(Mark's POV - Wed. 6 May 2015)

"Freaking connection..." I grumble to myself as I hurry out of the plane and along the corridors of the airport, only getting the no service message when I switch on my phone.

Why the heck doesn't it work!?

Rather than dwelling on network issues, I shove the device back inside the pocket of my jacket and focus on dodging the numerous travelers who walk at a snail's pace until I reach my car. It's almost 6pm when I start the engine and connect the Bluetooth to my iPhone.

Well, it was a quick one-day trip, but I wouldn't have made it any longer in the current situation. It was hard enough to leave Shannon alone at home, but I couldn't skip the important meetings I had scheduled for the opening of my first Wine & Cheese Bar in Boston. It was brief but quite productive. I managed to meet the site manager and acknowledge the progress of works. I also met the manager of the company in charge of decoration, and lastly, I handed over a ton of administrative documents to make sure the restaurant will open by the end of May.

I could have spent more time there, checked more details and met more people, but I didn't want to spend the night in Boston and leave Shannon alone any longer. Even if he tries to prove himself strong, Alex's departure still affects him deeply – as much as it affects me. Shannon does go to work, eat and speak, but he's not as fine as he pretends. His nights are agitated, so he's obviously tired. Aaron told me he's his usual happy self at work, but he doesn't smile or laugh as much as he used to when it's only the two of us at home.

Last Saturday evening, he refused to go to the Black Diamond. Not that I wanted to go there either, but I thought that meeting his friends or spend more time with Liam would do him some good. Instead, he said he only wanted to have a quiet evening at home with me and I couldn't resist cuddling him while we watched a couple of movies. I even treated him with his favorite junk food, hoping to brighten his mood, and somehow, it worked a little.

As far as sex is concerned, what can I say...? The word is clearly about to disappear from our vocabulary, it seems. It doesn't mean that there's no more physical attraction between us, but our libido has been hiding. We did try... Well, I tried.

Last Thursday, I went for my usual morning run and when I got back home at 8am, Shannon was still asleep, so I quietly snuck into the bathroom for a relaxing shower. When I returned to the bedroom, my boy had rolled over to lie on his stomach and his loose pajama pants had somewhat slipped down, revealing part of his beautiful buttocks and waking up my lazy soldier. I couldn't help pulling his pants further down and although I felt guilty for waking him up when I knew he needed more sleep, I still kissed my way from the cleft of his butt up his back.

Shannon eventually woke up from all the teasing over his shoulders and earlobe, moaning loudly, and when he rolled back, I was glad to feel his own erection while hovering over him. The kisses soon turned to something more passionate, with caresses and lustful moans. His pajamas and my towel quickly flew off, but what I wanted above all was to pleasure him, so I crawled backwards and began to give him the best head I could.

However, his moans became whimpers only seconds later and when I looked up at him, my heart constricted in my chest at the sight of all the tears streaking his face.

I'm sorry, Mark... I can't... I miss him too much...

I mentally facepalmed myself while hugging and soothing my poor Babe. It was too soon. I hated myself for even thinking about sex in those conditions and my cock deflated right away. Dramatic situations never prevented me from being horny and like I often say, making love or having sex sometimes help feeling better. They are legitimate activities to lift people's spirits in difficult conditions, but I guess it depends on who the problems involve. In the end, we just spent long minutes cuddling in bed until our stomachs began to protest too loudly for lack of food.

Since then, neither Shan or I have made another attempt at sexual activities.

Service finally hits my phone as I pull out of the parking lot and my phone rings with voice mail. As this has been the case for the past ten days, my heart skips a bit whenever the device goes off with either incoming calls, texts or voice messages, hoping to see my missing boy's name display on the screen, but this hasn't happened so far. I have stopped leaving messages on his own voice mail, but I still try his number several times a day, hoping that he will switch it back on at some point and pick up my call.

Shannon – 3:55pm: "Hey... This is just to let you know that Aaron did pick me up and that I safely made it to the club despite his crazy driving. *sigh* I've missed you today... Can't wait to see you tonight. Send me a text when you land, I'll get it when I'm on my dinner break. I love you..."

The sarcastic tone in the first part of his message might have annoyed me in normal conditions, but today, it only makes me smile. The slight hint of humor actually feels good. I know how Shannon dislikes my overprotective tendencies, but having already lost one of my boys, I certainly won't take any risk with the second one, so I did ask Aaron to grab Shan on his way to work. The second part has my heart melt, though. His voice holds so much emotion...

Joshua – 5:10pm: "Please call me back as soon as you land. Got news for you."

Fuck!! The last message has my heart pick up speed within my chest and the sudden lack of attention almost gets me on the next lane. There's not much in my friend's words but guessing that said news is related to the investigation Tony is leading had to catch my interest. I still take the time to ask Siri to send a text to Shannon, letting him know that I safely landed in Chicago, then command the virtual assistant to dial Joshua's number.

"Good evening, Mr. Murray!" a feminine voice says, surprising me a little although I perfectly know who this is.

"Hi, Ally. Is Josh around?" I ask to his personal assistant.

"He's in a meeting at the moment, but he will be out in a few minutes. He left a message for you..." she trails off, containing a chuckle. "He's asking you to, I quote, get your ass to his office as soon as you're back in town..."

This is typical Joshua. What sort of CEO would trust his PA with such a message? Well, Joshua is that type, but it's only because his relationship with Ally works to the perfection and has grown over the years. I have met the young lady quite a few times and I must admit, she is simply terrific. Only a woman with this sort of temper would be able to handle a man like Josh, though Liam did pretty well while she was on her maternity leave last year, and without this pregnancy, I'm not sure Josh and Liam would have had a better opportunity to meet and fall for each other.

"Thanks, Ally. I'll be here in ten or fifteen minutes," I reply, chuckling at her tone.

"Perfect! He'll be out by then, Mr. Murray!"

"I already told you to stop calling me Mr. Murray," I scold her playfully, remembering the few times we had brunches or dinners at Joshua's place. "I'll see you in a bit, thanks again."

"You're most welcome, Sir," she replies sarcastically – and meaningfully because she knows a lot about her boss's and his friends' lifestyle – making me roll my eyes before we both hang up.

As I head toward the Loop district, I wonder what sort of news Joshua has for me. That dumbass could have been a little more specific! I just hope Tony managed to spot Alex and that we are about to get him back. However, while I speed up on the highway, various theories form in my head and they're not all bright. I wish he'd tell me that one of Tony's guys already found our little runaway, but I guess Josh would have said it right away. Why does he want me to stop by his office anyway?

The pessimistic side of my personality – and God knows how weak it usually is! – wonders if the news is so bad that he doesn't want me to be alone when I hear it, and by the moment I park in a street nearby Pierce Constructions, my mind has bred so many dramatic theories that I'm breathing heavily.

Get a grip on yourself, Mark! You're a fucking Dom!

True, but the Dom in me has a hard time coping with stress right now. However, it's still here, deep within me, so I do grab my shit together and confidently head toward the beautiful building that my friend owns, quickly go through the security team and reception desk at the entrance, and use the elevator to the last floor. Ally shows me into Joshua's office and unsurprisingly, the good old Tony is here too.

Before we take a seat at the round meeting table, both men greet me with warm embraces. I've known Tony since I was a kid and although he used to impress me back then – because he was the impressive ex-army and former bodyguard of eminent politicians in New Jersey – years made me more comfortable around him when I became a teenager until he grew really close to our group of friends.

Security is his thing and throughout years of experience, he has developed a large network of contacts in different worlds, as well as a brilliant team of guards and investigators. All these guys have already achieved a lot regarding Alex's background, discovering more and more details about his past and more specifically his parents' accident. They enquired former neighbors and Alex's aunt too, and this is how they found out that Mr. and Mrs. Simmons died on their way back from shopping for their son's birthday. A policeman and a lady from social services brought the terrible news to Alex and he was quickly sent to his aunt.

I already knew more or less how things went with the bitch but hearing Jeff – one of Tony's guys – report some details and tell us how denigrating toward Alex she was when he spoke with her was quite painful. Jeff also stopped by the cemetery in Champaign, since this is where the Simmons were buried, but all he could say was that the grave was clean, and a fresh bouquet had been recently left. This was earlier last week, but at the time, we thought that it could have been from any of the couple's former friends. Tony's investigator had also wandered in Champaign and Urbana, however, without real evidence of Alex being there, we had decided to postpone further investigations until we'd be sure about his location.

It's only too bad that my boy is so smart and made sure to avoid leaving tracks. In the end, it wasn't that difficult to access his bank account, but unfortunately, the only revelation we got was that he withdrew a lot of cash in Chicago. Smart in the sense that he has enough money not to use his credit card for a long period. Less smart regarding his safety, though. How silly is this to carry 1000 dollars!? So irresponsible! At the end of the day, the result is that he might as well still be in Chicago. Or anywhere else. Tony used his contacts to check cheap airlines and bus companies who require an ID to travel, but this lead was fruitless.

"I believe your Alex is in Champaign, Mark," Tony says once we have settled down. "His bank account has shown expenses at a grocery store on Monday morning, then at a..." he explains, checking a list on a small piece of paper, "a Dakota Watch and a Gap store."

"The last two doesn't sound like Alex..." I comment suspiciously. "He doesn't like watches and being on his own now, I doubt he'd pick up GAP clothes."

"This is what Joshua told me, but in any case, Jeff is back in Champaign to investigate. He managed to watch the video recordings at one of the stores and although the customer tried his best to hide, it was obviously not Alex."

"Fuck... So it means he lost his credit card... or he was robbed..."

"Second option, I'm afraid," Tony replies remorsefully. "Jeff visited all the cheapest hotels in the area, showing a picture of Alex, and a receptionist recognized him."

"Is he still there!?" I exclaim, full of hope.

"Unfortunately, not. Alex left on Sunday," Tony sighs. "However, Jeff will go back there a little later tonight because the lady at reception sounded off. She explained that the boy realized he had been stolen his wallet over the weekend and decided to leave, but her explanations weren't clear. The other thing we learned is that he had arrived on Saturday the previous week."

"Shit! So he did go straight from Chicago to Champaign after he left!" I grunt, thinking back to the unsuccessful visit Shannon and I made there on the Monday. "We could have found him much earlier..."

"I'm sorry, Mark," Tony apologizes. "I've sent another guy there to help Jeff."

"Don't be sorry, Tony. I did tell you to stop investigations in that area as long as we didn't have evidence of his presence there. I just hope he hasn't gone to another city..."

"I don't think so, Mark," Joshua comments, straightening in his chair. "Obviously, Alex's goal was always to reach his childhood town, maybe to meet former friends or whatever, so I doubt he'll go away, especially if he no longer has a credit card and the bank confirmed he didn't even cancel it."

And I thought he was smart... I'll have to do it myself somehow!

"What are the next steps?" I ask with a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'll take a day off to drive there and search him too..."

"Forget it, Mark," Tony replies with his natural authority. "You'll only waste your time and I already have two guys there. You're much more useful here and you've got duties in your restaurants. Jeff and Carlos are going to roam the streets and show his picture in shops, restaurants, shelters. Champaign and Urbana are not that big and I'm confident they'll come across him or someone will recognize him."

"Trust them, Mark..." Joshua agrees.

"I do, but I feel so useless..."

"You're not and you need to be in Chicago in case Alex comes back on his own," Tony reasons.

"Yeah, you're probably right. That would make things easier if he did. Anyway, thanks a lot, Tony."

"You're welcome, Boy," he says in a fatherly tone that makes me smile. "Take care of yourself."

Once Tony has left, I stay for a while longer with Josh to discuss all this information, but I soon find myself zoning out. My worries only deepen as I picture my frail boy sleeping on a bench or in a dark alley, an easy prey for evil thugs.

"Mark... MARK MURRAY!" Joshua exclaims at some point, pulling me out of my dark thoughts. "They'll find him."

"In which conditions...? He left the hotel three days ago, so where has he been crashing since then? Anything could have happened..."

"Alex isn't stupid enough to put himself at risk. Perhaps he's staying with old friends..." Josh suggests, but a light knock echoes on the door and a shy Liam pops his head in.

"May I come in?"

"Of course, Baby," Joshua replies warmly as I stand up to give the young man a hug.

"Have you called Shan to give him the latest news yet?" he asks once he has taken a seat at the table.

"No, I haven't yet. He's at work for now and I'd rather be by his side when I tell him."

"Yeah, it's probably better. How has he been doing?"

Josh already told me how Liam is worrying for his best friend because Shan has been rejecting the blonde's offers to meet for lunch like they always do at least once a week. I've also tried to convince him to go out and meet friends, but it's been useless so far. The only sort of social interaction he accepts is phone conversations.

"To be honest, he's not as fine as he pretends and I'm sure he broods a lot when I can't stay home with him, but don't worry too much, Liam. He's also stronger than we'd think, and I really strive to cheer him up the best I can. I just don't want to add too much pressure on him..."

"Perhaps you should," Joshua interrupts me, but instead of the usual strict expression he bears when it comes to how a Dom should handle a Sub, he looks extremely serious. "I was completely wrong months ago when I thought Shannon wouldn't make a good Submissive or that he'd never fit in the lifestyle. He has his temper and a rather wild personality, but deep down, he's a Sub and what he needs is his Dominant. Pull out your inner Dom, Mark. It'll certainly help him."

Joshua is probably right. Over the last ten days, I've quietened my inner Dom, letting through too many things. I've yielded to Shan's laziness whenever he refused to go working out, shut up each time he talked back and disregarded the empty bags of chips or cookies he bought on his own and that I found in the trash. I just thought he already had enough on his plate and that I should give him a break from all the discipline and authority.

However, it might be time to bring back the Dom in me and push him a little more before he falls into a deep depression. I'll just give him a couple more days to see how he reacts to the latest news, but hopefully, it will boost him a little.

* * *

When I arrive at the club shortly after 11pm, I'm surprised to find Aaron in his office.

"Not using your playroom tonight?" I ask.

"Nope, I'm not really in the mood," he replies with a heavy sigh. "These missing Subs are wearing on me."

"I feel you... Have you spoken with Gary lately?"

"Yeah, we had lunch together last week. He's doing okay. I didn't mention what happened with Alex, it would only revive memories of Jeremy."

"Last I heard from him, he never forgot about him anyway."

"He won't ever, I believe."

"Indeed. However, you're right. There's no need to add salt to his wounds. All I hope is that it won't take that much time to find Alex..."

"From what Josh told me, Tony has good leads. You'll get your boy back soon, Mark," Aaron reassures me. "Tony truly has a great team. Remember how they dealt with Liam last year..."

I quickly peek at the door at that mention. Shannon should be here any second now and I'd rather he doesn't hear about this. If it were only me, I'd tell him, but Liam has decided to keep certain events from his best friend and it's not my role – or Aaron's – to tell him about the incident that occurred a year ago.

"I know, Ron, but I can't help worrying. I don't know how much cash left he has to survive or if he found a safe place to sleep. I know they'll find him, but I'd rather they find him in a hotel room or at some friends', safe and sound, rather than in a hospital room or worse, at the morgue..."

"Ugh, come on, Mark! This is not like you to have such pessimistic ideas!" Aaron exclaims. "Alex is a smart guy and he won't get himself into troubles."

"But he's so fragile..."

"Mark Murray," Aaron grunts, taking his deepest voice – as if it was going to impress me after nearly 25 years alongside with him. "Remember when I was seventeen?" he then asks meaningfully, referring to a troubled period of his past. "I wasn't as smart as Alex and I survived. So he'll survive too."

Yeah, right... Smart is definitely not the word I would use to describe my friend at that time, but anyway, let's not bring up old matters of discord.

"To be honest," he continues in front of my silence, "I think he went through a rough patch, tried to deal with his emotions by himself, but he loves you and Shannon. I bet he'll get back to his senses and come back on his own. You might find him knocking at your door, tail between his legs."

"That's what Josh thinks too and that's what I hope for."

"I know it's easier said but try to relax a bit. You look so tense. Why don't you fix another appointment with Cam?"

"I might do that..."

I must admit that Camden's magic fingers did wonders on Monday last week, but it also felt good to speak with my friend that day, two days after Alex had left. Being a Dominant involves having a lot of self-control and strength – and I try my best when I'm around Shannon – but we also have our hard times and unburdening on a friend's shoulder helps.

Cam was just back from a delightful weekend with Noah, a young man he recently met and who was the source of tensions between our group of friends about a month ago. It turns out that we had misunderstood things back then – mostly our mistake – but all is fine now and Noah has integrated very well among our boys. It's not my story to tell, but Cam has eventually yielded to the little masochist's charms and it couldn't be any other way. The boy is so adorable!

At that moment, a light knock echoes from the door and a tired-looking Shannon comes in. His eyes are a bit too shiny for my taste, but the sparkle that brightens them when he sees me warms my heart. Even more so as he rushes to collide into my chest, circling his arms around my waist while I wrap mine around his shoulders for a tight hug. He was still asleep this morning when I left home, so it feels good to finally hold him and kiss those beautiful lips.

"How did your shift go, Babe?"

"It went well," he replies with a small smile.

"You should go home and get some rest, Shannon. And take care of that cough," Aaron interferes.

"Have you been sick, Babe?" I ask warily, brushing my fingers over his forehead.

It's actually warmer than it should be.

"Nothing too bad, just sneezing and coughing. It'll pass..."

"Let's go take care of this, then!"

The ride home is quite silent once we have talked about my short trip to Boston. My boy can be so unpredictable sometimes that I decide to get home before I tell him about Alex, and that's why I lead him to the living room when we reach our apartment. There, as I recount everything that Tony revealed earlier, not leaving out a single detail, various emotions display on his face, but eagerness prevails.

"What the heck are we doing here? Why didn't you drive straight to Champaign!?" he exclaims, already rising to his feet, but I swiftly pull him back down. "Mark!! Let's go get him back!"

"Shan, we can't go there now," I reason. "Tony already has two guys looking for him and it's better to stay here just in case he decides to show up."

"Do you really think he'd do that?"

"I can't be sure, but I think Josh and Aaron are right. Alex loves us, he's clever, and he might realize he made a mistake when he left. What if he decides to come back and apologize...?"

"That's a possibility, but knowing him, he might also be scared of our reaction... What if anything happens to him in the meantime?" Shannon argues.

"Let's just hope he doesn't put himself in danger and in any case, I trust Tony's guys to find him very soon. They're professionals and they know what they're doing."

"Okay..." Shannon sighs after a minute of painful coughing. "But if we haven't heard back from him by Friday night, I want to drive there on Saturday to look for him!"

"Alright, we can do that, Babe. Let's go give you something to fight this fever now and get some rest!"

It's late and Shannon really looks sick now, so after a warm shower, I feed him a few pills and cuddle him to sleep before I quietly slip out of bed. Something Shannon told me tonight is bothering me and I know it won't leave me alone until I have done something about it, so I grab my phone from the nightstand and head back to the living room.

It's only early May but the weather has been so nice lately and the night is definitely warm as I step out on the terrace. Lying down on one of the deckchairs, I spend a few minutes staring at the star-studded sky and its beautiful moon, wondering if Alex can see them too where he is.

Please watch over my boy, Lady Moon... and send him back to us.

If only that could happen! I would love for the doorbell to ring right now. My heart would fill with joy if I went to open the door and found a piteous Alex behind it. However, Shan is right. What if Alex feels to shameful to take the first step? What if he is too scared of our reaction? Of my reaction... Well, he should be. When he comes back, he'll be sure to discover the meaning of what discipline is. Nothing bad, but it will certainly involve a lot of talking and more control.

The wind suddenly becomes colder, so I eventually step back inside, and before I head back to bed, I dial Alex's number and leave him a reassuring voice mail. All I hope is that he will listen to it and that my words will convince him to return to us. Then I eventually go back to bed and cuddle my other boy as I drift to sleep.

The following morning, Shannon is overexcited and full of determination despite his cold. And incidentally a pain in my ass. Every few minutes, he pops in my office to ask if I have heard back from Tony, speaking through his nose and sniffling a lot. And every few minutes, I provide him with the same answer. I'll let you know as soon as I hear back from him!

I can't even focus on my accounting between Shan's interruptions and my eyes glancing at my phone. At 11am, I give up on trying to work and go to the kitchen to start cooking our lunch, soon joined by Shannon who helps me to prepare a mixed salad. I am slicing a tomato when my phone goes off. Caller ID: Tony Jacobson.

"Hey, Tony..." I say, trying to reign in my heartbeats as I put the phone on speaker for Shannon to hear. "I hope you've got good news..."

"Hi, Mark. I just wanted to give you an update, but there's not much yet," the deep voice replies. "We got the final story of what happened at the hotel. Jeff wormed out information from the receptionist and here's what he learned: Alex had left his window slightly opened on Saturday evening and when he woke up in the morning, it was fully open and his backpack had disappeared. His room was on the ground floor, so it was easy for anyone to stride over and steal his stuff..."

Such a dumbass... And I thought he was smart!

"The woman admitted that she was a bit rude when he complained, but as she said, the hotel couldn't be held responsible for a burglary without breaking-in."

"How rude was she?"

"She mostly instructed him to pay in advance for further nights, but he left. I guess all his cash wasn't in his wallet because he was able to pay for the last two nights he still owed."

"Shit! I bet his ID was in his wallet too, so it changes a few things, Tony. When your guys visit hospitals or..." I begin to say, peeking worriedly at Shannon because I'd rather avoid using the word morgue in front of him, "or whatever place, they'll have to also check for unidentified people..."

"Don't worry about that, Mark, they know their job."

"Yeah, I know... Anything else?" I then ask with hope.

"Jeff and Carlos have also visited several places like restaurants, shelters and shops where they showed his picture. A few people positively recognized Alex and others weren't certain, but he was seen in various locations in the last few days. They'll keep roaming the streets and ask more places. He might be looking for a job and they could come across him at some point. I know it's not much, but I still wanted to give you an update."

"Thanks, Tony. It's good to know he's still there in any case."

"I think he is. Carlos will focus on Urbana and Jeff on Champaign. The town is also full of students with the campus and many of them are about the same age, so it's not easy to clearly identify him."

"Yeah, and Alex can easily melt among the crowd and he's so discreet, he can go unnoticed."

"That's the problem, indeed. Anyway, I'll get back to you later tonight for another update."

"Alright, thanks!"

Shannon has been holding back a coughing fit for a couple of minutes and he lets it out once I have hung up with Tony. His face is very red, his eyes brimming, and he can barely stand on his own two feet. His cold seems to be worsening, so rather than putting my phone back inside my pocket, I dial Aaron's number.

"Any news from Alex?" he asks as soon as he has picked up the call.

"Not much," I reply, briefly summarizing what Tony just told me.

"That's always some news..."

"Yeah... Anyway, I was also calling about something else," I then add, scowling at Shannon who has guessed the purpose of my call and is beginning to protest. "Can you find a replacement for Shan tonight?"

"His cold isn't getting better, is it?"

"Nope."

"Then keep him at home for as long as necessary. We'll manage without him, don't worry."

"I can go to w..." Shannon tries to say but another fit interrupts him, making me roll my eyes."

"And stay safe from his germs!" Aaron chuckles.

After lunch, I convince Shannon to go lie down in bed for a while, hoping he will nap and indeed, my boy gets to sleep for four hours while I quietly work in my study. Since I'd rather stay home to watch over Shan, I call the managers of my restaurants for an update, but as usual, the business is running well. I just spend a bit more time with Matt on the phone and he tells me that Alex is badly missed at Le Marais. Well, we'll see how things go when he returns, but my boy might be in for some surprise... And not the kind he'll like.

While I review applications and resumes I received for the new establishment in Boston, my mind keeps drifting back to Alex and the current situation, though. Deep down, I can feel that the denouement is near, but what I'm unsure of is whether it's going to occur in happy circumstances or sad ones.

Published on 12 June 2016