If you are feeling low, reach out to someone. Trust me, someone cares. 

Nothing is edited, just a mess.

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To myself, 

As I stay curled up on the bed, I wonder how it would feel to be normal for once, not to have thoughts cloud my judgement when one thing goes sideways. 

My heart yearns to know how to say these words to someone, whomever who would listen to it.

My heart wants to know...what to say to someone when they leave without a word,

It hurts to stay behind in this world.

Sometimes, I wait for a single reply the screen never lights up from your name.

How can I tell this to you? I am alone, bleeding and need your hand to hold, you leave me all alone.

How do I tell you, that every day I fear when you get busier with the tides passing by,

You will forget the presence that was beside you.

How do I tell you? As days pass by, my fears become a reality, and slowly I never see you around. 

How do I tell you? When I am low, when I am numb, all I want is a little bit of your warmth.

How do I tell you? That your coldness has wrapped me in a chokehold, and the tears that are falling from my eyes are remnants of whatever hope I once had. 

How do I tell you all? I am standing at the edge of the building, and the desire to jump clouds my judgment of reality.

How do I tell you, when I see you elsewhere, I wish you'd have knocked over my window once before going away? 

How do I tell you all? That life has become harder and my reasons to breathe have diminished to none.

How do I tell myself that a day's coldness does not erase the year's homeliness? 

My mind knows you are not at fault, but my heart resides in a dark place where the horrors of the past never leave my soul alone.

How do I tell myself that to be alive, I don't need anyone's warmth but myself?

How do I tell myself that I will be alright?

How do I convince myself to live, when my soul is aching from the bruises of past and present?

If I let go of you, would you be able to smile more?

My thoughts are swarming me in and I am lost in them.

Help. Help. Help.

I want to scream, but these days, the voice stays rooted inside my heart.

I no longer have the power to put a smile on my face and writing these words on this page feels like a cry for attention.

Who am I?

I have no answer. 

What am I doing?

I have no answer.

All I wish, one day, I would have the strength to face the mirror and be alright.

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