(Joshua's POV - Tue. 22 April 2014)

If the dumbass playing drums in my skull could please get out of my head, I should be eternally grateful to him... or maybe is that some kind of stupid Hammersmith that has gripped my head in a vise... Whatever it is, I wish it could stop. Blinking an eye open, I realize that I am still in the bar room, but I close it right away since someone had the great idea to roll up the shutters and the light is like a needle being pinned in my eye and going straight to my brain. Argh Liz and her habits to clean the house from the basement to the attic every day... I really appreciate the perfectly neat home, but I already told her that she doesn't need to do it all the time... And this vacuum is really killing my brain... until it finally stops. But then there's this taste in my mouth... Argh... that's awful... Rolling to my side is definitely not the best idea and my chest starts heaving with sudden nausea.

Not thinking twice, I shove myself up and make a sprint for the closest bathroom which has me run across the bar room, follow the little corridor to the entrance and take the door on the left... It sounds a bit like a slalom and the remnants of Armagnac helping - not mentioning the wet tiled floor - , I quickly get off balance, skid off and fall flat on my face between the entrance hall and the bathroom with a deep thud and a loud groan.

"Oh my God!! Joshua!!! Did you hurt yourself???" Liz screams as she hurries in my direction from the dining-room.

Somehow I manage to crawl to the toilet and barely have time to reach for the pan before my stomach empties itself in the most inelegant noises. After long seconds or minutes of heaving nearly nothing but bile - I actually don't remember drinking that much in the end; that Armagnac was far too strong - I flush the toilet and find Liz standing beside me and handing me a glass of water. I gladly accept it and rinse my mouth several times. With a sigh, I move from my knees to sit on my bottom, trying to recover from my pants as Liz silently gives me some pills and a glass of orange juice.

"Thank you, Liz..." I sigh.

"Joshua, this has to stop!" she says firmly enough to make me look up at her in wonder. That sucks... She is wearing the same severe expression she used to take when I was a child and stealing the cakes she had baked for dinner; or when I would forget to remove my dirty shoes after she had cleaned the floors; or that day I decided I wouldn't tidy up my bedroom to allow her to clean it and left it in a worse state before I went to hang out with my friend. Oh yeah, I remember that day. When I got back home, she had put absolutely the whole content of my room onto my bed and I had no other choice than to put everything back into their right places so that I could sleep that night. However, I have grown up since then, and her scowl no longer impresses me so much. Lies. "You need a shower, so get up!"

I realize that I am still wearing my jeans and tee-shirt from last Sunday but my mind is so hazy that I can't even tell what today is exactly. The one sure thing is that I definitely need a shower though. With a grunt, I lean my left elbow on the toilet pan and try to stand up but I immediately fall back on my butt. Unfortunately, this is not only due to the alcohol I drank and my enhanced instability; I feel a bad pain in my right ankle and this is when I notice how it has swollen. Oh shit... How did I manage that?

"That's what you get for running bare feet after I have cleaned the floors," Liz sighs. "I'm calling Camden," she then adds, fishing her phone from the front pocket of her apron and walking out of the bathroom.

"No, Liz!!! Don't call him!" I order but she ignores all my pleas and I soon hear her speak with my friend.

"Good morning Camden, this is Liz..."

".........."

"Oh really? Well that's great you were on your way here. Joshua sprained his ankle and I really can't help him standing. When will you get here?"

"........."

"Excellent! I'll go and open the door for you then!"

"Damn, Liz!!!" I shout once she has hung up, bringing more pain to my brain. "I can manage on my own!" I insist, trying to stand up again, but my balance is still off and the pain in my ankle reverberates through my leg, making me fall back on my bottom with a loud groan of frustration. Never ever again will I get myself drunk! Damn! What got into me? This is so not in my habits!

"Camden will be here in a minute, just remain seated until he arrives. You don't need a broken coccyx, I guess," she sarcastically comments from outside the bathroom just when I hear a car park in front of the house.

"Hi Liz... Where is he?" Camden's deep voice soon resounds.

"Good morning, Camden... He's in the bathroom just here..." Liz informs him and a second later, that huge bear of Camden walks into the bathroom and shakes his head at the sight of my slump form on the floor.

"Spare me your comments..." I just state sternly.

"Good morning to you too..." he says as he crouches in front of me and begins to palm my right ankle, making me hiss in pain. "How did you do that?"

"I just slipped on the floor... Outch!!! Fuck! Take it easy, Cam!!!" I yell as his hands try to make my ankle swirl a little.

"It's just a sprained ankle, nothing too serious... Come on," he says, grabbing my arms and helping me up. "You need a shower first and then I'll strap your ankle."

Leaning on Cam's shoulder, I drag myself upstairs and to my bathroom just when Liz walks out after she has placed a stool in the center of the room. I thank her again when she brings some clean clothes and Cam helps me to sit down.

"Do you need help with the shower?" he asks without the least bit of humor in his voice.

"I'll manage... thanks," I reply, not out of modesty but rather because I think that the situation is embarrassing enough as it is. Now that my stomach is empty and that the vapors of the alcohol are dissipating, my mind gets much clearer and I realize how all this has become ridiculous. Liz is right. This has to stop.

So while Camden is waiting for me in my bedroom and talking with Liz, I take off my clothes, being cautious not to rest too much on my aching right foot and step into the shower. The hot water actually does me a lot of good and relaxes the knots and stiffness in my neck and my back, finishing to clear my thoughts at the same time. From what I understood, today is Tuesday... two days since Liam has left... two days of just drinking and mopping around. Fuck, that has never happened to me before, not even when things went really bad with Julian.

I quickly wipe my body with a towel and put on my boxer briefs and tee-shirt. When I reopen the bathroom door, I see that Liz has left and Camden comes to help me lie down on the bed. I guess I am lucky that he has some of his medical material in the trunk of his car, thus enabling him to provide a massage with some anti-inflammatory gel and wrap my ankle into a tight strapping with some band.

"Try to keep it for a few days and as much as possible, avoid walking too much. The ideal would be to get a stick or some crutches. I will also give you some anti-inflammatory pills for the pain. It is not a serious sprain, so it should heal rather quickly but forget about jogging or working out for a couple of weeks at least," Cam finally says all professionally.

"Okay... thanks Cam..."

"And more importantly, snap out of this, Josh. This is not like you to let yourself go like this!" he adds seriously.

"Is that what you were coming for?" I ask him bitterly. "Make sure you hit my right jaw this time since Aaron punched the left side already, that would..."

"Aaron was worrying for you yesterday. He was angry... and to be honest, you truly deserved it," Camden interrupts me in a dry tone.

"I don't need further advice, Cam," I sigh.

"I'm not intending to advise you," he then says. I am pretty sure that he must be seething with annoyance, but Cam is only showing the deepest calm. "I guess you're clever enough to figure out how much a fool you're making of yourself and the mess you're in. I just hope it won't take you too much time to awake and make up for your stupidity..."

"Cam! I... I can't do that! I can't love him!" I shout angrily.

"Of course you can!" he shouts back, suddenly losing his temper and reactivating my headache. "Just forget about your fucking past and let things happen. I mean... Damn! You're ruining the chance of your life, Josh!"

"Look who's talking..." I chuckle bitterly. "I'm not the one unable to settle down with a Sub for more than a week!" Okay... So that came out way too fast and I am already biting my tongue for saying something so mean. Camden's gray eyes darken with pain by the second, and yet the proud fool that I am can't think of a decent apology.

"That's low... You know that this is my choice. Besides, I might not keep them for very long, but the day I find the right person, I'll be sure to keep him mine, you see? And I certainly wouldn't fuck up a relationship for stupid reasons such as not admitting that I am in love with that person! What's more, I wouldn't let myself go and drown in alcohol rather than fight and keep my head up!" he says, rising up from my bed.

"I'll make sure to remind you if that ever happens to you, Cam..."

"No problem! But in the meantime, pull your fingers out of your ass, moron! You've got some friends to support you, a company to run and potentially a lover to get back if you still have some common sense... I've gotta go now, just call me if you need anything."

With that, he walks out of my room and I hear him go downstairs. I lie back down on my bed and close my eyes, hoping to soothe this damn headache, but Liz walks in a few minutes later with a tray holding a bowl of soup, another glass of orange juice and more pills. I thank her, but I am really not in the mood to hear more lecturing. Thank God, Liz seems to have read my mind as she just puts the tray beside me and walks out without a word, although she obviously can't help a scowl. Once I have swallowed everything she brought me, I lie back down and close my eyes for a little nap with hope to finally get rid of this headache.

When I wake up a few hours later, my mind is surprisingly - or not - much clearer and I feel completely rested. Cam was right on one point: I need to pull my fingers out and move on. Falling in love might not be me, but drowning in alcohol and slacking on work is not me either. My alarm clock indicates 5:30 pm. Of course it is way too late to go to the office now and Tony not being here, I wouldn't be able to drive myself there with the sprained ankle. However, there are certain things that I need to do right away. Liz, being as perfect as ever, must have brought my Iphone while I was sleeping and she even put it on charge on my bedside table. I switch it back on and let the flow of messages, voice mails and numerous notifications show up and after a good minute, I am finally able to call Ally who answers only after the fourth ring.

"Hold on a minute, I'm going back to my office," she mutters dryly. Not a good afternoon or hello... that sounds like a painful conversation coming up, but I wasn't expecting anything less, considering I left her with no news at all for two days. I hear the lift doors open and try to guess where she was from how long it lasts until the doors open again. I would say the 15th with Allan or 16th with Kelly... "So finally you're calling?" she asks angrily.

"Where were you?" I ask innocently, my voice still hoarse from the alcohol, being sick and sleeping.

"I should be the one asking that question, Joshua! Not an email... not a phone call... nothing in two days! I hope you have a good reason for not answering any of my calls and putting everyone into stress!"

"I'm sorry, Ally. I don't have any good reasons though. It's already late and you need to get back home, so please just tell me what the urgent is?"

"Are you kidding? You're not going to provide me with any explanation?" she squeals.

"This is none of your business, so forget it. What do I need to review urgently?" I insist.

"Seriously...?" she asks, flabbergasted, but I don't answer. "Okay, if that's how you see things... I'll send you an email in five minutes with the list of messages and people you need to call back urgently. I have already rescheduled all the meetings and calls you missed on Monday and Tuesday to next week, including the brainstorming. You can just check your calendar for yourself," she lists very quickly and efficiently.

"Anything else?"

"Nope..."

"Nothing new in the office?" I insist.

"Nothing that you seem care about," she replies dryly and I don't know what she implies but I don't really like it.

"I do care about what may going on within my company, Ally, so drop your innuendos please."

"Sure, you care so much that you have left everybody in stress and tension. Tony and Allan have been in an atrocious mood for the past two days and the rest of the leaders suspicious about the lack of information I could provide them with. And you know how rumors spread easily..." she lingers.

"What do you mean? Has there been some gossip about my absence?" I ask irritatingly.

"No, not really," she eventually admits reluctantly. "I backed you, of course. I just said you had to be out of office for a few days for private reasons. That way I didn't have to go into fantasies and I'll leave you to decide on what you want to say. Though I assume you're just gonna send them packing, but you do that much better than I do..."

"Thank you, Ally, you're perfect."

"Yeah, whatever... I guess you'll be back in tomorrow morning?" she then asks, quickly recovering her usual self-confidence.

"Sure. Have a good evening."

"Thanks, you too."

* * *

"Joshua... Joshua... wake up...."

The advantage of having slept for almost two full days was that I could work late in my study after my call with Ally. I sent a text to Tony to be ready at 6:30 this morning; I looked at Ally's email with the list of all the people I needed to contact urgently and did call them all; and I spent nearly ten hours in a row reading and replying to emails. Thank God, nothing too important happened in my absence and fully concentrated on my work as I was, I managed to catch up on my entire email backlog and pre-approved a few contracts.

"Joshua! Tony will be ready in half an hour!"

The disadvantage of sleeping for two full days and thinking that I could work until past 3:00 am is that I fell asleep in my armchair at my desk and didn't wake up on time. Liz's shaking my shoulder finally brings me out of my slumber with a start, almost making me jump up on my chair.

"Fuck... what time is it?" I groan, rubbing my hands on my face.

"It's six, Joshua. I found you here when I arrived... and you asked Tony to be ready at 6:30..." she accuses me, her tone full of reproach, meaning that the man is still in a cranky mood and that my being late won't help.

"Shit..." I cuss as I try to stand up, being immediately reminded of my injured ankle. I lean a hand on my desk, wincing at the pain, and begin to pack up what I need for the office.

"Joshua, go take your shower downstairs, and I'll take care of this and bring you some clothes there. And use this old cane, it will help," Liz proposes as she hands me a wooden stick.

"Thank you, Liz... I'm sorry for the last two days..." I just say sincerely, witnessing her cold scowl turn into a warmer look. "You know that you're more than a mother to me, right?" I ask her, bending over and pulling her into an awkward hug due to my lack of balance.

"Yes, yes... I know that... though you don't always deserve it..." she comments with a sigh, gently patting my back. "Now hurry up and spare me Tony's bad mood please..." she adds, slapping my backside before she scurries away. Old witch... I chuckle to myself.

The next half hour is a real pain in my ass. My ankle being "cold" is painful as hell and getting ready in such a state is not the easiest, but I still manage to shower in the bathroom that is next to the sauna on this same floor, get dressed and down a mug of coffee within less than thirty minutes, and it is 6:30 sharp when I get out to meet Tony at the car. The man barely replies to my greeting when he comes to pick up my bag to put it in the trunk and I easily get an idea of his mood. As much as he is an employee of mine and I could reprimand him, I am totally aware of how pissed he must have been by my late behavior and what he must have been through at work, so I keep my mouth shut and let him sulk at the front while I type emails on my Iphone at the back for a moment. He'll get over it at some point but since he put the news on the radio, I know better than to disturb him.

Well, that's until the journalist starts mentioning the FBI and their current serial killer affair in Chicago; my heart suddenly skips a beat at the thought that Liam has been left unwatched since Sunday. They say that another corpse was found in the southern area of the city but the investigators seem to be progressing in their research. Fuck! What if something had happened to Liam? Despite his attention focused on the news, Tony keeps glancing at me in the rearview mirror.

"I have someone following him every morning and evening," he dryly says; plain and simple; and I know that him is Liam.

"Thank you, Tony," I simply reply, but my voice holds a deep gratefulness to which the man just grunts. And grateful, I am. Whatever happened on Sunday between Liam and me, and whatever may happen in the future, it doesn't mean that I will stop caring about his safety - well except for my stupid attitude of the last couple of days. I am not really surprised that Tony took this initiative on his own accord again; he always liked Liam after all and I am truly glad he did.

Instead of pulling over in front of the Pierce Building as he usually does, Tony goes straight to the underground parking and parks near the elevator, making things easier for me rather than having to climb the flight of steps to the ground floor. When I finally reach my office, I take off my jacket and go to plop on my armchair, sighing at the pile of signature books that Ally has left on my desk. It is not the time to slack off again though, so I start my laptop and set to work, applying my signature on dozens and dozens of invoices, contracts, offers and more. The joys of being the CEO...

Just before eight, I unconsciously stand up and go to stand by the window that opens on the street, leaning on the cane and looking down at the passers-by on the pavements. Even if he hadn't looked up toward the top of the building, I would have recognized the blond-head from his quick yet shy walk. Once again I can see him while he can't see me. Once he has disappeared into the building, I try to ignore the little pang in my chest and return to my desk. I know that there is very little risk that I meet Liam in the building since I rarely visit the other floors but what if I do? Will we be able to manage the situation like we did when we were lovers, separating the professional from the private? What if he ignores me, exactly like he should do? Will I be able to handle this? Of course I will. I have to!

Ally arrives a few minutes later and brings me my coffee. Our conversation is rather tense and I can feel some resentment in her attitude, but what can I else should I expect? I may share a lot with her about my personal life, but she doesn't have to know everything and I don't really feel guilty by her pained expression when she returns to her office. Allan keeps me busy all morning as we review more and more project contracts and tenders. Although he tries to be professional, I can see that he is tense and that his politeness is forced.

"Do you have five more minutes?" he asks once we are done with our work and before he leaves.

"Sure..."

"Liam gave me his resignation letter," he informs me point blank. This time I can't ignore the pang in my heart. I don't want him to leave the company. I am certain that people like Allan and his team can help him progress and lead him into an interesting career in architecture or design. I just can't have that! As much as he may hate me, he needs to get past his emotions and use the better of the opportunities my company may offer him.

"What...? Why did he do that?" I exclaim.

"Don't you have your own guess about why?" Allan asks me dryly. "I don't know... Maybe he just doesn't feel at ease working for his jerk of an ex-boyfriend?" he suggests.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't play the fool with me, Josh. You know what I'm talking about. I know that you two are over."

"Well you probably don't know that much. He was the one to break up..."

"You're right. Tony hasn't told me much apart from the fact that something happened. I love you as one of my best friends Josh, but I saw what Liam looked like on Tuesday and even if he was the one to break up, I doubt that he was the one responsible for what brought up the whole situation..." More than Allan's accusations, what holds my attention is what he tells me about Liam.

"How did he look like? And why on Tuesday...?" I ask.

"He called in sick on Monday. And he looked like... a zombie on Tuesday; maybe even worse," Allan explains. I don't understand... When he left me on Sunday, Liam was angry and pained... but mostly angry and determined. He seemed to know what he was doing and what he wanted. So why would he look so awful...? And then... Why would he want to resign? He may consider the boss as a bastard not to love him back, but Pierce Construction is still a good company where he has great opportunities and it would be a shame for him to leave... "Josh, I don't know what the problem is between the two of you, and it's clearly none of my business, but I think that you should try and sort this out. You two make a beautiful couple and I'm certain that there's more to it than you would admit." With that, Allan stands up and heads for the door, but before he walks out, he adds: "By the way... I rejected his resignation."

"Thanks, Allan," I just reply, exhaling a long sigh of relief once he has shut the door.

I am glad that Allan rejected Liam's resignation. When he told me about it, I felt like I was going to lose him for good and if he left the company, I'd probably never see him again. Fuck! I am so confused! Why do I even care since I'm not in love with him? What is it to me if he leaves? That shouldn't be a problem!

Well, I am not so sure about this anymore. I have to admit that I do miss him terribly and much more than I would have thought. Argh... all this is so confusing! Things are not going to be so easy.

Published on 10 Nov 2016