Note: This chapter contains self-harm and its glorification. What I want to say is; don't be like Erika. Don't be the character in this chapter. I promise you that there is someone out there who values you. Who sees you. Who cares for you. And if you think there is no one else, you are wrong. You have YOURSELF. And you need to believe in you. You need no one else but yourself. Please be kind to you. The world will always be horrible and bad. People will come and go. People will hurt and disappoint. But it's okay, because at the end of the day, YOU MATTER. It's YOU. 

THERAPYROUTE:  https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world

988 Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/

Psychology Today Suicide Hotlines:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide?msockid=357297101fd66b5610cf834d1e3e6a17

I know links don't work in chapters, at least not for me. So, I will also be attaching them to my bio. You can copy paste it from there. I will also keep it an announcement, so whenever you go to the conversation part, this would be the first you see, the links. 

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM AND GLORIFICATION

Nothing is edited, it's just a mess. 

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I'm not suicidal
Sometimes, the lines get all blurry

- Too Sad to Cry, Sasha Alex Sloan

The Fates shook their heads as they saw the condition of the young women. If they could feel any emotion, they would be worried, but they wondered how freeing it was to not feel. 

Human beings felt emotions, good or bad affected them. 

What was surprising was that the good never stayed in their memory for long. A bad memory would overshadow the good within mere seconds. 

Good and bad are two sides of the coin, yet humans tend to hold onto the bad more than they do with good. 

And that was what led to Erika's downfall. 

She would be a liar if she said there was nothing good in her life. A very big liar. But what stopped her from seeing the good was the incidents that were happening in her life at present. 

The more things happened, the harder she fell into the clutches of desperation, despair, and irrationality. 

Erika clutched her head as she sobbed in front of her mirror. The clothes she was wearing hugged loose on her, partially wet from water. 

She could not look in the mirror. The face that stared back at her was disgusting. Oh, the anger flared inside her like an inferno. It started as a slow tingle on her fingertips and slowly it spread through her veins, burning her from within.

Read with caution, depiction of Self-Harm.

A scream caught at her throat as she bit onto her lip, wanting to break something clawing at her chest.

She breathed heavily, her eyes shut tightly as she pulled at her hair tighter, and a touch of calmness washed over her. Her roots burned in pain, but the more she focused on the strands of hair being pulled, the ringing in her ears grew. 

She found that comforting. The noise was something she was familiar with. This pain, she recognized this pain. 

Erika opened her eyes, they were red from tears, but a cold sensation washed over her. She had left. The place she had helped build, the things she had made to make it to what it was today, her home, her safe place, she had left it. 

And no one noticed.

But she did not care about everyone, no. She cared about one person. But they did not notice either. 

Her head throbbed as the ringing in her ears grew louder.

They never noticed. No one did. But for a brief period, they noticed her and cared for her. 

Were those all illusions of her mind?

She nodded to herself. They were all illusions. Because how could someone notice everything about you and then they don't?

Her heart started beating against her chest, the noises growing tenfold. 

She did so much for her home. She contributed so much, but when she left it, they never noticed.

She took the razor that she had not used in months.

But the words that hounded in her head roared.

No one truly loved her.

No one noticed.

No one saw.

No one.

She slashed it against her thighs, the unhinge movement did not tear her skin, but the hair that was growing slowly vanished.

In its place lay red, irritated skin. 

But Erika did not stop.

Each time her force became harder, the frustration that had brewed inside her went drop by drop with the blood that oozed out of her haphazard cuts. 

Her eyeballs diluted as she started moving the razor like a possessed soul. Each thought and repressed emotion let its way out through her cuts.

It was wrong.

But the noise slowly died down.

The pain lingered, but the burn from the cuts was a tragically beautiful distraction. Her mind focused its full attention on the cut and the way her left leg was gradually becoming numb.

She forgot everything and eyed the blood.

The skin was torn apart and blood dripped from her thighs. It looked like a scene from a horror show, where someone mauled a particular area, but Erika couldn't have been happier.

The noises were finally gone.

The thoughts were finally gone.

She had left, but they never noticed, but the thought made her delirious now. No longer was she heartbroken.

With each drop of blood flowing through the cut, she tasted the whisper of freedom. 

She was closer to peace.

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She never wanted to hurt herself again,

But she gave in,

For when the world broke her,

She became her enemy.

When the world forgot her,

She punished herself,

When everything fell apart,

She broke herself to pieces. 

It was wrong,

It was unfair,

But she was her worst enemy,

And as the days passed,

She became her own destroyer. 

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