•Few days later•

Days have become quite lonely, my manager got me a single dorm and I've been staying here for some time now. But, I've become home sick. It's too empty here, I can hear my own thoughts. There aren't unexpected visits in my room or office, or the occasional Taehyung sitting on me and farting in the morning.

I mean, I won't miss that... but I'll miss my roommate. I miss everyone. I want to wake up to the smell of Seokjin making breakfast. Jungkook singing an IU song like always, Jimin and the others watching television. Yoongi asleep on the couch.

I lay in bed and look up at the ceiling, the crumbly looking texture makes me a bit tired. I used to be the leader, Rap Monster. And now I'm just Namjoon. I let out a breath and turn my head to the side, looking at the sunset through the window. All these memories of taping music videos, staying up late when it was freezing.

Where did this all go down hill? I'll always wonder. I stare at a flock of birds fly by. Nobody has a worry in the world, except for me. I'm so bored I fall alseep.

**

"Hey, Hyung, wake up." I hear a deep voice. "Go away." I swat my hand. "Seokjin is making breakfast." I force myself to open my eyes. Hell yeah I'm waking up for food, especially Seokjin's. There leaning over my bed is Taehyung, he has a face mask on, almost scaring the crap out of me. "You look like you smashed your face in a cake." I tell him. He laughs. "Get up hyuuuuung." He shakes me.

"I'm already awake, what do you want from me?" I laugh. He frowns. "I'm not trying anymore." He says. I get up and smack his naked chest. He covers his nipples, I start to crack up. "What do you think I'm going to do?" I ask. He just fast walks out of the room and I run my fingers through my hair as I make my way out of the room.

There's Jimin, on the couch with Jhope watching a drama. Since it's kind of early, there's Yoongi on the couch snoring away. I follow my stomach to the smell of breakfast. "Smells good Seokjin." I say, patting his shoulder. "Every time I make food it smells good." He says. I roll my eyes, "You're welcome on the compliment." I shove his shoulder and walk over to the living room again.

I then hear a familiar beautiful voice, Jungkook. But he's not singing an IU song, he's singing an English song. I grin when he walks into the room with his earphones on. I see a pillow fly and hit him in the head, "We're watching television!" Hoseok exclaims.

I begin to laugh, then I realize that this is a dream. I take in the dream, maybe I'd wake up and everything would be okay. That everything will be back to normal and mornings like this would be a regular thing. But I know it's not, I look around and my heart begins to hurt. I hear a banging, then something extremely weird happens. Everyone stops with her doing and they all turn and look at me.

"You have to do this, you have to do what makes you happy. Follow your dream because no one else is going to live it for you, you have to do it yourself. Don't worry about us, because we can all be normal now. This is your time to shine, and we won't stand in your way." Jimin says. I stare at all their faces, why can't this be real? Why can't this be reality, why can't I stop thinking about Bangtan? The banging gets louder and soon everyone is smiling at me, like saying bye. My eyes water.

"Make us happy Hyung, I know that you'll go far. Because you have talent, if you didn't have talent then our manager wouldn't have signed for you again. I look up to you, don't forget that." Jungkook says, and my tears start to run down my cheeks. Everyone else begins to say something, but the banging consumes my ears that I can't hear anything else. Very quickly the image of all my friends, my brothers, fades away.

My eyes shoot open, tears stream down my cheeks and I bite my lip. I realize that the sound was the door of my dorm, someone is here, obviously. I forced myself to get up off the bed, I wipe my face, maybe my dream was trying to tell me that things could be okay. That things will go back to normal. When I open the door it's my manager, he looks at me worried. I instantly bow to him, "I'm so sorry that I came to the door late, I was asleep."

I feel him pat my shoulder and I stand up straight, "Don't worry about it you're here now and that's all that matters. I will came to talk to you about your employment with Big Hit. We have your papers finalized and in about a couple of days you could come back into the studio and work on whatever you'd like. But, of course there's going to be rules that you have to follow. But we do want you to succeed, much more than you did with the group."

"We actually want to give you the name you've been wanting, we want you to also succeed in America. Like you've been wanting to also, we want to really open up the possibilities for you now that you're single and that you know English very well. We hope that we can help you follow your dreams that you been reaching for the past few years. I'm sure that we can make something happen, and if you'd like a full English album that would be great as well." He smiles at me.

I'm honestly stunned, this couldn't wait till the morning? This is what he wanted to tell me? I already know that my papers are going to be finalized because I was already part of the company, and I already know they want me to succeed because they would tell me that all the time when I was in the group. I just really don't understand why he's here, is there another reason?

"That's great, I can't wait to start up again. I definitely have a lot of ideas of what I could write about, since so much has happened I'll have a full album in no time." He nods and his face seemed to change, "I just want to tell you that Yoongi is already working on a mixtape, and it seems that a lot of your old fans are very excited about it." There it is.

My eyebrows knit, "What is it that you're trying to tell me? Do you think I'm going to go against him, as in competition? He's like a brother to me, I would never want to go against him. Though maybe a lot of people may think that." And if I'm completely honest with myself, I know in this rapping world Min Yoongi would totally dominate me in lyrics. He shrugs, "And plus, at the announcement of the disbandment we specifically told the fans to support him. So it's no surprise that the fans are supporting him like we've asked and are excited about his future works. We're all excited to see what he has for his mixtape."

"You seem very agitated and uneasy, are you okay?" How can he ask that? Just a couple days ago the group disbanded, how am I supposed to react? Happy? Am I supposed to be happy that I don't have my brothers anymore, that I don't have support? That my dorm is empty without them?

But of course I don't ask him all those things, I can't be disrespectful obviously. He is my senior, so I have to respect him. "I'm just a little tired that's all, all the moving and everything that's happened so far has made me very exhausted, I apologize." He shakes his head, "Really, no, I'm sorry. I barged in at the wrong time. I should've done this in the morning. I just thought that you'd like to know, I didn't think that you'd be in bed so early. Since with the group everyone always went to bed late."

Everything he says makes me wonder a lot, or at least makes you want to explain to him that the group is no longer here. That the group is nonexistent, has he forgotten already? So that means that I can go to bed whenever I want, meaning I can go to bed as early as I want or as late as I want. And today I chose to go to bed early, but I guess that's my fault because I'm pathetic and I miss the boys.

"Please excuse me, I think you should catch up on your rest. I will contact you in a couple of days, in the meantime try not to get seen by any paparazzi. Order take out and stay in the dorm. Have a good night." And I bow to him before closing the door leaning against the wall.

I look around my dorm, it's nothing like the old dorm. It's three times as big, which I don't understand because I'm a single man, living by myself. None of the furniture is the same, none of the smells are the same, and there's no memories here. I let out a breath and walk back to my room.

A normal life, that's all everyone wanted. While I still want the fame, I still want to feel important. Because I know that once I turn my back on this industry people forget who I am, or at least who I was. Though, in this industry everyone will still see me as the former BTS leader. I already know that people won't be able to get over the fact that the group has disbanded, just like I haven't. And I don't think I ever will.

I already know that in future interviews people will be asking all about it, they'll want to know all the information about what happened behind closed doors. If there was anything that wasn't talked about in the announcement of disbanding. This will forever follow me until people can forget about BTS.

I try my best to go back to sleep, maybe I can have a happy dream again. Maybe this is the dream. But I know I'm wrong, I know that this is all wrong in my head. That this is real, and I have to start saying it many times to myself so that I'll remember. There is no such thing as BTS anymore.

**

When I wake up in the morning, it's pretty cold. The windows looked a bit frosty causing the sun to shine through a little more intensely. And like it has been feeling for the past few mornings, it's very lonely and empty. But I know I have to live past this, so I get out of bed get dressed, clean up myself and head out for breakfast. Because honestly I don't want to burn down my new dorm, and there will be no one there to help me make breakfast or make breakfast for me.

At this moment I'm thinking about my stomach that's growling, I'm not thinking about what my manager had told me about not leaving the dorm. I know that there's going to be paparazzi, that's never avoidable. But this is what I get for wanting to stay in this industry, or for even wanting to stay in Korea. Because I know that all the members either moved back to their hometown or left Korea completely. At least that's what I can predict.

Because they wanted a normal life, isn't that what normal people would do? I sure as hell don't know. I put on my face mask, I adjust my glasses, and I pulled on my hat. Yeah, if that doesn't make me any more obvious. I look around the streets that I've known all my life, I look around trying to figure what options I have for a good breakfast.

I quickly make a decision and I walk into a nearby café. I walk up to the front counter and look up at the menu displayed on the wall behind the cashier. I cringe right away when the cashier your notices my face and starts to screech. Great, I should've just listen to the manager. But nope, good one Namjoon.

I instantly turn around and walk out of the café, should I look for another place to eat at? Or should I just go back to my dorm? Decisions, decisions. I usually never had to make this many decisions for myself, because it was either that someone suggested something really nice or a really good place for us to eat. Or it was a group decision.

I hear a lot of shuffling in the distance, people have found me already? Dang it. I quickly start to make my way back to my dorm, luckily nobody sees me. I force myself to walk back up to the empty dorm. Something extremely easy to make for breakfast it is. I tossed my hat, my mask, and my glasses on a nearby coffee table. I hang up my coat and walk over to the kitchen.

I look in the pantry and it's full of food, of course my manager wants me to eat well. But what does he expect? I'm known as the worst cook ever. I probably can't even make a cup of noodles. They didn't call me king of distraction for nothing. I ruined everything I touch, maybe that's why the band didn't work out. Just like how everything didn't work out when I first debuted with Big Hit. Like how everyone left the group, and I was left all alone.

I then just decide to make myself a sandwich. I get a loaf of bread, walk over to the refrigerator and get some meat. Yeah, that's it. That's all I'm going to eat. Gosh, if that cook Seokjin was here he would've made me a bomb ass sandwich. And I'd be eating that sandwich with all my heart and stomach. And now I'm just left eating two breads and a piece of meat. I should've listened to Seokjin when he wanted to teach me how to make food.

Gosh, can't even cut a damn onion. I slump against the counter and eat my sad sandwich. I then hear my phone ring, and I instantly reach into my pocket. It's a unknown number. "This is the 101 sex hotline how may I help you?" My eyebrows knit, "I never called there, how did you call my phone?" The person on the other side stays quiet for a while. "I'm sorry sir I thought that this number was on our call logs, would you like us to delete your number?"

I think for a couple of seconds, talking to a complete stranger on the phone for sex purposes wouldn't be so bad. And she'd do anything I want, like call me daddy. I shake my head, what am I doing? Is the way I'm going to deal with my sadness? This is how I'm gonna release all this tension in my body? No. Yes. Maybe. Wait, no.

"Yes please delete my number." I tell them, the girl on the other side makes small noises like she's thinking or typing. "Okay sir, again I apologize we had your number on our logs." And I instantly hang up the call, which I should've done along time ago.

I then continue to eat my sad sandwich. Such a sad sandwich, I'd cut cheese but then I would cut the cheese incorrectly and it would end up having bumps. Nobody likes cheese with bumps, or cheese that's uneven. My mind has become a pit of nothingness and I'm now taking about cheese, great. New album? About how I can't cook, can't cut an onion and I'm afraid of bumpy cheese. I'm pathetic.

My phone rings again, great, that hotline? I pick it up without looking at the name again. "Namjoon." A familiar voice fills my ears, "Yoongi." I answer. "How have you been? I haven't seen you since.." he obviously doesn't finish. "I'm eating a sandwich." I say simply. "Didn't burn the house down?" He asks. I laugh. "No, I didn't burn the house down, it's just bread and meat." I hear him laugh on the other side.

"That's a sad sandwich.", "Exactly, right?" I smile, and my laughs die down. It's quiet for a long time. Was Yoongi missing everything? Was I not alone in what I'm feeling in this moment? What I've been feeling in days? "So I'm guessing that the manager told you about how fans are excited for my mixtape." I nod as if he could see me.

"Yup, literally woke me up last night to tell me that." He hums. "I don't see why everyone thinks that we're going to go against each other. I really don't plan on doing that because it's unnecessary.", "Yeah, same. But I think in this industry it's unavoidable, everyone is against everyone to be on top." He hums, "True.", "And if I'm one hundred percent honest, I think if we did go against each other you'd be on top." I confess. "Nah." He starts. "Don't even say that Namjoon, you have much more advantages than I do." I raise an eyebrow.

"How?" I ask. "You know English, that's your biggest advantage. That means you can collaborate with all these sick artists because you can communicate with them. I wouldn't be able to. I bet you'd even be able to do a full English album." I think for a while. "But you always have sick ass lyrics.", "And? You do too.", "Are you just trying to tell me things so that I can feel better about myself?" I ask.

"Oh, shit, how'd you know?" He says. I laugh. "But no, really Namjoon. I can't wait to see what you got." I stare into space. "Yeah..." I say quietly. "Oh, shit. Okay, I got to go. My manager is looking over my tracks.", "Alright, see you around Yoongi.","For sure." He says before hanging up. And it makes me wonder if I'll ever see anyone again, will everyone be so caught up in their new lives that they won't have time to see me?

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This chapter was a little depressing but I hope you all still enjoyed it! I'm really having some writers block with my Namjoon books, hope you can't tell too much. Anyways, I hope I can put out a better chapter next week.

-A