(Alex's POV - Sat. 25 October 2014)

Dominance. Authority. Gorgeousness. Sexiness. Muscles. Comfort. Safety.

These are the first words rushing to my head when I see the two beautiful males pulling out the double door I have dreamed to pass for the past few months. Because they are just that.

But then, when I recognize one of the two sexy hunks as my big boss, strong emotions wash over me.

Pride, because I'm glad my assumptions were correct. My boss is definitely a gay Dominant.

Anxiety, because I wonder how he is going to react when he recognizes me.

Fear, because I might be about to lose my job now that I have unveiled what must have been a secret.

Damn! It sucks! And not in the way I would like to suck!

***

Last night was relaxing and restless at the same time. The first one because I fell asleep fairly early, or at least earlier than usual, and managed to sleep in. And it was restless because my sleep was populated with weird and hot dreams induced not only by all the erotic books I read, but also by my boss's powerful authority and his friend Shannon's collar.

I woke up with a painful boner, like it often happens, and as memories of my realizations regarding my boss and his supposed friend flooded back in, I am embarrassed to say that I jacked off imagining them in a BDSM scene together. Shame, Alex!! Indeed, but they were so hot in my imagination! And I had to cover my mouth with my hand to muffle my screams as a powerful orgasm seized me.

Never had I climaxed so powerfully before whenever I masturbated, and to say it often happens would be an understatement. This is what you get when you try your hardest to live a lonesome life. I usually do so remembering the couple of times I had full sex with my boyfriend, and fingering my hole while I stroke my shaft, but it was never so strong. Sadly, I haven't had anyone pounding into my prostate in the last two years and a half, and right now, I am desperately missing it.

I wish I could round up my head to tie friendships, or at least start relationships, but I just can't resolve myself to take the first step and go to people. I have become too solitary.

The good point is that I was feeling a bit better this morning, even if the idea of meeting Mr. Murray stressed me. Before I headed for my appointment with him, I made sure to add his number into my phone, and it took me a good five minutes to figure out how to use the contact list in that old device! My empty contact list... But I'm glad I did, because Mr. Murray checked I had complied with his request! It clearly upset me, and not only because he didn't trust me, but also because he got to see he was my only contact. Another awkward moment.

Thankfully, the interview went well. Better than well, to be honest.

I arrived with mixed feelings at the restaurant, not knowing what to expect. I was stressed about a potential scolding. I was nervous because of what I came to realize before I fell asleep. I was embarrassed I had jerked off to him having sex with this Shannon. I was scared of blushing if I had to look into his eyes.

At the same time, I was eager to see him again. I wanted to observe him discreetly; to see if my assumptions could be true. He would certainly not show any blatant sign, but I thought I could perhaps feel it. I have always been quite sensitive to analyzing people, perceptive you may say, but this morning, I didn't feel anything. It wasn't due to a sudden lack of acuteness; I was just too shocked by all the things Mr. Murray told me, one after the other.

I couldn't believe he had fired Chef Sanchez! This was the first shock, and the relief I felt is indescribable. It meant going to work without a nagging pit in my stomach. No more stress. No more insults. Working in a pleasant environment. I was so lost in my comforting thoughts that I almost missed the part where he apologized for not detecting anything before. Well, I wouldn't have blamed him or anyone else, because Chef Sanchez was always cautious to bully me inconspicuously, and I sort of felt bad when I heard the genuine sorrow in Mr. Murray's voice.

He didn't let me dwell on this though, as he immediately jumped to another difficult topic, trying to convince me with pressing charges against the old bastard. The mere thought of having to go to the police station and possibly to court later froze me in fear, but Mr. Murray found the right arguments. What he said about Sanchez starting a new job and exerting his wickedness on other weak people completely made sense and I would feel terrible for somehow participating in this. Not acting upon what happened would be selfish of me, and I eventually agreed.

Besides, in his great generosity and kindness, Mr. Murray offered to go with me to the police station – which obviously reassured me – but it wasn't all. After a bit more talking about me, and even though I didn't say much, the boss proposed me to finally occupy the functions I was hired for in the beginning. Starting next week, I am going to work with the cooks and cook helpers to learn and train on French cuisine. This was the last blow and I could hardly believe my luck for such an opportunity.

I have always loved cooking, so much so that it was a passion when I was a younger teenager. As a child, I could spend hours in the kitchen watching my mother bake and cook, and she would sometimes let me help. After I turned 12, I got more involved in preparing meals at home, and most of the time, I was left to cook on my own. I never questioned myself much on my professional future, I knew I'd want to work in restaurants, so when Mr. Murray made his offer, I nearly crawled to hug him.

Of course, I couldn't do that. It would have been totally inappropriate and embarrassing, so I just smiled. It was my first genuine smile in such a long time, I'm pretty sure I was even beaming, and it felt so damn good! Smiling isn't something I often do, at least not naturally. Mr. Murray doesn't know me, but I hope the grin on my face conveyed enough of my gratefulness to him.

In any case, he asked me to consider his offer during the weekend and to call him by Sunday evening to let him know of my decision. I already knew I would accept, and when I got home, I nearly called him, but then I remembered his request to think things over first, so I decided I would obey and wait until tomorrow evening.

The result is that I wasn't able to verify my theory on my boss being a Dominant, but I well intend to do this in the future. I should be able to see him more often if I get to spend my shifts in the main kitchen now. Mr. Murray regularly visits the restaurants, so I hope I'll cross his path each time he's there.

After a quick stop by the police station to make a log – because I didn't want to go as far as pressing charges – Mr. Murray drove me back home. Again. As if it wasn't kind enough of him to offer me a two-day paid leave to rest and recover from the recent and tense events! I spent the rest of the afternoon complying with his request, lying on my old sofa and reading. I even napped for a couple of hours, but when I woke up, I felt revived and decided I should go out as I had planned.

I usually prefer Thursday and Sunday nights to go dancing, because as much as I love being among people and feel their emotions, Fridays and Saturdays are a bit too crowded for my taste. I dressed in my best outfit. I never spend much on clothes, generally purchasing them in second-hand shops, but I bought these dark skinny jeans and the black tee-shirt new a few months ago, and they fit me much better than all the rest I own. Since I didn't want to pay an additional fee at the cloak room of the Black Moon, I left my coat at home and only took my phone and key. This is a bit silly seeing how it's getting cold in Chicago, but at the end of the day, I only had to deal with the cold twice while I changed buses, and then while queuing at the entrance of the club, which didn't last long since I was there very early.

I spent a good hour on the far right of the room dancing among joyful people, absorbing their high spirits and drinking in their happiness while I slowly and unconsciously drifted toward the center of the dancefloor. After a bit more than an hour, I felt thirsty and decided to go the restrooms to drink from the tap. Obviously, I never go the bar because even alcohol-free beverages are too expensive for me. Instead of using the closest toilets, I decided to go to the restrooms on the far-left of the room – which are conveniently situated nearby the mysterious double-door I so want to walk through.

Unlike in crappier clubs, the toilets here are very clean and once I had emptied my bladder and washed my hands, I took a few sips of fresh water and headed back out. At that moment, a group of people gathered around the huge main bar caught my attention and I approached them to watch the show that the bartender was putting on while preparing cocktails. It was amazing. The guy was so skilled playing with bottles, shakers and glasses!

After about ten minutes standing there, my eyes flicking between the double-door and the bar, I thought it was time to return dancing, and that's when it began...

I had to bump into someone. Someone who obviously knew me since he called my name after I apologized. Someone who was none other than Shannon, Mr. Murray's friend. Or Submissive...

I already found him super handsome on Friday evening in his suit, but I couldn't help ogling him here... He was sexy as hell, dressed in tight leather pants and a black shirt of which only one button was done in his middle section, leaving the lower half open and exposing his beautiful necklace... or collar. Definitely a collar I decided. Even if it was discreet, I was able to see the little plate with an inscription that I couldn't read from where I stood, but I would have bet on something like Master's Pet or Master Mark's. He was just gorgeous, and it was no wonder my little soldier started swelling.

Another beautiful blond-haired young man soon joined, only adding to the embarrassment Shannon suddenly seemed to feel. This one, who was dressed similarly, urged him to go, but heck! You don't leave a nightclub so early! The conversation quickly became awkward, but when they excused themselves and I saw them head toward the enigmatic double-door, I just couldn't resist. I had to go with them.

And that's when things got a notch more complicated.

***

I have been trying to plead my case with Shannon and his friend Liam – since that's how he was introduced to me – begging them to let me go with them when said doors suddenly open on two gorgeous hunks. As soon as I recognize one of them as Mr. Murray, I get lost in a turmoil of emotions. I was right. I was right from the start. His leather trousers, his perfect bare chest, the powerful domination emanating from him and the way Shannon slightly cowers when the man sees me and leans down to whisper in his ear leave no doubt to the theory I had.

My boss is a Dominant in the BDSM lifestyle.

Holy crap!!

The other man is dressed similarly, bare-chested, only wearing black leather pants and combat boots, and he soon grabs a hold of Liam, and as his deep voice echoes, a shiver runs down my spine.

"Mark, I think we should move to the corridor to discuss more privately."

It only hits me then that I might be in serious trouble here if my theory proves right. Evolving in such a lifestyle is very intimate, and I can only assume that Mr. Murray is striving to keep this detail private. He might not appreciate that one of his employees found out. Now that I consider it, if I were in his place, I wouldn't like this at all. However, being in my position, all I have in mind is that there must be some sort of BDSM club behind these doors, and I can't miss the opportunity to figure it out.

"Alex!!" Mr. Murray exclaims loudly, a hint of exasperation in his voice, as if he had been calling me several times already. "Follow us!" he orders, gesturing toward the double-door.

The double-door I have craved to pass through! I can't believe this is happening!

I see him and the other man lead Shannon and his friend in this direction, and I follow them as the bouncer opens the doors for us. We arrive in a very long corridor, but the group stops only a few feet further away. O' disappointment! Is there only just a corridor? No, I don't think so...

"What are you doing here, Alex? You were supposed to rest this weekend!" he accuses.

Crap! I hadn't thought about that either! My boss offered me a full weekend on paid leave to recover from the latest events and there he finds me partying in a nightclub! It sucks!

"I... I often come to this club, Sir... And I did get some rest this afternoon..." I stutter in a small voice, keeping my eyes lowered as I'm too scared to meet the anger on his face. Or his disappointment.

"Mark, I'll take these two away while you finish here," the other man says firmly, irritation clearly seeping through his tone.

"Yeah, just do that. Thanks, Josh."

"Liam hasn't done anything wrong, Master Joshua, and it was only my..." Shannon begs, obviously fearing for his friend, but what I register is the word Master.

"Let me be the judge of who's wrong or not, Shannon!" the so-called Master Joshua replies with such authority that I almost wish the floor would open beneath me and swallow me whole.

"Shannon, just do what you're told and follow Joshua! We'll have a conversation later!" Mr. Murray almost growls in annoyance.

A conversation. Yes, right... I have read enough about BDSM to know what a conversation means in this case, and I certainly can't allow Shannon or his friend Liam to be punished when I'm the one who got them in trouble. If I hadn't held them back for so long, none of this would have happened!

"Please, Mr. Murray... This is all my fault..." I mumble, daring a quick glance at his face; just enough to see him frown at me. "I... I bumped into Shannon at the bar and..."

"At the bar!?" he cuts me, turning to face the young man.

His tone is full of heavy sarcasm, and I don't like this. Does it mean Shannon wasn't allowed to go to the bar? Have I just made his situation worse!?

"Not really at the bar, Sir! Just nearby!" I quickly exclaim, hoping to make up for my mistake. "We just talked for a couple of minutes, but when his friend joined and said they had to leave, I saw them heading toward these doors, and I held them back..."

"I don't understand..." Mr. Murray says thoughtfully.

"I... I've been curious to see what was behind these doors for weeks now, and I begged them to let me go with them... It's my entire fault, Sir...," I explain. "Please don't punish them..." I add in a barely audible whisper.

"Wait... What are you talking about, Alex?" Mr. Murray exclaims in a strained voice. "And what do you think there is behind these doors?"

"I can't be sure, Sir, but I have my guesses..." I reply, feeling my face redden, and yet comforted by the slight discomfort in his tone.

"And what are these guesses?"

"I think... I believe there's a BDSM club... Sir..."

"Fuck..." I hear the other man cuss in a low voice.

There is a long minute of uneasy silence which only strengthens my convictions. I keep my head lowered, but I can definitely feel that all eyes are on me now.

"What makes you think so, Alex?" Mr. Murray eventually asks.

This is not the time to fuck up, Alex... Remember all you have read about this lifestyle! Honesty is one of its core values!

"I've read a lot about BDSM, Sir... A few weeks ago, I saw a man walk through these doors, and go to the bar where he talked to the staff before he left. He was dressed..." I trail off, briefly peeking at him, "like you... He reminded me of all the characters I had read about. I asked the bouncer if I could also go there, but he said it was a private area. Since then, I have seen other people going through these door, only a little less obvious than he was, but I never dared approach them... Until tonight. When I saw Shannon and his friend head there... I just couldn't resist... I had to give it another try... I want to become a Submissive..."

"Why would you do that, Alex?" Mr. Murray asks more softly, although he seems to be surprised.

"Because I'm fascinated by the BDSM lifestyle, Sir," I reply in all honesty.

"Does it attract you because of the books you've read?" he asks, and I shyly nod in answer. "But fiction is not reality, Alex..."

"I know, Sir, but I've already documented myself in more serious books and I've checked blogs too," I argue, peeking at him only to see the man pinch his nose in nervousness. "Please, Sir... I would really like to discover more about the lifestyle... Please tell me how I can become a member of this private club if it does exist..."

"You can't become a member just like this, Alex, it doesn't happen with just the blink of an eye."

"Mark? Can I talk to you in private for a second?" the one named Master Joshua says, and they walk further away from us to discuss.

"I'm sorry if I got you in trouble, Shannon and Liam..." I whisper apologetically.

"Don't worry, Shan doesn't need you to get in trouble," Liam chuckles lightly, earning a nudge in the ribs from his friend.

"Shut up, Lili!" Shannon murmurs before he returns his attention to me, and I just love the mischievousness on his face. "Keep on insisting! They can definitely take you to the club as a guest!!" he continues, grinning wildly just as the two hunks head back to us.

"Shannon, keep quiet!" Mr. Murray scolds him. "Alex, how much do you know about BDSM clubs exactly?"

"Not much, Sir... I wasn't even sure they existed for real. But I really want to find out... Please," I beg him.

Mr. Murray sighs and remains silent for a while longer, but I know better than to insist further than I already have.

"Okay, fine. I can invite you there as a guest tonight."

"Thank you, Sir!!" I exclaim with eagerness as his friend walks away again to apparently make a phone call.

"You'll have to follow a few rules, Alex. You are not to roam through the club and I want you to stay by my side. The second show of the evening is about to start, and we'll watch it, but I want you to tell me if you suddenly feel uncomfortable, is it clear?"

"Yes, Sir."

"If you've read enough about BDSM, then I assume you already know you should never defy Dominants or stare at them. Speak only if you're invited to do so, and address them as Sir. This one here is Master Joshua and one of my best friends. You are going to meet two more. One is Master Camden; don't try to mess up with him. Don't mess up with the other one either because Master Aaron is the owner and Master Dom of this club, and he wouldn't hesitate to discipline you, even as a guest. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir. I'll be on my best behavior," I reply with all due respect.

"Aaron said you can pick a form on his desk," Master Joshua states as he gets back, slipping his phone in the pocket of his trousers.

"Thanks, Josh. Alex, I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we go. Do you know what this is?"

"Yes, I've heard about this... It's to certify that I won't reveal anything happening within the club..."

"Exactly. All this has to remain private. Let's go then."

As we follow the long corridor, my heart starts beating faster and faster in my chest. I can't believe I'm about to discover the lifestyle I have craved to see for real.

We make a right and turn into another corridor in which Master Joshua, Liam and Shannon stop while Mr. Murray and I walk ahead and make a left into another one. We eventually arrive into a huge office – probably his friend Master Aaron's – and after a bit of grunting and rambling about the mess on the desk, he makes me read and sign the NDA he mentioned just before. When we return to the other corridor, it's all empty except for a bouncer who opens a door for us. I barely have time to read the inscription that has the word Diamond in it.

I gasp in surprise when I take in the room I have just walked in. It is full of men wearing either leather trousers or shorts. Some are enjoying themselves on a dancefloor, others are making out and even having sex on couches and armchairs, while a stage is obviously being prepared for a show. Oh my goodness! This is all too hot! As hot as my face! As boiling hot as the tingles that course straight to my groin!!

I hear Mr. Murray chuckle as he grabs my elbow and leads me to the far left of the room and we stop by a semi-circle couch where several men are seated. From left to right – and without raising my head – I can see Master Joshua with Liam over his lap, then there are two pairs of leather-clad legs, and finally, Shannon who is kneeling on a small pillow on the far right. Mr. Murray takes a seat next to him and beckons me to sit down on his right side, between him and one of the two men in the center.

"Aaron, Cam, this is Alex."

"Good evening, Alex," they both reply.

"Alex, you may look up," Mr. Murray offers, before he gestures toward his friends. "This is Master Camden, and this is Master Aaron, the friends I briefly told you about."

"Good evening, Sirs..." I reply with difficulty, trying not to choke on the sight in front of me.

Now I get why he warned me not to mess up with the man called Master Camden who is sitting next to me. This one is another huge hunk with tattoos and piercings, but what scares me is the stern expression on his face, and his eyes are so icy that they send shivers down my back. However, my attention gets quickly drawn to the other man sitting on his right, almost provoking a heart attack. I might be exaggerating a bit, but my heart does lurch in my chest when I recognize the gorgeous man. He is the one I saw a few weeks ago at the Black Moon, the one who was talking to the bartenders! Holy crap! So he was the owner of the club!

"Welcome to the Black Diamond, Alex," Master Aaron says warmly. "I hope you will enjoy your evening here as a guest. You may watch the show."

"Tha... Thank you, Sir..." I stutter before casting my eyes down.

"What did we miss?" Mr. Murray asks.

"Not much..." the man next to me chuckles, but I decipher the smirk in his tone. "There was a quick threesome during intermission..."

What!? A Threesome? Damn!! These are so arousing!!!

"Seriously? Since when are there scenes during intermission?"

"Come on, Mark! You know it sometimes happen! Frank just wanted to show off with the two Subs he contracted for tonight... Too bad you missed it!" his friend Master Aaron teases him.

"Yeah, don't tell me..." my boss grunts, causing Shannon to cower a little on the floor.

Now this is interesting. Does it mean that Mr. Murray has a thing for multiple-partner sex? Doesn't he have enough with Shannon? And why is Shannon so tense?

Because you obviously messed their plans and caused them to miss something they were apparently interested in!

Damn! This makes me feel guilty but I'm glad to see Mr. Murray's hand reach for Shannon's head and when he starts running his fingers through his hair, the latter seems to relax as he leans his forehead against his Master's knee. How I wish someone would treat me similarly!

I am suddenly craving such tenderness. I used to lead a happy life, with caring parents and a rather kind boyfriend. I have always been a very cuddly person, needy for physical touches and attention. For the past two years, I have suppressed these urges, almost forgetting the boy I used to be, but within only a few hours, the old me has been resurfacing. These needs are back full strength and I just can't ignore them anymore as I witness all the affection that these Masters bring to their Subs.

As the lights dim, I sense Mr. Murray lean to my side and I soon get to hear his deep voice in my ear.

"Alex, you may watch the show. Fair warning, some people around the stage might engage in various forms of sex, so don't forget to let me know if you feel uncomfortable. I'll just walk you out."

I just nod in answer and raise my head. As if I was going to ask to be walked out of here when I have been dying to eventually discover the BDSM lifestyle for real! As if I was going to ruin this huge opportunity!

A handsome African-American Dominant introduces himself as Master Eric, and his Submissive as Blake, a young man with a very pale skin that beautifully contrasts with the bulky man's and long blond hair that cascades down his back. I don't particularly feel love between them as the Dom rids the smaller one of his tiny shorts, but there is certainly lust. The blonde is swiftly tied to a wooden cross, spread-eagled, and it's not long before the other man begins to prepare his back entrance using lubricant and his thick fingers.

Oh my goodness! This is so hot that my semi-hard member reaches a rock-hard state. And it only gets worse as the scene unfolds before my eyes, with the Dominant first inserting a plug inside the Submissive's butt before he begins a long flogging session. Like I said, I have read a lot about BDSM, but I have always had a hard time believing that the Submissive gets real pleasure from pain. Seeing it for real is a different story, and if Blake's moans are any indication, he is more than enjoying himself while the skin of his back side quickly turns to pink, and even red in certain areas.

My attention is deeply focused on what is happening on stage, especially when Master Eric retrieves the plug from the boy's ass and starts pounding into his channel – groaning like a bear! – and I am no longer aware of my surroundings. Not even of Mr. Murray's hand suddenly resting on my knee. The only annoyance is the way my poor little soldier is constricted inside my pants, making it almost painful, but I am just too deep into the show to care. I can almost feel all the sensations of the Dom's big rod thrusting in and out of Blake, as if he were ramming into my own butt. I'm pretty sure that a moan escapes my mouth when the two performers reach their climax, causing me to blush deeply.

Crap! This was hot! This is what I need! This is what I have dreamt to see! And this is what I want to experience in the future!

As the lights are switched back on, I realize that Mr. Murray's hand is still lying on my knee – nothing sexual here, I think he was trying to soothe my quivering – while mine are pressed to my crotch, desperately trying to hide the bulge at the front of my pants. My erection has become so painful that the slightest stimulation might make me explode, but I can't afford to let it show. This is so embarrassing, and I don't know what to do as the scene I just saw keeps rehearsing in my head.

"Alex, are you alright?" Mr. Murray asks softly.

I can't waste this chance I have been given to maybe become part of this, I want it too much and I don't want to disappoint him, but I'm afraid he has noticed my discomfort. The problem is that he may mistaken it for uneasiness and it's not the case. Or perhaps he has seen through me...

"The restrooms are just behind us," he then whispers in my ear. "If you need to..."

Oh my God, no!! I feel so ashamed! My boss is suggesting me to go and jack off in a toilet! I can't do this, not here, and not while he knows what I'm doing!

"Alex! Go use the restrooms! There's no shame masturbating, and it's not like you are a member in contract with a Dominant! Now go!" he whisper-growls in my ear.

And he can freaking read my mind!!!

Without a look at all the men surrounding me, I spring to my feet and rush for the restrooms behind the couch. Thank goodness, the place is empty and I quickly lock myself in one of the stalls. It only takes me a few seconds to unbuckle my belt, unzip my jeans and pull out my throbbing erection from my wet briefs, but it takes even less time for me to climax. The mere squeezing of my fingers around my shaft is enough to send me over the edge and as a powerful orgasm seizes me, my body starts shaking violently, making my knees wobble.

Once I have managed to calm down and cleaned up, I shakily pull out of the stall and go to the sink to wash my hands. The mirror throws me the reflection of a pale and haggard young man, and as much as I spray cold water on my face, I can't get rid of the terrible and shameful emotions washing over me. My body won't stop shivering, my knees are too weak to carry me, and as I lean against the wall, I collapse to the floor, hugging my legs together.

I can't believe I fucked this up. I wanted to prove I was strong. That I could handle this.

I thought I could do this, and I was certain that with a bit of convincing, Mr. Murray would help me to enter this lifestyle and become a member of the club. I don't know how things work here, but perhaps he would have introduced me to a Dominant who would have taken me as his Submissive. But who would want someone who can't even hold back his arousal? Who would want a Submissive who freaks out from watching a show?

I wanted to belong here.

I wanted to be a part of this.

But it certainly won't happen now that I have messed up. I just wish I could turn back time and redo this again, but this time, I would try to get a better hold of myself.

I'm such a failure!

Published on 17 May 2016