(Shan's POV - Fri. 8 May 2015)

"Atchaaaaaaaa!!!"

"Bless you..." Mark says as he walks into our bedroom, carrying a tray with a mug of soup.

Dang! I can't even get its smell through my fucking blocked nose!

"Thanks..." I grunt faintly, trying to sit up.

Mark puts the tray on the floor and helps me to settle comfortably against the pillows before he hands me a few tissues. Unashamedly, I loudly blow my nose and drop the used tissues in the bin he left beside the bed. Sexy much, isn't it?

Damn cold! Despite the two sweatshirts I'm wearing, I can't help shivering, and as Mark sits down beside me to brush his fingers against my forehead, I enjoy their coolness. I guess the fever is still high and I might not be able to go to work tonight again. I really hate leaving Aaron in the lurch, but I doubt I'd be very efficient in my current state. Besides, no one wants my germs.

"You're not getting any better, it seems," Mark sighs. "I'll call Aaron and let him know you're going to stay home tonight."

"Perhaps I'll feel better later on..."

For once, this is not Mark interrupting me but another coughing fit.

"Yeah sure..." he comments with heavy sarcasm. "How about you get dressed and we go out running a marathon in five minutes?"

Mark has been quite lenient over the past two weeks in terms of strictness – not that he ever was super strict either – so I don't refrain from snorting and rolling my eyes, surprisingly earning a scowl from him.

"You'd better keep these eyes down, Babe, or your backside might turn as red as your face," he scolds me. "Now take these pills and then you'll drink this," he says, first handing me some Tylenol with a glass of water, then a mug.

What I thought was soup actually looks like milk...

"Ugh... What's that?" I grouse after smelling the warm beverage.

The mixture smells weirdly spicy, something really strong, and my nose functions are not at their best!

"Just drink it, Babe," Mark orders firmly.

A firmness I haven't heard in a long time, so the submissive side of my brain commands me to obey. Yuk!! This is really disgusting, but I still empty the whole thing when I see Mark's frown deepen. Fine with me! If I vomit, he'll just clean my mess!

"What the heck was that?" I ask with a grimace once I have swallowed it down.

"Milk, rum, honey and pepper," he states. "My grandma's recipe to fight a fever. I had completely forgotten about it, but Mom reminded me of that when she called this morning. By the way, she sent a kiss for you and wished you well. Now..." he says as he stands up and pulls on my legs to make me lie down.

Mark tucks me under the comforter and even fetches another one from the chest of drawers that he adds on top of the first one.

"This is going to make you sweat like hell and you're going to eliminate all the toxins from your body. Sleep for another hour or two and you should feel better," he explains with a smile.

"Surprising..." I reply, managing a smirk. "I thought you were the kind of guy with other sorts of ideas to make another guy sweat..."

Oops. Bad joke, Shan... Mark's smile immediately turns his lips into a thin line and a serious expression covers his face as he bends over the bed to rest his hands on either side of my shoulders, staring straight into my eyes.

"It wasn't even half funny, Shan. Sexual abuse is not my stuff and seeing tears while we make love is clearly a turn down for me," he says sternly.

I guess I deserved that one. After all, I'm the one who has been rejecting sex over the past two weeks. The first and last time Mark made an attempt since Alex left was a fiasco. Anyway, I think none of us has been in the mood for sex since then, even if there are still cuddles, caresses and kisses.

"Now sleep and we'll see if you feel a bit better in a couple of hours," he adds, dropping a soft kiss on my forehead before he gets off the bed and heads out.

"Mark, wait!" I call out, making him turn back to me. "I'm sorry, it was a stupid joke..."

"It's okay, Babe," he replies with a smile, shaking his head.

"Still no news by the way?"

"Nothing more than yesterday evening, I would have told you, Babe. Sleep tight now."

All I have been doing since yesterday is sleep. This fever has completely knocked me out! It's not even noon yet but I'm so tired – probably a side-effect of Mark's mixture – that I shift on my left side, comfortably settle underneath the comforters and close my eyes.

My hazy mind drifts back to Alex and what we learned yesterday from Tony, though. I really hope they are close to finding him now. I can't stand his absence anymore and coping with the whole situation is getting harder and harder. Unfortunately, there hasn't been much since yesterday morning, just a few more people in shops and restaurants who said that the guy on the picture did look like someone who came to ask for a job, but no one has clearly certified seeing him in the last days. We're not even sure that he's still in this town and that worries me a lot.

If Alex has decided to move to another city, the investigation will have to start all over again. However, if he's still in Champaign, it doesn't sound very good either because it means he's hiding well. My only hope is that he is safe. Anything could have happened to him... He's such a fragile bean. Mark has been trying to conceal his deepest worries from me, but I know he's been thinking about worse scenarios too and it doesn't reassure me.

With that in mind, I eventually drift to sleep, already getting the effects of Mark's spicy beverage. He was right. I'm sweating my ass off.

When I wake up two hours later, drenched in sweat, I feel much better, though. My nose is still blocked, but the pills freed me from my headache and I feel like I could get up and walk without stumbling. Well, let's make a test! I push the comforters to the side and slowly sit up. Great! I don't feel light-headed and the room doesn't spin around me! Just as I rise to my feet, Mark walks in.

"Are you feeling better, Babe?" he asks, trying my forehead with the back of his hand.

"Much better, thanks."

"I'll run a bath for you. You're a bit... sticky with all this sweat," he says playfully.

While I let him do that, I remove all the bed sheets and open the windows to bring in some fresh air inside the room.

"I need to go to Le Marais and the brasseries for a while..." Mark says hesitantly when I meet him in the bathroom.

He hasn't left home since I called in sick yesterday, too worried I might need him. Selfishly, I didn't tell him that I could totally handle myself alone while being sick because I actually needed him. Not because of my cold but because I truly have a hard time being home alone at the moment. However, I can't hold him back forever. I bet he must be up-to-date in terms of administrative stuff because he has spent a lot of time in his study working, but he needs to show up in his restaurants once in a while.

"I'll be fine, Mark, don't worry," I reply reassuringly.

"Sure?"

"Positive! I promise I'll behave. And I won't drown in the bath!"

"Your sass is coming back so I'll take it as evidence that you're getting better..." he replies, dropping another kiss on my head before he leaves.

After I have soaked in the bathtub for an hour, I dress in comfortable clothes and reheat the soup Mark cooked for me, greedily gulping it down. Once I have fixed the bed with clean sheets, I also take care of the laundry and think about something I could try to cook for dinner. If I don't want it to be a mess, I'll have to go for something simple. Something we could eat while cuddling and watching TV.

Small sandwiches made of baguette, ham and cheese seem like a good idea as they don't involve using the stove or the oven. It's 5pm when I put the plate full of them in the fridge and go lie down on a couch in the living room. I'm glad Mark called Aaron again. These little chores tired me, and I surely wouldn't have been able to last an entire shift at the Diamond tonight, especially not on a Friday evening.

Sighing, I fish Alex's letter from my pocket and cautiously unfold it. I have carried it with me since that Saturday he left, feeling like a little part of him is still with me. In the beginning, I wanted to wear his collar, but Mark refused, saying it was Alex's. He actually keeps it in his office and I caught him staring at it in his hands a few days ago, lost in his thoughts. I was afraid he would remove the signet ring we offered him at Christmas, but it's still on his ring finger, proving how much he still cares about our three-way relationship.

I can't say how many times I have read Alex's note over the past two weeks. All these mornings I spent alone at home while Mark was at work or attending appointments. Every evening when I retrieved it from my pocket before throwing my pants in the hamper. During my breaks at work. I've read it countless times, trying to find another message between the lines. I've come to know each and every word by heart and I can even hear Alex's soft voice reading them. However, after all this time, they still don't make any sense.

Earlier this week, I nearly had a panic attack with a new theory that built up in my head. I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and reading those lines for the umpteenth time while Mark was already in bed, but my eyes were ineluctably locked on the same words. Somewhere else. At the same time, I was thinking about Mark's theory on Alex's nightmares and the fact that they were certainly related to his parents' death. It suddenly hit me that somewhere else could mean hereafter.

What if Alex had grown tired of life and missed his parents so much that he would join them in death? Just imagining my sweet Pumpkin's heart no longer beating threw such a shock to my own heart that I could barely breathe and dropped the glass of water I was holding. The noise it made as it broke to pieces in the sink alerted Mark and he was by my side within seconds, holding me close to his bare chest. I told him how my mind had wandered to dark thoughts and Mark managed to soothe me saying Alex would never do anything so stupid.

His tone was confident enough to reassure me and it was even better on Wednesday when he told me Alex had been spotted in his childhood town, but I still can't help worrying because his situation is only getting worse.

I slip the letter back inside my pocket and pull out my phone. Once I have sent a quick text to Alex – only smileys since his old device doesn't support emojis – I scroll to the messages I exchanged with Liam. I haven't seen my best friend since Alex left, but we've been speaking a bit through texts or over the phone. Kind of. Our conversations are usually short, and I don't reply to his messages as much as I should. The last one he sent was earlier this morning, asking if I was feeling better.

He must be in the office right now, but I still try to call him, thinking I can leave a voice mail if he doesn't pick up my call, but he answers after the first tone.

"Hey, Shan! I'm so glad you're calling! Are you feeling better?" he asks eagerly right away.

"Hey, Bunny... I'm getting a bit better, the fever's gone. Can you talk?"

"I'll have to go into a meeting soon, but I can talk, I'm so glad to hear you. You must be so tired with the damn cold..."

"Yep, I've been sleeping a lot, but Mark gave me his grandma's recipe this morning and ugh... it was disgusting, but it worked, and I think the fever's gone for now. Still quite tired, though," I reply with a yawn.

"I bet... And apart from your sickness... how are you doing?" he then asks more warily.

"I'm okay, Lili, don't worry."

"Tony sounds rather confident they'll find him soon..."

"Yeah, but I'll stop worrying when they find him and he's back home."

"Of course. Shan..." he then trails off hesitantly. "We haven't planned anything this weekend, would you like me to come over tomorrow?"

I ponder on this for a few seconds. I haven't been very fair to Liam recently, dodging some of his calls and declining his offers to meet for lunch. I must admit that I miss him too and since Mark will probably have to work, I would definitely appreciate some company.

"Shan... I know I wasn't any better some time ago, but please, stop shutting me out..." he insists pleadingly.

"Li, I already told you it was forgotten and don't go thinking it was some sort of revenge. I just wasn't in a great mood, but... it would be nice if you can come over. Though preferably on Sunday because Mark promised we'd go to Champaign on Saturday to search Alex..."

"Fine with me. I'll bring pizzas and Taken 3. How does that sound?" he asks eagerly.

"Sounds perfect!"

"We have a deal then. I'll see you on Sunday, Chipmunk!"

Once we have said our goodbyes and hung up, I lie back down on the couch and close my eyes. Poor Bunny... We sure have more friends at the Black Diamond, but since it's often the three of us prepping together in the Subs' room, he might have felt sort of lonely recently. Though, there's Noah now... Master Camden's new Sub is such an adorable little thing and we've already grown attached to him. He's a bit like a little brother to us. Another fragile soul.

I think I doze off at some point and when I open my eyes again, my head is resting over Mark's lap and his fingers are softly running through my hair.

"How are you feeling tonight, Babe?" he asks as I shift to straddle his thighs and lace my fingers at the back of his neck.

"Much better. May I kiss those lips of yours or are you scared my germs might contaminate you?" I ask cheekily, making him chuckle before he leans over and pecks my lips. "How are things at work?"

"All good, as usual. The restaurants can only work fine when you've got the best staff," he replies with a wink.

"You pay them well, so they'd better!"

"I do, indeed, but paying them more than in many other restaurants doesn't mean they're the best. Remember Sanchez..." he argues, shrugging his shoulders.

Yeah right... How could I ever forget Alex's tyrant?

"I guess you still haven't heard back from Tony..." I then say, following a logical train of thoughts.

Mark only sighs and shakes his head as an answer. His eyes fill up with sadness and worry and I feel sorry for bringing this back up again. I truly hate seeing him suffer like this even if he tries to hide it.

"I prepared our dinner..." I say, biting my lower lip.

"Now did you?" he asks with sarcasm, cocking his eyebrows. "Dang... You managed without blowing up the kitchen?"

"You, meanie!!" I exclaim, playfully slapping his chest. "I said prepared, not cooked, so don't expect anything fancy! We'll have sandwiches while watching TV!"

"Sounds good, Babe!" he cheers, rising to his feet with me in his arms and I let him carry me to the kitchen, clutching at his waist and shoulders like a koala bear.

A few minutes later, we are both comfortably settled in one of the long reclining armchairs in the media room, with a tray of sandwiches, a mug of tea with honey for me and half a glass of red wine for Mark. We enjoy our dinner in a peaceful silence while watching reruns of some TV show. Once we're done, Mark takes the tray back to the kitchen and when he comes back, I snuggle against his warm body, lying a bit further down to rest my head over his chest. I just relish in the sensations of his fingers playing with my hair, fighting against sleep.

I can't help thinking about fond memories in this same room, evenings when both Alex and I would cuddle with Mark while watching TV. My fingers would entwine with Alex's over Mark's stomach and I always enjoyed the way he'd simply caress our backs. It would never remain innocent for very long and these evenings often ended in the playroom.

Looking at Mark's crotch, I am tempted to reach inside his jeans to make his cock swell. Somehow, I feel guilty for our lack of sex and I wonder how he is truly dealing with it. Ever since the day I began to cry while Mark was giving me head, he hasn't made another attempt at sex and I have assumed he hasn't been in the mood either, but his words from this morning seep back inside my head.

Sexual abuse is not my stuff.

Does this mean he has wanted to have sex but refrained his libido because he knew I didn't want to? We have always fucked like rabbits and I can't remember many days without sex. Mark is such a horn dog and when Alex joined us, I believe his sexual urges were eventually fulfilled. He has such stamina that only two lovers could satisfy him.

His libido might have weakened over the past two weeks from worrying for Alex, but I also remember how he always says that in hard times, making love can soothe people's worried minds. I have clearly failed him in that matter.

It seems like my little soldier is waking up with these naughty thoughts and I suddenly crave to pleasure my man. However, just as my hand begins to make its way from his chest toward his groin, his phone goes off and he fishes it from the pocket of his jeans. Hopefully Tony has good news for us!

My heart actually skips a beat when I get to see the name displaying on his iPhone's screen and both of us gasp, briefly peeking at each other's shocked eyes. Mark swiftly swipes his thumb over the screen to accept the call and brings the device to his ear.

"Alex...?" he whispers and all sorts of emotions pass through me as I vaguely hear my Pumpkin sob.

Published on 12 June 2016