Nothing much has happened today... why? Because I won't let it.

Last night was, although I hate to admit it, a mistake.

God, I loved it so much and I know inside I really wanna do it again but, shit, it's illegal. We just- we can't.

So, I stayed home alone today. Dad was at work so I sat in bed and ate nothing and let the phone ring. I knew it was Steve. But I couldn't face him. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself back.

There was a knock at the door at 2:00. Then again at 2:01. And 2:02. I wouldn't get up. I heard the door knob turning. Dad must not have locked it.

It might be Steve. It might be a robber or an ax murderer... kill me now, please, I'm begging you.

"Buck?" Well shit.

I didn't answer and he kept calling me. I turned over and faced the wall in my bed and pulled he covers over my head.

The door creaked open and I heard him walk over to the bed.

"Buck, what the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked.

I said nothing.

He grabbed the covers and pulled them off, revealing me in my boxers in the fetal position. He took my shoulders in his fingers and turned me onto my back. I looked up at him with my arms at my sides with daggers in my eyes. Maybe if I lush him away he'll get the hint.

"Bucky. Get up."

"No," I said.

"James Buchanan Barnes you're gonna get your ass out of this bed right now, or so help me God..."

"No."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because, Steve. I can't."

"Bucky, tell me."

"I'm tired."

"Right, now, what's the real reason?"

"Can't say."

"You're my best pal, you can tell me anything."

"Anything except this."

"Bucky..."

"Fuck, okay," I sat up. "Steve... fuck. Come here. Sit..." I patted the bed next to me. He sat. I put my hand on his jaw and pulled his face close to mine.

"Buck-"

"No. Don't speak..." I locked my eyes on his lips and pulled his face to mine and kissed him. And he kissed me back. I pulled away relatively soon after, "Steve. Fuck, Steve, don't make me say it."

"Say what?" So fucking innocent.

"God," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I like you, Steve. More than just friends. I want... things that I shouldn't."

"What do you... like what?" He asked.

"I... I want you- shit. Like, right now. I wanna pull you onto this bed and kiss you and touch you all over... I wanna- I..."

"What?"

I felt myself getting hard so I repositioned a bit before really telling him. "I wanna fuck you. I wanna see you cum and I wanna hear you moan into my ear and lose your innocence and-" he interrupted my sentence by kissing me. I pulled away.

"Bucky what're you doing? Kiss me for fucks sake."

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that..." I pulled him in and kissed him then pushed him down onto the bed so I was on top of him. "Shit... wait. Steve, I don't wanna do something you don't want me to do..."

"Bucky it's fine, you're fine."

"No, you don't get it... I'm there already, and there's no way I'm turning back... not anymore. The things I would do to you aren't things you would let me do..."

"Try me." Well, fuck, okay.

I took off his suspenders and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it out of his pants and throwing it to the floor. I undid the buttons on his slacks and pulled them down and off. I lowered my head to his neck and kissed him and sucked on it then moved lower to his chest and to his stomach and close to his waist band when he started shivering.

His hands went to my hair and I looked up at him. He was biting his lip and looking down at me. I looked down and he was sporting a hard on as well. I let my hand meet the front of his underwear.

"Bucky..." he struggled to keep his moans in his throat but I could feel him shaking. His hips nearly jerked forward when I gripped him in my hand.

"Steve... you should go." What the fuck am I saying?

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Just go, get outta here." I sat up

"No," he sat up and grabbed my face. "Not without you."

I looked at him and my eyes felt watery. "Fine," I finally replied.

So we hung out all day in my bed. Most of my efforts, however, went towards my attempts to restrain myself from throwing myself at him.

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James_BuchananBarnes