(Shan's POV - Sat. 25 April 2015)

Sometimes, I wake up with the weird feeling that it's going to be a shitty day and that I should stay in bed to avoid facing hard situations.

Well, when I open my eyes on this Saturday morning, I feel the total opposite!

Mark pulled the thick curtains last night, so it's still dark in the room, but a quick glance at the clock on my bedside table indicates me that it's past 11am. Jeez! I can't believe I slept in that late! However, I'm feeling completely rested and the fact that it's a day off only brightens my mood. Just one more shift at work on Sunday and then we're off to New York to celebrate Alex's birthday. Though not only! I well intend to enjoy the three days there as much as he will!

I can't wait for our trip to Big Apple! This is going to be a blast! I've spent the last few weeks planning our whole vacation there, with Mark approving each of my ideas, and trust me, Alex will love it! It'll be such a nice surprise for him! Oh, he almost caught us reviewing details a few times, but he never bugged us with questions and I believe we kept our secret hidden well, so he has no clue about what he is about to experience. Had it been me, I would have grown paranoid and pestered them to no end, but my sweet Pumpkin is different and that's why I love him.

While I lay on my right side, facing the windows, I remain still and listen to the sounds in the apartment; or rather the absence of sounds. Which is weird because Mark and Alex must be up already... unless these two horn dogs are already in the playroom! Nah, not after the rough sex we had last night! Our buttholes need a bit of rest. We rarely play that much on Friday evenings, saving our stamina for Saturday nights at the club, but our naughty blonde was horny as fuck yesterday evening after they picked me up from the Diamond, and the show we put up for Mark at the back of the car on our way back home turned him on. So much so that we ended up in the playroom here and went for several rounds of sex.

At least it tired Alex to the point he didn't have nightmares, or I was so deep asleep that I didn't hear anything...

My poor Pumpkin has had bad dreams for a few nights and he doesn't want to tell me – or even Mark – about them. It's so painful to see him writhe and scream in terror and I wish I could help him. Mark is better than I am at hiding his emotions, but I know it worries him too. Yesterday morning, he told me he was going to make Alex speak over the weekend, one way or another. About time!

Alex is probably one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I swear his second name must be Kind. He is so gentle, affectionate, unselfish, delightful... His only flaw is his lack of trust in us to confide in. I have lost count of how many times I tried to make him talk about his past, his parents or his childhood, but whenever I ask questions, he either clams up or flips the conversation around.

"Are you awake, Babe?"

Mark's voice suddenly echoing behind me – and so close! – makes me startle. He's always the first one up and the room has been so silent, I wasn't expecting him to still be in bed. However, it's not what strikes me the most. His voice and the tone it holds does. It's hoarse. It's not the firm and confident tone I'm used to.

Stretching my arm backwards to reach for him, my hand only meets thin air. Why the hell isn't he closer to my body? As I roll to my other side, I find him lying on his right side, propped up on his elbow, his head resting in his hand. So far away from me in this huge bed! I quickly shift to switch on my bedside lamp and almost regret it.

What the fuck!? All the positive vibes that were filling me only minutes ago immediately vanish as I take in the man before me. His beautiful green eyes have turned so dark and they're bloodshot. Even puffy! As if he just cried... I can even see streaks of tears on his cheekbones. Fuck! What the hell has happened!?

"Mark... What's wrong?" I ask in a strangled voice, feeling a lump form in my throat.

He only pats the mattress in front of him, so I scoot over and let him pull me into a tight hug. There is despair in this embrace and I don't like this one bit.

"Tell me what's wrong..."

The air Mark exhales through his nose as he hugs me even tighter prickles my scalp and sends shivers down my back. I usually love these sensations, but today, there's such a foreboding feeling underlying that I hate it. What could possibly put him in such a state?

"Oh my God... Did someone die? Oh no... Please tell me nothing happened to your Dad..."

"No one died, Babe," he whispers in front of my sudden panic, yet obviously trying to hide the hoarseness in his voice.

Relief washes over me, at least, we're not mourning someone close, but it's only short course, because something clicks in my head. The situation is still off and I can't see Alex around. If anything bad happened, he should be here... with us... unless... Unless that something involves Alex.

"Where's Alex?" I blurt out, struggling to disentangle from Mark's hold, but despite his ostensible weakness, his grip remains strong, his arms tightening me even closer.

"I'm so sorry, Babe... Alex left..." he eventually says, his voice breaking down although I can hear the control in his tone.

I now understand why he's holding me so tight. This way, I can't see his face or the pain in his expression. Yet, the meaning of his words processes within my head and I fight against him even harder as reality hits me. Of course, he doesn't mean it in the sense that Alex has gone out for some errands or whatever. I do get what the deep meaning of leave is, but I refuse to accept it. Alex can't have left us.

"No... Don't say that! That's not even a funny joke!" I scream, writhing like a worm to break free.

"It's no joke, Babe. He left a letter and his collar... Ouch..."

Oops... In my agitation, I think I kneeded Mark in his balls, or maybe his groin... Well, that's not cool but at least I managed to escape from him which allows me to cower backwards and kneel further away from him. The sight that he offers as he sits up doesn't make me feel any better. The worry displaying in his features only stresses me further.

"No... Alex wouldn't remove his collar... He wouldn't leave..." I breathe out, gathering all my strength to steady my voice. "THAT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE!!! YOU'RE LYING!!!!"

"I wouldn't play that sort of joke, Babe..." he sighs wearily.

Oh, I know he wouldn't. It doesn't mean I'm going to accept this as evidence. Jumping off the bed, I dash for the door – stark naked, but I don't care – and begin to search all the rooms of the apartment, hoping to find Alex hiding as some sort of wicked game. I rush into the bathroom, the walk-in closet, the playroom, the media room; I even visit the stockroom, then the living room, my heart constraining within my chest more and more after each failure.

Mark catches me in his arms in the corridor as I'm about to walk into his study, and once again, here I am a prisoner of his powerful arms.

"Shan, Shan... He's not here..." he says, trying to soothe my rage with his soft voice.

"He can't be gone!!!" I grunt as I try to break free again.

I just can't imagine this. Alex loves us. We love him. Only last night, after all the rough sex we had, Alex was the first one to say I love you when the three of us made love for the last round! He's been so happy with us. He needs us, and we need him as much. Why the fuck would he leave? Even if he had a good reason to, he wouldn't have done so without a proper goodbye, would he?

"I'm so sorry, Babe... but he did leave a letter and..." Mark insists, cupping my face.

He's sorry? Why is that? Does he feel guilty? Did he do anything that motivated our lover to run away? I use his sudden vulnerability to slam my hands against his chest and to shove him backwards, adrenaline helping me.

"Why!? Why the fuck did he leave? What did you do?" I yell. "DID YOU FIGHT WITH HIM? DID YOU MAKE HIM GO AWAY?"

"Noooo! We didn't fight..." Mark replies hesitantly, holding out a reassuring hand to me, but I ignore it and only take another step back.

"WHY DO YOU LOOK SO GUILTY THEN!?"

It seems like I struck a nerve here and sadness covers his face while he ponders on his answer.

"Let's go get you dressed, Babe, and we'll speak around a coffee," he suggests, taking a vacillating step forward.

"Oh yeah, it'll all about communication..." I reply with heavy sarcasm. "Well, it's your turn to communicate, Mark! I don't want to fucking sit, so just spill the beans!"

"STOP IT!" he growls back, suddenly recovering his usual self-confidence, and somehow, this reassures me. "I don't intend to hide anything from you, but I'm not doing this here!"

Without another word, he heads for our bedroom and comes back seconds later with a pair of sweatpants that he shoves in my hands as he walks past me and into the kitchen, leaving me bewildered. For a few minutes, my muscles refuse to obey my brain and all I can do is hear the sounds he does in the kitchen. When I finally pull myself together to put on my pants and meet him there, he's at the island counter and two mugs of coffee are sitting on the table.

I can't sit down, though, so I just start pacing, waiting for him to blabber explanations. He does sigh, heavily, but he eventually tells me about what happened this morning after Alex had another nightmare. Mark took him to the kitchen for a hot chocolate and hoping to make him speak, but Alex remained stubbornly silent. In the end, he thought that Alex would need more rest before they'd have a serious conversation later in the afternoon.

"Besides, ..." he trails off, staring in emptiness, "I was getting really angry at his constant muteness, I really needed to relax... I told him we'd speak later and that he was to return to sleep. Then I went out to run and when I came back... he'd left..." he concludes, a single tear escaping from his eye.

This is the first time I see him cry and yet, I can't make a move to hug him for comfort. I need to understand why Alex left.

"How could you...?" I whisper. "How could you leave him alone after that!?" I accuse dryly. "How could you threaten him with a conversation that you knew he didn't want to have and leave him alone? How could you go out to run and leave him the fuck alone!?" I ask, almost spitting every word, and more tears fill his eyes. "Why didn't you wake me up to watch over him? How could you leave him ALONE, MARK!?"

"YES, I FUCKED UP, SHAN!!" he shouts back, slamming his hand on the counter and standing up as anger fills his eyes. "Don't you think I have regrets? Don't you think I feel guilty enough? Well, I do! You have no idea how I'm blaming myself, but the truth is I'm not sure it would have changed a thing. I don't think Alex left because of this conversation, and even if it annoyed him, he knew how honesty is important in our lifestyle... I couldn't lie and not tell him about my expectations! And if he really wanted to leave, he would have found another opportunity to do so. I... I wasn't expecting anything like that, I really thought he was going to go back to sleep!"

Mark's face is clearly torn with pain and sadness, and I know the anger in his voice is only directed at himself, but right now, he scares me. This Mark is not the strong Dominant I know, he's a broken man. I know he's hurting deep within, but I need my Dominant! I'm more than willing to support him, but am I only capable of doing so?

"I want to see the letter he wrote," I just say, holding out my hand.

Sighing, he fishes a folded sheet of paper from the back pocket of his jeans and hands it to me warily. With shaking hands, I unfold it and start reading the few lines Alex wrote as a farewell. Dear Muffin. Only these two words have my eyes prickling with tears, but as I read further on, wetness floods my cheeks while I try to understand. By the third read of the letter, the words still don't make any sense, but reality hits me and I collapse to my knees, weeping and shivering.

Mark is immediately by my side, kneeling in front of me and wrapping me in his arms, one of his hands at the nape of my neck to hold me close and the other one trying to soothe my sobs by rubbing circles over my back. All traces of anger toward him have left already, because like he said, there are no accusations against him in Alex's letter. It's not for fear of having a serious conversation with Mark that led my Pumpkin to leave. There was something else...

"Shh, it's okay, Babe... Just let it go..."

"It just doesn't make any sense... Why does he say he loves us and then runs away?" I ask through my sobs.

"I'm not sure, but I wonder if it doesn't have anything to do with his parents," he replies softly. "I came up with a few ideas while I was running, things that hadn't clicked before because Alex has been so discreet about his past. I realized that his parents died just before his birthday and their death anniversary could be any of the past days. That could explain the nightmares..."

"Oh my God... You're right!" I exclaim as unpleasant shudders seize my body. "I hadn't caught on that either..."

"I wonder if Alex isn't going through some sort of depression too. He had less appetite, I saw him zone out a few times, and the incident last night at the restaurant... I should have noticed before," he explains remorsefully.

"No... You're right, I saw this too... I should have noticed as well, I spend more time around Alex than you do..."

"It's not your fault, Shan. Alex hid his game well, occasionally looking cheerful to lead us astray."

"But this doesn't change anything to the result... He's gone and I still don't understand why..." I comment, breaking free from Mark's hold as an idea suddenly pops inside my head.

"Shan...?" Mark calls me as I dart for our bedroom, but I don't stop until I have reached my backpack and found my phone.

I was hoping for a message from Alex, but of course, there's none, so I dial his number.

"I already tried, Babe," Mark sighs as he walks in. "It just goes to voice mail."

And indeed, this is all I get too, and more tears flood my face as his sweet voice echoes.

Hi, you've reached Alex's voice mail. I'm sorry I can't talk to you now, so please leave a message, and I'll call you back when I have a chance to.

"Please, Alex... Come back... You can't go away... We love you, Pumpkin..."

Mark pulls me into another tight hug as I hang up and this time, I cling to the back of his tee-shirt, one of my hands still holding the letter and the other the phone. I just let all my sorrow pour out against his chest, accepting the slight comfort his powerful arms give me.

I can't even really express what I'm feeling. It hurts so badly and so deeply; I can't remember suffering so much before. I'm mad at myself for not hearing Alex having his nightmare last night. Had I been awake, and contrary to what Mark said, I would have been able to watch over him. I would have held him back.

I don't want to imagine what our life would be without him. Our relationship is only a few months old, but our sweet Alex wormed himself deep inside our hearts, and by running away, he left a huge and painful gaping hole.

"I want him back..." I whisper after long minutes.

"I want him back too, Babe. We'll find him. I promise we will," Mark replies, his voice back to its confident tone.

I don't know how Mark can make such promises, but I have faith in him.

* * *

"Dinner's ready," Mark murmurs in my ear as he sits behind me and circles his arms around my waist, pulling me backwards against his chest.

This must count as one of the worst days in my life. And yet, I had quite a few painful ones. The day I fell from a tree and broke my leg when I was 8. The day I was publicly turned down by the hottest gay guy at school when I was 15. The last time I saw my parents and they told me how much of a useless and pathetic fagot I was. All these days were heavenly compared to April 25th, 2015. I've never ached so badly.

I don't know how long I have been sitting in the walk-in closet, staring at Alex's side of the dressing with all his clothes. Well, most of them. Only his duffle bag and a few items are missing. I can't believe I didn't even hear him pack up. In any case, he only took the minimum and I wonder if it was out of pride because Mark paid for most of them or because he felt pressured by time, Mark's return or my potential awakening. I also wonder if he threw me a last glance before he walked out. Or did he run away without any second thought?

Only thinking about it has tears flooding my eyes again and knots form in my stomach.

"I'm not hungry," I reply, my voice cracking again.

"You need to eat, Babe," Mark says as he tightens his hold around me and kisses my temple. "At least a little. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, it's not good."

"I'm not sure my stomach will accept any food..." I grumble, thinking about what kind of healthy food he might have cooked – please, no soup...

"Give it a try... I ordered your favorite pizza. Double pepperoni. All greasy... as you love it. And from your favorite Domino's..." he insists.

Isn't this man the most gorgeous guy on Earth? He hates anything that's unhealthy, especially greasy pizzas or takeaway fast-food restaurants, and yet, as an attempt to brighten my mood, he ordered that sort of food. That would be extremely bad of me to reject his efforts to please me, so when he stands us up, I let him lead me toward the kitchen.

However, looking at Alex's stool only intensifies the pain in my chest. I'm not the only one, though. Peeking at Mark, I catch him wiping a tear from the corner of his eye with the tip of his finger, and when I take my usual seat across from him, I can't help observing him as he opens the box on the island counter. He looks exhausted, his features are clearly strained, and his eyes are still very dark.

For a couple of minutes, I stare at the delicious pizza that I would have gobbled up whole in normal conditions, but tonight, I'm not sure I can even swallow one slice. Yet, my stomach rumbles at its salivating smell, and as I look up at my man, he gives me an encouraging smile. He won't let me get away without eating anyway, so I pick a slice and start eating while he does the same. In the end, we eat half the pizza each and my reward is a proud smile breaking across his face.

I must be in some sort of daze because I'm not fully aware of my every move after dinner, acting more like a robot than a human being. I watch Mark clean up the kitchen and then he leads me back to the master bedroom, switching off the lights on our way there. Without a word, he undresses me in the bathroom and gently pushes me under the showerhead. There, he takes care of my body and there's nothing sensual – much less sexual – in the way he cleans me up.

Even if Mark holds me in his arms once we are in bed, I can't help a few more tears when I realize that someone is missing here. The bed feels too big for just the two of us. Thank goodness, I'm able to contain my sobs and I don't think Mark notices anything. All I have done today is moping around, but I feel worn out. Sadly, it doesn't mean I'll fall asleep anytime soon.

Mark must be exhausted too, at least emotionally speaking. He spent the afternoon on the phone with his friends, his parents. I was with him when he called them, and hearing Sophia burst into tears when he broke the news only aggravated my own pain. She apparently asked to speak with me, but I couldn't talk, so Mark told her I was sleeping.

On the friends' side, I know he couldn't reach Camden, but he did speak with Aaron and Joshua. The latter has a very good security manager, a certain Tony Jacobson, who's going to help us find Alex. I actually met him a few times in the past since he often drives Liam around, but from what my friend told me, he's supposed to excel in his job. He's an ex-army and has lots of interesting contacts from a former job as bodyguard. Hopefully his research will yield some information about Alex.

10:30pm.

We should be at the Black Diamond, watching the second show of the evening. We could be having sex on the couch too. Or in our private playroom doing naughty threesome things. Instead, I'm here lying within the comfort of Mark's arms, brooding over and over when my situation is probably better than Alex's.

Where are you, Pumpkin? Are you safe? What are you doing now? Are you thinking about us? Are you missing us?

I only wish he had enough regrets to get back to us, because for now, I can only imagine him back to his former loneliness and it makes me shiver.

"Still not sleeping, Babe?" Mark asks with his softest voice.

"I'm worried... He's so fragile... Where do you think he could be?"

"I have no idea, unfortunately. He could still be in Chicago, but I doubt. He might as well be far away," he sighs, remaining silent for a few seconds before he adds: "I should have wormed information from him earlier. Knowing about his past would have helped. From the copy of his ID, I know where he was born now, but I don't even know if that's where he spent his childhood. He could also have headed for a new big city, a place he's never been before... So many options..."

"Don't work yourself up, Mark... None of us ever managed to make him really speak..."

"Well, that'll change when he's back, I'm telling you!" he grunts, and only these words manage to bring a little light in my heart.

When he's back... Because, yes, he will come back. At some point. In the meantime, we must deal with his absence and not knowing what he could be enduring right now is terrible.

"I hate imagining that he's all alone. So many bad things could happen to him. He's so weak... What if he gets lost? What if he gets hurt?"

"Shh... He's an adult, Shan. He's a smart boy and he'll know better than to get himself into trouble," Mark reassures me, but he doesn't sound so sure about that himself. "On Monday, Tony will find out if there have been transactions on his bank account since he took his credit card. If he made expenses, we'll be able to track him..."

"Can they really do this?" I ask doubtfully.

"Tony said he could," Mark replies, shrugging his shoulders. "I'd rather not dig too deep into the sort of connections he has, though as far as I know, it's all legal."

"I just hope he'll find him. Soon. I'm so worried something might happen to him... I want him back..."

"Me too, Babe. I promise we'll find him..."

As I slowly drift to sleep, I wonder if Mark isn't trying to convince himself as much as he's trying to convince me, but I decide against it. I must trust him. He's my Dominant after all.

Alex's words keep dancing before my eyes, though. And they still don't make any sense. Like Mark, I don't think he left us because he stopped loving us. There's another reason to his departure, but I can't understand how it could be linked to his nightmares. It's not coherent.

As darkness swallows me long minutes – or hours – later, my last wish is to wake up in the morning, back on Saturday, and to realize it was nothing but a bad dream.

Unfortunately, I'm not that lucky. My sleep was dreamless, and I didn't suffer too much from insomnia, but when I wake up at 8 on Sunday, without at least my Pumpkin snuggled against my body, reality strikes me back right in the face. Alex has left.

Mark is already up, but I wonder if he slept at all. After a quick stop by the bathroom, I silently walk out of the master bedroom and as I head toward the kitchen, voices echo from Mark's study. The door is slightly open, and the phone is on speaker, so I can hear his conversation with Joshua.

"When is he coming back?" Mark asks, catching my attention.

"On Sunday evening. At least it was the plan. He took Noah to a state park for the weekend..."

Ugh... There go my hopes they were talking about Alex! At the same time, how could I forget about Noah!? That cute little thing has already taken so much space in our hearts and he's been Master Camden's Submissive for only a few weeks! He's such an adorable little peanut. Who would have thought that the Sadist would fall for that ball of cuteness? Well, certainly not his friends! But how could he not?

Unfortunately, we haven't gotten to know the little Masochist for long enough yet since he was certified a member of the Diamond only a week ago, however, from the little I've seen or heard so far, Noah already has Master Coldness wrapped around his little finger... Or maybe not. Only the future will tell. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'll certainly get along with the mischievous little creep.

"Okay, I'll call him later tonight then, there's no use ruining their getaway. And hopefully, he can get me a spot on Monday at his practice," Mark sighs painfully.

"I'm sure he will. Meanwhile, try to relax a bit. I know it's easier said, but if you don't, you'll need more than Cam's magic fingers to unknot your back..."

"I'll try... I guess there's nothing new on Tony's side?" he then asks with hope.

"Not much, but still a few things," Joshua replies, recovering his usual seriousness. "Tony still hasn't been able to spot his mobile phone, so either the battery is dead or he removed it. He put a couple of his guys to search Alex's past, but it hasn't yielded much so far, but you were right in your assumptions. Your boy was born on April 27th, 1995 in Champaign, Illinois. His parents lived in Urbana until their tragic death in a car accident on April 26th, 2012, the eve of his seventeenth birthday. That really sucks..."

"Gosh... Poor boy..."

"Tony also found an article about the accident in a local paper, but it didn't say a lot. The parents were driving home on a countryside road and a reckless driver crashed into their car at a crossroad. The three of them died instantly. Alex then moved to live with his aunt north of Madison, Wisconsin, and then Chicago after he graduated high school in June 2013. I guess you already know that from the resume you may have in your files, but he held various little jobs until he started at Le Marais in May last year. That's about it for the moment, but like I said, we'll get more information in the coming days. Tony says his team will find out more from the aunt or the local authorities."

"Thanks, Josh. That's a start. So... Urbana, you said. That's where he lived?" Mark asks.

"Yep, it's the town next door to Champaign. Both towns are actually often associated."

"Okay. Could Tony find out where his parents are buried?"

"They're probably there, but I'll get Tony on it and revert to you as soon as possible. How's Shan copping?"

"As good as he can..." Mark sighs. "He was angry at first, but it turned to sadness quite fast. He's still sleeping, but his night was quite agitated; he whimpered a lot... I'll call Aaron and see if he can call in sick tonight, I'm not sure he'll be in a state to work. And he was supposed to be off for three days then..."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem for Aaron, but work might help and keep him busy rather than brooding."

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know..."

"How about you? Are you holding on?"

"I'll be okay..." Mark replies, but his cracking voice tells the contrary. "I miss Alex so badly. Feels like walking on one leg. I just hope we'll get him back soon."

"You will. And in the meantime, you know we're all here for you and Shannon if you guys need us."

Seeing I won't learn anything further about Alex, I quietly walk back to the bedroom, open the curtains and step out on the balcony. The weather is nice today again, the sun feels good on my face, but a chilly wind brings goosebumps on my bare arms, so I get back inside and decide to make some noise to show I'm awake. Once I've undone the bed, I grab all the sheets to put them in the washer of the stockroom, but Mark walks out of his office and meets me in the corridor.

"Morning, Babe," he says softly, catching me in a tight hug and leaning down for a kiss. "You could have used a bit more sleep."

"You too..." I counter, noticing how his features still look strained.

Mark just rolls his eyes and helps me with the laundry before he leads me to the kitchen where he instructs me to sit at the counter while he finishes preparing our breakfast.

"I need to cancel all the reservations I had made for our trip to New York," I announce as we start eating.

"Yeah... I'll help you if you need me," he sighs with remorse. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm okay. Work will take my mind off worries tonight, so I'll also cancel my days off," I reply with determination, using Joshua's earlier arguments.

"Or you could take those days off and even call in sick tonight to get some rest," Mark argues, frowning at me.

"Will you call in sick and be off too?" I ask meaningfully, causing his frown to deepen, but I'm not impressed.

"We were talking about you, not me."

"I guess you won't... Then I won't either."

"I'll have to back up Alex's absence at the restaurant."

"Alex was supposed to be off too, so there's nothing to back up."

Mark sighs loudly, but he doesn't reply because he knows I have a point here.

"I'm not staying home alone, Mark," I reason rightfully. "If I stay home, all I'll do is brood over Alex's departure, especially if you're not around. Work will keep me busy."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he eventually agrees.

He then tells me about what he learned from Joshua earlier and I do as if I hadn't heard their conversation. Since I'm off on Monday, we might go to Champaign to roam the streets. There's no evidence of Alex's presence there, but we could give it a try. It's a long drive, but it's worth it if we're lucky enough to come across our lover.

As the day goes on, new emotions rise within me as I cancel each and every reservation I had endeavored to make in New York to please Alex, as I uselessly keep checking my phone for a potential message from him, as I expect to find him in each room I walk in.

Frustration.

Anger.

It doesn't get any better when Mark drives me to the Black Diamond. Of course, he walks me in to see his friend. Master Aaron, true to himself, grabs me into one of his bear hugs, and as he does the same to Mark, I can feel eerie emotions floating in the air between the two men, as if their embrace holds more than what it seems. The Master Dom's worry for Alex sounds so deep and sincere that I quickly escape to flee more raw emotions.

While I bustle around, preparing the bar and the club for the evening, I try to focus on each of my tasks, even chitchatting with Tod and Nyles, my co-bartenders, but against all my hopes, Alex never leaves my mind. I can't help thinking about him, about what he could be doing, about where he could be. He should have been starting his shift at Le Marais right now.

Mark said he was going to breed some lies with Matt to explain his absence, but depending on how long it will last, he might have to end up revealing the nature of their relationship to Richard. Alex also left a resignation letter, but he was clearly mistaken if he believed that Mark would accept it. No, Mark truly hopes that our little absconder will come back and resume his position at the restaurant. Oh, I bet Alex will hate it if Mark reveals how close we are, but I doubt he'll be in a position to argue much when he returns.

Actually, the more I think about my Pumpkin, the angrier I get. The emotion that started building earlier this afternoon is now fueling my veins and I find myself deeply upset at Alex for what he's done to us all. How could he leave us? Without even a clear and honest explanation! Without a proper goodbye... Without a hug... Without a last kiss.

By the time I walk into the Subs' room to get ready, I am so tense that the slightest annoyance might throw me offboard. I need to calm down before I start my shift. It wouldn't be a good time to defy a Dominant and get in trouble. Thank goodness, I'm first at the lockers and I know how I'm going to let the steam off.

As tears flood my face again, I grab my phone and isolate myself in a shower stall to dial Alex's number again. I know he won't pick up my call, but I don't care. I'll still give him a piece of my mind.

And this is exactly what I do, seething each and every word through my teeth.

"I hate you, Pumpkin. You're so unfair. I'm so mad at you for doing this to us. How dare you leave without a proper goodbye? Such a coward... When you come back, and trust me, you'd better come back, I'm going to give you hell. You'll have to pay for every single second of pain you inflicted on us."

Published on 11 June 2016