❝I just wanna be happier.❞
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Warning ⚠︎:
the following imagine deals with sensitive topics like self harm and suicide.

Readers' discretion advised.

Based on true events.

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Word Count:2050

»NARRATION«

It was chilly Monday morning; dark clouds hovered over the sky, puddles littered the pavement from the rain shower of last night and a musty petrichor was felt in the air.

The boy, dressed in a black hoodie matched with ripped black jeans walked quietly into the premises, in a hope that at least this new semester he wouldn't have to be an embaraassment.

Unfortunately, his hopes would only stay as dreams because he soon heard laughs and gasps around.

"Hey guys look! The stammer kid is here!" The popular guy Hwayoung pointed at him, sitting with his gang on the benches.

They waited for him everyday to make fun of him.

His grip around his backpack straps fastened as he paced his way into the halls, head hung low to avoid their mockery and laughs. Papers were crumbled and thrown at him, but he did nothing.

Hwayoung stuck his foot out as Jungkook didn't notice and as a result, tripped over it and fell face down on the ground.

"B-be c-c-c-careful nerd." He mimicked, the other students bursting into fits of laughter. Slouching down, the bully remarked, "Listen here you dumb nerd. You don't deserve a place among us so better get your stuttering ass out of here."

The bell rang and the students rushed past them into their respective classes; Hwayoung purposefully stamped on his glasses, shattering it and leaving him alone as the poor guy hopelessly looked around to support his blurred vision, with tears streaming down his face.

━

"Its the first day of the new semester Jungkook. You could've tried to be early at least today." Mr Choi sighed.

"S-s-s-sorry."

"I don't have the patience to deal with the nonsense, get in and take a seat." The elder said, before getting back the attention to the textbook.

The boy sheepishly made his way into the classroom that looked filled as what he could estimate from his hazy vision.

"C-c-c-can I s-sit h-h-here?" He mumbled as the girl seated beside nodded, moving her bag to make space.

He settled himself on the only free seat he could find, which happened to be next to Kim Lalisa, the cold president of the student council. She had been the most insightful girl in the university, excelling not only in academics and sports, but also defied the social "norms" that existed in the society. She was extremely brave and feared absolutely no one when it came to standing up for her reputation, the reason why not many people wished to get involved with her.

She was one of those prizes that everyone wanted, but no one dared to contest for.

Jungkook secretly had a major crush on her too, though he was thankful that no one knew about it. And he clearly knew he stood no chance in front of her, after watching the best boys getting rejected harshly by her. So sitting next to THE Lalisa was a great achievement in itself, for him at least.

He tried to focus his gaze on the blackboard, but his eyesight wasn't supporting him at all; he couldn't see a single word clearly as he kept blaming himself for the fact that his glasses were now broken. Lalisa, who kept eyeing the guy from time to time did notice his difficulty, so she inched a little closer ㅡ to show him the notes to copy down.

His cheeks kissed pink, palms sweaty and clammy, a drop of sweat trickling down his forehead, one by one - he was madly blushing right now.

"T-t-thanks." Jungkook whispered and unknowingly a smile formed on her lips. "Its fine."

Class went by quicker than expected, much to Jungkook's disappointment who wished he could sit beside a little longer and admire his crush.

Soon it was lunchtime as the people headed out.

"The audacity of that stammering kid to sit with Lalisa?!" Hwayoung's blood boiled upon hearing the news. He liked Lisa too, and being the infamous bully of the university he had warned everyone to stay away from what's his.

Lisa was aware about this but hated the pathetic guy to the core. Although unknowingly he made her work easier since now she could live in peaceful isolation than being chased around the campus.

"Hey bunny boy, over here." Hwayoung whistled, calling Jungkook over to his table as the shy boy gulped, balancing his tray with shivering hands.

He kicked the tray that landed right over Jungkook's hoodie, completely ruining it. Dusting his hands off, he got off his table before smirking and heading past, winking at Lisa who felt utterly disgusted at the actions.

Jungkook looked around in horror with the comic smiles painted on everyone's lips who were seated at the cafeteria. Some were already laughing while others tried to stifle it but the common thing was that everyone was laughing at him.

He had become a joke that they ridiculed and loved to laugh at.

His eyes welled up with tears; he couldn't take it anymore. He tried to hide his face trying to ignore everything and perhaps everyone.

━

Jungkook inhaled the cold breeze as tears cascaded down his rosy cheeks.

Certainly the problem lay in him. Who would like to be friends with a nerd, the one that can't even complete a decent sentence without a fucking stammer?

Those assholes always picked up on him even though he stayed out of their business. They were only trying to make him realise that he didn't deserve a position in this university because he was abnormal, autistic. This had always been the case since childhood.

He had had enough; everyone was happy when he was depressed.

Maybe he was born to live with this curse, to suffer in loneliness.

He had had enough. Today was too much for him to take in as he stood on the rooftop.

Jungkook kept trying to let out a clear sentence, slapping himself at every stammer as he sobbed at his hopeless condition.

He pulled out a pocket knife, tired of everything. He hated this habit of his, because he knew he would regret later. But still, he self harmed himself whenever he felt things went out of hard for him.

But this time however, before the knife could reach his skin as hand snatched it away and threw it far off, making the boy flinch.

"What do you think you are doing?!"

"L-L-L-Lalisa?"

Of all persons he never expected her to arrive here. She mostly ignored everything and avoided interfering into people's lives. It came as a natural shock to him to know why she'd do it.

"I-I- d-d-don't know what to do a-a-any-anymore." His head hung low as he turned his back.

"I understand life is unfair. Some people know how to deal with it and get on but majority find themselves unlucky. Crying is a painkiller; it can't end the misery Jungkook." She replied, trying to face him as tears poured in and he sobbed harder.

"I-I- j-j-just wanna b-be h-ha-happier. Am I b-being too g-g-greedy? E-ev-everytime I always p-p-push it t-th-thinking its o-o-kay, but I know its n-n-not. It h-h-hurts too much when I-I'm alone."

"You can always talk to me whenever you want to," Lalisa patted his back as he cried on her shoulder, letting out his emotions for the very first time.

"W-we b-barely know each o-o-other.... h-how?"

"Maybe we can try to know each other more, starting with this. Do you think harming yourself will help you evade he situation you're in? It will just chase the demons away and silence them for a while. Nothing's gonna happen until you fight them." She comforted.

"Ev-e-everyone hates m-me..."

"No, thats not true. I don't hate you Jungkook."

His eyes squinted up in hope as tears stopped. Lalisa could feel her heart beating fast inside her chest, her mind in a debate if she should confess or not, given the fact she was quite antisocial when it came to boys.

"I like you." She breathed out and Jungkook felt his heart stop before beating again at an inhuman pace.

To make herself clear, she repeated, "I like you, a lot actually." Her blush was evident in her rose-tinted cheeks.

"I-I l-l-like you t-too, L-L-Lisa ssi." Jungkook replied, cursing himself internally for stuttering again.

His actions only made Lisa smile, she found him cute whenever he stuttered. She was aware that he had a stammer and how badly he was treated for his condition, but she never saw him differently. She only saw him as him. The calm and peace-loving Jungkook who always made her heart go crazy by his little things she would secretly admire.

"W-w-why would s-someone l-l-like you like s-someone l-l-like m-m-me?" He mumbled, still not believing the confession.

"I like you because you are different from the other guys. What makes you different isn't your stammer, but you and your personality. I would probably be lying if I didn't say I tried to get your attention sometimes. Like in the lunch break I would usually follow you to the library trying to get a glance from the bookshelf. Once I found you studying and so while looking for a book I accidentally slipped and ended up pushing a whole stack of books because I panicked when you suddenly looked at me. I mostly stay away from the Other kids because they bother me a lot. But you, Jungkook, have never been the same kind and thats what I've always liked about, even though I don't show it." She smiled wistfully, holding his veiny hands in hers.

Jungkook couldn't control his happiness any longer and pulled Lisa into his embrace, hugging her tight. "T-t-t-thank you s-so m-m-much."

Reciprocating his hug, she smiled into his chest, "Shhh...its fine."

It made him remember the sweet exchange they had this morning, but he immediately pulled back upon a sudden realisation.

"B-b-but w-wh-what will t-t-they say?"

"Don't worry about them. They're not the decision makers of our lives. I won't let them lay a finger on my boyfriend." She cooed into his ears as he blushed at the mention of the term.

"L-L-Look." He shyly pointed out at her blazer that got ruined with the foodstains from his dirty hoodie. She chuckled.

"They must be having an extra pair of sports hoodie we can always wear. Come along." She intertwined her hands with his, pulling him towards the staircase when he suddenly pulled her back and whispered into her ear.

"L-Lets cuddle a b-b-bit b-b-before that?"

Lalisa grinned ear to ear at his request.

Well turns out the shy boy wasn't that shy anymore.

And she was proud about it.

FIN.

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A/N

This imagine was actually inspired from one of my seniors I'm close with, who earlier used to stammer a lot and had some speech defects. He was bullied quite seriously and stayed upset most of the time, until he found someone who understood him.

The thing that pricks me a lot is that people who tend to suffer from such speech or visual defects are completely marginalised from their social circles and treated differently and abnormally.

They are humans too and yet we forget that they deserve fair amount of love, care and understanding too, a similar idea I've tried to express time and again into different contexts and books but the message gets dismissed for some reason I don't know.

Anyways, hoping you understood the idea behind this imagine and don't forget to play the song while reading it because the idea expressed is taken up from the song's lyrics.

ㅡAuthornim.