❝No matter what I do to keep you close, you would choose her anyway.❞
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Word Count: 2392
 

Trigger warning: extreme angst and unhealthy relationships.

Angst requests by: Greenery_93 Euphorie1987 VantaeKim8 (and a number of other users I don't recollect at the moment)

«LALISA»

It is a known fact to me that Jungkook has always had a twisted view of himself. The first day since I met him — as the boy next door, he had always been the cute yet shy, reserved guy who had his own share of socially awkward moments. Being the only child of his parents, his mother would force him to various events until the day we met and instantly hit off as best friends.

And that was until, I caught feelings for him. He had fallen in love too, just not with me.

I was the only person he literally opened up to and he didn't hesitate to straight away tell me about his crush on the blonde girl from his guitar class. Chaeyoung. And since I coincidentally happened to be friends with her, it didn't take long for me to convince her to date him. The time they were together was probably the happiest days in his life, he still clung onto me though, always putting me first before his girlfriend. And so, my entire college years were spent tagging along as a third wheel to Jungkook and Chaeyoung. I didn't mind either; his happiness mattered more than my hurt feelings, right?

It wasn't always flowers and butterflies though — probably a week after graduation, Jungkook ran into my arms, crying about how Chaeyoung confessed that she had been cheating on him with Jimin, one of our mutual friends. The incident completely broke him from inside — perhaps because it was his first love and he didn't deserve a heartbreak so intense. I did everything that rest in my hands, to help him feel better and forget her. It was more difficult than holding back my tears every night whenever I used see the two in the past. We went on casual hangouts, which eventually transformed into dates, only making my feelings stronger and my heart weaker day by day.

I would notice him eyeing at me in disgust sometimes — the disgust usually directed towards himself, of how unworthy of a friend he is. Whenever he was heavily caught up with it, I would use a simple remedy that would always start with palming his cheek, tracing my fingertips against his back and place my lips to his neck. He said it gave him a strange comfort, a feeling of warmth that he has never felt with anyone.

Anyone but me.

At one of our "dates", I accidentally confessed my love to him, it was a slip of words driven by true emotions. He didn't react to it — I wasn't expecting him to react either, as we bid our goodbyes before heading back. The same night, I was taken aback by surprise when I opened my door to him.

"I want to give us a go...will you be my girlfriend Lisa?"

The beating of my heart was brought to an abrupt halt when those words left his mouth. He forced upon a sigh, still waiting for my answer whilst the stars became witness of the moment.

"Yes." My eyes blood with tears.

Jungkook was everything I had ever wanted in my life - he completed me. He was the perfect boyfriend, actually beyond perfect.

I readily agreed to move in with him in a new apartment that was closer to our respective workspaces.

Jungkook was good at everything he did, including a number of household chores.

"Should we order something? I don't want to torture our poor kitchen by experimenting-"

"Say no more. I'm in charge of cooking today." He wrapped an apron around his toned body, as I nervously approached him.

"You sure you don't need any help?"

"You just sit and relax, carrot." He would say, gently leaving me by the couch before returning back.

"How's it? Shall I add some salt? Or is it too salty?" He would ask, intently looking into my eyes as I would nod. "Its perfect, Koo."

A gush of relief would consume him as he would lean in and peck my lips.

He was considerate.

"Koo, I thought you didn't like salads? Why are you—"

"I know you're on a diet and its rude for me to munch on fried chicken while you make faces while eating grass. So why not accompany you?"

"What a brave thought!" His silliness always got me falling for him.

"I know. But I want to."

He wasn't the possessive type.

"Are you headed out?"

"Over to Bambam's party. You're sure you will be okay staying in?"

"Yes of course. Its a little chilly *sneeze*"

"I think I should stay-"

"There's nothing to worry about! Call me if you want me to pick you up."

"Thank you Koo! You're the best!"

He always valued my space.

"Come here baby." He would open his arms wide apart, allowing me to snuggle in whenever I had a bad day. He would later pepper me up with kisses to make me feel warm.

He never hesitated to showcase his caring side.

"In this grey weather and you with a 104 fever? No carrot, we aren't going out." I loved it when he stayed by my side, constantly checking my temperature, make soup for me and constantly keep asking me if I felt better.

"You still look so pale. Its sweater weather today I guess."

Whenever the days came when I would fall intensively sick, he would sit beside my burning body, caressing with all the love. It got me worried for his posture as he would doze off to sleep on the chair by the beside.

"Koo...?"

"Are you feeling better? Shall I get you something to eat? Drink? You want some-"

"Koo, you slept here all night?"

"Yes. I didn't realise when I fell asleep though." He would awkwardly reply, scratching his nape.

"Koo why do you have to-"

"Excuse me, I'm your boyfriend and you're my responsibility."

He was passionately romantic.

Sometimes, for no reason at all, he'd greet me with a fresh bouquet of flowers of my favourite kinds.

"For my beautiful lady." He would smile, putting a flower on my hair.

"What is this for?"

"Just felt like it. I customised the bouquet by myself though, the florist snapped back when I risked it."

"Aww really! Thats so adorable!"

The six times I always said I love you to him for every single thing he did, I wouldn't get a reply. I never got to hear those three beautiful words from him. But I wasn't complaining either, because it was fine if he didn't have a way with words. Because his actions justified his thoughts.

We were all smiles, there was a beautiful us. We were so contented with each other — or at least I was. Because everything came crushing down and my hopes for our future came toppling after.

It was our one year anniversary, and we had decided that after work we would meet each other at five, at one of Seoul's exquisite restaurants before going on a walk to the Han River. I even got us a love lock; the thought seemed cringe to me at first, but I wanted the night to be perfect and every bit of romance in it.

Unfortunately, he didn't show up. It was past six already, when he texted me that he would be late by half an hour. So I kept waiting, looking at the couples lovingly feeding each other while my plate was served cold. It was ten already — a span of four hours had passed without much knowledge and the restaurant was about to close. This was the first time Jungkook stood me up. I was upset and maybe a little hurt too. But I assumed he was oo caught up in work that he must've been exhausted. I walked my way back towards our apartment, when I head a similar melody being sung at a distance. It was Jungkook, the song being the one he made for me and would sing me to sleep every night.

Following the humming through the silence, I finally reached a park in front of a nightclub. I found Jungkook — another girl in his arms.

I was confused about what was going on, as I slowly paced towards him when he shifted a little as I finally got to see the girl's face — Chaeyoung.

The same woman who had dumped him over one and a half year back — who had left him heartbroken and utterly lovesick. His ex.

She was mindlessly drunk, yet Jungkook clung onto her as if she were a long lost treasure he had been looking for over years now.

"Let me go Jungkook! Please, I beg you! Don't be like that dumb buffoon who chose to walk out of my life!"

I kept a safe distance as I heard them talk. Chaeyoung had probably been drinking after a breakup, as she tried to flee away from Jungkook's hold as he held her back with tears in his eyes.

"Do you realise how much I have missed you baby? After months of waiting for that one last call, a text? You're here for that duffer Jimin who did nothing but cheat on you and yet you don't wish to come back to me. And finally when you texted me tonight, you're pushing me off. Why am I not enough?"

"Text you? No, I text Jimin, I'm sure-no shit that was a mistake. I accidentally texted you, I'm sorry okay? I never loved you Jungkook, everything I did for you was just a favour to my friend. Leave me alone now." She silently weeped as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Why are you doing this to me Chae? We were so beautiful in love."

My heart broke as he mirrored the same words that had been forming in my head. I blinked twice. Was I in middle of a nightmare?

"Please Chae, give me a second chance. I learnt everything now, I understand what has been lacking in me. I promise to be the perfect man in your eyes, I've learnt how to impress you, how to do chores, how to be romantic, considerate, caring. Look, I am not even possessive now."

My heart stopped beating upon hearing those words that painfully penetrated through my ears. The next second, it seated once - a sad beat as my eyes never left his figure, the man I've loved ore than anything in this world. It was like my whole world fell apart and was crushed down by my greatest insecurities; of him running back to his ex, and neglect me like nothing ever happened between us.

Noticing my presence, he slowly turned around as our eyes met; his gaze wasn't of warmth anymore — rather the bitter coldness he had when he had cried in my arms on that fateful night when Chaeyoung broke up with him. His head hung low, his lips quivering to find a reasonable explanation; the silence beholding the truth.

I felt a few raindrops on my shoulder; it had started to rain. Just a slight drizzle, before the storm.

I wistfully smiled before tearing apart and walked away on the rainy night. Till the last moment, I expected he would run back to me.

He never did.

He chose to stay back with his cheating ex and continued to plead for forgiveness.

Forgiveness of what? I clearly don't have idea, nor do I care about.

An array of memories started to play in my head like a broken record stuck in an endless tune. All this time he had only seen me as a light that would guide him back to his old love. He still loved her the same way as he did back then. It was me who was the one to blame for coming in between them.

Maybe Chaeyoung didn't cheat on him at all; maybe it was me who had caused them to separate. Who knows, was it the fault of destiny to write our broken hearts?

I let him claim me, I gave everything to him, just so that he could use me in reminiscence of his past love.

He wasn't trying to be perfect because he loved me.

He was trying to be perfect because he loved her.

And that was the time I walked in the rain, realising how illusioned I was to believe that he was mine, when all this while he had been hers to keep. 

fin.

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Explanation

I believe that most of the readers will start hating on Jungkook because of his "infidelity" towards Lisa. Instead of hating him to manipulate Lisa and break her heart, I would rather sympathise with him and I have a reason to justify it. Jungkook had always looked up to Lisa as someone who would lend a shoulder to him when no one could. He took their friendship for granted and failed to realise her feelings for him. So when he suffered his first heartbreak after which Lisa accidentally enough, confessed to him, he thought of it as a way to change himself. As a way to move on in life. He hadn't gone through the trauma phase yet and failed to recognise that every moment he spent with Lisa were filled with genuine feelings.

His mind illusioned him into believing that he didn't deserve Lisa and so he started to guilt trip himself, the reason why Lisa never got to hear an I love you from despite showing so much effort in caring for her.

The night of their anniversary he was ready to showcase his love to her and put a stop to his previous chapter, but he wasn't strong to forget it as the pas memories with Chaeyoung started to haunt him after he got a text from her. Maybe he would've moved on in his life, if it weren't for that unfated day that flipped his relationship with Lisa altogether.

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I don't know if if it resembles the angst/heartbreak requests that were piled in but certainly, I would be lying if I said I didn't cry while writing it.😭✨