FOUR ; RESURRECTION.

QUINN CARSON COULDN'T remember a time, in the period she had known him, that she had ever been intimidated by Spencer Reid.

But, as the man sat before her, awaiting an explanation as to what had happened two years ago, her fingers began to tap against the side of her leg. How she had survived, what she had done, and how she ended up in London, working for one of his best friends, were all things that she had include in her talk. She wasn't sure how he would react to any of it.

She exhaled heavily, glancing up at him warily. "What do you want to know first?"

He didn't hesitate before his reply. "Did you actually pass?"

He'd been thinking about this. Quinn let out a shuddering breath, eyes closing. "Yes," she answered, not planning to hold back the truth. She watched him exhale shakily, then bite the inside of his cheek. "The bullet barely missed my spinal cord. The mix of the torture, drugs and blood loss was what truly killed me." Quinn swallowed harshly, suddenly finding it difficult to speak. "They- uh, were able to revive me in surgery. Hotch told me that it was a similar procedure that saved Emily. They were able to stabilize me enough to save me."

Spencer nodded, eyes trained on the carpet below him. "Did he know the whole time?" he asked, expanding as Quinn furrowed her brow. "Hotch. Did he help relocate you?"

Quinn nodded hesitantly. She recalled the memory of her final face-to-face conversation with Aaron Hotchner, their words running through her mind on a continuous loop.

The room was silent. Neither of them spoke to each other, knowing deep down what had to happen to ensure the safety of everyone they both loved.

"I can't subject you to this anymore," she whispered. "Any of you."

"Carson-"

"For all Masters knows, I'm dead. That was the plan from the start. I wasn't anything but leverage for seven years. Joseph Lawrence was going to kill me. That was the only way that this was going to end," Quinn stated, voice hoarse. She let out a shuddering sigh, avoiding eye contact with her boss. "I can't have him attacking you all because of me. I can't."

Aaron fought to catch her gaze, and when he did, he understood. He had seen this occur with Emily Prentiss in 2011. He saw all of the pain, indecisiveness and rage written across her face. She didn't want to do this.

It didn't matter what she wanted. She had to do this.

"I know you're not used to receiving them, but I'm giving you an order," she muttered, a weak smile stretching her lips as she shifted to sit up straight on the hospital bed. "I will die, and no one else here, or anywhere will suffer."

The leader looked at her carefully. Quinn's eyes darted over his features, attempting to catch any sign of a tell as to what the man was thinking. She despised deducing Hotch. He always a challenge to read.

"This is for the safety of everyone," he said. Quinn nodded, feeling her heart drop. "Especially the safety of you."

Quinn's lips tugged upward at his words. She was quiet for a moment before asking about the only thing holding her back. "Will they hate me?"

Aaron's eyes never left hers. He shook his head. "They'll understand," he replied, putting little ease to her racing heart. He paused momentarily. "He'll understand, Carson." A ghost of a smile shadowed his expression as she widened her eyes. "You do realize that you work with profilers, right?"

Quinn couldn't help but laugh. It was light-hearted, hiding the nerves she felt. She broke the silence by clearing her throat. "Thank you," she said. Hotch furrowed his brow in question. "I know that it was a risk letting me join the Bureau. You pushed for my acceptance. You gave me the life that I was unable to live. So, thank you." Quinn shrugged, fighting the urge to tap her fingers against her leg. "In case I haven't told you."

Quinn was surprised to see a genuine smile break out on the leader's face. He bowed his head, shaking it shortly after. "You have nothing to thank me for, Quinn. It was you." He glanced at the door beside him, turning back to her. "I should-"

"Go," she finished, nodding, the pit in her stomach growing even larger. She fought the opposing thoughts in her mind, grimacing as they called her selfish, sending her images of her broken genius- broken team to taunt her. She was doing the right thing. She had to be.

However, before Aaron was able to leave the room, Quinn stopped him. "Hotch," she croaked. He looked at her in concern, brows drawn downward. Tell him no. Let them know that you're alive. She shook her head, swallowing her words. "Keep the beard a little longer," she said, smiling softly through her worries. "It looks nice."

He then laughed, nodding as he left the room. "Will do," he agreed. The two met eyes once more. "Be safe, Quinn."

"Will do," she replied, the overwhelming amount of guilt beginning to wash over her.

Quinn took a deep breath, watching her words sink into Spencer. He processed the story (and could probably repeat it verbatim), nodding slowly. "Are he, Emily and, uh- Connor, the only people who knew?"

"I told Baldwin a little while ago," she responded, a hint of a smile appearing as she thought of her friend. "And I guess Rossi got it out of Hotch that I was alive. I got a check in the mail every month." Quinn shrugged. "Everyone else knew me as Katherine Croft."

"You went by your middle name?" he asked, head tilted to the side slightly. Quinn felt her cheeks burn as he remembered, but nodded nonetheless. "Why 'Croft'?"

Quinn shrugged. "It sounded cool," she stated lamely, grinning as she listened to Spencer laugh. "I wish I had a better story for that."

His smile faded, but was still prominent as he looked up at her. "I'd say you have a pretty good one to make up for it," he said, smiling to himself as he watched her chuckle. There was a sudden quiet between them, the two exchanging glances before Spencer spoke again. "How did you end up here?"

"Well," she began, inhaling quickly, "Hotch wanted to make sure that I was in a place that he knew that I'd be safe. So, he called Emily and told her the situation. She agreed to take me in, helping me establish residency as Croft, eventually hiding me from the Bureau and anyone who could access files."

"Like Masters," Spencer said, voicing the name that she didn't wish to say.

"Exactly," she confirmed quietly. "I was no longer Quinn Carson. She didn't exist anymore. I was only Croft."

"You weren't to us," he whispered, almost as if he were afraid to speak the words at full volume. Quinn shut her eyes, the guilt returning for a second course. "You weren't to me, Quinn."

She felt her heart crack. "Spencer-"

"I know you had to," he said, nodding. "It's what made the most sense, it kept everyone safe. But we were all destroyed, Quinn. Morgan didn't joke until a week after. Garcia hardly smiled. JJ was short with all of us." He shook his head. "Even though you were only with us for a short amount of time, you had such an impact on all of us. It wasn't fair for you to just be gone like that."

"And that's why I had to get you that note," said Quinn. "I gave Hotch the sweater to give back to you as a way to give you the 'green light' paper. I couldn't leave you knowing that you thought I was gone." She shut her eyes. "I don't know if that made things worse for you or if it helped. Maybe I was selfish, only thinking about the guilt that I felt. But I just knew that I couldn't leave you without answers." Quinn shook her head. "Not like that."

When she opened her eyes, she was taken back by the way he was looking at her. His stare was intense, as if he were evaluating her every move. "Why?"

Why? Why couldn't I leave you like that? Quinn knew the answer. It taunted her in the back of her mind, begging her to blurt the answer. She couldn't bring herself to admit it. He wouldn't feel the same. She couldn't ruin things when they had just begun again. "Because you're you, Spencer," she replied after a moment of silence. "You're too important to me to leave like that."

Though his eyes remained the same, a smile broke out on his face. The genius nodded slowly, accepting the answer.

The same quiet enveloped them again. Their gazes met as they had done before. Spencer saw how it pained Quinn to speak about what had happened two years ago. With the recent events, the last thing that she needed was to explain it to him anymore. He would ask another day. "How are you, Quinn?"

Quinn was perplexed by the sudden question. She couldn't think of the last time that someone had looked her in the eye and asked her how she was. Her smile turned soft, staring at the doctor gratefully. "Honest?"

"Honest."

"I'm torn," she stated, watching Spencer nod. "I'm ecstatic to see the team again. But the Horsemen?" She shook her head, stomach churning. "That's a different story." The genius frowned, looking for a way to reassure her, but coming up with nothing. He was reluctant to promise her anything, as he had broken the last that he had made to her. Before he could say anything, she spoke. "What about you?"

Spencer paused for a moment, debating his answer. "I've missed you," he said truthfully, hiding his smile as he watched Quinn widen her eyes slightly, his cheeks turning red. "We all have. It's been tough." He shrugged. "But we pushed through it. We added new two members to the team."

"Alvez and Lewis, correct?"

Spencer smiled. "Yes," he said. "They're great additions, and are beginning to fit in really well."

Quinn noticed a sense of reluctance within his words. She narrowed her eyes. "There's something that you're not telling me. What's wrong?"

Spencer paled, having realized that she had caught onto his issues with his mother. He hadn't told her about his mother yet. Spencer shook his head, not wanting to burden Quinn with his worries at a time like this. "It's nothing important," he lied, immediately regretting his choice, as he remembered who he was speaking to.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "I don't even have to scold you for lying to me anymore, you do it yourself," she teased.

"It's nothing of importance as of right now," he corrected, watching Quinn roll her eyes. "I'll let you know at a different time. There's other things at stake."

She wanted to argue, but there was a certain defiance written across his face that made her stay quiet. "Fine," she muttered.

Spencer chuckled. "Thank you."

Quinn looked at him after a second. "So, you're staying the night?" she asked, eyebrows raised in question.

The genius tried to hide his grimace behind a confident nod. "I made a last minute decision," he told her. "I figured it wouldn't make sense for me to go back."

"Mhmm," Quinn hummed, smiling as she saw him begin to get flustered. "So, it had nothing to do with the sudden news of my friendship with my neighbor?"

The look of offense that Spencer wore made Quinn burst into laughter. "What?" he said, voice raising an octave. "If you're implying the idea that I'm jealous of your friendship with the grocery man, you're dead wrong."

Her giggles only grew louder with his protests. "Grocery man?" she asked through breaths. Spencer couldn't help but smile as he watched her, even if it was his own demise. "God, you can't lie."

"I'm not lying!" he cried. "Why would I be jealous?"

Quinn's laughter died down as she shrugged. "I don't know," she replied, still smiling. "I've just, I've never seen you change your mind like that. It was very anti-Spencer Reid."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She glanced at him before looking away and blushing. "Well, I- uh, unfortunately don't have a guest room in this place."

The genius shook his head at her. "Don't worry about it," he said. "This'll do," he assured her, patting the sofa softly.

Quinn smiled, scratching the inside of her wrist as she got up. "I'll get you some blankets," she said, turning toward the small closet that hid in the hall outside of the living area.

When she returned, he was up from his seat, taking the blankets out of her hand and laying them on the couch. He thanked her, biting the inside of his cheek, before pulling her to his chest.

Quinn sighed as she laid her cheek against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. He didn't hate her. He didn't hate her. The two of them stood there, swaying slightly as they enjoyed one another's company.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, whispering his words into her hair. "I just- It's still hard to grasp. You're here. You're real."

Her heart hammered in her chest as she squeezed him tighter. "I'm okay, Spencer," she assured. "I'm not going anywhere." She chuckled. "You're stuck with me for a while."

"There are worse things in the world."

Quinn then went scarlet, smiling as she hid her face in his chest.

The genius soon pulled away from her, pressing his lips to the crown of her head in parting. She glanced up at him. "Sleep well, okay?" he told her.

Quinn nodded. "You too," she replied, backing away from him, leaving Spencer alone with his makeshift bed, sending him one last smile before disappearing into the hall.

Quinn Carson couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she shut the door to her room behind her. Little did she know, Spencer Reid was doing the same.

---

so this chapter was cute and fluffy but also gave a shit ton of info as to what happened two years ago. it also helps give you a bit of insight to quinn and hotch's relationship. it's nice to develop it bc they weren't super close in trep, but he's gonna play a role in her life and i am so excited

anyway !! thank you so much for nearly 8k on this story and your continuous support. you don't know how much it means to me.

also! thank you to all who follow me! i recently reached 1K and i physically combust i love you guys so much ugh

love you all tons!
-mags