Please excuse ANY grammatical errors.

March 8, 1999

~DeVanté's P.O.V~

"So are there any problems the two of you are dealing with? Are there any new concerns you have about one other?" Mrs. Doreen asked us.

"Oh, the first problem..." I trailed off, tapping my fingers against the armrest, glancing at my fiancée.

The feeling of hesitance washed over me about the topic I was about to mention, BUT this is therapy. This is where we're supposed to let certainly problems our. However, still maintain some type of balance with a therapist too. Why? My personal therapist wonders why I reveal certain things to them.

"It's not necessarily new, but a problem nevertheless. I know that this is only our second session, but I feel the need to say this," I said opening up.

"Then, by all means, go at it Mr. DeGrate," Mrs. Doreen smiled.

"We're both having a hard time abstaining," I told her.

"Okay," she nodded with a smile. "That's something I haven't heard from someone your guy's age in a very long time."

"Tell me about it. I never thought I'd be here," I joked.

"So tell me your reasons for abstinence?" Mrs. Doreen asked us and I looked over to Tia.

"Years ago, I decided that I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage," Tia replied.

"When and why'd you decide that?"

"I decided that when I was a teenager. My reasoning is that I don't want to be attached to someone strictly based on sex and sexual desire. That tends to lead to raising kids alone because sex has become so casual to people that it means nothing to many. Although, I'm fully aware that anyone can be a single mother, even married people are raising their children alone and the husband still lives with them. Lastly, it's just something I want to do. I have my own morals," Tia shrugged.

"Mr. DeGrate, is this your first time ever becoming abstinent?"

"Yes," I exhaled. "Like I said, it's not something I ever thought I'd be doing. I'm committed to it, but it's still a difficult transition... Because for me, this is definitely a transition."

"Why'd you agree to abstinence?" Mrs. Doreen asked me.

"Well, I wanted Tia to know that I was really committed to trying out a relationship with each other. If that was the only way, then so be it. We had known and been friends with each other for years. It was even more difficult because there was always an unspoken sexual tension between the two of us. She made these things clear at the beginning of our decision. Not only that, but I respect her," I said fiddling with my thumbs. "To add onto that, I had already stopped having sex way before Tia and I became romantic partners."

Mrs. Doreen looked at Tia. "Did you expect him to react that way?"

"No, but I was fine with that," Tia looked over at me. "I had no idea you stopped way before we became romantic. That's surprising." Then Tia looked at Mrs. Doreen again. "We would have still been friends, but no I didn't expect him to react that way," the corners of Tia's lips turned downward and she shrugged.

"Actually, no," I looked over at my fiancée. "I couldn't have remained just friends with you after concluding that I had deep feelings for you. Not for long anyway. I couldn't be around you all the time AGAIN as just friends with things already up in the air. That's pure torture. We've done it before, but we're older now with more serious feelings. Everything is a bit more intense."

With a surprised look on her face, Tia's mouth dropped. "Really?"

"Mos' def," I nodded.

"It seems to be a problem on your end about his response. Is there a problem, Ms. Andrews?"

"No, I'm just shocked," Tia replied to Mrs. Doreen.

"Hmm, so back to the abstinence conversation, do you two sleep in the same bed?"

"We do," we both replied together.

"Have you ever thought that maybe that's impacting your intensified sexual feelings?"

"Nope and I still don't," I chuckled.

"Actually, I do," Tia spoke up. "I don't sleep with many clothes and to be honest... Sometimes none at all if it's too hot and- you see how that can be a problem and I understand. Relationships have some sacrifices, but I cannot sleep any other way because I get hot too quickly. The further that we get into this relationship journey, I realize that this abstinence stuff was and is a bit unrealistic the way we eventually went about it."

"Unrealistic in what way?"

"When two people love each other, it's natural that they have sexual attraction with one another," Tia replied.

I turned my body to my fiancée, "I don't think it's unrealistic. It's attainable. It's just that the way things started caught me all the way off guard. I'm committed to it, but I'm struggling," I squinted. "You are probably more than me, which is extremely surprising considering you've never had sex."

"Ms. Andrews, do you feel that you're struggling more than Mr. DeGrate?

"Yes and no," Tia nodded. "It's even surprising to me. However, I know that I'm mentally and morally strong enough to avoid sex. Especially with the help of Donald. He's been supportive," Tia took a deep breath and turned to me. "We never talked about it since that particular night," she hinted at her birthday. "But my mind still hasn't changed, I'm still ready. I made that pact with myself when I was about fifteen or sixteen. That was more than ten years ago. I'm in a different headspace now. I feel as if my mind is in a more healthy place to make these decisions."

"I-" I gulped down the lump in my throat, "I- you never- we never spoke about this topic since then and this is a surprise to me."

"I've been following the rules my entire life. I've been doing everything right so far."

"And now you want to do everything wrong?" I asked not completely understanding what she meant.

"No, I want to live my life the way I see fit. I've been "the good girl" for most of my life. It's pretty exhausting holding back in more ways than one," Tia explained to me.

"Yeah, and I've been doin' everything the WRONG way ever since I could remember. That led me into all types of bad situations that I do, in fact, regret, but I've also learned from them. I've been following my own rules. Despite what you feel, I feel that we need to continue on this journey. I feel that I need to continue on this journey and do it the right way for a change. I've gone about things the wrong way most of my life." I elucidated, and then Tia nodded, letting me know that she was listening. "This is all new to me. Sure, I wasn't having sex, but you've officially imprinted the idea in my head and I want to follow through with something the first time for a change."

"It seems like the two of you are on different pages about this particular topic at the moment."

"Yeah, we are," Tia looked away from me. "However, I'm willing to go about things the Donald sees fit. We'll do it together."

"We can definitely do it too. I mean, we only have about a few more months left. That's not too far away."

"The two of you said you're abstinent, which is different from celibacy. Abstinence can also be the practice of abstaining from penetrative sex. Are you partaking in other sexual forms of expression?"

"Definitely," I nodded while holding back a smile.

"Indeed, we do," Tia co-signed.

I'm truly surprised that Tia is answering all of these questions being that she really touches on the topic of sex very much.

"Do you think that if the two of you express yourselves in other sexual manners it may be a problem to remain abstinent?"

"Possibly," Tia nodded. "I do feel that in the midst of those moments, they seem to be the hardest. I still have enough willpower and Donald reminds me which also helps. As I've previously stated, he's very supportive and strong-willed."

"That's good. However, maybe the two of you should stop all sexual activities and there won't be as much temptation as before."

"Mm..." I twisted my head, then made eye contact with Tia. "Is that what you want? Do you agree with this?"

"I mean, we could definitely try..." Tia trailed off with uncertainty.

"We could definitely try," I told her, feeling my entire body ache.

"Right away?" Tia asked me with raised eyebrows.

"Whenever we're ready," I shrugged. "Whatever it is, it shall be mutual."

"The sooner, the better. I guess..." Tia inhaled, then exhaled deeply.

"You don't sound too ready," I eyed her. "I don't feel ready. That's the hard part. Stopping everything."

"Another challenge. Just know that if you fail at not expressing yourselves sexually with each other, then you could always start over," Mrs. Doreen responded to us. "It's not the end of the world. This will be between the two of you."

"Yes, but I like to stick to my commitments. I like to prove to myself that I can get through things," I smiled at my fiancée. "It's just a few months until the wedding." Tia looked over at me as I spoke, and I could tell she was internally fighting with her thoughts. I reached over, grabbing her hand. "Listen, if you want to wait on an official decision, then we could do just that. We ain't got to decide right away."

"Thank you," she smiled at me, "I think want to wait," Tia replied.

"The two of you seem to be patient with one another," Mrs. Doreen smiled.

"For the most part, we are. There are some situations where we aren't as patient," Tia spoke up.

"Naturally," Mrs. Doreen smiled. "Are there any other concerns that we should touch on during this session?"

"Yes, I have a topic that I want to touch on," Tia inhaled sharply. "Donald, babe, I don't- I don't want to offend you in any way, but this is just one of my deep fears when it comes to us, our future, and especially with children."

"This is what couples counseling is for, Ms. Andrews," Mrs. Doreen replied to Tia, then waited for her to continue. "To voice any past, present, and future concerns."

"Donald has been sober for a little over three years now. At first, I was more confident, but then his mother brought things to our attention. What if he relapses? I know the further you are away from your sobriety date, that there's less chance of relapsing, but there is always a possibility," Tia told her, looking over at me. "Yes, he's extremely strong-willed. Deep down, I'm a little worried."

"I knew that this would eventually pop up..." I trailed off, twisting my lips.

"Your response to her concerns?"

"All I can say is that I think back to the past and I never want to be stuck in that dark cycle again," I said staring at Tia, twiddling with my thumbs.

"I get that, but it isn't just the relapsing part, it's what comes along with it. The brain changes and so does the personality- your personality shifts. It's scary to deal with," Tia told me, flailing one of her hands as she spoke. "You're scary. What if by that point we have children and they witness certain things? I don't want to have to raise children on my own. Financially, I'll probably be fine, but it's hard raising a child or children alone. It takes an emotional and mental toll on the woman and the children. Most of all the women before me have done it with struggle."

"Then you'll have to take the kids away from me," I stated. "I don't want our children to be harmed in any way. I love myself and want to live a long and prosperous life. I love you too and I don't want to harm you and others I love in any manner. What can I do to reassure you that I'm not going back?"

Mrs. Doreen looked away from me with an impressed look, then at Tia.

"Donald, you're doing all that you can. You've been living up to your words with your actions, but that doesn't keep my mind from being afraid of the possibility of things," Tia told me. "I don't know why I brought it up. It's something that I have to work on myself."

"Together," Mrs. Doreen corrected. "The two of you have to work on this together. The two of you haven't even been together for a complete year and you've been sober for nearly four years, correct?"

"Yes," I confirmed.

"So you were addicted to... What was your addiction Mr. DeGrate?" Mrs. Doreen squinted.

"Prescriptions were the main thing. Alcohol was another and then there was marijuana that was sometimes unknowingly spiked," I revealed.

Tia raised her eyebrows at me because I've never mentioned the spiked portion of things. I'm sure it was which added to my paranoia.

"Oh, have you quit all things?" Mrs. Doreen asked me.

"All or nothing is what I was told and what I'm living by," I replied.

"So your former addiction life occurred when the two of you were just friends?" She asked us.

"Yes," I answered her question.

"Tia, your concern is very normal. So what occurred that makes you so afraid of him relapsing?"

"He becomes-" Tia folded her lips into her mouth, becoming apprehensive. "He becomes violent and just terrifying as a whole."

"What happened?"

"When I found out Donald was abusing prescriptions, I took them out of his care and flushed some down the toilet. He came to my hotel because he knew I had taken them from his home. When he entered my hotel room, he began screaming at me and punched a hole into a wall near my head asking for them," Tia replied in detail like Mrs. Doreen wanted.

Mrs. Doreen's eyes rose, "oh." She sounded completely taken aback.

(PSA: Ladies and girls, I don't want any of you to repeat any of this. If a man hits you or is violent with you in ANY way, LEAVE. Don't confront them either, because it could turn MORE violent and even deadly. I'm specifically talking to the black community because black girls and women have a history of Stockholm Syndrome. Not only that, but statistics show that we, black women and girls, have a high death rate when it comes to domestic violence. We're taught to forgive our abusers while still in close contact with them. Usually, it starts with family.)

"After that, what happened?" Mrs. Doreen leaned in.

"We went out in separate ways, cutting all contact and- and-"

"I almost completely ruined her reputation out of bitterness," I spoke as it still weighed heavy on my chest. "In this business, reputation is everything, especially something as deep as stealin'. Nobody wants to invite you places and we need to network to work."

Being that Tia is a woman and a black one at that, she was hardly believed like the many black women before her. Sure, there are some women who lie about certain things, but men also lie. What Tia did was her attempt to help me out. I could tell that my fiancée doesn't want to go deeply into details because it's embarrassing for her and for myself. The fact that we're currently engaged after what happened is crazy.

If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't have forgiven myself to my face regardless of how many years went by. I'm forever grateful that she did forgive me and we're in the position to be getting married. It is said that once a man hits a woman, or is violent towards her, more than likely, things will escalate which in most cases is true. I, however, don't have that in me to hit a woman, especially mine, the one that I'm deeply in love with and support who does nothing but love and support me. Although I didn't hit her, I completely understand her fear.

"Wow, it's very surprising that you two have made it this far. Mrs. Andrews, do you have a history with staying in contact with people who've hurt you?"

"Yes," I answered the question for her. "That's a fact."

"The good thing is some people didn't believe him due to his substance abuse and-" Tia glanced at me. "Yeah. I wouldn't be in the position that I'm in within my career if they had," Tia replied.

"Due to my reputation and substance abuse," I said being honest. "Admittedly, I don't- didn't have the best reputation while I was abusing various substances. I've been slowly building it again over the past three years and some major change."

"I see," she smiled. "Also, Mr. DeGrate?" She looked directly at me. "Please understand that sometimes empty promises are thrown out into the air and when repeated promises are broken, it hurts more than anything. You both were very open with this first two sessions which is rare. It seems as if you've been working on yourselves, but this session has come to an end."

I looked over at the clock and saw that we went a few minutes overtime, then laughed. "Yeah, surprisingly, we were."

I'm surprised that this therapist didn't have a timer like other therapists do. Tia and Mrs. Doreen stood up and I immediately stood up afterwards.

"Thank you," Tia told her.

Thank her for what? This lady is getting paid to do this. It's her job to sit and speak with us. Mrs. Doreen was recommended by my therapist.

"Have a nice evening," I smiled, shaking her hand.

My fiancée and I left her office and when we made it to the car, I finally spoke. "I'm surprised that you opened up when the topic of sex came up, especially being that it was ONLY the second session."

"I know and I wasn't expecting it either," Tia chuckled. "Initially, I was embarrassed, but after all, we had to address things that we don't normally address."

"I'm proud that you did. You want to go eat out?" I asked her.

"Mm, nah... This time I'll pass. I'm tired as heck, but we can get some takeout. Oooh, times like these back home, I would get some Sharks or something from JJ's Fish and Chicken. Oooh, how I missed that place," she said. "You've got to try it whenever we visit my city."

"Sharks?" I asked in a skeptical tone. "Like actually sharks?"

"No," she giggled. "It's a chicken and seafood place. They don't sell Sharks, but everything is good. I'm sure you'll like their honey BBQ sauce too. They can dip your chicken inside and fries. I used to love it, but you know about my new beef with BBQ sauce, right?"

"You got beef with all the food, including beef," I told her, laughing.

"Screw you!" She said laughing at me. "I'm serious though. I have to one day take you to Indiana. Mississippi too. I have to show you how big the plantation is. It's massive, Donald."

"Massive? Ain't nothin' I haven't heard before," I joked and Tia tapped my arm, laughing.

"Be serious, dude," she chuckled.

"No, but now that I think about it, you have never taken me home."

"There's a good reason for that too. There are not many homes to visit. I mean, I have my grandmother and grandfather on my sperm donor side and a few cousins and aunts, but that's all," she said applying Vaseline to her lips. "It's honestly depressing there."

Tia has a large family back in Indiana. The problem is... Well, there are a lot of problems concerning her family. The pedophilia, the protection of said pedophiles, the ostracization of the sexually abused, Stockholm Syndrome, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and so many more other things. Honestly, I don't blame her. It's not just her immediate family that's fucked up, but damn near the entire family on her mother's side.

She's like the black sheep of her family. Always different and distant from the rest, which is one of the multiple reasons she isolated herself from her fucked up family at such a young age. My fiancée comes from a fucked up family and she somehow managed to come out as an overall good person. Tia isn't perfect in the eyes of many but for me? Call me dangerously in love, but she's the most perfect person. She has her shit, but she also owns up to her shit.

"You just had an entire list of people, but there's nothin'?" I chortled. "I don't blame you either. Now the hard part is finding out what you want to eat..." I trailed off, finally pulling off now that the car had warmed up.

"The hard part?" Tia asked me.

"Exactly."

"That's the easiest part," she eyed me, then started laughing. "Psych, no! You're correct. That's one of the reasons we eat late, most of the time."

"I know that I am. Now, what are you in the mood for?"

"Mm, either Chinese or some deep-fried shrimp and fries. Hmmm..." She looked out through the windshield.

My head jerked back, "Chinese food?" I asked her. "You ain't touched it since the last time you got sick years ago."

This woman was so damn sick years ago, this is before we fell out, but stuff was constantly coming out of both ends. When I say constantly, I mean constantly. The bathroom was blown up.

"I know, but... I think I want some fried shrimp. Forget Chinese food. You reminded me of that time and it was a HORRIBLE feeling," she shook her head.

"That was pretty damn fast. I mean both things. How quick you were to change your mind, how fast you chose what you wanted to eat for dinner, and the fact that you chose something unhealthy. Even though, both were unhealthy choices," I told her.

"Mm, I've got to live a little," she chuckled. "Make the dress to fit me and not the other way around. Don't get me wrong because I don't want to look like a balloon or a busted can of biscuits. Just as long as I look beautiful in my dress. As long as I'm satisfied."

"Amen. I agree with everything you said to the T. The woman makes the dress, the dress doesn't make her. I mean that in a literal and figurative manner, Mrs. De. De for Designer," I told her, side-eyeing her to see if she caught that corny joke.

"You're so lame!" She said laughing. "My, gosh, Donald."

"How's the dress-making coming along?" I asked her.

"Almost done, DeGrate. How's your suit coming along?" She asked me.

"Mm, I don't have a clue, but I trust Elijah to do it like the sketch," I told her. "Trying on all those damn suits was a lot within itself."

"It was tiring trying on so many dresses to see what I wanted, but it was also fun," Tia replied.

"Umm... You're a woman and many women like the shopping experience. I, however, find it irritating as hell trying on a whole bunch of shit in the store, which is why I just buy a bunch of shit and take it back once I finally do try that shit on at home throughout the week."

"Which is also another way that you waste money. Sometimes you try things out too late and can't take it back," Tia reminded me.

"Which reminds me how I have you. You're good with that type of stuff, Mrs. Fashion Designer. I do miss having a team of stylists, but that shit was for public appearances and videos for the group."

"Every time you went out was a public experience," Tia shook her head at me.

"Exactly! Less work," I laughed. "I just like to dress nice and sometimes simple."

"What are you in the mood for?" Tia asked me.

"I don't really care. I'll just order whatever I see looks good when we go through the drive-through," I shrugged. "I'm down for whatever."

"How do you feel after that session?" Tia asked me.

"Mm, I feel indifferent. I mean, we were given a suggestion which by the way, are you actually considering it?" I squinted over at her.

"Yeah, I'm considering it, but I'm just not ready to make that decision yet. Step by step. Baby ones."

"Nah, I don't like that step-by-step shit because you gon' be sayin' shit at the most darin' moments," I chuckled.

"I promise you that we are in this together. We're going to make these decisions together as a future married couple. We could probably start by adding the pillow between us like before OR by you keeping your hands off of my breasts or between my thighs when you sleep," Tia suggested.

"That shit do not be gettin' you hot and I don't do it all the time," I told her.

"You're correct about the second part, but you do that very often, Donald. Plus, how you gon' tell me what gets me hot?" Tia turned her body towards me.

"Hey, look... That's a sign of comfort and warmth. Your titties just be warm as fuck which is the opposite of the temperature of the room. How about we keep the temperature in the middle to please both of us instead of either having it too hot for you or too cold for me? The hotness makes your ass strip, and the coldness causes me to cuddle up close to you which isn't good most mornings. I don't even be turned on, sometimes..." I quickly added that sometimes part. "I can't anyway when I'm freezin', but when I settle in that's a different story depending on everything."

"I'm glad that you're so self-aware. I don't mind it at all when you cuddle up with or against me. It's just how it affects you, which ends up affecting me which takes a sexual turn," Tia nodded towards me.

"That drug situation is what surprised me," I glanced at her. "I get it though," I shrugged. "I was told once addicted, always addicted because once you do something again, it'll most likely become a habit again. I just- I just have a hard time confronting my past in front of other people, especially ones that had nothing to do with the situation."

"I feel the same about my sexual life," she chuckled. "I mean, we've had practice speaking to others regarding our personal lives during one one-on-one sessions with therapists."

"Which is why we were more comfortable."

"One person that could relate is my grandmother," she looked over at me.

"What does that mean?" I asked her.

"My grandmother was dating my grandfather, the one she's married to, and he unknowingly was using drugs. It wasn't prescriptions, but it was heroin and maybe other things too. The thing is that he wasn't using it in the obvious places on his body. It was places that you never would've guessed. Women can find out their men are using drugs because when you go to the gynecologist, it's found inside of the vagina. All around the cervix."

"What?" I cocked my head to the side in surprise

"Yeah."

"Like, how?"

"When you're addicted to drugs, you're consuming so much that it shows up in the sweat of that person and the sperm of a man which ends up all around the cervix of a woman if they're having sex unprotected," Tia replied. "Which reminds me that I should call them."

"You learn somethin' every day."

"Yep, that's how she found out. When she confronted him, he admitted it. That same day, he told her that he'd come back to her when he's clean and that's what he did. He showed up at her door clean as a whistle. That man has never gone back to that lifestyle and they've been happily married for nearly forty years."

"Damn..." I trailed off. "That's some love right there."

"Yeah, and he's not my biological grandfather, but he's definitely the only one I've ever known on that side of my family. That man is better than my biological grandfather on my mother's side, but I won't get into him. For better or for worse and they both stood together through it all. When my grandmother found out about her cancer diagnosis, she told him that if he no longer wanted to be with her that he could go. We all know how it goes when a woman gets sick. MOST men- men have a VERY high percentage of cheating or leaving their sick wives. That man told her that he ain't goin' nowhere," she chuckled. "Those were his EXACT words. Where is he today? Still by her side with a smile and faithful. My grandmother is STILL a handful," she squealed with her fist balled up. "It's just so freaking cute. This is something that she has told everyone which is why I'm telling you. My grandmother is an open book. Sometimes too open and nasty."

I laughed, "I be hearing her sometimes over the phone when you talk to her. Damn, I can look up to them, especially that I can relate to him. If you think about it, our situation is more similar to theirs than you think."

"Tell me more," Tia gestured.

"Some time into when we met, I told your ass that-"

"I was going to be your wife," Tia chuckled.

"Mmhm, then the things eventually went south with everything that happened. We made our way back to each other and things are how they are now. It took a while, but we found our way to where we currently are. I'm lovin' every bit of it too," I grabbed her hand, then looked over at Tia again. "We should go to your crib."

She immediately squinted at me, "we sleep in a crib?"

"Come on now, Tia. You know what I meant," I coughed out a laugh.

"It's fine. We can go to my house."

"I'm trying to do some fat shit. Eat, watch TV in bed, then fall the fuck asleep right after eating," I told her.

"We'd have to put a sheet down to avoid sleeping in crumbs because we both hate that. The both of us would be tossing and turning all night."

"Mmhm," I pulled up in front of one of the spots we went to some time ago and waited in the drive-through line. "Who would've thought a fast food place would be this long on a Monday?"

"They were just thinking the same thing we're thinking and coming home from work with no energy to stand in front of a hot stove."

"I'm a little impatient right now though. I'm starving," I told her while rubbing my stomach. "My stomach is touchin' my damn back."

"Babe, you look nice," she smiled at me, holding my hand.

"I mean... Sure, I'd like to think so," I shrugged. "My parents did all the work," I looked at her then laughed.

"Ew..." Tia looked at me.

"Babe, it is what the hell it is. It ain't like I'm imaginin' that shit," I told her.

"I am," Tia said with a disgusted face as she laughed.

"We know what our parents did," I shrugged. "The circle of life is all it is."

"So about those shrimp," Tia said and I looked at her because... What? Okay, I get it, but still...

"You mentioning shrimp after our topic is wild," I laughed.

"Remind you and I of you, doesn't it?" She hooked her pinky finger like a curled-up shrimp, then began cackling.

"Sure," I nodded. "It must be an unknown and unfound species deep down in the ocean because there is where the biggest and most dangerous shit lies."

"Your shrimp is dangerous?" Her eyes popped open.

"Small, but mighty," I cackled. "You'll find out when you find out."

We waited in the long ass drive-through line and went to Tia's house like I said we would. We showered and got right into bed with our hot food with the TV on. When she was downstairs taking care of the food, I put a sheet over the bed because I don't sleep in crumbs. Those crispy ass shrimp of hers are looking mighty good from my view. She's not going to eat it all, so I might as well take a few. When she was so engrossed in the movie, I grabbed a couple.

Though she's watching the television, she definitely saw me, but she didn't say a thing. I reached in a second, then a third time. The third time, Tia looked down at her styrofoam container, then at me in disbelief as I chewed her food. She closed her container before crawling her way towards me.

"Give it back," Tia held her middle and ring fingers together near my mouth.

"What you gon' do, force it out of me?" I asked her while still chewing.

"Yup," she placed her fingers on my bottom lip and I tucked my lips in, laughing.

I moved my head back, "inch those fingers any closer, and imma bite them motherfuckers to nubs." I reached over and grabbed another one and stuffed it in my mouth. "This shit good."

"You're eating all of my food," she frowned.

"Mine is gone. I thought that you wouldn't mind," I told her, still chewing.

"I didn't at first but you reached those grubby little fingers over too many times and took more than one sometimes. You know your behind doesn't like to share," she told me as I held onto her arms.

"I thought that you like to watch me eat?" I asked her, swallowing the food.

"Yeah, me and the food that I make for you. This is restaurant brought food," she tilted her forehead forward. "Now... Cough. It. Up."

Letting go of her arms, "You play too much," I replied, then swallowed my food.

"Yeah, I do. The next time you reach over, YOU gon' drawback all nubs on that hand," she pointed at me, then went back to her side of the bed.

"Sounds like a challenge to me."

"Watch," she pointed at me with a smirk, then kissed my lips.

Tia sat back against the pillows. We stayed up for a while until we eventually fell asleep.

March 9, 1999

~Donald's P.O.V~

At the buttcrack of dawn, I was awakened by my fiancée calling my name, then talking about how she was about to catch her flight. To turn my head hurts like hell.

"This damn early?" My morning voice came out.

"Yes, Donald," Tia chuckled. "Have a nice day at work."

"Shit, I may stay in today. I'm not feelin' too good," I replied, groggily.

"What's wrong?" She asked with worry in her tone, feeling my face and forehead with the back of her hand.

"My body is aching," I turned over with a struggle. "Muscles feeling sore as fuck," I began clearing my throat, which sounds like a revving motor.

"De, you feel fine. Maybe it's from working out?" She inquired. "Muscles need rest too."

"I don't know, but whatever this shit is needs to subside so I can get back to work. I don't like bein' unproductive."

"You aren't. You're going to eventually waltz your behind right to the equipment that you keep at my house and work. I know you. Babe, it's okay to rest. Relax," she told me. "It has to be bad if you're talking about staying home. That's not something you do too often."

"Babe, I JUST got back from vacation, I'm well rested."

"Donald, on both, the Christmas and my birthday vacation, we were on the go a lot. We said we'd rest and relax, but that was never what actually happened. For you especially because you were doing everything on my birthday vacation. You're getting older and your body may just be catching up to your mind. You're stressed. I'll send my doctor over."

"NO. Other than my body aches, I feel fine," I replied. "No nausea, cough, dizziness. Nothin'. I still feel terrible."

"You need to see a doctor. You were complainin' about this two days ago, and my guess is that it hasn't stopped?" She raised her eyebrows.

"It has, but it's not as bad as it is now. I'm not goin' to no damn doctor, all they gon' do is try to prescribe me with pain medication and I ain't about hook onto that shit again," I told her.

"They'll also recommend that you rest, which is also what I'm telling you, except you aren't listening to me. Rest and I'm for real," she pointed at me.

"I said I will, DAMN..." I trailed off. "We were just talkin' about that relapsin' shit yesterday. Chill out. You can go ahead and handle your business and catch your flight," I replied.

"Yeah, I will see you later," she let out a deep sigh, finally standing up from the bed.

"C'mere," I motioned her over, sat all the way up, grabbing her hand.

Tia plopped on the bed, "what is it now?"

"I know you care, worried, and whatnot, but I'm gon' be fine and I promise you that I will rest like you said. I got a little agitated and I'm sorry for takin' that shit out in you. I don't want us to be thousands of miles apart with you upset in a business meetin' and I don't want to go back to sleep knowing I upset you," I told her, grabbing her other hand as I'm already holding the other.

"Okay," she nodded. "I understand. Now I have to go," she smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Babe, I'm okay," I reassured her.

"I hear you, but I'm sending someone over anyway. Not a doctor, but someone nevertheless," she pecked my lips and then stood up. "Now, I have to hurry." She grabbed her bag, then walked out of the bedroom. "Bye!" She yelled, sounding far away.

"Front door, opened. Front door, closed. Locks secured."

"I can't get with this new technology shit."

That shit made me jump out of my skin. I think I got so used to it and only noticed it every once in a while. Scooting my body down the bed, I eventually laid back down and fell asleep. Eventually, a vibrant voice woke me up from my sleep.

"Good morning!"

I rolled my eyes with them still closed, before opening them to see Elijah.

"Oh, my God," Irritated by his voice, I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears with another pillow.

"I just came here to check up on you like I was asked and give you something to eat. I was told to give you pho soup and breakfast food, so here you go. You know, I'm always there for my girl, even if that means bein' here for your ungrateful ass," he rolled his eyes, sitting the food and drinks on the nightstand.

"Thanks," I replied, calmly.

"You're welcome," he scoffed at me, before walking out of the bedroom. "Feel better, nigga!"

I'm not ungrateful, he just irritates the fuck out of me. Tia knows I don't really like this nigga and he was sent over here when I'm not feeling well? I surely appreciate it because I am hungry as fuck now. His flirting makes me want to beat the hell out of him. Then he's loud as hell for no damn reason. Don't nobody want to hear that shit in the morning. It's 10:53 am and my lady left at six in the morning. I sat up and grabbed the soup, mixing everything while it was still hot. This is the first thing I'm eating, I'll just heat up the breakfast food later. I, however, need to walk downstairs so the food won't go bad.

I'm glad there are two meals because I don't want to go downstairs and make anything, my woman won't be back until later on, so she definitely won't be cooking anything. I grabbed the remote and turned on the television to watch some rerun episodes of Fred and The Flintstones. Some new material popped up into my head and I just got to record this shit before I forget it.

Against my word, I put my robe on, took my ass right down the stairs, and all the way to the basement to work on some music. I lost track of time, then I heard the phone ring. I hopped up with all of the strength I had to get to the telephone.

"Hello?" I spoke up.

"Hello, Donald. Where are you?" Tia asked me.

"At your crib..." I trailed off, stating the obvious.

"No, where are you inside of the house?" Tia asked me.

"Why'd you ask me that?"

"Because I called your cellphone that was on your nightstand before I left and it went unanswered. Then..." She let out a deep breath. "Then I called the house phone and you immediately answered. Yes, there's one in the bedroom, but you can't be resting if you didn't answer your cell or hear it for that matter."

"I'm relaxing," I told her. "I'm okay."

"You're working?"

"Actually, yes," I truthfully told her. "I'm in the basement workin', but relaxin' at the same time. I don't like forgetting music that could potentially be a hit. Tia, I eat, breathe, shit, and sleep music, so when it comes to me, I get to goin'."

"I understand, but your body needs to rest!" She whisper-raised her tone. "It'll get progressively worse like it has been over these past few days. You always keep a recorder and tapes in the nightstand on your side of the bed, you could have easily used that, Donald."

"That ain't the same," I told her. "Plus, I don't want to stay in bed all damn day like some lazy ass nigga that's layin' up on his woman. I got bored and inspired. Look, at least I'm not cheatin' or some shit. I'm actually doin' work."

"Excuse me?" I heard the clicking of her heels against hard flooring and she's clearly taken aback by my words.

I rolled my eyes at myself with my fist against my forehead. "Tia, you need to chill out. Don't go off on me. I'm just sayin' that at least a nigga is out here workin' and I'm not out here cheatin' or some shit."

"Why did you bring that up? Nob- I didn't even have the thought in the BACK of my mind. Why was that the first thing you said?"

"Shit, I don't know. I'm not feeling good and- and-"

"Listen, I just called to see how you were doing. I'm not in the right environment or mental space to be talking about this. We'll speak when I get home. Bye," Tia replied, then I heard the dial tone.

I put the wireless phone back on the hook, then made my upstairs to the main floor. I warmed up the breakfast food, then walked back upstairs to get some rest. She's correct, I haven't been feeling well for the past few days and I do need to let my body rest or the pains will get worse. This is like our first real argument, no bullshit and joking. This is for real. I promised my lady I'd do something and I didn't follow through with that promise. Doing certain shit that you promised sets the tune for later down the line and I don't want that to become a habit. She's just looking out for me and I'm being a bit of an asshole.

Although, she does need to take her own damn advice and relax sometimes. Tia is on the go all the damn time and I get that she has multiple businesses to run, but we all need rest, especially when the body is giving out signals that you're stressed. I sat on the bed eating my breakfast food, then got up because I needed to take a leak. Once I was done, I sat on the bed, I picked up my cell phone, and saw the missed calls from my fiancée, my mother, and Derek. Sitting back against the headboard, I called my mother back. I wonder why she and Derek called me knowing I'll probably be at work?

"Is there anything wrong?" I asked her once she answered.

"Junior, everything is fine over here," my mother chuckled. "That's how you and I both know that we need to speak more. Every time we call each other, we think it's bad news."

"It was actually because you and Derek called me. You're in the same area, so my mind automatically went the wrong way," I replied.

"How're you doing, sweetie?"

"I got put on bed rest," I replied.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothin', just havin' body aches for the past few days. My lady has me on bed rest, not the doctor," I told her. "I haven't been."

"You should've been resting if it's been going on for a few days. You should see a doctor, it could be walking pneumonia."

"Nah, I just think it's stress along with working out," I told my mother.

"I hope you feel better. How's Tia doing?"

"She's- she's-" I paused wondering if I should say this. I would be letting my mother into my relationship more, but I need to resolve this somehow. We don't have a couples therapy session until next Monday. "Tia's upset with me at the moment."

"Oh, I thought you were going to say pregnant," my mother said laughing aloud.

"Oh, no! Definitely not that. It's impossible."

"Why? What happened?" She asked once her laughter died down.

"Nah, she went out of town for business and before she left, I mentioned that I may not go to the studio to work today because my body has been aching and today it was horrible. I told I that I'd rest, which I did for a while, a tune popped into my head, so I had to record it. Then I recorded some more and lost track of time. She called and knew what I was doin' and I- I snapped and told her at least I wasn't cheatin' and layin' up on her which was the wrong thing to say because things turned sour. I tried to make it up, but she stated that she wasn't in the correct environment to discuss this matter, then hung up the phone."

"Junior, what does that even mean? At least you aren't cheating?" She questioned.

"It was the heat of the moment. It wasn't just what I said, it was how I said it too. I don't know. I just said it in a manner that I refuse to reenact," I shrugged my shoulder, sheepishly.

"Oh, okay. You do know that once you put a thought into a woman's head, especially if she wasn't thinking that way, that it's going to remain in the back of her head for a while?" She asked me.

"That's what I figured," I sighed. "I messed up, huh?"

"My guess is yes. Son, are you faithful?" She asked me. "I'm not trying to offend you, but you're my son and you have so many of the same qualities as your father. The good and the bad."

I'm shocked because she likes to pretend his cheating never happened. Both of them like to pretend that shit didn't happen with them. My mother left my father for a short period of time to stay with me and Dalvin at one point. That was the second or third time my pops cheated. The first two times, my mother stated, but the last time, she left for a little while, then went back.

My pops was found to be cheating two out of the three times. The second time it happened, I told on him. I was a small child at the time and that was when we went out of town for business. The third time he knowingly cheated was with the first lady from church. It was a mess and took a toll on me. I am not my father.

"I am not my father," I said in response to her inquiry.

"You act so much like him, which is another reason you never got along with him. That along with-" she paused, "among everything else that has occurred. I noticed that you haven't denied it."

"That's because I'm not cheating. I've never cheated on Tia and I don't plan on it either," I told my mother.

"Okay. Son, cheating doesn't have to be planned. Sometimes it just happens," she told me. "I believe you, but what is it that made you say that? Is it her career? You don't want to fall behind her?"

"I- no, that's not it. I admire what she does. Everything she does just inspires me to do better."

"Son, you don't sound too sure..." She trailed off.

"Mama, I love that woman."

"Junior, baby, you can love anybody, but not love what they do," mother reminded me. "I love your father. Always have. Always will. But I don't like some of his current or past actions."

"Mhm," I nodded. "I underst-"

The ringing house phone is what cut me off, I reached over to grab it, not yet answering it. "Mama, can you hold on for a moment? Someone is callin' the house phone."

I moved the cellular phone away from my face and put the house phone up to my ear.

"Yo, De," Jax called out. "Tia's bio grandparents are here. Tia isn't here, so umm, do I let them in or what? She's not even picking up her phone, so what should I do?"

"Let them through," I replied to him.

"A'ight, man," he replied and I hung up the house phone, then picked up my cell. "Hello? Mama, Tia's grandparents are waiting downstairs, so I'll talk to you another time. I love you. Thanks for listening and the advice."

"I love you too. Bye, Junior," she hung up the phone.

"Bye," I spoke after my mother hung up the phone. "Now that I don't want to, I HAVE to get out of bed," I sighed, then stood up. "Shit!" I stretched, triggering my body aches that previously slightly subsided.

I put my robe and house shoes on, then made my way down the stairs just as the doorbell began to ring. Did Jax even think to let them know that Tia isn't here? I made my way through the vestibule door, almost tripping and falling over nothing like a white girl in a horror flick. Then I opened the main door to see her grandparents.

"Hello, come on in," I stepped aside. "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome."

"Ooh, I can't take my shoes off this time," her grandmother chuckled.

"The shoe covers are-" I walked over to the shelf and pulled two pairs out, "here. I'll help you out. I'm sure you need it," I chuckled, standing on my knees, ignoring the pain. "You do know that Tia isn't here right?" I asked her as I slipped one of the foot covers on her foot.

"I was told that she should be here shortly."

"Shortly as in like two hours," I smiled at her. "You're welcome to wait though."

"We'll do just that young man," her grandfather patted my shoulder, standing above me.

I've never noticed how tall he is and older people shrink as they age. I wonder how tall he was before he shrunk. I stood up and he helped up his wife. He's like an inch or two shorter than me.

"Talk to me, I guess?" I asked them.

"Ya got that right," her grandpa chuckled as we walked to the main floor den.

"Where is she?" Her grandmother asked me.

"She's on a business trip. Tia had to take a flight. She should be on her way back though. As I've said before, she should be back in a couple of hours," I told them. "Have a seat. Get comfortable. Want a snack? Anything to drink?"

"Nah," her grandfather shook his hands at me. "Thanks."

"Not right now," her grandmother replied.

I plopped down on the couch as I always do, hurting myself in the process. I let out a small wince.

"So- uh," I cleared my throat. "What brings you both here?" I spoke up.

"I'm here for my great aunt's funeral and decided to come see my granddaughter since we're here. We haven't seen each other in a while," Her grandmother told me.

"Oh, okay," I nodded. "Wait... Great auntie? How old was she?"

"She was up in age, honey. Lived a long life," her grandmother replied to me.

"Yeah, I can tell. That's a blessing," I smiled.

"What are you doing here at her house while she's gone?" Her grandmother frowned at me.

"I stayed overnight in the guest bedroom and decided to stay at home from work because of my pain," I told her, completely lying, but remaining respectful. Although, it's none of her business. "My body is achin'."

"Oh, then you should've told me that you were in pain. I would've put my foot covers on myself. I would've struggled a little, but I would've definitely got it done."

"I would've helped," her grandfather replied.

"You know, her father wanted to come over, but I don't know if Tia's comfortable with that or anything, so I didn't do it, but he does want to see her. They haven't spoken in years," she told me.

"I heard," I slowly nodded.

"Yeah, he said that he briefly spoke to the both of you a while back," she told me.

"Really? When?" I squinted, leaning forward.

"A couple of months ago? Maybe?"

"Earlier this year in January is what he claimed," her grandfather stated.

"I can't say that I remember," I frowned.

"That's what he told me," she chuckled. "Yeah, I think that he's trying to work things out with his kids- ALL of his kids this time."

"You come late to a party, you don't always make it to the food," I told her. "The food is long gone and the host is tired. Why now if you don't mind me askin'?"

"I don't know. My son probably has a change of heart. Why? I don't know, but it's solely up to the two of them to rekindle their relationship," she told me.

Rekindle? She didn't have a relationship with that man to begin with. Her grandmother and grandfather, these two people sitting here in front of me, played the role of her father.

"Oh, okay. He's trying, so that's something," I responded with a smile.

"How's my granddaughter treating you? Too quiet?" He joked.

I laughed, waving my hand at him. "She can be. She keeps me energized." Oh shit, I hope they don't take that the wrong way. Either way, I wouldn't be lying though. "From her energy. We have a lot of childlike fun," I told them.

"What? That's a side I ain't ever seen. As long as she's been in this world, she's always kept quiet and to herself. Barely utters a word," he grandfather stated.

"Like yourself," her grandmother spoke to her grandfather.

"We finally had our second couples therapy session the other day and-"

"Couples therapy? What's wrong?" Her grandmother frowned.

"Nothin', but the small things can turn into big things and we want to nip that in the bud as soon as possible. Plus, it improves our communication skills," I told her. "It's common in many Christian religions."

"Well, I'm a Jehovah's Witness," she told me.

"But you ain't always been one, baby," her husband told her.

"Yeah, but I ain't ever heard of that. I was raised with the idea whatever happens, don't you tell nobody," she told me.

"You don't even abide by that, but at least you tell your business for free," he laughed.

She laughed with him. "Well, how'd it work out?"

"It worked out. It was actually eye-opening for us both. For the most part, were very understanding of one another," I replied to her grandmother.

"That's good. Don't listen to the marriage is hard people. It's up to the individuals to make it as least challenging as possible. We've never had any major problems in our marriage, but our relationship? That was a little different," she told me.

"In what way?" I inquired, leaning forward with a squint.

"When we met, I was gettin' high," her grandfather revealed. "I was using the needle; heroin. The war messed me up and when you have nothing much to do, you want to numb everything. I saw a lot of death. It started while war took place," he told me. "It messed me up bad, but by the grace of God, I eventually went to rehab, got clean, and came back to her like I said I would. Eventually, we got married too."

"I was hesitant, but I trusted him and my gut. He was officially clean and hasn't turned back since," she smiled. "And trust me, I had a lot of options, but we chose each other. Back in my day, I was what you kids called stacked."

I bursted out laughing. "Oh, wow!"

"Baby, you still got it!" He told her, speaking a little louder than he had been speaking.

The two of them make me smile. I love this type of shit.

"Hey, you ain't got to lie. I'm old and gained weight," she told him.

"What you think this is?" He asked her, referring to himself.

Her grandfather is in a regular weight class, however, his weight is distributed like many older people, mostly in his gut. Same with her grandmother. I sat there mostly quietly listening to her grandmother speak and she has so many interesting stories about any and everything.

"Tia was crying with her knees in my thigh, climbing all over me trying to get away from my dog. It was the funniest thing ever. Yasir tried to soothe her, it was so funny!" She told me as we all laughed together. "I mean, she was scared of Otis."

"I have a similar story, except I have a pact of guards dogs for protection. When she came over to my house for the first time, Tia climbed on my head. Luckily, I have a strong neck. She didn't cry, but she was screaming. It was hilar-"

"Front door, opened. Front door, closed. Locks secured."

"Speak of the devil!" I stood up.

Tia came in the den with her heels in her hand and a big smile. "Grandma! Grandpa!" They stood up and she embraced each of them separately. "It's good to see you both. What brings you all south?" She asked them.

"My great aunt's funeral," her grandmother told her.

"Oh, wow. How old was the lady?" Tia asked her.

"She was up in age," she told her, still not revealing the age.

"Oh, I didn't know you had any living great aunts, uncles, and whatnot," Tia told her as the grandparents took their seats.

"Listen, you got plenty of family down south, up north, out west, and the east coast," her grandmother laughed.

"Any from West Virginia or North Carolina?" I raised my hand.

"Ooh, yeah..." She nodded. "Definitely! I said everywhere. My family is spread out everywhere. I'm from Tennessee."

"I was born in West Virginia, but mostly raised in North Carolina," I told them.

"Really? Who're your folks?" Her grandfather asked me.

"DeGrate... Like the invitations. I forgot that we didn't send them yet," I snapped my fingers. "My bad."

"I don't know any DeGrate's," her grandfather shook his head.

"Eh, it doesn't matter whether you do or not because you have no blood relation to her," her grandmother chuckled and he shook his head laughing. "It seems to be where your mind wandered."

"Might as well be. I'd still consider it incest. I've known him my entire life. The only grandfather on my- on this side of the family," Tia chuckled.

"Nawww, I don't know any either. None that I could remember. Shoot, I'm old now!" she grabbed her husband's arm while laughing.

"Welcome back home," I spoke to my fiancée, giving her a hug, but she returned it with a half hug.

"Your dad wanted to come, except I didn't know if it was okay with you or if you wanted to see him, so I told him to stay back at his hotel room," her grandmother spoke to her.

"Thank you and you were correct," Tia told her. "I have no interest in speaking to your son who hasn't attempted to speak to me in years. No effort on his side. The last time we spoke was the last time we'll speak." Tia took a seat on the couch chair.

"Is this Tia?" Her grandfather sat up, surprised by her words and I smiled, surprised that she spoke her mind.

"Yes, grandpa," Tia smiled. "I'm so tired of most of everyone at this point trying to use me for my money and kindness, control me, treat me awfully, and want me to forgive them. Then get upset when I choose not to, when I choose myself," Tia told them. "I don't know his intentions and I honestly don't care anymore. I've BEEN stopped caring. He's a lost cause. My shoulders are tired."

"Maybe you should hear him out," Tia's grandmother told her.

"Grandma, the guy has had nearly thirty years for me to hear him out. Nobody really messed with me and are coming out of the woodwork to attempt a relationship all of a sudden. No thank you, I have enough drama surrounding my name. Those people can stay where they were prior to the money," she told her. "You two played the role that my father should've played until you couldn't. I'm going to keep supporting the two of you as you've done me over the years."

Tia's grandfather began to speak, "she has a point. How many times we've told him to contact all of his children? Sure, he speaking to the other three. One he had no choice but to speak to since he was practically living off of her mother. The other two forgave him, but he also put effort into his relationship with them. He hasn't tried with Tia or Yasir and they all lived in the same city. He traveled for the other two. I know I usually remain silent, but this has to be said."

"Thank you," Tia gave him a smile while fiddling with the couch decorations.

"Baby, you tell him that," her grandmother told her.

"I'm sorry, but no. He either hears it from you or remains in the dark about things as I've been my entire life," Tia told her.

"Well, anyway... How have you been?" Her grandmother asked her.

"I'm fine. Life has been great to me. I can't complain," Tia exhaled her words. "How about the two of you? How have you been?"

"We hangin' in there," her grandpa laughed. "Where'd you fly in from?"

"Minnesota," Tia replied. "I miss that type of weather. It was whimsical. Here, we don't really experience all four seasons like back home."

"Baby, that snow ain't no joke!" Her grandmother laughed. "We got people comin' in from everywhere who don't know how to drive in snow, especially our kind of snow. They don't even understand that our snow can be just as bad as Minnesota. Gladly, I don't have to drive on the road with them so often because being behind the wheel can be scary, I'm ALMOST ALWAYS the passenger."

"I'm mostly a passenger princess too or being chauffeured. The thing is Donald here almost forces me in the passenger seat," she joked. "He doesn't like that I follow the guidelines and follow speed limits, while he only does it when the police are spotted," she said laughing.

"We have people going around us when she's driving," I told her grandparents.

"Well, he used to be the same way," her grandmother told us. "Used to drive like the police were chasing him."

She and Tia laughed together. They caught up for a while until Tia's grandparents decided to get ready to leave.

"How much longer are y'all staying here?" Tia asked them after hugging them again.

"Two more days," her grandfather replied. "Tomorrow is the funeral and repass. Then the next day we're just here."

"Where's Yasir?" Her grandmother asked her.

"You know... I haven't got the slightest idea," Tia replied.

"You haven't spoken to him?" She asked her.

"No, ma'am," Tia shook her head.

"Well, I'm going to have to get in contact with him," her grandmother replied as they began walking to the vestibule.

"Maybe we can all go out for breakfast or lunch the day after tomorrow," her grandmother told her.

"Maybe..." Tia shrugged. "Or if I'm not able to make it, you and grandpa are invited here for a meal. There's plenty to do here," Tia told them, taking the shoe covers off of her grandmother's shoes.

"Alright, then we'll how'd you to it," her grandpa laughed.

"Okay, but we'll definitely see you again before we leave." Her grandmother replied.

I opened the door as they prepared to walk out of it. We watched them get into their car and drive through the gates.

Word Count: 11,060

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