(Liam's POV - Thur. 1 May 2014)

"Good morning, Allan," I say as I briefly stop by the entrance of his office while I am on my way to mine this morning.

"Oh hi, Liam! Come in for a minute please!" he calls me, so I turn back and walk toward his desk, wondering why he wants with me so early. "Edna just called me and said she caught a cold, so she'll be on sick leave until the end of the week," he informs me.

"Oh yes, she wasn't feeling well yesterday afternoon already. I hope it's nothing serious?" I ask sincerely. Edna always sounds like a rock to whom nothing could ever happen and who only concentrates on her work and nothing else.

"I don't think so. It's just some kind of nasty virus spreading around, but she had a lot of fever so I told her to stay home. She didn't sound too good, but she'll recover quickly, I'm sure," he explains. "As a matter of fact, I will need you to do a few things today for me please."

"Sure... I'll update her daily files and send them to you; they're on our shared server. Is there anything else I can help you with?" I offer.

"Yes, please. There's a presentation she needed to polish up this morning for my meeting with... the boss this afternoon," he says with the slightest hesitation. I really hate that he has to watch his words not to hurt me, and at the same, I am sincerely feeling grateful for his kind attention. "It's also on the shared server she said. So, can you please have a look and see what needs to be done? Edna said you can call her on her mobile phone if you need anything..."

"Sure... I'll have a look and send it to you as soon as it is ready."

"Thanks, Liam. That'll be it for now," he says. I nod and head back to the door. "Oh Liam? How are you doing?"  he then asks, forcing me to stop and turn back to face him. Thank God, his expression is not one of compassion or pity; I wouldn't like that. Instead, it just holds some plain and warm sympathy.

"I'm good, Sir... thank you," I lie with a fake smile, trying to be as convincing as I can, and finally head to my office.

I lied because I didn't want to carry on this conversation for longer than necessary or go into details with him. Allan is clever enough to have noticed that I have withdrawn into myself over the past two weeks, and I assume that he knows enough about the situation. As much as I try to work on my behavior in the office, I am conscious that I don't look as happy or enthusiastic as I usually am, so he can easily guess that I am not at the top of my form; but honestly, I don't really care about what he may think about it. I am doing my job, fulfill everyone's expectations and just go home after my workday is over.

The truth is that I am not feeling that good because there are too many people that I am missing at the moment, one of them being Shannon. We really had a great night at the Lost Paradise last week-end and it did me a lot of good... and bad at the same time. My little flirt with Steven was fun; the guy was cute and kind; but he was just not the type of personality that I need, I guess. So yeah... we enjoyed ourselves; we made out on the couch, then on the dance floor, then in a corner; it was nice kissing him; it even felt good groping each other; but seeing that I was more dominant than he was just couldn't work for me. Though, this wasn't the worst part of the whole deal. The worst was that nagging feeling of guilt I felt when I realized what I was doing.

I felt... not like I was observed, but... I felt like a part of Joshua was here with me and I couldn't help thinking that I was cheating on him, which is ridiculous since we are not together anymore. I am absolutely free to see someone else if I want to, but I couldn't get this nagging thought off my mind. There was this moment of the night when I had my back against the wall, holding Steven close to me with my hands over his backside; we were into deep kissing; that's when I felt it the strongest. I was like Joshua was just beside me; staring at me making out with another guy. This is weird, because I knew he wasn't there but I really felt like I was cheating on him just in front of his eyes so I ended up calming things down Steven and we went back to the dance floor to enjoy the rest of the night with Shan and the other guys. Nevertheless, I don't have any regret because this little flirt was quite pleasurable and I got to spend a really good moment with Shan until we left the club in the early morning.

Shan's departure in the afternoon is a different story though. I tried my best to stay strong and not to show him how sad I was to see him leave, but it was tough. We left the club at around five in the morning, holding each other's waists and laughing like two idiots, but my heart started constricting at the thought that soon, he would be gone and I would be left all alone in the apartment. Not willing to miss a single minute of his presence, I invited him to a diner where we got a huge breakfast made of waffles and pancakes with tons of butter and syrup. Once back home, I convinced him not to go to sleep since he would be able to recover in the afternoon during his eight hour drive to South Illinois. Instead, we had more junk food while watching TV and talking, cuddled together on the couch, until it was time for him to get ready.

I accompanied him downtown where he was supposed to meet his future co-workers and the mini-van and he introduced me as his little brother, which resulted in a playful fight between us because I am only one month younger than he is. There were seven other guys travelling with him, and I didn't miss how Shannon ogled each and every one of them, probably already wondering which one he could get into his pants. That guy is really impossible, but I have this idea that the man with long dark hair noticed him and would willingly use Shannon as some kind of snack.

Most of the other guys were there on their own and only one of them had his girlfriend accompanying him to the meeting location. Their goodbyes were as moving as Shannon's and mine. We hugged for a long moment and holding back the tears prickling my eyes was pretty hard when the moment came to part ways. We promised to call each other or at least text every day, but my heart was really heavy when I watched the van drive away and disappear around a corner. I stayed there frozen for a few minutes before I eventually decided to take a taxi back home. I reluctantly walked into my old building and I shamelessly admit that I allowed myself to let it all out and cried myself to sleep, not waking up until Monday morning very early with a nasty headache.

So yeah... I lied to Allan because I don't want to tell him how lonely I have been feeling this week. Not only do I miss Joshua, but I also miss my friend and his hyper and joyful character. Evenings at home are just boring and gloomy. I have no courage whatsoever to do anything but slouch on the sofa and look at the images on TV without even seeing them while I nibble on tasteless food. I barely have any appetite at all; I just eat because I have to and because I don't want to feel dizzy and faint. The only moment that brightens my evenings is when I get to speak to Shan over the phone for a few minutes, despite the awful quality of the line, and he tells me about his day at work. They met more workers coming from Kentucky and he actually enjoys himself in the Shawnee Forest, but as he says, this is mostly due to the fact that the team he has been assigned to is great and that they are having a lot of fun while cleaning their dedicated area. I suspect him to already have some views on some guys... On my side, I always try to sound cheerful while we talk, not wanting to worry him about my state of mind, but once we have hung up, I usually turn off the lights and doze off on the couch, fighting against my memories with Joshua.

So the week has been tiring and it might even get worse with Edna's absence. On Monday morning, Allan had to leave the office shortly after Edna and I had arrived because he and Joshua needed to fly urgently to Texas to win an unexpected huge contract; the potential customer wanted to see them both immediately. Ally took care of all the travel arrangements since they were flying with the jet while Edna and I prepared all the general documentation and presentations they would need there. Despite Allan's absence for three days, we had a shit load of with files and data to update as they were progressing in the negotiations. It was a constant exchange of information and data between all the departments involved into the preparation of a new project and we barely had a few minutes to ourselves. The emergency lied in the fact that the said customer had been working on this complex of offices with a competitor of Pierce Construction who threw in the towel just when the works were supposed to start and the client didn't want to delay the construction of the building. Therefore the beginning of the week was rather intense but at least it all worked out well according to the congratulations email we received from Allan yesterday afternoon.

Now I guess that the rest of the week won't be any less intense. Once I am done with all the things I needed to do for Allan, I get back to my own tasks and use this as a pretext for not joining Ally and Elena for lunch once again. The girls are getting upset about my tendency to remain on my own, but since last Friday's lunch, I am not too keen on going to the first floor and hear more gossips about the CEO's private life, especially now that Ally has confirmed that she does know about us. I chuckle at the memory of the text I received on Monday morning.

Hello Sweetie. Don't forget to delete this message once you've read it. Listen, I am sure that something happened between you and a certain someone I won't name. Just know that I don't judge you and that it doesn't change anything between us. Please don't let it affect our relationship. I really appreciate you and how professional you can be, but I'm also willing to be your friend. I'm here to talk if you need it. Ally.

It had really warmed my heart at the moment and from then, I knew that Ally would be the one I would go to if I needed to take things off my chest at some point. However, I didn't feel that urge at the moment and only replied with a brief thank you before I deleted her text.

I am so lost in my work in the middle of the afternoon that I automatically pick up the receiver when my phone rings, without even checking the ID.

"Liam Reed, how may I help you?" I ask a bit robotically.

"Liam, this is Allan. I need you to do me a favor please," he says with a certain discomfort in his voice that doesn't reassure me.

"Hmm... sure...?"

"On my desk, there's a report from Joakins Industries, that customer we met earlier this week. Can you please make three copies of it and bring them to the meeting room upstairs?" he then asks, making me freeze on my armchair. Oh no... not that... this means that I will need to get the 21st floor and meet Joshua. This is the one thing that I was afraid would happen one day. My selfish mind can't help mentally cursing at Edna for being sick today, because if she had been here, Allan would have asked her and not me. Argh... Why doesn't he ask Ally to come and do it herself? Am I only able to do this? Maybe I can bring the copies upstairs and give them to Ally so that she can bring them in the meeting room... yeah, that should be possible and I'm sure she will understand.

"Yes... I'll bring them in five minutes..." I reply with a sore voice after a long hesitation.

"Thank you, Liam," Allan says warmly.

I quickly go get the said report on Allan's desk and make three copies of it before I bind them and make my way upstairs. When the doors of the elevator slide open, my heart skips a beat seeing that Ally is not at her desk. Damn! I hadn't thought about the fact that she might be in the meeting as well! I am highly tempted to drop the documents in front of the door and run away, but my conscientiousness and professionalism take over my cowardice; I will myself to calm down and behave as an adult with ethics. I knock on the door and open it, holding my breath and feeling my knees go slightly weak. Despite my strong desire to ignore Joshua, my eyes are irresistibly drawn to the man chairing the table at the end of the room and my heart constricts at how beautiful he is in his dark gray business suit and black tie. Exactly as I thought, his trimmed beard is sexy as fuck. His electric blue eyes immediately lock with mine, and the next fraction of a second, I lower my gaze, painfully touched by what I see in his look. Was that pain? Sadness? Remorse?

Not willing to dwell on the situation and feeling a wave of heat rush to my face, I mumble a light good afternoon and quickly go around the table to bring the documents to Allan before I scurry out of the room, finally releasing the breath I had been holding. My heart is stumping in my chest and I can feel a light film of sweat cover my forehead and hands. Seeing Joshua was even more difficult and painful than I would have thought.

The rest of the afternoon goes in a blur; I proceed with each of my tasks as if I were on autopilot and before I know it, I suddenly realize that I am back home. I am so worn out from the stress that I simply undress and get myself in bed with my phone. Today's short event blew all my energy and I immediately fall into an agitated slumber, populated with dreams of what my life used to be when I was with Joshua. When I wake up the following morning, I am exhausted and feeling faint which is probably due to the fact that I didn't eat last night. However, I am not intending to slack on my job so I quickly reply to a text from Shannon - who, thank God, had a hard day too yesterday and said he was going straight to sleep after his text - and prepare a copious breakfast that I force myself to down with some orange juice.

While I take my shower, I think back to what happened yesterday and wonder how much more I can take. Yesterday was the first time I saw Joshua in ten days and if I don't see him again until another ten days, maybe I should be able to deal with the risk of meeting him briefly once in a while. But am I really sure about that? Will I have enough self-control? Just feeling his presence yesterday hurt me to the core, not only because seeing him meant remembering a lot of good memories, but also because I had to fight the urge to throw myself in his arm and beg him to take me back. Doing this is actually one of my worst concerns because I am so on the verge of falling back for him and I just can't have that. I can't let myself fall for him when he is not ready to return my feelings and probably won't ever be.

Feeling slightly better than yesterday evening, I get ready and head toward the train station. Throughout the ride, I rack my brain for something to do this week-end. Without Shannon at home, two full days alone will seem like eternity to me and I wonder how I could keep myself busy. I could have booked myself some flights to California to go and visit my parents but I still haven't told them that Joshua and I are over and I am clearly not willing to discuss my first heart break with them. Then there is Ed... On Sunday I received a text from him asking why he hadn't seen me at the club the night before and I simply replied that I was spending the week-end with my friend Shannon. However, I still haven't replied to the one I got on Wednesday asking if we would see each other this week-end. Officially, I am still a member of the Black Diamond but I can't imagine myself going there without Joshua, especially if the man is there... Imagine if he already has a new Sub? The simple thought of seeing him with another has me shudder and that would be even worse than getting across him in the office.

I am so lost in my thoughts that I don't really pay attention to what surrounds me as I walk to the Pierce Building and I soon find myself waiting for the elevator in the entrance hall. Like a robot, I walk inside the cage and press the number 15 button, then wait for the doors to slide shut, my back leaning on the side wall. I nearly jump in surprise when a hand slips between the closing doors, stopping their course and forcing them to open again. My heart starts pounding wildly in my chest when I realize that the hand belongs to none other than the CEO and I strive myself to remain calm while I duck my head and look down at the floor, ignoring the memories that his delicious perfume brings up. What the hell is he doing here so late? And can't he fucking take his personal elevator rather than jump into mine?

"Good morning, Liam." Argh that voice... deep... strong... firm... A lump forms in my throat. I want to hear it whisper things in my ear while he takes me against the wall of the cabin and pounds into me... No, no, no, nooooooooooo! Stop that Liam! Fuck!!! Where did these thoughts come from? An awful blush rushes from my neck up to my forehead as I try to form some coherent words.

"Morning... Sir..." I barely murmur not trusting my own voice.

As the elevator takes us to the fifteenth floor, I can feel his stare on me, digging holes into my skull and trying to decipher whatever thoughts my brain may produce. As soon as the bell chimes indicating that we have reached my floor, I get myself ready to run out of the elevator and I do so right away when the doors slide open, ignoring Joshua's calling my name. I hurry to my office and allow me a good five minutes to calm down from the tense and silent seconds I spent with Joshua.

What the hell was this for? Why did he have to do that, especially if he wasn't going to talk to me? Was his purpose to make the situation more difficult than it already is? Can't he just leave me in my own corner and remain in his side? I can't help a bitter chuckle as I plop down on my chair, because there is definitely an air of dejà-vu here... How funny is it that the first time I met him last August was in his meeting-room, like yesterday, and the second time was the following morning at the lift, like today. Except that I didn't mess up in the meeting room yesterday... except that Joshua didn't ask me to ride to the 21st floor with him today... Things are getting complicated because that's two encounters in two days and I am not sure if I can handle that for much longer.

Published on 16 Nov 2016