" Happiness is only real when shared. "

— Jon Krakauer

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15.3 ; WEDDING BELLS.

SPENCER STARED AT THE small brown Victorian house as a lump grew in his throat. When he had gotten into one of the SUVs after work, he had planned on going for a drive to clear his head. He had driven for at least an hour, taking roads he didn't recognize until he found himself here. He hadn't planned on standing on the street in front of Caroline's aunt's house.

He was tempted to get back in the car and leave. With the wedding being tomorrow, there were a lot of preparations that needed to be made on both ends. When he had left Quantico, Hotch had been on the phone with the Director of the FBI. They needed as many agents as they could get. He should just get back in the car and go back to work.

But he couldn't make himself move. After Caroline's cognitive interview, she left within five minutes after he calmed her down without saying a word to anyone. She didn't speak to Hotch or Gideon or Derek or Garcia. She hadn't even looked at Spencer.

He just wanted to know if she was okay. He wanted something else to replace the memory of her curled in a chair as she screamed in terror. And, above all of that, he wanted some of his questions answered as well.

Before he realized what he was doing, he was standing on the porch, staring at the front door. He sucked in a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. A few moments later, the door swung open and he made eye-contact with Caitlin's jade-green eyes. He could tell by the wariness in her eyes and the way she slumped forward slightly that she knew what was happening tomorrow. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt.

"Dr. Reid," she said, blinking once. "I—What are you doing here?"

"I, uh—I'm sorry to intrude, I was just..." He tried to come up with a plausible lie that didn't sound stalkerish like he was just in the neighborhood but he couldn't force the words out of his mouth. He let out a loose breath before trying again. "Is Caroline home?"

The younger girl's light brow furrowed but she nodded. She craned her neck and called into the dark hallway, "Caroline, you have a visitor!"

From the end of the hallway, he saw her emerge with Cass in her arms. As she walked into the light of the sunset, he felt his heart start to beat faster. She was wearing a loose cream sweater, black leggings, and white fuzzy socks. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail and he noticed the slight red puffiness under her eyes. Even though he had seen her in civilian clothes before, it was still strange to see her outside of her usual work attire.

Caroline stopped short behind Caitlin when she saw Spencer standing in the doorway. Surprise flashed over her face before she composed herself. She turned to her sister and handed Cass to her as she told her, "Cait, why don't you go help Aunt G in the backyard with the flower arrangements? I'll come help in a few minutes."

Caitlin's eyes flickered between the two of them before nodding in resignation. As she headed back into the house, Cass waved at him. He managed a small smile.

Once the two girls disappeared into the house, Caroline stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind her. She looked up at him. A stab of worry hit his stomach when he saw her drawn face and her dull blue eyes. He had never seen her look so tired and worn out.

"Did something happen?"

He blinked at the sound of her voice, empty and lifeless. He slowly shook his head and he watched the relief flood across her face.

"That's..." She let out a soft sigh. "Why did you come by if nothing new was found?"

"I—I wanted to check on you."

"Well, you checked," she said. "I'm fine."

"Right."

She crossed her arms over her chest as she took a small step towards the door. "Anything else?"

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He felt like a fish out of water, floundering on Caroline's porch with his mouth open. She stared at him for a moment before turning around with her hand resting on the doorknob.

Before she could open the door, he blurted out, "Why?"

She paused, her hand frozen on the doorknob mid-turn. She didn't face him as she whispered, "Why what?"

"Why didn't you tell me about what happened to you?"

The laugh that escaped her lips was weak and breathless. "That's what you came here for?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear as his other hand tugged at the bottom of his sweater vest. "Yeah."

She looked back at him with a small, tight-lipped smile on her face. She gestured to the brown wicker loveseat on the porch. He sat down, watching her with caution as she slowly lowered herself beside him.

For a moment, it was completely silent with the exception of birds chirping as they flew from tree to tree. The sun had started to sink further down the sky as blue began to morph into pink and orange. He stole a glance at Caroline from the corner of his eyes. She had rested her head against the siding of the house behind him. Her eyes stared as the sunset forming in front of them, her face smooth and calm. The golden yellow light from the sunset glinted in her hair and reflected in her blue eyes, almost making them shine.

He couldn't help but think of how unfair it was for someone to be so naturally beautiful.

Caroline didn't look away from the sky as she said,  "Out of all the things you could've asked me, you really want to know why I didn't tell you about my past?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He frowned a little as he leaned back in the chair. "I thought I was asking the questions."

She glanced over at him, giving a small smile. "Humor me."

"I just—" Spencer sighed, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "You're my best friend. I...I thought we told each other everything."

She turned to face him fully, her brow furrowed. "Spencer Reid, please don't tell me you think I didn't tell you about my past because I don't trust you."

He didn't respond. Hearing it aloud made his fear sound so idiotic. She had so many other reasons not to tell him—fear, shame, respect for her family's privacy—but he couldn't stop thinking about it. She was his best friend and he wanted her to trust him with anything. Everything.

"Spence, I didn't tell you because I don't trust you," she said after a moment of silence past. Her voice was sincere and soft. "I trust you. I trust you with my life and everything in me."

I trust you.

Relief flooded through his body so strongly that his head started to spin. He hadn't relieved how closely he had been holding onto the notion, how much he feared it. Now that she had said those three words aloud, he was able to let go.

But, even though he got the answer to his question, he couldn't help but ask, "Then...why?"

Caroline gave him a small smile as she sighed, "I didn't tell you because of the way you're looking at me right now."

He blinked. "What?"

"It's the same look we give the victims in our cases," she said quietly, looking down at her clasped hands. "That sympathetic, careful look we give when we feel like someone's broken."

"Care, I—"

"I worked so hard, Spencer. After what happened, I wanted to forget about everything." Her eyes shone with unshed tears. "But most importantly, I didn't want to be a victim. I didn't want people to see me as this someone this bastard broke. I didn't want my people to see me as something damaged. Not my family or the team or you." She sighed softly. "Especially you."

He watched as a tear ran down her cheek. He reached out and gently wiped it away. Her skin was soft and warm, inviting him in. Without realizing what he was doing, he placed his hand on her cheek. His fingers brushed through her hair as his thumb wiped away the remnants of tears.

"I don't see you as a victim," he whispered, his hand still cupping her face. "When I look at you, it's in complete and utter awe."

She closed her eyes as she nuzzled her face deeper in his hands. In the back of his head, he took notice of how much bigger his hand was compared to her face. The bottom half of his hand rested on her lips. He could feel her breathing.

"When I look at you, I see my best friend," he said, smiling at her. "You're not broken or damaged. You're the strongest person I know. And you amaze me every single day."

She slowly opened her eyes and stared at him with a look of disbelief. "Really?"

"Really."

She laughed under her breath, the relief in her voice was almost palpable. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. She breathed, "I love you. You know that, right?"

He rested his cheek on the top of her head. "Yeah. I know."

They stayed in each other's embrace as they watched the pink and orange sunset bleed across the sky. He listened to the sound of her breathing. It was soft and even, almost as if she was falling asleep. He knew she was tired, he could tell because of the dark purple bags under her eyes. He could imagine she hadn't slept much at all.

Just as Caroline began to drift asleep on his shoulder, the front door opened and her brother stepped out onto the porch, intimidating as ever. Caroline shot up from the bench, her face beet red like an embarrassed teenager. Spencer could tell he saw them anyway by the way Chris paused, his eyes flickering between the two.

"What are you doing out here?" Caroline asked, her voice sounding slightly defensive.

"Cait said you were out here." His eyes shifted to Spencer as a dissatisfied frown appeared on his face. "Was there a break in the case?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but Caroline beat him to it. "No, no. Nothing's changed," she said quickly.

Her brother's eyebrows furrowed together as he nodded his head towards Spencer. "Then why is the teacher's assistant on our porch?"

Spencer murmured under his breath, "Nice to see you too."

If anyone heard him, they didn't acknowledge it. Caroline crossed her arms over her chest as her eyebrows drew together and her jaw clenched. "None of your business," she snapped. "And I told you, Spence isn't a teacher's assistant. He has three Ph.D.s. That's three more than you have."

"Why are you so jumpy all of a sudden?"

"I'm not!"

"Excuse me?"

All three of their heads whipped towards the new voice. Standing at the bottom of the porch steps was an average-looking man in his mid-thirties. He wore a simple green t-shirt and jeans and his dark hair was tucked under a baseball cap. In his left hand, there was an envelope.

Chris's eyes narrowed at the man. "What do you want?"

"Sorry to intrude, but I'm here to deliver a letter." He held up the envelope. "Is Caroline Hale here?"

Caroline shrunk away from the man as if he had slapped her. Her face had turned pale as a sheet of paper and her eyes were blown to the size of saucers.

"No one has used my real last name in six years," she said, her voice quiet.

The man nodded at her once. "You Caroline?"

She nodded in response before descending the porch steps. She stopped on the last one so that she stood over the man. She held her palm out to him and he placed the envelope in her hand.

Spencer couldn't help but notice how strange the situation was. He didn't have much experience with receiving mail in-person because he was rarely home to get it, but he was certain the mail industry had a way of distinguishing themselves. A uniform, a marked car. His eyes scanned the street and he saw no mail trucks anywhere near the house. In fact, there were no new cars since he had arrived. The man had to have walked.

Caroline opened the envelope as she walked back up the stairs, her focus completely on the piece of paper in her hands. She pulled a piece of paper from the envelope and unfolded it, her eyes scanning the paper. After a moment, she froze.

The look on her face caused the hair on Spencer's arms to stand straight up. He went to her but stopped in front of her, unsure of what was going on.

Her brother knew something was wrong as well. He placed a hand on his sister's shoulder as he came to her side. "Care, what is it?"

He paused, his eyes darting to the piece of paper in her trembling hands. He read over her shoulder for a moment. Spencer watched as his face turned white then red.

Chris wheeled on his heels and lunged down the porch steps. He gripped the man's t-shirt collar and hauled him up the stairs like he weighed nothing. The man began to flail in an attempt to flee but Caroline's brother pinned him against the house with his forearm at his throat. Both Caroline and Spencer stood completely still—the former out of fear and the latter out of shock.

"Did you write that?" He growled at the terrified man. Chris's captive began to claw at his arm, but it was useless.

The man's eyes widened, his pupils dilated. He choked out, "No...not me...someone paid...me."

Chris loosened his grip a little once he realized the man couldn't talk. He gave him just enough to be able to talk, but still had him trapped.

"Then who?" He snapped. "Who paid you?"

"I don't know! I swear! I was going for a jog a few blocks from here and this guy approached me. Told me he'd pay me fifty bucks if I delivered a letter."

"Why couldn't he do it himself?"

"He said he wanted it to be a surprise for his girlfriend, man! I just wanted the fifty bucks."

Once the shock of Chris's outburst wore off, Spencer gently took the letter from Caroline's now still hands. The moment he saw the first two words, his blood ran cold.

Dear Ivy,

Can you hear the wedding bells?

"It's him," Caroline whispered. Spencer glanced up at her, the letter now beginning to crinkle in his hands. "He was only a few blocks from here."

He didn't know what else to say except, "I'm sorry."

Chris finally let go of the poor man, who began to gasp for air once released. He turned to his sister and said, "I can catch him. I can run down the street and kill this son of a bitch—"

"Don't bother," she murmured as she folded her arms around herself. "We both know he's already long gone."

Once Spencer had informed Hotch about the new letter, the unit chief had every available agent comb at least twenty miles around Caroline's neighboorhood. He sat beside her in the cool night breeze as cops swarmed her house, questioning the man who delivered the letter. Somewhere between the flashing red and blue lights and blaring sirens, Caroline had silently taken his hand. He squeezed it once in an attempt to reassure her.

Thirty minutes later, they got a call. And just as Caroline had said, he was gone.

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Caroline gripped the bouquet of pink lilies tightly in front of her as she stared at herself in the mirror.  She had to admit, Aunt G had made her look presentable despite not having slept a collective four hours for a few days. The soft pink gown she wore flowed down like a waterfall, the skirt swishing gently as she moved. Her skin was a shade of a cream rose as the faint curls of her pale blonde hair framed her face. Somehow, her aunt had managed to cover the purple bags under her eyes. She looked youthful. Alive.

She swallowed back a scoff. It was ironic how she looked given how rotten she felt inside.

She forced a smile on her face. It looked painfully fake, but it would have to do. She had to act like nothing was wrong so the guests wouldn't get suspicious so the plan will work. If the plan will work.

She silently chastised herself for even having doubt. This was her team and they were the best. She trusted them with her life and her family's lives. Now, she just had to trust herself.

Before she could psych herself out even more, the bathroom door opened and Caitlin stepped out. She wore a pink dress similar to Caroline's and her hair was pinned up in an elegant knot on top of her head.

"You look beautiful, Cait," Caroline told her sister sincerely. She could hardly believe the young woman standing in front of her was her little sister. She truly wasn't that cute ten-year-old anymore.

Her sister blushed as she gestured at her. "Have you seen yourself? Dr. Reid is gonna shit a brick when he sees you."

"Caitlin!"

"Sorry." A sheepish look crossed her face. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

A soft sigh escaped Caroline's lips. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

She shrugged a little. "I know I shouldn't be, but—"

"You have every right to feel whatever you're feeling."

Her sister bit her lip as she looked down at her feet. "Do you...you think he'll really be there?"

For a moment, Caroline could have sworn her heart stopped. When she and Chris explained the situation to her, she had seemed oddly calm. Too calm. She should've seen past it, should've prepared her more for this day. But Caroline had been selfish and focused on herself. The man who killed her twin brother was going to be at the wedding and Caitlin was probably just as terrified as she was.

"Yeah. I do."

"Oh."

Caitlin shuffled over and leaned against the old guest bed. Caroline came and sat beside her, the bouquet resting on her lap. She could smell the gentle floral scent and it relaxed her a little.

"I'm scared, too," Caroline said as she stared at the beige wall across from her. "So scared that I wanted to cancel the wedding."

Her sister glanced at her from the corner of her eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. But Chris and Becca didn't want to."

"Why?"

"The same reason I'm going along with this," she admitted softly. "He's taken a lot from us. He can't have today too."

After a moment, Caitlin rested her head on her older sister's shoulder. Caroline wrapped an arm around her younger sister, tucking her in close.

"I never understood why you joined the BAU," her sister whispered. "Now I understand. As much as it sucks not to have you around a lot, you're saving people. You're preventing others from feeling this...emptiness."

It was silent for a moment as Caitlin's words sunk into her brain. She had felt that same nothingness before and understood. She tightened her grip on her sister.

"Regardless of what happens today," Caroline said as she rested her chin on top of her sister's head, "I want you to know I'm proud of how strong you are. You're stronger than you know, and that's what's going to get you through this."

"I love you," Caitlin said.

She smiled as she carefully kissed the top of her head, making sure she didn't mess up her hair. "And I love you."

There was a soft knock at the door before their aunt stuck her head into the room. She smiled at the two girls sitting on the bed in each other's embrace. Caroline could've sworn she saw a flash of sadness in her eyes, but it disappeared before she could really tell.

"Ready?"

Caroline stood from the bed and carefully smoothed out her dress. She extended her hand to Caitlin and her sister took it with a grateful look on her face. She stood beside her, their fingers interlocked.

Caroline squeezed her hand gently before replying, "We're ready."

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"The procession is about to start. Do we have eyes everywhere?"

Spencer self-consciously tugged at his hair in an attempt to hide the earpiece as Hotch's voice buzzed over the line. His leg jogged up and down as the wedding guests started to find their seats.

It had been a long morning for him. Between verifying the wedding staff and memorizing the schedule, he hadn't seen Caroline yet. After yesterday, he wasn't even sure what he'd say. He just wanted to see her.

"Elle and I are covering the back," Morgan said, his voice clear and determined. "No one is leaving for the reception until we have them checked."

"Me and Garcia are at the command station," JJ announced. "She's monitoring all communication on the grounds. I'll let you know if there's any suspicious activity."

Gideon's voice buzzed through the line. "Reid?"

"I'm sitting in the crowd," he whispered, trying not to attract the attention of the guests around him. "Fourth row, third seat."

From the corner of his eye, he saw the older woman sitting beside him giving him a strange look. He smiled sheepishly and she frowned even deeper as she began to fan herself with her program. She leaned over to her friend beside her and began to whisper. His face heated when both women glanced over at him suspiciously.

Great. The wedding hasn't even started yet and people were starting to think he's crazy.

"Gideon and I are watching at the edge of the tent," Hotch said. "If you see anything suspicious, notify us immediately."

Spencer shifted a little in his seat as the static in his ear cut out. He glanced around, trying to see any suspicious behavior and found nothing. But while he looked around, he couldn't help but admire the venue.

Caroline had done a really good job with planning. She had booked a small local park that housed both the wedding and the reception. When the forecast called for rain later in the day, she had somehow managed to get tents. He hadn't seen the reception tent yet, but the wedding tent was decorated with white crystal lights and satin drapes on the sides. The wedding archway where the minister and Caroline's brother stood under was wooden and covered in pink and white lilies. Tyler stood off to the side with another man Spencer didn't recognize, both dressed in black tuxedos. He resisted the urge to glare.

Then, he heard the piano began to play and his stomach dropped. Pachelbel's Canon in D. He, along with the rest of the guests, turned their heads towards the entrance of the tent as the procession started.

Caitlin walked through the entrance of the tent first with a bouquet of lilies in hand. She walked down the aisle calmly, her face smooth. There was a small, serene smile on her face. He could tell she was nervous because her knuckles were white from gripping the bouquet too tightly. Once she had made her way down the aisle, she stood off to the side opposite of Tyler and the other groomsman.

When he turned his head around to watch the rest of the procession, the world around him blurred. Once Caroline came into view, standing in the tent entrance, his heart began to pound.

She was beyond stunning. He could hardly find words to describe just how beautiful she was.

He watched as she glided down the aisle, the skirt of her pink gown flowing as she walked. Halfway through the aisle, she spotted him in the crowd and her rosy pink lips turned up into a small smile. Spencer's heart dropped into his stomach.

Once she had taken her place beside Caitlin, he could hardly take his eyes off of her. He was vaguely aware of her little sister Cass tossing pink petals down the white aisle and Rebecca walking arm-in-arm with a dark-haired older woman who he assumed to be her mom. He tried to concentrate on the ceremony, but it was hard. His gaze always drifted back to Caroline.

When Chris and Rebecca exchanged vows, a weight seemed to be lifted off Caroline's shoulders. For a moment, she forgot about everything and just watched her brother get married. She smiled, truly smiled for the first time in days, and he smiled with her.

Once the rings had been exchanged and the I do's had been said, the newly wedded couple kissed and the crowd erupted in cheers. Spencer stood in his seat, clapping politely as the couple walked down the aisle, hand in hand. For the first time since he had met Chris, he was smiling from ear-to-ear in joy. in fact, the whole tent seemed to be buzzing with excitement. Caroline had a special glint in her eyes as she followed her brother and new sister-in-law out.

Spencer hoped she could stay that happy tonight.

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Once the procession was over and everyone gathered at the reception, Caroline finally allowed herself to take a breath. Despite the circumstances, she was overjoyed about the wedding. Rebecca looked beautiful in her white gown and she hadn't seen her brother smile so much in a very long time. Just seeing the joy on both their faces made the planning and stress of today worth it.

She glanced at the entrance of the reception tent to where two agents stood, watching the crowd closely. She had heard no new developments from the team. In fact, she had barely seen the team all day except for quick glances and brief check-ins.

While the day had been good so far, she wished the threat wasn't hanging over her head. The BAU was just as much her family as Chris and Caitlin were, and she wanted to spend time with them too. She wanted to joke with Morgan. She wanted to drink with Elle, Garcia, and JJ. She wanted to dance with all of them like she had at her surprise party. She might have even gotten Hotch to dance with her, just once for the hell of it.  And she especially wanted to dance with Spencer.

A gentle tap on her shoulders pulled her out of her thoughts. She turned her head and saw Tyler standing behind her.

"What are you doing sitting by yourself?" He asked, a small smirk on his face.

Caroline had to admit he looked good. Tyler had always been classically handsome with the dark hair and toned muscles, but he looked especially nice tonight. With a clean, crisp suit and perfectly styled hair, he had caught every woman's attention at the wedding.

"Just taking a break from dancing," she admitted. It wasn't a lie either. She had danced with each one of her siblings at least twice and with her aunt once. Dancing in the heels she wore had tired out her legs more than any workout could.

Tyler held his hand out to her. "Do you think you can make an exception for an old friend?"

Caroline managed a small smile as she gently took his hand. "For an old friend."

He had led her out onto the dance floor, twirling her under the twinkling white lights under the tent. She laughed breezily as he pulled her back into his arms. One hand rested gently on her hips and the other grasped her hand close to his chest.

She could feel the women eyeing them, whispering about them. She chuckled.

Tyler tilted his head at the sound of her laughter. "What?"

"You haven't noticed?" She asked playfully. "Women have been staring at you all night. I think they might flay me for dancing with you."

"You watch me?"

"I—No. That's not what I meant. I was just—"

"I know, Care," he said. "It's your job, right? Observing behavior?"

She scoffed a little. "Yeah, among other things."

A few moments of silence passed as they danced. As he held her close, she realized she had missed Tyler more than she had originally thought. Things had always been easy with him. She didn't feel the need to fill the silence between them like she would with most people.

"I've, uh, been meaning to talk to you," he said, his voice cutting through the comfortable silence. "I've wanted to for a while now, but with the wedding and your job..." He chuckled. "Well, it's been kind of impossible."

She glanced up at him as her stomach turned. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You," he admitted. "More specifically, you and me."

She started to draw away. "Tyler, I can't—"

He tightened his grip on her waist, keeping her in place. "Please, just hear me out."

"I don't know."

"Just give me five minutes. That's it."

She deliberated for a moment before finally resigning with a soft sigh. "Okay. Five minutes."

"I leave for Massachusets on Saturday."

She paused, frowning. "This is what you wanted to talk about?"

"No," he said. "I'm telling you so that you know I'm serious about everything I'm going to say." He took a deep breath, his eyes gently closing for a second. After a moment, he opened them and looked her in the eyes.

"I'll give up everything," he told her. "I'll cancel my flight and I'll withdraw my admission into Harvard if you tell me there's still a chance for us."

"Tyler—"

"I have loved you since high school. I don't think I've ever stopped."

At this point, they stood motionless on the dance floor. Other couples glanced at them oddly, but she ignored them all. His hand was still on her waist.

"You can't just drop out of Harvard," she said quickly. "You've probably already paid tuition and for your flight."

"I can. It's not too late."

"What about your life, Ty? You can't just drop everything for me."

"I can enroll in Georgetown Law next semester," he said. "I can move to Quantico. I don't even care about your crazy work schedule. Just say you'll give us a chance and I'll do whatever it takes."

She took a deep breath as she steeled herself. Of course, this would get thrown on her tonight. She knew they were starting to draw attention. Soon, this conversation would no longer be private and they'd have dozens of eavesdroppers.

"I can't lie to you," she said as she gently pulled her hand out of his grasp. "I loved you in high school, and I love you now. But it's not the same love, Ty."

She hadn't called him Ty in years. Maybe using her old nickname for him softened the blow. She hoped to God it did.

"Ah," he murmured. "I get what you're saying."

"I hate to say this because it's so cliche, but it's the truth. It's not you at all. It's me. I'm not the same girl I was in high school."

"I know. I've known that for a while now, but I..." He shook his head, interrupting whatever he was about to say. "I just wanted to know if there was a chance. I guess I have my answer though."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do though. I wish I had said something sooner, but I was afraid it would hurt our friendship if I had."

"Caroline, we were friends long before we were a couple," he told her gently. "Just because you don't care for me in the same way doesn't mean I'm going to stop being your friend."

"I just—"

"It's okay, I get it. I had to try though, right?" He leaned forward and gently kissed the top of her head. When he pulled away, there was a type of sadness in his eyes that broke her heart in a way she couldn't describe. "I'll call you once I settle in at Harvard."

When he started to walk away, she wanted to say something. But she couldn't form the words to express how she was feeling. She had no doubt in her mind that he would hold true to his word to remain friends. But she also knew it would never be the same again and that in and of itself was a type of sadness that made her bones ache.

Eventually, once Tyler had disappeared into the crowd, she had been left alone on the dance floor. She stood there for a moment, stunned, before she heard a man behind her clear his throat. She turned her head and saw Spencer standing behind her with a sheepish look on his face.

"Hey," he said quietly.

She smiled a little at his attempt at small talk. "Hey."

He nodded his head in the direction where Tyler had disappeared to. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

His brow furrowed but he didn't say anything else. Slowly, the music morphed into something slower and deeper. Couples around them pulled each other closer. From across the dance floor, Caroline could see her brother holding Rebecca in his arms, both with their eyes closed in contentment. She looked away as her face heated a bit.

"You know, I read somewhere that a gentleman should never leave a beautiful woman alone on a dance floor," Spencer said with a lopsided smile.

She smiled as a laugh escaped her lips. "No, you didn't."

He extended his hand to her as he said, "You're right. But it doesn't mean it isn't true."

She gently took his hand, interlocking her fingers with his. The moment he had her in his grasp, he started to walk her off the dance floor.

"Where are we going?" She asked him as she followed him outside of the tent. Somewhere in between the drinks and dancing, night had fallen. The stars twinkled as they walked onto the soft grass.

"Nowhere in particular," he replied as he stopped a few yards from the reception tent. "I just figured you'd want a few minutes away from the crowd."

How he had known that was lost on her. But regardless, she was grateful for the calm, cool air and for the much-needed break. Without anyone watching, she was able to let down the facade she had built for tonight. She felt her whole body relax as she dropped the small smile on her face.

"Thanks," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. Goosebumps were starting to form on her arms from the cool.

She could hear the music from the reception floating down to them, playing softly in the background. She held her hand out to him and asked, " Do you—do you want to dance?"

He blinked once, his eyes wide. He breathed, "I'd love to."

He took her hand and pulled her close to him. Neither of them was particularly good at dancing so they stuck with swaying easily from side-to-side. Spencer had wrapped his arm around her waist, his grip holding her tight to his chest. She rested her head on his chest and listened to the fast beating of his heart. For the first time in days, she felt safe.

"Did you know when I was ten, I wanted to be the first female president?"

Spencer's laugh reverbed through his chest, humming in her ear. "No, I didn't."

"It was a brief dream, but it was a dream," she said. "I would wear my dad's ties around the house and practice my inaugural speech in front of Caitlin and Charlie. They were four at the time, but they always clapped for me at the end."

"That's sweet," he said as he rested his cheek on top of her head. "What made you change your mind?"

She shrugged a little. "I got older, I guess. I started focusing on other things."

Silence grew between them as another song played at the reception. This time, the song was honeyed and sweet. Neither of them pulled away.

Half-way into the song, Spencer asked in a quiet voice, "Do you ever wish you could change the past?"

His question caused her to pause momentarily. They stopped mid-dance and she looked up at him as she considered it. However, they didn't let go of their embrace.

"After Charlie and my parents' death, there was nothing I wanted more than to go back," she whispered. "I wanted my family back. I still do." She sighed as she rested her forehead on his chest, hiding her face. "But now...I realize that even though what happened six years ago was the worst moment of my life, it also brought some good."

"How so?" He sounded shocked. Confused.

"If my parents and Charlie had never died, I probably would've become a doctor or a lawyer," she mused. "But I didn't. I became a profiler instead so I can hunt down people like the bastard that hurt my family. And, despite the hardships, I love my job. I get to help people and..."

"And?"

She twisted her head to look up at Spencer. She stared into his earnest coffee brown eyes and she smiled a little. "I found a new family that is just as important to me as my biological one. So, yeah, sometimes I wish I can change the past, but I'm glad I can't. Because if I could, I would have never met Derek or Hotch or Garcia or JJ or—" She sighed softly. "I would have never met you and I think that would've been the biggest tragedy of all."

Spencer stared back at her, speechless. She felt her face heat as she began to blush. She nodded to him as she said, "Your turn."

"My turn?"

"Yeah. What would you do if you could change the past?"

"Oh. Well, I don't know, really." He paused as he contemplated. "Actually, no. I would change one thing."

"Just one?"

"Yeah, just one."

"Well, what is it?"

"That night eleven months, seventeen days, and twenty-four minutes ago. The night we were alone in the office and we kissed."

She remembered that night vividly. How could she ever forget it? It had been the night where she had finally started to feel something other than emptiness. However, for him, it had just been a kiss. He had told her it wasn't a big deal.

But it hurt that he wanted to change that night. Maybe never wanted it to happen.

"Oh. That's, uh, understandable. We were—I was—"

"If I could go back, I wouldn't let you pull away," he told her. "I wouldn't let you pull away from me again."

Dangerous territory, she thought to herself. No, it was honesty. Best friends could be honest with each other. She had spent a long time hiding things from Spencer and she had hated it. She didn't want to go back to that.

"So you...you don't regret it?" Caroline asked softly.

"No. The only thing I regret is telling you that it wasn't a big deal because..." He sucked in a deep breath. "Because it was a huge deal to me. It meant everything."

She didn't know what to think. To feel. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing until she felt the fabric of his suit jacket grasped in her hands, pulling him closer to her. They were so close they were sharing breath.

"Spencer," she breathed.

His eyes were wide, dilated. "Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

He stared back at her like she was speaking a foreign language. She began to wonder, to worry, that she had misread what he had said and overstepped the careful boundaries they walked. But, before she could take back what she said, he kissed her as the world around her exploded.

Caroline's heart pounded in her chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck, crushing him to her. Spencer threaded his fingers through her hair, cupping her face as he kissed her thoroughly and completely. She parted her lips and felt his breath washing over her like a wave of warmth. The smell of coffee and old books—his smell—unfurled around her, the taste of him silencing nearly all of her thoughts.

Her body was tingling as Spencer rested his forehead on hers, both of them gasping in the cool air. The feeling of him leaning on her, the feeling of him being weak for her just as much as she was weak for him sent a spike of warmth down her spine.

"You are . . . so beautiful," he murmured in her ear, his hand stroking her hair. "And I. . ."

"You what?" Her voice was hushed in the night and hoarse. She licked her lips and her stomach flutter as she felt the heat and swollenness.

"Nothing," he said as he pulled her in, claiming her mouth again.

This time, the kiss was different. Spencer's hands were soft on her face and his lips were gentle, wondrously delicate. There was raw emotion in the way his lips moved against hers so slowly, so sweetly. Everything he was surrounded her and for the first time in six years, she felt whole with a joy so deep in her bones, her knees went weak.

His arms curled around her and she rested against him, out of breath and weak. He whispered, "That is what I would've done if you hadn't pulled away."

She couldn't think past the swirling in her stomach and the weakness in her limbs. All she could manage was a quiet, "Oh."

It wasn't the most eloquent thing she had ever said, but it was the best she had at the moment. She curled her head up to look at him, her cheek still pressed to his chest. With all the emotions flying in her head, all she wanted right now was to stay in his arms forever. To keep the feeling of warmth and safety. She wanted to make sure she hadn't dreamed this moment.

He glanced down at her, his eyes filled with something she couldn't quite describe. His lips were getting closer and closer to hers. The warm feeling of his breath was both inviting and destabilizing.

Just as their lips were about to meet for a third time, Spencer paused. Caroline opened her eyes, scanning his face. His gaze wasn't focused on her but on something behind her. His eyes were squinted and his mouth was drawn.

She frowned a little. "Spencer, what is—"

"Caroline!"

She jumped out of Spencer's embrace at the sound of her name. She whirled on her heels and spotted Derek running towards them at full speed. His hand was on the gun holstered on his hip under his jacket.

The moment she saw the focused and slightly panicked look on Derek's face, she knew something was very, very wrong.

Then, when he reached them, stopping a couple of feet short of them, the guilty look in his eyes caused her heart to sink into her stomach.

"Cass is missing."

➴ ➴ ➴ ➴ ➴ ➴

"You've checked everywhere, right?" Caroline asked for what felt like the millionth time as she paced around the small tent where command had been stationed.

Hotch nodded once, his face tight. "We've evacuated the guests to another location where they're being questioned. There's no sign of her."

From the corner of the tent, Chris snapped, "Well then how do we fucking find her?"

Rebecca rested a calming hand on his chest, the look of deep worry on her face mirroring her aunt's. Chris took a breath and sunk back after his small outburst. He looked tired and scared. She had never seen her older brother scared before.

Nearby, Caitlin sat in a chair near Garcia with tears streaming down her pale face. The rest of the team was somber and quiet.

"He has her," Caitlin said, her voice cracking. "I just know it. She's just a baby and he—" More tears started to fall as she began to sob. JJ wrapped her arms around her shaking frame. She whispered something soothingly to her sister, but Caroline couldn't hear past the roaring in her ears.

"This can't be happening," she said as she continued to pace. She had long since taken her heels off. She felt the cool grass underneath her feet, her dress swishing in agitation. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have let her out of my sight."

"This isn't your fault, Caroline," Elle said.

"Like hell it isn't," she snapped. "I knew that bastard would be here and I knew he'd try something. She's only six and I—" The heat of tears began to build in her eyes. "And I left her alone."

Spencer placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. She could hardly look him in the eyes after knowing what she did. While they had been together, her sister had gone missing. She had been selfish and she was paying the price.

"We are going to find her," He promised as he tilted her head up to look at him. He wiped away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb.

Everyone's heads snapped towards the landline phone sitting near the computers as it started to ring. The room froze.

Gideon turned to Garcia. "Get ready to trace the call."

The tech analyst nodded vigorously as she started to type furiously on her keyboard. Caroline couldn't breathe as she watched Gideon reach forward and hit the flashing green button.

"SSA Jason Gideon."

"You know you are not the one I want to speak to."

Her blood went cold at the sound of his voice. It was masked by a voice disguiser, making him sound almost inhuman. She stumbled backward with her hand on her throat as if she could stifle the screams building there. She backed into Spencer, bumping into him. He steadied her, his hands resting lightly on her hips as she tried to control her breathing.

"And you are?"

"I am not interested in playing games." His voice reverberated in the room, in her head. "I know she's there. If Caroline isn't on the phone in five seconds, the little one dies."

No. No no no no no no.

There was no time to think or to prepare herself. She couldn't do this.

"Five."

Spencer gripped her waist like he was holding her back. The room exchanged unsure glances. They knew the risks just as she did. If she speaks, he could get in her head. If she doesn't, her sister dies.

"Four."

Her heart was pounding so hard, so fast that it made the room spin. His voice didn't sound the same—it was something out of nightmares. Her legs began to tremble.

"Three."

She wasn't sure if she could move or breathe, much less speak. How was she supposed to do this?

"Two."

She met Hotch's gaze. He nodded to her and mouthed, "You can do this."

She wasn't so sure.

"One."

Before she could even realize what she was doing, she stumbled towards the phone. She couldn't think of anything else to say except, "Hello?"

There was a beat of silence before she heard his disembodied voice again. He sighed in what sounded like relief. "Oh, Caroline. Sweet, sweet Caroline."

The sound of him saying her name aloud sent shivers down her spine. "Please," she begged. "Let Cass go. She's only six."

Even though her brain was screaming at her to run, to hide, she remembered what she needed to do. She had to personalize her, make him see her little sister as a human being. She had to do all the things she would tell others to do during a hostage negotiation.

"Yes, she's a lot older now. Probably doesn't even remember me," he mused. Even though his voice was masked, she could tell by his vernacular that he was somewhat educated. Or at least, wanted her to think he was. "Last time I saw her, she was covered in blood once you cut her out of her mother's womb."

Her stomach rolled. "You made me do that," she said, her voice weak.

She clenched her fists. She could remember how slick her hands felt when they were covered in her mother's blood. She shuddered.

"I didn't make you do anything, my sweet Caroline," he drawled. "I only helped you see what you could do. What you were capable of."

"Why?" She breathed as her hands began to tremble. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why does anyone do anything?"

"Cut the philosophical bullshit!" She snapped, slamming her hand on the table. The sound of her palm slapping the table shook throughout the tent. "Where's my little sister?"

"She's fine...for now." In the background she could hear a child giggling. "In fact, I would say she's enjoying herself." There was a pause on the line, then the sound of footsteps.

The next thing she heard on the line was her sister's voice saying, "Hi, Carrie!"

She let out a shaky sigh of relief as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Hi, baby," she said. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. "Can I go play now?"

"Yes," the man said. "Run along."

Everything went silent for a few moments. Then he came back on the line and said, "Such a charming little girl."

"Please. Please don't hurt her," she pleaded. "What do you want? I will do anything, just...please. Please don't hurt her."

"What I want?" He chuckled darkly. "I want many things, Caroline. Things you do not yet understand."

She could hardly understand what he was saying now. It sounded like nonsense, absolute crap. She just wanted her little sister back.

"However, I am willing to make a deal. A bargain, if you will."

A deal? She knew better than to make a deal with the devil.

She hit the mute button and looked over to Garcia. "Please tell me you have something."

Her friend stared back at her guiltily as she shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "He's routing the call through proxy servers so it'll take a while to locate him."

"Dammit," Derek muttered.

Caroline took a deep breath as she wiped away another tear that streamed down her face. At this point, what other option did she have? Her little sister's life was hanging in the balance.

She reached over and flipped off the mute button. She swallowed as she said, "What deal?"

"It's simple, really. Information for information," he explained smoothly. "You answer my question and I tell you where your sister is."

Caroline glanced back at Hotch. His face was like stone but he nodded at her, encouraging her. She took a deep breath.

"Fine," she replied. "What do you want to know?"

There was a silence over the line as the tension grew into the room. She drummed her fingers against the table in bated anticipation. It was the only noise in the tent besides Garcia clicking away on her keyboard.

"Where is he?"

While his voice was quiet, it wasn't gently. Even under the voice masking, she could hear the words through clenched teeth. She frowned a little at his question, as she leaned away from the phone.

"Where is who?"

"Don't play games with me," he growled. "You've hidden him from me. I want to know where."

She blinked once, trying to figure out who the he could be. It had to be someone personal to him, given how angry he sounded. He thinks she knows him as well. The only people they shared in common were her dad, Charlie, and Chris. Two out of the three are dead and the other was in plain sight.

She glanced up at her family huddled in a corner of the tent, all clinging to someone. An arm, a hand, a shoulder. All holding on to keep it together. A family. Personal.

She let out a strangled cry as she slammed the mute button. She slid out of the chair as the realization of who he wanted sunk in. The team all took a small step forward as she whirled in a daze but no one knew what was happening.

Caroline stumbled forward and latched onto Hotch, his jacket balled up in her hands. He held her shoulders, staring down at her with alarm.

"How does he know?" She asked, her voice wild and hoarse. "You promised me that no one would ever know. No one."

"Caroline, I don't—" The unit chief shook his head, as if at a loss for words. Then, as the realization hit her, it seemed to slam into him, his face going blank.

"Aaron?" Gideon asked, his brow furrowed. "What is she taking about?"

"Caroline, what's going on?" Her brother demanded.

She could hear their voices and their questions, but she couldn't think of anything to say. She could only think about staying upright while the world was spinning.

She had spent so long repressing it, repressing him, that every emotion she had bottled up came crashing into her, smothering her.

"You said you wouldn't put it in any file, any document," she said, her voice desperate.

Hotch shook his head. "I didn't."

"Then how does he know?"

Caitlin's wise eyes stared at her sister, the fear in her voice shaking her to the core. "Know what?"

Caroline looked over to her and the fear, the worry devastated her. After everything that has happened, after everything she had done to protect their family, she hadn't known how to tell them. How to tell anyone.

"I—" She stared at her teenage sister and couldn't think of the words. "I didn't know how to tell you." She featured around the room. "Anyone."

"Enough stalling, Caroline." His voice floated in the room, smothering her. "Tell me. Where is my son?"

Her heart took a free fall and for a moment, she thought she was going to vomit.

"His son?" Chris boomed, taking a step towards Caroline trembling in the middle of the tent. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Caitlin only looked at her sister as tears welled up in her eyes. "No," she whispered. "No. Please no."

The roaring in her ears intensified as her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest.

She looked at her family and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She looked over to Spencer, who stood beside Derek and Elle across from her. The look on his face was blank. When she looked at him, that same light that had been shining at her earlier was no longer there.

More tears started to stream down her cheeks.

"You got pregnant," he said slowly, as if the words were foreign to him.

She wanted to explain, wanted to tell him, but all she could say was, "Yes."

"WHERE IS HE?"

The sound of the man who murdered her parents and little brother screaming sent her overboard. She whirled on her heels to face the phone, lunging for it. She slammed the mute button off as she leaned over the receiver, her head pounding with rage.

"You want to know where he is, you son of a bitch?" She seethed, grinding her teeth together. "When I found out I was pregnant at sixteen with your baby, I hated myself. I hated you, and me, and everything that had happened. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't hurt a baby. Not even yours."

"After all the damage you did to me, my body couldn't support a baby." She was screaming now. Or at least, she sounded like she was screaming. She couldn't really tell anymore. "I miscarried at 16 weeks. I had just found out that he was going to be a boy. You did that. Not me or anyone else. You!"

The room was silent, so silent that she could hear the whisper of the wind outside. She couldn't feel the coldness in the air. She just felt the emptiness inside.

"The girl is by the lake on the southeast corner of the property," he said, his voice calm, but not quiet.

Everyone started holstering their guns and getting ready to run. Caroline held her hand up and everyone stopped.

"You don't sound surprised," she said.

There was a soft chuckle over the line. "Observant. That's new."

"You bastard," she hissed as she recoiled from the phone as if it had hit her. "You knew I had a miscarriage."

"Of course I did. I know everything."

"Then why ask?" Her whole body was shaking. "Why...why do any of this at all?"

"Because this game we're playing started before you were born," he stared simply, as if that explained everything. "Unfortunately for you, you're the one who has to pay."

"Pay for what?"

"I'd go to your sister now if I were you. It's awfully cold tonight."

She stood out of her chair. She began to back away from the phone, not even bothering to hang up. He was a manipulative psychopath and he was just trying to get in her head. She was wasting her time entertaining him instead of finding her sister.

"Oh, Caroline," he sang through the phone. "Sweet Caroline. Bum-bum-bum."

She froze, her heart thudding in her ears. That damn song. She hated it. She hated him. She hated that she couldn't move.

"Know this isn't the end," he hummed. "Not even close. I'll be seeing you soon."

Then, just like that, the line went dead.

She didn't stop to gauge everyone's reactions. At this point, she didn't care. The only thing that mattered now was finding her little sister.

She took off, bursting through the tent and sprinting across the property with no shoes. She could hear people calling her name, yelling at her to stop, but she couldn't. The feeling of the cold wind burning in her lungs and the damp grass under her sore feet kept her grounded. Her dress flew behind her as she ran, her hair flying wildly around her.

Even though she knew he was probably gone, she hoped he was still there. If she got her hands on him, she would kill him. There was no doubt in her mind.

But the moment she saw her sister sitting by the lake, playing with a stick in the water, her resolve crumbled. A guttural sob escaped her throat and her sister turned at the sound. She waved at her.

She was unharmed.

Caroline began to sob as she ran to her sister, scooping her up in her arms. She pressed her into her chest and buried her face in the soft curls of her hair as she cried. She heard footsteps of the others surrounding them but she couldn't face them.

She sunk to the ground with her sister clutched in her grasp. She could feel her small frame trembling. She was scared and confused. So was Caroline.

All she could hear in her head were those five words.

I'll be seeing you soon.

➴ ➴ ➴ ➴ ➴ ➴

Adaline here.

Happy New Years Eve! I hope y'all have a great 2020 and had an amazing 2019. I love you guys so much and hope we get a million more years together <3

Also, quick side note. This chapter is NOT edited so if there are errors, I'm sorry! I'll go back next week and edit it but I really wanted you guys to read something as 2019 comes to an end.

This is also the longest chapter I've ever written at 10,000+ words sooooo you're welcome :)