THIRTEEN ; DISTANCE.
(you're not on drugs. i did update. it's a miracle. please read the author's note at the end. also. this isn't edited. that hasn't changed since you last saw me. enjoy!)

CONNOR MALLORY'S LEG had been bouncing up and down for nine minutes and twenty-four seconds straight. Spencer Reid was nearly positive that it wasn't because of the case before them.

His eyes flicked from the screen on the wall, to Connor's face, to his leg. Spencer's lips pulled to the side as he narrowed his eyes. Before anyone could notice, he looked away from him to stare at the table in front of him.

Something was off. Something had felt off to him since he had entered the room. He wasn't sure if anyone had noticed.

When he glanced up to look at Quinn, he found that her gaze was on Connor as well. Her eyes then met his and Spencer knew that she had seen it too. It shouldn't have been a surprise. She saw most things.

It was Jude Atlas placing his mug on the table that snapped the two back into reality. Atlas was looking at them, expression resembling something like skepticism. Quinn knew that there would be some sort of talk after this.

Quinn knew a lot of things. She knew that these kids, wherever they were, were not safe. She knew that people around her were not safe. She knew that she, herself, was not safe. Not as long as The Horsemen were still out there. But that wasn't anything that she wasn't used to.

She also knew Connor. She knew him well and she knew that when he had something on his mind, he was on edge until he was able to spit it out to somebody. The fact that he hadn't shared it with her yet was enough to make her worry.

She shook her head, taking herself out of her thoughts for the second time. She couldn't focus on that right now. That wasn't the top priority. The top priority was finding wherever the hell these kids were and getting them out of the situation they were in because of her.

"Carson." Morgan tapped her arm, and Quinn sighed to find Atlas looking at her incredulously. "Can you repeat what I just said?"

Quinn swallowed, scratching the inside of her arm. "No, sir."

"Where is your head today?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I was just thinking."

He raised a brow. "Care to tell us what about?"

"No," Quinn said, not looking him in the eye. "Sir."

"Well, you should be thinking about this." Atlas pointed to the screen behind him showing the feed. "Because Scotland Yard has opened this case to us." He gave Quinn a fake smile. "That's what I just said."

"My apologies," she said quietly, feeling herself getting smaller under his gaze.

Atlas nodded. "Now that that's taken care of," he said, now opening the conversation to everyone. "They already tried to track the I.P address of the feed. We knew that was a dead-end going in."

"These guys don't miss a thing," Alvez muttered.

"No, they don't," said Atlas. "Which is why it's been nearly impossible to even begin this investigation. That's why Scotland Yard invited us in. They think that we can help them. Don't make them regret this."

JJ flipped the pen in her hand. "When do we start?"

"As soon as possible. I have some cars ready to take us over there now," Atlas answered. "We leave in fifteen. If any of you aren't fully immersed in this--" he glanced at Quinn, "--I suggest you stay behind."

Quinn clenched her jaw as she looked at her boss. She shook her head once, quickly looking away and picking up her belongings. She found Connor's eyes. He froze in his place, knowing the look in her eye. Quinn's confusion only rose as he seemed to move even more quickly out of the room.

Glancing at Spencer, she furrowed her brow, then jabbed her thumb in the direction of the door Connor exited out of. He nodded in understanding.

She was hot on Connor's tail as she followed him, praising herself for not wearing heels this morning. She called his name and she watched him stiffen. He only walked faster.

"Connor!" she repeated. "Stop!"

The man finally did so, reluctantly turning toward her. As Quinn reached him, she looked at him strangely. "Sorry," he apologized. Quinn noted that were was no sympathy in his voice. It was, however, strained. "I couldn't hear you."

Quinn raised her brow. "Remember who you're talking to."

Connor sighed. "Quinn, I really need to get to work."

"What's wrong, Connor?" she asked before he could walk away. "You're more nervous than I've ever seen you."

"No, I'm not," he insisted.

"You're the worst liar in the entire world, you know that right?"

"What makes you think I'm nervous?" he asked, throwing his hands up.

Quinn tilted her head. "Are you serious?" She could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't, but she went on anyway. "The look on your face, you were bouncing your knee, your fingers--"

"Oh, my god," Connor said exasperatedly. Quinn was taken back by the volume of his voice. "Can you stop watching everyone around you and just focus on yourself for once?"

Quinn gaped at him slightly. He'd never raised at his voice at her before. "I'm-"

"No!" he said. "You're so worried about reading everyone around you that you can't take five seconds to look in the mirror and realize..." He trailed off, running his hand down his face.

Quinn moved toward him. "Realize what?"

"The only reason that I'm in this mess is because of you!" he shouted

"This mess?" she asked, not even pausing to be hurt by what he had said. "Mess-- what the hell are you talking about Connor?"

Connor shut his eyes. He'd said too much already. He had to get her away from him. She couldn't know. She couldn't be involved. He bit his lip so hard that he nearly bit the skin.

"Maybe," he began, clenching his fist as he prepared to spit out the ugly words he was preparing. "The reason you can't stop watching the people around you has nothing to do with how much you care about them. Maybe it has everything to do with guilt."

Quinn looked at him in horror. "Connor--"

"Maybe you feel so guilty that your fucked up life has affected so many other people that you think watching out for them makes up for it," he ground out.

As Quinn's lip quivered, she was confused to see that his expression was one of regret. It quickly disappeared as she looked at him. However, she didn't have time to say anything about it as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I think that's enough." While Spencer's voice was tight, the grip on her shoulder was soft. "You have a case to finish, right?"

Connor scoffed, though it was weak. "That's what I was trying to do in the first place, Agent."

"Doctor," Quinn said quietly.

"What?"

Quinn's entire face hardened as she looked at Connor. She stood straight, pushing her shoulders back. "It's not Agent, it's Doctor. I know it, he knows it, you damn well know it," she stated. Connor stepped back as she moved closer toward him. She took a deep breath. "But, yeah. Go finish the case," she said. "Don't let whatever you're hiding from me distract you from it."

She walked away before she could see Connor squeeze his eyes shut and rub his hand down his face. Spencer's gaze stayed on him for a second longer. He then turned to follow Quinn.

She was surprised to feel Spencer lacing his fingers with hers. Quinn glanced toward him only to find him bringing her hand to his lips. He squeezed it once, chuckling as he let it fall.

"What was that for?" she asked.

Spencer gave her a soft grin. "I just forgot how much I missed having you on my side."

Quinn nearly rolled her eyes but found herself smiling instead. The two dropped hands as they walked around the corner, following the rest of their team to the end of the hall.

"He was lying," she said.

Spencer looked down at her. "About what?"

Quinn shook head, glancing behind her, even though she knew that Connor wasn't there. "He was nervous and there was a reason," she replied. "The only reason he said those things was to get me off his case."

"Quinn--"

"He didn't mean any of that," she stated, shaking her head. "He was saying things but they were just words. Hurtful words, but words nonetheless."

Spencer stopped her in the middle of the hall. "How do you know?" Quinn looked at him as if he were dumb. Spencer rolled his eyes, hitting her arm with the back of his fingers lightly. "I know how you know, but what makes you so sure?"

She bit her lip, thinking of the right way to explain this to him.

The was a reason Connor had snapped at her like that. Because she knew Connor well, that meant that Connor knew her well too. He knew how to hit her where it hurt, he knew how to get her off his back. He knew her tendencies and he knew how guilty she did feel for all the baggage she carried around with her. It wasn't right that he had said those things, but she knew that he had a reason to. Connor wouldn't just attack her out of the blue like that.

Quinn finally sighed and told Spencer just that.

He looked reluctant to believe her. She didn't blame him. It sounded crazy, defending the man who had just verbally kicked her ass. But she knew that something was wrong. She had to figure out what Connor couldn't tell her. She had to know what mess she had gotten him involved in.

Spencer was quiet. He didn't say anything for a while. He only looked at Quinn hesitantly, eyes only softening was he spoke to her. "You know that you don't have anything you should feel guilty about, right?"

Quinn furrowed her brow. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "Of course I do."

"None of this happened because of you," he told her. "It was because of the Horsemen and apparently, now that we know about them, the Commission. It may have been about you, but not because of you."

She couldn't look him in the eye. "Isn't that the same thing?"

"You caused nothing. This is because of two groups who've done terrible things. They might use your name as an excuse, but that's all it is. An excuse." He squeezed her hand, and Quinn looked up at him. "This isn't your war, Quinn."

She was rendered silent for a moment. Her next words were quiet. "I know," she said. She closed her eyes, then opened them after a beat. "But that doesn't mean I shouldn't feel something."

Spencer looked at her, moving his head to the side. His eyes became soft, and Quinn detected a hint of fondness beneath. He let go of her hand, turning around to walk again. "C'mon," he said. "Let's go meet the team before you start claiming responsibility for natural disasters."

Quinn raised her brows, following him as he walked backward. "Oh, so you have jokes, now? Did you study stand-up in the two years I was gone?" she asked, voice accusing. Spencer only laughed as Quinn continued to tease him, pleased at the fact that she was now smiling, rather than tearing up as she was only a couple of minutes ago.

And Connor Mallory couldn't help but curse what he had done, knowing fully that he had brought this feeling and situation upon himself. As he watched the BAU leave the building through the security camera screens, he swore under his breath. God, what had he done? He had ruined it. He had ruined everything.

He felt for his phone in his pocket and scrambled to get it out. His fingers shook as chose the contact he desired and began to type.

Small issue.

The response was nearly immediate. Can't be that small if you're texting me about it.

Connor sighed. I had to distance myself from her.

Biting the inside of his cheek, he awaited the response.

Why?

One word had never been so intimidating. Because I had to. He sent the text. His finger tapped against the side of his phone before he added. I'm sorry, sir. Something might happen tonight. Whatever does happen, just know that I did my best.

Connor Mallory then turned his phone off, ignoring the messages he knew were to steadily follow his. He should have never touched that stupid game. Never.

-----

AUTHOR'S NOTE (love u):

wowza. it's been a while. i owe y'all an explanation as to where the hell i've been.

i started writing trep when i was fifteen. i came up with the plot, the characters and the horsemen group at that age too. i continued writing through my sixteenth year and began writing green light when i was seventeen. since then, trep has become my most popular fic, racking up over 500k reads and a whole bunch of you who like to come back to follow the spencer and quinn and the horsemen story. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate that.

however, since then, three years have passed. i turned eighteen in june and like to think that i'm a different person from who i was when i was fifteen. while we still love things like tv, ice cream and writing, the way that we enjoy these things have changed. when i was fifteen, i was watching the carrie diaries. i'm currently rewatching ozark as i write this note. my favorite ice cream flavor used to be cookie dough, but it's now chocolate peanut butter. and as for writing, well, a lot in style has changed there. novels used to be my goal, but currently, i'm working on a screenplay.

listen. this note probably makes you think i'm discontinuing this fic, or something. that is not the case at all.

i am just not happy with the way that i chose to plot this fic. there are so many things about trep i would change now. however, i can't go back and change them, because it would fuck with everything you guys already know. the way that i wanted to plot green light when i first started writing it is not the way that i would plot it now. and i can't fix that either because again, it would fuck with everything you guys know.

that's why i've been so reluctant to update this fic. that why it took me so long to get my shit together, sit down and finish this chapter. it's just because i'm unhappy with it. it's not fun writing things that you used to adore, but can't feel that way about anymore.

nonetheless, i do acknowledge how important it is to learn from your writing and grow in result. i know i have a lot of younger writers reading this. absorb this idea. it's important to grow. if you keep writing, you will. i promise you that.

the fact that i used to watch the carrie diaries, i used to love cookie dough ice cream and that i used to work at novels doesn't make me a bad person, it's a result of my growth as a person. the reason i don't love writing trepidation as much as i used to doesn't make me a bad person. it just shows that i'm not fifteen anymore and have learned.

in closing, i just wanted to clear up that in no way am i going to stop writing this fic. it just might take me a little longer to update. at least, until i finish plotting a fic that i'm satisfied with enough to give to you guys. you deserve the best and that's what i want to give you.

if you actually read that hunk of shit, i applaud you. you're a real one. you guys are the reason i stay writing this fic. thank you for your endless support, especially during that like eight month period where i basically ghosted this fic i'm sorry about that again

love you all tons.
-mags