I am Remus John Lupin and I will not be afraid. 

The words became a mantra in his head. He repeated them over and over again hoping against all hope that everything will turn out alright tonight. Sirius was leaning casually against his chair while James and Peter were engaged in an intense game of wizard chess, their potions essay left abandoned.

That morning, the teachers had changed back the banners while most of the Slytherins were taken to Madame Pomfrey's to be checked over. No one had suspected the four boys just yet, which was lucky. But after the excitement subsided fear settled in for Remus and he found he could barely eat his breakfast. He hated being so far away from home especially on the day of the full moon. He missed his mother's comforting touch and his father's soothing words. His missed the warm fire and his familiar blanket.

"Hey Remus you okay there?" asked Sirius. His eyes were fixed on Remus now. "If you're worried about getting caught you really shouldn't. Your plan was fool proof."

He would have to tell them, sooner of later. But they'd hate him, they'd kick him out. After all who wants to share a dorm with a werewolf.

"You can always talk to us you know." piped in James. "I mean we're a gang right?"

"Yeah we are." muttered Remus. But didn't speak any further instead kept fidgeting with the hem of his large patterned sweater hoping that they would look away. But they didn't.

"Remus..."

"It's nothing really James I'm fine."

"You didn't eat breakfast." said Peter rather solemnly. 

Remus's stomach knotted itself together, would he lose this friendship and care if he told them.

"I wasn't hungry." he told them. At least he wasn't lying.

"Alright." said James. "But if you need anything Remus just tell us okay...we're a gang."

"Yeah a gang with no name." said Sirius rolling his eyes.

"Oh I know Gangrene Gang!" exclaimed James. "You know like we gang up on Slytherins and their green. So gangrene."

"Terrible logic." said Remus with a smile.

----

It wasn't hard to get out of the common room. He told them he needed to see Professor McGonagall that day and then needed to go to the library afterwards. He said he had many questions and not to bother waiting for him. When Peter asked if he wanted company he shook his head. He had almost snapped at him in irritation. The full moon often made him feel that way.

He walked up to Professor McGonagall's office and knocked on the door.

It opened.

"Come in Mr. Lupin." she told him and he came inside.

There was another woman inside. She was tall and graceful her bronze hair tied in a tight bun. She wore a nurse's uniform and inside her apron was her wand and a flask. The flask he recognised was his own, the one with his potion that made the transformation slightly bearable, though it was still quite painful.

"This is Madame Pomfrey, she will be looking after you before and after your transformation."

He gave Madame Pomfrey a polite smile who returned it with a warm one of her own.

"Please call me Poppy." she said. And Remus realised she was barely out of her teens perhaps no older that twenty-one, yet her fingers were long withered and graceful. A true healer's hands. He'd seen many of them and recognised them very well.

"We'd best leave soon." said Professor McGonagall glancing at the setting sun.

With that McGonagall lead them to the school yard towards the Whomping Willow.

"Professor why are we going to the Willow?"

"There is a secret passage beneath the Willow." said Professor McGonagall. "It will lead to a secure and comfortable house for you to stay in. It will be guarded by powerful spells so no one will be able to disturb you."

She didn't say it but she meant so that he won't be able to kill some one else.

 When the reached the trunk of the willow McGonagall pressed a large knob which seemed to petrify the tree. Professor McGonagall then uncovered a large trap door and motioned for the two to follow her. Soon they were inside a large tunnel.

"Alright Remus I want you to drink some of the Potion." said Poppy handing him the flask. He took it from her and measured out the potion before drinking it. It burned his throat but eased him mind a little.

"The passage leads up follow it until you're inside the house." Said McGonagall.

He knew they wouldn't be following him inside to the house.

 I am Remus John Lupin and I will not be afraid.

He nodded.

"I suggest you leave now." advised McGonagall.

He nodded again and made his was through the tunnel.

His breath shook as he warily made his way down the passage.

I am Remus John Lupin and I will not be afraid.

Suddenly the passage made an abrupt turn upwards and he found himself face to face with a sort of a stairway. If you could call it that. It was a steep upwards incline with a few foot holds. But as he climbed up he found that they were comfortable enough for him to make a steady rise.

He stopped at yet again the another trap door.

My name is Remus John Lupin and I will not be afraid.

He opened it carefully and hoisted himself up before closing the trapdoor. Getting up he looked around. The sun's last light was filtering through the slits in the shutters and he could make a well furnished house with a comfortable bed and fine awnings. It must have been beautiful home once. He'd hate to have to rip it to shreds.

He then proceeded to take strip out of his clothes. If he didn't he wouldn't have to return to Hogwarts with rags for robes and that would have raised questions. Folding them meticulously he placed his robes and underwear in the drawer beside the bed table.

He sat himself on the bed, his whole being shivering against cold as the waning light of the sun dimmed through the slits of the window. He waited for the moon, full and gluttonous. He waited to turn into a monster.

I am Remus John Lupin and I will not be afraid.

The sun's light was gone now and he sat alone in the cold dark house.

I am Remus John Lupin and...

He couldn't remember the rest of his mantra and he knew the moon was on the rise. Suddenly he felt flaming pain erupt in his joints.

I am Remus John Lupin...

The pain subsided slightly only to return again with less force, but with was more agonising and endured longer. He writhed against it determined to keep himself from crying out. But it was useless, he felt a sharp cry escape him.

My name is Remus Lupin

The pain was now urgent, every inch of his body, determined and demanding to ache. He felt himself morphing changing and twisting. The animal, the monster within him was taking over.

I am Remus

I am...

I...

The cry of a lone wolf shattered the stars above.

Blood.

The craving. The thirst for it. He sniffed the air.

No a whiff. Not even a little bit of it.

Agitation.

It filled his being. The claws, beautiful and long were itching for flesh. He teeth, gloriously sharp longed for the scrape and crunch of bone beneath them.

Human blood.

Human flesh.

Human Bones.

But they were not there.

He paced around. Waiting. Wanting. Failing.

He failed.

He claws found their way to his legs. He dug deep and pulled. The pain became pleasure, a relief to his agitation. Then his arms. His chest.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

That was it. He kept going. Pleasure and pain became one.