It was strange how twice now, Dorathea had hidden out in her room because of Levi. After dinner which would be called 'The Incident', Levi had been texting her incessantly, but she hadn't read a single one of his messages. It was so unlike her to feel this unsure. Her mom used to joke that when Dorathea was a week old baby, she had this determined look as if she were ready to walk the day after being released from the hospital.

In school, she had always been sure of herself. She knew she wanted to help her father in any way she could, she watched him talk to customers and manage everything with ease. When she met Drew in high school, she knew they would be friends forever. She knew everything about plants and gardening. She knew that one day, after running a successful business, she would get her hands dirty and start a quiet farm life somewhere. She knew the boys she dated before never added anything of value to her life. She knew which college she wanted to attend and that she would get in. She knew that once she left university, she would never have to see Levi's stupid, perfect face again. But now, she wasn't sure anymore. She wasn't sure if she wanted to never see him again. She wasn't sure if she never wanted to kiss him again. And she wasn't sure if this dating thing he wanted was just for his amusement, to tease her until she fell for it.

This unsureness might turn her entire world around, for good or bad? - she was not sure.

She knew Levi wasn't that cruel. He was kind and sincere. He just wanted to have fun. But what if this dating thing was also fun for him? She never wanted to date him for fun. She had never dated anyone for fun. All the assholes she dated, she knew it had no future, but it started from a good place and gradually turned bad when they started showing their true colours. And this was why she was confused. She knew Levi was all about fun. She knew this beforehand; he had shown his colour, and she didn't blame him. But she wanted him for reasons completely opposite of fun. It sounded pathetic, and she was never one to beg someone to reciprocate feelings. That was why she had been hiding in her room this weekend instead of going out with her friends, doing a study session in the library, or even peeking at her phone.

Her scrambled thoughts were interrupted by Audrey knocking at her door and entering her room with takeout containers for lunch. Dorathea had been surviving off pickled mangoes and Hot Cheetos for two days. She could feel the oily pimples about to burst out.

Audrey took one look at her in her loser state and sighed, "What the hell happened at the dinner? You were so excited to go out." Then she cautiously asked, "Dot, did he do something that made you uncomfortable?"

Audrey's question made her feel more miserable. "No, I did something uncomfortable," she muttered, earning a quizzical expression from Audrey.

"What did you do, Dot?" Audrey asked.

Dorathea further leaned into her bed until the comforter covered her nose. "I kissed him, Audrey."

Audrey was silent, her hands frozen at her sides, and then suddenly she started laughing. "What the hell? You must have given him an attack. But... if you kissed him, why do you look so depressed?" And then with a thoughtful look, Audrey approached her cautiously. "Oh, did he reject? Oh, Dot, come here,.."

Audrey's kindness felt like a flaming knife to Dorathea's skin. "Um... actually, I rejected him," she said, which elicited an uncharacteristically incivil gawk of "Huh" from her friend.

"You kissed him and then rejected him?"

"Mhmm."

"I'm sorry, what?"

With a petulant whine, Dorathea tried to make sense of her feelings, "I.......I don't know. You know, no one has ever bothered me like him. No one has ever made me so furious. He has always been a pain in the ass, and that was easy—just to push him out, glare at him—it was easy. But now, no one has ever confused me like him. I have......ugh....He's giving me feels and shit... so much in my heart it doesn't fit. I am so scared, Audrey."

Audrey looked at her with a soft smile and combed her hair away from her face. "Did he kiss you back, Dot?"

"Yes."

"Did he say he wanted you?"

"Yes."

Then Audrey laughed. "Then what is all the confusion? Everyone and their mothers knew he was crazy about you. You should see him looking at you across the room whenever you enter. You have no idea how many times I've caught him doing so. But no matter how many times I clocked him, one look at you and he looks like he found God and everything divine. I have seen him watching you eat, talk, smile, or even just breathe. He is as crazy as you, Dot. I have never told this to you because every time we talk about him, you look like smoke will come out of your ears. But seriously, you have nothing to be worried about."

Dorathea looked like a fish out of the bowl, not knowing what to say to all of that. She picked her fingers and said in a low voice, "What if this is his fun? He always wants what he can't have. I have seen him doing it just for spite. Right now, I am looking so unattainable to him that he would do anything to have me. What if he has me and then finds out I am like everyone else? Nothing unattainable, not worthy of these mental troubles. What if he loses respect for me when he sees me in my plain ordinary colour? I shouldn't have kissed him, no matter how much I wanted to. I should not have gone to the dinner. Ugh... why did you let me go, Audrey?"

Dorathea further crept into her comforter until only the top of her hair bun was visible.

"Hey, Dot, you can't hide forever."

Dorathea muttered dryly, "Watch me."

Audrey laughed, but then forced her pathetic friend to eat something edible, tempting her with dumplings and noodles. As Thea took a bite of the chewy dumpling, she couldn't help but remember Levi bringing her dumplings once. Now she was even more angry at herself for being such a sorry excuse of a person - Wow, Dorathea, moping over dumplings. A new low.

*******

She decided to end her pity party and went for her shift in the nursery. She was in her element, tending to her plants, carefully checking each leaf and root. She was currently repotting a small ficus tree, gently loosening the roots and placing it into a new, larger pot filled with rich soil. Her fingers moved deftly, her focus intense.

Suddenly, she heard an exaggerated cough from behind her. She put on a mocking smile, ready to face another condescending customer who would undoubtedly believe a girl like her doesn't know a single thing about plants, and then mansplain her own words to her, it's a wonder she hadn't murdered anyone yet. Today she might.

But when she turned, she was surprised to see Levi standing there in his full glory. His hands were in his jeans pockets, wearing a cap backward that covered his unruly wild hair and one of his funny t-shirts that said, "Haven't lost my virginity because I never lose," while holding a journal where stray papers were sticking out. She had an incessant need to straighten them out and pin them perfectly, but she had more important matters at hand, like why the hell he was here.

"What are you doing here? If you are here to pester me, you better not do it while I'm working."

That earned a puzzled eyebrow raise from him. "You work here?"

She replied with a wary, "Uh-huh."

He seemed more amused. "My grumpy Dora working in a nursery? Tending to plants? And might I say plants are dramatic as hell? God forbid I water them with tap water; they act like I tortured their four generations."

She would have laughed at his words, but she couldn't help but stare at his lips and eyes. Somehow the backward cap made him look like such a hotshot. She suspected he did it exactly for this reason. She strategically avoided looking at his tanned biceps and shoulders peeking out of his t-shirt. One look at them, and she might do something her manager definitely wouldn't approve of.

She repeated her question, "What are you doing here, Levi?"

"I was walking around, you know, for inspiration, and I saw they have a herbal park here. So I thought I should check it out. But you should see my surprise when I see you in this adorable apron. Are those mushrooms shaped like pockets?" he pointed at her green apron.

Ignoring his question, she pointed out, "Take the right turn from the greenhouse, and you'll see benches that lead to the park."

At her dry words, his face fell, a pouty look appearing that she avoided by watering the plants near her. "Will you accompany me? You can tell me about the plants. I promise I won't yap, I think."

She was about to refuse when her manager peeked out from her office. If she heard Dorathea was not looking after customers, there was a chance she might lose her job. It wasn't her first rodeo where she outright left a customer in the middle of their rudeness. So she swallowed her rejection and nodded.

She walked straight out of the greenhouse without checking if he was following. The loud thud of his footsteps matching her fast strides confirmed he was right behind her. Just as they reached the park, some people were sitting on the benches around the herbal garden, drinking the in-house brewed herbal tea.

On her way, she kept checking on the plants to avoid conversation. But now, as they reached the park, Levi touched her elbow and pointed to one of the plants, and asked, "What is that?"

Even though there were placards with information on every plant present, she did her employee duty and gave him a tour.

"That's lemon balm, Melissa officinalis. It's used for its calming effects, often in teas to help with sleep or anxiety. And this one here is echinacea, known for boosting the immune system. Over there is peppermint, which is good for digestion."

Levi listened attentively, occasionally asking questions when she got too scientific. "And this one?"

"Chamomile. It's known for its calming effects and is often used in teas to help with sleep."

Throughout the tour, Levi's all five senses are pointed to her. His eyes were stuck on her when she started tending the plants on the go, his ears never strayed from her voice as she went on and on about the medicinal purposes and fun facts, his nose could smell her cedarwood perfume amidst the fragrance of the herbs, his skin tingled whenever her hands bumped to his own and then pull it away a second too late, and his tongue still could taste her since that eventful night where she cast away all her inhibitions and fell to his arms.

But as they finished the tour and reached the end, she became silent and outrightly started ignoring him. He cleared his throat and called out to her. He tugged at her apron. Still she pretended she didn't feel a thing and plucked out a shear from the front pocket and started pruning.

When he realised she wouldn't initiate the conversation, he openly asked in one breath, "Why are you avoiding me? I mean, I know why, but really why? We kissed, it was great. I like you so much, I don't know how to show it other than being obvious about it. And I have a feeling you do too. You don't just kiss someone for giggles. You had this in your mind for so long. I know that. So what's the problem?"

When she looked like she wasn't going to speak, he called her sternly, "Dorathea, come on. I know you're not a coward, but you're acting like one now."

That got her looking at him angrily, which was what he expected. He continued, teasing her to get another reaction, "Come on, what is it? You're too scared that you'll fall so hard for me?"

"Fuck you, Levi."

He smiled and was about to tease her further, but she interrupted, "Fuck you. You have no idea what I feel. It's always fun for you, isn't it?" She continued mocking his voice, "Oh, it will be so much fun to poke fun at Dora. Oh, look at Dora, she's always running with her ass on fire. Poor Dora, let's tease her until she loses her mind."

She continued, "All you do is vex me. Now you're telling me you want to be my boyfriend? What's the reason, Levi? To show you can get even the unattainable, irritable Dorathea? Another pastime for you to have fun and entertain yourself? I know I've been your amusement for the past year. You continue to rib me, and I jump at your every jab, but this has gone too far. You can't play with my feelings, especially when I was vulnerable. I admit I kissed you, and that is why we are here, but you've got to stop saying stuff like you want me. It hurts, Levi."

She had lost all her energy at the end of her words but her accusations were met with a glaring Levi with the locked jaw, "I do want you. I am not playing any games or whatever the hell you were insinuating. I like you. I liked you for–"

His persistent admission finally broke the camel's back. Dorathea's posture turned rigid, her palms clutched to fists and she glowered at him, "Levi, I told you to stop saying that."

But he continued to repeat the same mantra over and over, "What? That I like you? It's true, so you better get used to it, I like you. I like you very much. I -"

She either had to kill him or kiss him to shut him the fuck up, she went with the former. She took his disarranged journal from his hand to hit him in the head to reboot his brain. But that led to a tug of war, which she won but those stray papers flew out of the book and dropped to the ground. The moment stood still while she looked at the ground.

All she saw was her own face in pencil shades, staring back at her. Her own face posing on most of the papers - she was smiling in one, eating, laughing, scowling, looking bored, reading, studying.

It almost looked like she had a stalker and one with a massive crush.

And to no one's surprise but hers, she choked on her gasp and looked at all the drawings of her with wide eyes. Her hands trembling as she took one of the papers where she was smiling so wide, her hair framing her face, her eyes crinkled, her arms holding her books with such care - she couldn't help but notice how he made her so pretty, even drew her eyes so beautiful, she didn't know there was a beautiful shade of brown. She felt like a delicate flower for once in her life - the one she always tended to but never in her wildest imagination had dared to dream someone would look at her like that - a flower.

She had so many questions, so many of them, and all the answers lay at her feet for her to peruse and take. So she did just that. She took each paper, each of her expressions, her eyes, her brows, her nose, her freckles—each of them perfectly accurate with each drawing. She cradled his drawings to her chest and looked at him.

He looked like both a deer in headlights and a cat who drank spilled milk at the same time. He fumbled with his cap in nervousness, about to face the wrath she would invoke.

But the only thing she could ask was, "How long, Levi?"

He looked scared to answer but did it anyway. "Since the orientation class. I uh..."

One moment he was speaking and the next, he felt a set of soft lips pressed against his. She shut him up with a kiss like he always dreamt.

His shoulders were clutched on by her for dear life, her entire body bending towards him like a plant towards the sun. He tilted her head to the side and pressed his lips more firmly to get more of her, more and more. His hands were everywhere, and so was hers.

And from that day on, his lips had never felt loneliness, neither had hers.

well well well