on her and she wished so deeply in her heart that their relationship never had to strain because of what had happened to her. 

All that had happened in Thethia was complicating everyone's emotions, including hers.

※

• Thunder •

He left the house and stepped out into the open air, glaring up above. He cussed, "Is this how you treat the child you blessed?"

Whispering in the divine language harshly, he directed his words to the Goddess herself: Darned you. 

※

i'm slowly dying on the inside.